Lucky or unlucky

It has been 12 years since i got together with my husband. When we first met, he just broke up with his ex and was very depressed. He kind of used me as a substitute to forget his ex. I knew about it, but i really like him so i try not to let it bother me.

Over the years, i have been looking at his ex’s social media. Not really stalking her, just want to see how she is doing etc. Occasionally lah like maybe once in 3 months.

My marriage didn’t turn out well. We often quarrel about money. I envy her for being lucky enough to have escaped from the poor life i am leading now.. (is it that she is lucky or am i unlucky? Ha…)

I know some of you will bash me, saying that i shouldn’t compare etc. but sometimes life is that unfair huh.. and i also know that people always show the good side on social media so i shouldn’t be envious etc but i am just very sian about being so fking poor lah. (I earn a decent income but my husband is poor af to even pay for his own bills)

Shouldn’t have taken over her place 12 years ago right.. then i may be leading a much better life.

Thanks for hearing me rant.

Here are what netizens think:

• Maybe you were his rebound (we only have your POV): but it has been 12 years since you chose each other. Isn’t it time to take accountability for how your life has turned out?

• Misfortune can strike anyone, so at least don’t envy his ex: you don’t know how their life could’ve turned out if they stayed together. Make your own choices about your life.

• When u say ur husband is poor af, do u despise him as ur husband? Do u still love him now? Do u n him discuss it before marriage? What do u both want to do about it?

Should I continue the chat?

Met a few guys at a bar through some friends. We drank quite a bit that night. There was this particular guy who started touching me and eventually we kissed.

It was great. All of us were very high. Can feel that he wanted more but I was still conscious enough to push him away. Things just stop there, nothing much happened.

All of us went back on our own.

Woke up next morning and received a text from an unknown number. It was from the guy whom kissed me. So we started texting. The conversation was kinda boring and I ghosted him. However, he followed up with a few more texts, and I replied. He has been updating me about his daily life, sending me pics of what he is doing. And we are still texting till today. He asked me out but I’m not very certain if I want to meet him again. We don’t know each other yet. It seems like he is not interested to find out more about me as a person. I had abousltely no idea about his current rs status, though my friends told me that he’s still single.

I sort of hinted but he avoided that question or he is just simply dumb.

I feel like ghosting him again and delete his numbers but a part of me is drawn to him. I don’t know what, and I don’t know why. Perhaps it was that kiss. I felt the spark. I really don’t know what he wants but he seems like a player. So yup, should I stop wasting time and just cut off everything from him?

Or any pros out there who can teach me how to continue this conversation?

Here are what netizens think:

• Just because you met him through friends doesn’t mean your friends will help you gatekeep. Probe a bit more and you’ll realise that your friends may not have known him well enough to vouch for him.

• He just wants to bed you. So if that’s what you want then play the game else move on.

• Have a few more kisses with other guys. Then you decide

I have been dating my boyfriend for almost a year. He is very loving towards me.

When we first met, he put in more effort in his appearance, like going to the gym and dressing up more.

However, as we start to get comfortable with each other, he stopped doing that. I still continue to do that for myself though. I did hint for him to start hitting the gym (and even offered to go together with him), as well as buying beauty products so he can groom himself better.

Another thing is people around me constantly remind me that he is not good looking.

And that hurts me as well, because I don’t like it when people say such things about my boyfriend. But I’m trying my best to help him doll up as well. He doesn’t seem to appreciate it though, he sees it as me not loving him as he is. I do love him, I just wish for him to be more presentable, especially when he goes out to work, looking smart gives him a better impression.

Am I wrong for doing so? For wanting my boyfriend to put more effort into his appearance.

Here are what netizens think:

• U can answer that question yourself: if u’re ok for him to tell u what to wear, what make-up to use, and suggest things about your body to improve, then u’re just doing what u would like him to do for you. Explain that to him.

• If u’re ok with him telling u that his friends say u’re not good looking, and your body is not ideal, etc etc, then great! Let’s all be transparent and communicate openly.

• But if u’re NOT okay with that because u think it’s shallow, superficial, crude and misogynistic, then I suggest u stop.

• Other pple’s opinion of your BF is actually none of your business. You’re being extra by making it your business.

How can I reject my boyfriend’s marriage proposal in the least hurtful way possible?

I (25F) and my boyfriend K (26M) have known each other since JC and have dated for 4 years. He has always been good to me, treats me well, and I have no doubt that he loves me very much.

