Is it bad to control the gender ?

Me and my husband has been married for 5 years and have one beautiful boy . As much as we love him everyone wanted a girl . I pretty much had a small depression because of gender disappointment and it took me awhile to love him fully after he was born.

Reasons being? Let’s face it girls are better to their parents they can get away with quite a few things in life as long as they look decent and they tend to be more compassionate, less annoying and quieter .

Now we have been contemplating to have no.2 but we are very afraid that it will be a boy again. Is it bad that we want to abort if the gender isn’t what we wanted ?

Here are what netizens think:

• You think you can get pregnant whenever you want? Some people can be young and yet struggle with infertility even though they had the first child successfully. Let alone abort and try again. After abortion, that could also be the last time you get pregnant or deliver a healthy baby, then how? Spend more on fertility treatments? Try living out your thoughts and you will realise it’s not practical at all. Every baby is a gift. And its foolish to stereotype a child’s temperament based on gender.

• Y’all having a kid or buying a pet dog? Your considerations and choices are appalling if that’s your attitude towards being parents

• This is a living thing you are talking about. You’ll love them nonetheless. Boy or girl doesnt matter as long you love and teach them how to be a better person. Don’t like this kind of mentality

• OMG how can that even be for parents. Supposed to love your flesh and blood regardless of gender unconditionally. Better not have another kid if that is the type of thoughts you have.

I think I need to break up with my gf

That’s it, I’m exhausted, I’m done.

Yesterday we fought again, twice. We were texting and I was trying to convince her to meet up with our mutual friend’s new gf, but she didn’t want to, as our friend is known to always date low-quality girls, and thus always change gf, so she didn’t want to get acquainted with her as she felt like its wasting time, so I was trying to tell her that if never meet she will never know if she’s better than the last.

Things get a bit heated when she started saying that I’m affecting her and I should not disturb her as she is ‘resting’ at home. Then she started words like “we should live our own lives then” and “fine, no contact”. (her exact words)

Of course, I’m upset by this so we stopped talking for about 4hrs when I asked her if she had calmed down, she said yes, but I told her I haven’t and I’m very deeply affected when she threatened our relationship, and I asked her to not do it again, but she said she did it for a good reason, and she felt that she didn’t threaten me, and told me to stop “projecting on her”. At this point, I am really exhausted, and I cried. I tried to tell her that under any circumstances, she should not use these words if she want a relationship to be healthy, and I am really very negatively affected, then she said I need to deal with issues better, that I need a woman to live, and that I am acting like a “below average man”. Needless to say, the argument felt like it was not going to conclude and the words she was using is getting worse.

Things got repetitive for a while, where she kept saying there was no problem so I shouldn’t create more for her, insisting that she didn’t threaten the relationship. Throughout the entire time, I’ve been trying to tell her how her words had been affecting me, she began bringing up our past fights, and that’s when I realise, that the fight was not going to end, she was never going to care about how I felt, and I stopped replying

Thanks for reading about my pathetic relationship life

As a girlfriend, would you want your boyfriend to support you or criticise you in whenever you do something? Don’t get me wrong, this only applies when he thinks you did something questionable.

Maybe it’s something that he doesn’t agree with, but it’s something that you think you didn’t do wrong.

For example? When somebody threw something at you and you got angry; or when the aunties/uncles and even middle-aged adults try to cut your queue when entering the MRT and you gave them a death stare; or when you get annoyed while walking up the escalator on the right side, and a couple stopped walking to talk to each other?

The said boyfriend then told you off and said that you are too narrow-minded.

Was I wrong? Should my boyfriend be supporting me or criticising me?

Here are what netizens think:

• What’s wrong with having zero tolerance against inconsiderate and self-entitled individuals? I would publicly shame them likewise. Sounds like your bf is the narrow-minded one.

• It really depends loh. Different people have different levels of tolerance ma. If he criticises you for being narrow-minded, you roll your eyes at him too loh.

• i agree everyone has different views. but I think your bf can have a better approach rather than criticising you. for instance if you’re being thrown things at.. he can be more concern if you’re hurt. if some aunty cut your queue. he can acknowledge that they are at fault but don’t get mad at them. they are not worthy of you getting mad. ( the point is .. yes boyfriend need not agree with you in everything. but should care about girlfriend’s feeling)

• For all of those things, I get annoyed too but I don’t ever lose my temper. If you tend to overreact, he is not wrong for disagreeing with your reaction, but it sounds like he might communicating things in a way that feels depowering. I would pick “criticism in a supportive manner”.

• Maybe it is the way your bf has put the message across that is off putting to you… maybe you would like to share with your bf how you like to receive feedback on ur behaviour

In a relationship for half a decade and this was what I recently discovered.

For context, I’ve never checked his phone before. However his behaviour over the last few weeks made me think that he might be hiding smth on his phone.

So this is what I found: He initiates texts with a ‘long-time female friend’ and offers to hang out constantly. In those texts are msgs like ‘i miss your hugs’, ‘i would give you a hug if I bump into you on the streets’ – these are things that he doesnt even say it to me. He’s always the one initiating those texts, innocuous ones starting with ‘hi’, or ‘you there?’. She is not responsive, so he will often have to follow up with a second text a few days later.

