A friend of mine is trying to recruit me into the feminism cult, and I’m put off by her till the point where every time she speaks, I want to shove her mouth with a curry puff.

I come from a single parent family. I never knew my dad. My mom used to tell me how men were unreliable and that I had only myself to rely on. I wished I knew sooner that men were unreliable because my mom’s eye got stamp.

I got every scholarship you could think of and never dated till I’m 23 because of my mom’s brainwashing. I even started work immediately after my final exam, I did not attend my NUS graduation either. I sincerely believed that achieving financial freedom and being independent is all there is. I became one of the youngest manager at 25. One could say at this point, I’m a perfect version of what feminism aspire all women to be, except I wasn’t indoctrinated by feminism but by my mom. Yet my life was empty, coming back to an empty bed, living with a gaslighting mom.

I began swiping on Tinder. It wasn’t hard to get matches, but the problem is, things never gone anywhere because my bmi was 25, it has been like that since primary school. I spent a year exercising and starving myself, only to have stubborn fat remain on my belly and thigh. 5 years ago when i was 26, I made the decision to do lipo-grafting against my mom wishes. I did lipo-grafting twice in Korea to have a D cup and achieved the chiobu Status. My new found confidence with a capital T helped me secure the love of my life.

At 28, I changed to a 5k job, got married after just dating my husband for 15months and has been living a really fulfilling life.

Girls please don’t believe in the whole feminisms ideology that you don’t need a man in your life, you absolutely need a partner. A career is not all you need, and higher paying jobs comes with an abundance of stress. Classic beauty standard is absolutely important.

To my friend if you’re reading this, stop texting me. Get slim and go do plastic if need be, find love and stop tormenting yourself with feminism. Perhaps then we can still be friends.

As I was doing the laundry, I stumbled upon something suspicious in my husband’s pocket – a Malaysian SIM card.

I was surprised as my husband and I had been living in Singapore for more than 8 years and if any of us are overseas we will always inform each other.

After questioning him about it, he finally admitted that he had been sneaking into neighbouring Johor Bahru (JB) for the past two months.

At first, I was worried about why my husband was travelling to JB, but he assured me that he was only going there for some errands. I was relieved and thought that his explanation was reasonable.

Until one day, I found out the truth.

He had been going to JB to meet up with a woman. It was a shocking discovery that left me feeling betrayed. I asked him why he had done such a thing and he said that he was looking for an escape from our marriage. I was hurt and angry at the same time.

All of a sudden, my mind was filled with questions. How long had this been going on? Did he really care about our marriage? Did he love me? I had so many questions but he refused to answer any of them.

After that, I refused to talk to him and spent most of my time alone. I was hurt and confused at the same time. I thought about all the times he had lied to me and all the times he had gone out without telling me. I felt like my trust in him was broken.

One day, I decided to confront him about the issue. I asked him why he had been sneaking to JB. He said that he was looking for an escape from our marriage and he thought that he could find someone else who would understand him better.

At that point, I felt like I was living in a nightmare. I was hurt and angry at the same time. I told him that I wanted to end the marriage, but he begged me to stay. He said that he was sorry and that he would try to make it up to me.

After a few days, I decided to forgive him. I had realised that we could still save our marriage and that it was worth fighting for. I asked him to stop going to JB and he agreed. We agreed to work on our marriage and to make it stronger than ever.

Now, after several months, our marriage is stronger than ever. We have learned to forgive each other and to trust one another. We both know that we can rely on each other for support and understanding.

I used to think I was invincible. I thought I could do whatever I wanted and get away with it.

I had a wild streak in my twenties and thirties, going to parties and clubs and flirting with anything and everything that caught my eye.

I thought I was living my best life and that nothing bad could ever come of it. Little did I know, it would come back to haunt me.

My wild days came to an end when I got married. I was so happy to find someone who loved me for who I was and accepted me for my flaws.

We decided to start a family and I was over the moon. I had always wanted a son, someone I could teach the things I had learnt in life, someone I could pass my knowledge onto.