Recently, I heard from a friend that he has been shopping around for engagement rings and planning for a surprise proposal. Although this should have been happy news for most girls, I actually felt worried, sad and confused instead.

The truth is, deep down inside I fear that I may have already fallen out of love with K.

All my life I have been an (almost) straight As student and usually scored in the top 10-20% of the cohort. I am quite ambitious and competitive in my outlook, and some might even call me an overachiever. Since graduation, I have secured a pretty cushy job that pays close to 5 digits with high hopes for my future career progression.

K is quite the opposite academically. Back in school he was a bit of a joker and would rather spend his days hanging out with friends than revising. Although he was in a good school, his grades consistently scraped the bottom of the barrel and he said he “just wasn’t cut out for studying”. Despite this, K actually has very lofty goals and holds himself to (his own) high standards. He has always talked about his dreams of making it big as an entrepreneur and to be his own boss by the age of 30.

Although I desperately want to be supportive of his dreams, honestly I find many of his business ideas naive, ill-conceived and financially unfeasible. I tried my best to rescue several of his past “big ideas” by helping him research business regulations, liaise with industry partners etc. Yet, all of them turned a massive flop because they were fundamentally flawed to begin with.

As he fast approaches 30, I think reality is sinking in that he is unlikely to reach his goal and will be stuck in his 3k/month admin job forever. In the past year or so, he has been showing signs of depression such as chronic oversleeping and self-destructive thoughts which has further sucked him into a downward spiral.

I suspect that his pride is also wounded by the ever-widening gap between our life trajectories as he would refuse to come to company D&Ds with me as my +1.

I feel that my love for K has been slowly whittled down by the endless cycle of his doomed entrepreneurial ventures. I am exhausted from juggling multiple hats as a girlfriend, therapist and business consultant.

At the risk of sounding materialistic, I also find it hard to see a future with him buying a house and raising kids with equal financial contributions as I will probably end up paying for the bulk of it while also trying to protect his pride. With that being said, I will always care deeply for K given all the happy times we have shared together and everything he has done for me.

He is a good and kind man who truly loves me with all of his heart, and I don’t want to crush him completely especially given the current rut he is in. How can I let him down as gently as possible about his plans for a proposal, and would it be cruel for me to ask for a break/ a break up now?

Any solutions or advice for my problem?

Hi, this is my situation right now.

I have 5 different WhatsApp chat groups and 2 telegram group chats. Sadly, no matter how big the group size is, I only get 10 messages a day. No don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I want attention or personalised messages for myself, it’s just that everyone else phone get light up with at least 100 messages a day?..

yes, they’re all for group chats.

Yes, they’re not personalised messages finding the specifically.

Yes, they’re not from a boyfriend or girlfriend, I know.

BUT HOW DO THEY GET SO MANY WITHOUT THEM PUTTING IN ANY EFFORT? It’s like it’s just 3 out of 10 people actively talking, and their phone will have spam and light up once a minute. Despite all the groups I belong in, my phone can don’t light up for 2 hours one. Why don’t my group chats spam at all?

Which channels or public chats can I join to at least make sure my phone lights up with the same frequency? Don’t reply “I also, I also don’t have messages”, that’s emotional reassurance, not a solution.

Here are what netizens think:

• I wouldnt want a 100 msgs a day. Discords more nuts, a couple of hundreds per day. Uninstalled, more peace now.

• u won’t want that. these spam grps usually are new grps in party mode. they will die down in few weeks or a month.

• other than that it’s those super big grp where most of them are not so close to one another, yet say good morning good afternoon and good night, literally every fkin day. and u wld end up muting them all.

• I rather not having notifications every single minute. Not annoying meh? Try to use phone to play game then all the notifications suddenly come like that distracting Sia. Sometimes I just mute the group temporarily if the spams get too much. Sorry but I can’t relate to people like you

Worst date ever!

I matched this guy. He didn’t text much but he wanted to have dinner. I suppose he could be the type of prefers to talk in person so I agreed to meet. Besides, overall vibes was alright so I decided to give it a shot.

Firstly, he was late. No explanation. I decided to continue the date as I was hungry. As we spoke to each other, I noticed his hair wasn’t real. I’m fine with that too as we were just talking. He spoke louder than normal so I tried to take it that he’s just nervous. We waited for over 20 minutes after ordering our food. He started to get upset and spoke to the waitress rudely and demanded to see the manager.