Their texts are infrequent. Sometimes he texts her right after waking up, other times he texts her late at night, right after we end our late night dates. Many of these texts are him asking whether she’s available to meet.

He proceeds to meet said friend without updating me about it (context: we would always update each other where we’re headed to and who we’re meeting. It’s just how we operate as we don’t meet often). If she’s just a normal friend, why hide it from me? I’m pretty chill with having friends of the opposite sxx and he knows that. We don’t give each other shit for things like that.

Before this incident, we’ve always been open with each other how our week went, who we met during the week and the kind of interactions/conversations we had thoughout the week. I didn’t know about this lady until I saw her name pinned right at the top of his telegram chat.

When confronted, he says he loves me and she’s just a friend? Then why hide? Why try to cover up his tracks?

I don’t understand.

My father have big dreams of doing start ups and creating businesses but all of his ideas have failed.

My mother was the one supporting the family and pouring money into his ventures. Watching my mother worry about finances and putting food on the table, on top of taking care of him, me and my sibling, had made me start to resent my father for being a useless dreamer.

Has a mindset of a MCP

He doesn’t even do anything at home. Typical MCP and expects us to serve him when he’s around just because he’s a man. He’s not a man in my eyes. My mother is a superhero because she stepped up and became the breadwinner instead. She did everything that he didn’t do for the family.

His ego wouldn’t let him accept that he’s not cut out to be a boss of anything so he would always boast of all the ideas that he have. He has worked part time or temp jobs on an irregular basis because my mother has grown frustrated taking care of this man child.

The least he could do is earn his own pocket money. Both my parents grew bitter and my dad moved to some woman’s house. I know he cheated on my mum too. They finally got a divorce. I’m so happy for my mom to be free of him.

Gave him money to do business so he won’t disrupt the lives of my mum and sis

When I’ve started working, my dad tried to make me invest in his businesses. I expected him to flop so I only gave him what I can afford to sign off else he would be bothering my mother or my sister instead.

Whatever little he made or ever earned he would splurge it on himself. In my eyes, he’s just a donor of his ‘cream’ instead of a father.

Dark family secret = unbreakable chain of dark bad life experiences

I’m in my 30s. I have been living on my own for 6 years ago and am really trying to get my life back on track and permanently stop this reoccurring evil thought once and for all.

I know that one major holdback has got to do with my family history.

I had an immense hatred for my dad. He’s mostly unemployed all his life. Close to decade a ago, a younger sibling claimed that she was raped by him. There was one night when I just felt different too. No one told me about it and apparently, they think it’ll cause me to go mental. They got separated for a while. He claimed that it wasn’t him and it was his “black magic” partners or some spirits of some sort pushing him to do so. And now they are happily together again.

I am slightly mentally unstable and am finding it hard to stay in a job for at least a month. Some narrow-minded people are always asking “where’s your family”, “go back to them” and worst of all when I was homeless, everyone start spitting judgemental comments like “you ran away from your parents, that’s why all these are happening to you”, “that’s why you stress”.

Would appreciate any advice from anyone who had an unfortunate background like mine. Going back to them is not an option. I am the black sheep, the quiet, chronically introverted one. But I know all these stuff swept under the rug are toxic, and so are they. Why would I want to be around a rapist and his human clan? No one has been or can support me in any way. Why would I want to suffer in silence? I’d rather hang myself than to go back to them.

Just want to get these out off my chest as I can’t really let anyone know what really happened behind closed doors AND how religion can stupidify people/people who are quick to judge.

May with this confession, I can completely let go of this dirty secret, not feel guilty anymore and move on.

Here are what netizens think:

• the very first thing to tackle i would say is how you perceive other people’s opinions especially about why you moved out. my case is not so serious but i get the same comments and people’s unsolicited advice as to reconciling with toxic parents. i have come to terms that i am doing this for my own sanity and i am the most impt person in my life. if i am happy, my life will be better. no single person can truly understand what you are going through so try not to go back and forth thinking that you are wrong to split from your family. also, you don’t need to justify to people why you are doing what you did. if you are happier and at peace now, you are right.

• Life can be bright and full of love. It’s also short and you don’t deserve to waste it away like this.

The past year had been filled with stolen glances and secret rendezvous, but never had I thought that this would be the way it would all end.

I had been married to my wife for over 10 years and never had any indication that she was suspicious of my actions. We had a good life and things were going well, or so I thought.

Suspected I was cheating, got a PI to find out

Little did I know that my wife had been keeping tabs on me and had even hired a private investigator to follow me and document my movements.

When the private investigator informed her of my mistress’s identity and that I had been meeting with her regularly, my wife came up with a plan to confront me and my mistress.

She asked her to come to our house and when my mistress arrived, my wife was ready with a speech to expose our affair.

My mistress was horrified, but I could tell that she was also relieved that the truth was finally out. Despite the shock that she was feeling, she still had the courage to confront my wife and ask her why she had chosen this particular way to reveal the truth.