But fate had other plans.

I had three daughters, it felt like my karma

We had three girls in a row, which I was still overjoyed by. I was so proud of my daughters and loved them dearly, but deep down, I felt like I was being punished for my past mistakes.

I couldn’t help but feel like I was being denied the son I had always wanted because of my irresponsible behaviour in my youth.

It was like my karma.

I tried to make the best of it and accepted my fate. I gave my daughters all the love and attention they deserved, and I tried to make sure they never felt like they weren’t enough.

We had a wonderful life together and I couldn’t have been happier.

However, deep down I still feel in my heart that because I was too much of a f-boy in my younger days, heaven gave me three girls to teach me a lesson.

Now that my three girls are growing up in their teens, i cannot help but worry that they would get ‘eaten’ by other guys, just like how I ‘ate’ other people’s daughters when I was younger.

I should have thought of that when I was screwing around when I was young.

I’m sitting in my room pretty ‘feeling it’ and bored so I wanna go watch some adult films and I always get these ads about those adult films live in action and I’ve never checked it out.

So I’m like, alright I’m gonna check it out, see what it’s all about

Created an account to chat with them

I open it and I see all these hot girls. I go into a couple and on the right side, they have a chat where you can type. but in order to chat with the girls, I have to make an account.

I entered my email, password, and they have something weird that is that you have to enter a username and I obviously didn’t wanna use my real name so I write the first name that comes to mind.

and then on the next page, it says. Enter your credit card,. I’m already skeptical but it says.. it’s 100% free, it’s only for if things get hot and you wanna donate

and I’m like.. eeeeehhh… but I’m already so far in the process that I’m like ok lets jus do it.. let’s go

Started watching the promised ‘live’ films

So now I’m in and I watch a few and they’re like just sitting there, they’re not really doing anything. nobody was showing any body parts, they did a little bottom shaking, but pretty underwhelming overall.

So to find the best one I just hold control on my keyboard and open a ton of tabs so I can find one that actually does something that can turn me on.

I flip through these tabs at the top and it would popup this annoying thing that said. You can only watch one live stream at the time. 

this popup would come a few times where I had to click like an orange button to refresh.

and then I land on this really old like 60-year-old grandmother, and she’s just sitting there, there’s like 8 people watching live.

then there was a popup with an orange button and instinctively my mouse just goes to it and right as I’m about to click the button I see it says, enter private room $5 dollars.

I click it, and I’m like.. “No! o fuck!” I’m not sad loosing $5 dollars but eh, couldn’t it be somebody that’s a little bit sexier?

Now she’s like smiling and she say’s “heeey (my username)”.. Immediately she’s pulling her ‘mountains’ out and she grabs a toy laying next to her. she has this underwear on that has like a velcro flap, and she snaps it open and I can see this really old, slightly hairy ‘oyster’. 

I’m like.. alright man, I paid for this, so better give it a go, kinda like shamefully beating my ‘aeroplane’ off.

Now she keeps saying (my username) over and over again while making high noises, and I mean.. she puts on a pretty good show, she was pretty hot, but I mean she’s 60…

Started chatting with her

I start writing in the chat that she should talk dirty to me.  I’m gonna spare you all the details, but after a few minutes I shot my load.

and I’m like, thank you, bye! 

I Close the window and go back to watching youtube and chilling out.

Received the bill for my experience

Later that night, I go to check my email, and I see this receipt from the adult film website and it turns out… it didn’t cost just $5… It cost $5 dollars per minute!!

So that’s how I spent $72 dollars on a 60-year-old woman calling me not even by my real name.

MIL thinks I’m her child’s kidnapper. He often said that from the beginning of our marriage. My husband is the only son in the family.

Some of MIL’s words that shocked me:

1. My husband is nice in front of me, but behind my husband he curses me.

He once called me without saying hello & kept swearing at me.

“Wei, female. Do you really want to wait for me to pass before you want to invite my son to my house?”

Only because he called my husband did not answer because my husband was in a meeting. However, it was only 2 nights ago that we went to his house.

2. I gave birth to my first child. The first day at the hospital, my husband came to visit & take care of me & the child. Change the pampers, wash the cups & plates, clean the cupboards. Visiting time is 2 hours in the afternoon & 2 hours in the afternoon. Husband will come early & return at the latest.

The 3rd day, the father-in-law came along. My husband is just like any other visitor. Come 30 minutes before the end of visiting time.

MIL Just sat for 5 minutes because she wanted to go to the bank & buy a new handbag, I was busy looking at the clock because my husband was late because he was busy taking care of me like always. MIL has made faces & slammed things.

I know my husband is late because of his in-laws. But, I still feel sad because my husband is late & x byj who can help. Emotions after giving birth are not stable.

I just gave birth & I can hardly move. It’s easy to be mentally broken until I feel like my husband doesn’t care because he doesn’t help. Make a child together, but please take care of your naughty wife. All kinds of reasons.

3. When the abstinence period is over, the husband takes the in-laws home to sleep because the in-laws are having a feast. Husband went out to buy food. There are guests coming. My son is crying hungry for milk.

I entered the nursing room. MIL sneered at the guest who came saying that I stole her son. Lazy daughter-in-law. Pretend to be busy with children.

The mother-in-law came to pick up my child who had not had enough to breastfeed. My son was frantically surprised because it was like being hit. After that, MIL told me to scoop the side dishes into the big pot at the back of the house (where my husband cooks). It is said that he wants to take care of my son.

When I just took a small pot to fill the side dishes, I heard my son crying loudly. My MIL babbles, behaves like a mother’s child, just keeps crying, spoiled out of place. Although the baby is hungry, it’s only 2 months old.

I can’t stand hearing my child cry. I went to the living room apparently MIL just let my son lie on the couch. Just don’t fall and roll. I quickly took my son. My father-in-law is angry because I still haven’t scooped up the dishes outside.

I took my son & a pot of side dishes, went to scoop side dishes outside in the heat. The side dish is hot, you know. My son is crying non-stop.

Once I cried because I was hurt by MIL.

My husband happened to be back. MIL said I was stubborn to scoop the side dishes even though I could wait for my husband to come back. After that, when a child cries, one is stressed and cries a lot. My heart hurts. My husband kept telling me to go to my room & rest. Maybe remember that I’m stressed when my child is angry.

4. MIL called my mother when you were at the hospital and said you don’t need to bring lunch. MIL has cooked & will go to the hospital with my husband to deliver. Mom, I agree.

As usual, until late. 15 more minutes to end visiting time.

Know what to bring? Bring rice and one fried egg

I didn’t eat. I said I can’t eat this dish. MIL made a face & said I made it up. My husband is speechless.

MIL went out first and waited outside while my husband changed the child’s diapers. I asked my husband, why does MIL say she wants to help cook & call my mom to bring food and then finally buy it?

The husband answered, MIL said that it was my mother who called to tell MIL to buy food because my mother did not have time to send it.

I can’t stand my emotions. Indeed, I cried & told my husband to throw away the side dish. He wants to say that I don’t appreciate anything. Visiting hours are over. My husband didn’t have time to persuade me, he had to go out. My husband called, I hung up. Heartbroken.

I called my mother crying. I said, I don’t even have a husband. Because even my husband doesn’t want to take care of me, his mother also says a lot.

If her mother gives me poison, she will follow. My mom is really good at persuading me to calm down. I asked the security guard to please buy porridge at the canteen because the hospital’s food had already been collected on time.

5. MIL once came to sleep at my house. When I was about to open the door to the room to invite MIL to eat, I heard MIL yelling, “This illegitimate child is not legitimate if it is not brutal. That’s right.”

I quickly turned the door knob & saw him pushing my son’s head as he rummaged through his bag. Yes, it’s my son’s fault.

But, he is still young & MIL is also the one who invited him into the room. At that time he was 2 years old.

I don’t know why I pretend not to see & just ask my son to leave the room. At that time, my husband was at home