My wife calmly replied that she wanted to be sure that I was aware of the consequences of my actions and that I would be held accountable for the pain that I had caused her.

Got me to choose between them

My wife then made me choose between my mistress or her.

The answer was obvious, no matter how much I was fooling around outside, I still will choose my family that I have built up over the years.

With that, my mistress took her leave and as I watched her go, I knew that this was the end of our relationship. I had hurt my wife, and I had hurt my mistress. I had broken my own heart in the process and I was not sure if I would ever be able to forgive myself for my mistakes.

My wife and I spent the rest of the evening in silence, both of us unable to process what had just happened. I knew that I had broken her trust and that our marriage would never be the same again.

I had betrayed her and my mistress, and the guilt was almost too much to bear.

I had been so consumed by my desire for something more that I had completely forgotten about the people I was hurting in the process.

I had caused so much pain and suffering to my wife and my mistress, and my marriage was as good as over. I had let my own selfishness and desires take over my life and there was no going back.

A netizen shared a story on the decisions made by many people do not make sense and it often destroys the future of their child.

A mother in Malaysia told her friend that it is more important to buy luxury than to give the utmost care to their child.

Here is the story:

I recently visited my friend in Malaysia and I was shocked that she is more interested to show off her fake life online than taking care of her child.

We had a meal and we talked about what life was like after the lockdown.

She started saying that she got a new job as an insurance agent and she has been doing better, she started to talk about her dreams of getting a BMW.

But she said that she is still saving up on it and saving on whatever she can so she can buy it.

Here comes the punchline, she also said that her child is not doing well in school and she cannot afford to put him on extra tuition lessons cause of her dream.

I did not want to intrude and question her if she should put her “dream” on hold until her child get proper education.

She said that her child is a burden, She said that her husband left her and they divorce after he started taking drugs.

I was surprised that she was divorced and she started asking me if I have any other Malaysian friends to introduce to her so she can fulfil her dream more quicker.

Well, I do have a lot of Malaysian friends but I did not feel like introducing it to her as I don’t feel comfortable with her behaviour.

I don’t want to judge, but she came to me for “more business” to get money for a car instead of her child, which definitely turns me off or disgusted.

Mother-in-law not happy that I don’t work

Just seeking an advice from all married couples here.

I am currently living with my in laws and my husband. My husband is malaysian and I am Singaporean. Due to my liver disease, low blood sugar and unstable health, I can only work part time (2-3 days in SG), the rest of the days I am staying in Johor.

Lately my MIL have been starting to mind that i don’t have a full time job and only staying home to do housework. Earlier just a few mins ago, she said it quite nastily that I only know how to feed on my husband like a worm.

She say I expect my husband to pay for everything in the house. I do give both in laws their allowance, on top of that I also have to give my parents in Singapore their allowance, while I am only earning like 700-800 per month. To be honest I do not have savings, because of giving allowance.

These days I wash my husband’s clothes and ironed them. My mil said I stole her job. The same thing happened last night when I cooked for my husband.

MIL have openly said that she prefers the other daughter in law, my husband’s brother’s wife. She said she is pregnant with her grandson and working full time 6 days earning RM2000. My husband and I have no plans to have children.

I will like to ask, so being sick and unhealthy is also my fault? There were times I fainted at work, and woke up either at KTPH or TTSH. I do not know how to find a full time job given a body like mine. I have also friends in Singapore whom mentioned I am just feeding on my husband, slack at home and do nothing.

Should I complain about my mil to my husband? I do not want my husband to get sandwiched btw him and his mum. My husband have plans to buy a house after chinese new year. The thoughts of my husband is he doesn’t want me to get a full time job, he only want me to be a housewife. He is doing quite well near to 5 digits per month.

Appreciate all advices given here.

There was always someone special in my life that I admired from a distance, though I was too shy to ever make a move.

Buys a present yearly for her but don’t dare to give and confess to her

Despite that, every year on her birthday I still managed to buy a present for her. I had been doing this for several years now, and I never dared to give it to her or confess my feelings.

It started when I first saw her in class. I was immediately drawn to her and felt like I had known her for a long time.

I started to pay attention to her more and more, and eventually I decided to do something special for her on her birthday.

I was too afraid to approach her, so I figured buying her a present would be a good way to show my admiration.

Year after year, I picked out a present that I thought she would like. I usually went for something small and meaningful, like a book, make up, or a beautiful piece of jewelry.

That way, even if she never found out that it was from me, she would still appreciate the gift.

I was so nervous each year when I bought the present, and I would always make sure to buy it a few days before her birthday so I could wrap it up nicely.

I would spend hours imagining what it would be like to give her the present and confess my feelings. But each year, I just couldn’t work up the courage to give it to her.

Eventually became friends but still don’t dare to confess

I eventually got to know her a bit better and we became friends, which made it even harder for me to give her the present.

I felt like it would make our relationship awkward if I suddenly revealed my feelings, so I decided not to tell her.

But, I still look forward to buying her a present each year and I still haven’t been able to give it to her.

I don’t know if I ever will but right now I am contented being like this.