I’m not sure if he’s trying to show me that he’s a bad ass for being so considerate of my hunger or he’s just being mean because he can. By then I was starting to feel uncomfortable. It was dinner hour so I expected a little delay and I didn’t mind using the time to chit chat but he was insistent in showing that he’s unhappy even when I told him I’m ok to wait. He made such a huge fuss I feel so embarrassed the entire duration while we were in the restaurant. I thought we agreed to go dutch but he insisted to pay for dinner. Saying I can treat him the next time. Erm no?

After that night I rejected meeting him again. He went bat shit angry on me and started to throw insults. I blocked him. What a nightmare.

Why am I so sway?

Here are what netizens think:

• Why is this considered sway? You seen his true colour after 1 date. Some people after getting married then see their true colour.
• I would have left him when he threw his wig at the wait staff. He did, didn’t he??
• Never meet up with anyone without chatting with them for a while. Usually the ones who are so eager to meet up aren’t worth your time.
• Chat more to find out if you have similar outlook in life, similar interests etc before you make the time to meet up.

Another Singaporean overseas

I am another Singaporean working overseas.

Whenever people hear that I’m from Singapore, their eyes will shine up and they’ll exclaim how lucky I am to grow up and be a citizen of such a prestigious country. And usually I would give an awkward smile and shrug.

It’s not that I disagree or I’m not thankful for the opportunities Singapore gave me. I am fully aware how privileged we are to be given good education in a politically stable environment. But my mind can’t help but to remember all the negatives…

All the times I got punished or passed up as a non-academic achiever for opportunities in an academic-focused country.

All the times I got bullied and looked down on in school because I don’t fit the typical personality of an average Singaporean kid.

All the times I didn’t get to see my parents, because they were working hard to battle the high cost of living in our city state.

All the times I got bullied at work as a local by foreigners and expats as an adult.

It’s not that I hate Singapore or anything. I just feel like I don’t belong, even if I try my hardest.

And so, I decided to leave. A decision met with both scrutiny and sacrifices. Toxic people always go “Overseas dua sai ah?” / “Don’t come back, we don’t need you” / “Only losers leave SG”. And while I don’t want to listen to such negativity, some part of me feels this is a true sentiment.

I can’t come home. I can’t BTO with my non-SGrean partner. I can’t afford housing in SG. I can’t start building a life or family here and stick to my roots. And I feel like a complete failure as a Singaporean not being able to integrate myself into my own country.

It’s really weird to be a foreigner overseas and feel more accepted and normal than I was back home. I do wonder if I am the problem, or was it just the country just not caring for locals enough to be able to keep people like me in. There are plenty of Singaporeans overseas, and my network of overseas locals share a similar sentiment.

People always talk about how moving overseas is usually a financially-driven move (or a resentment-driven one), but no one talks about the real emotions behind it. The longing for belonging, the sadness of leaving everything you know behind, and the feeling of being left behind as the country progresses in a direction where they’re making it very clear you won’t have a place in Singapore.

I am trying to find happiness overseas, and one thing that does make me a bit happier is that I can be happy overseas, but not in SG. And I’m slowly learning to accept that.

Hi everyone, I am an NUS year 1 student, and also an NS GF.

I am facing some issues as an NS GF and would like to get some advice from the public, especially from people of NUSWhispers since I have seen several NS stories on this platform.

During the past 1 year, my BF has barely initiated calling me while he was in the army and I had eventually grown tired of always initiating it.

His reasons were always that he was tired, busy, or whatever it could be, but I could catch him sometimes online on gaming platforms.

I understand that calling everyday could be very uneventful or dreading for him as I feel that he has nothing to talk to me about, but I hope that he’d at least try to call me once a week if he wasn’t so tired. I asked some of my NS GF gals in one of my module and they told me that they often have conversations at night with their boyfriend, event if it was just for 5 minutes.

My BF would also share his army stories with me when he books out and occasionally tells me stories through text if it was interesting enough for him to rush to share the story. However, despite appreciating that he is willing to share his stories with me, he always utilise army slangs despite me having already told him probably more than 10 times that I hoped he could use simpler terms because I am not familiar with the slangs that he was using with me. As a result, I find myself constantly searching online for the slangs and even asking my guy friends in class about the meaning behind those slangs that he was using as he does not try to explain to me what the slang means. For a real life example, the slang “turn out”, when questioned, would be explained by him as “basically like just turning out lo”…

I really hope people of this page could give me advice on what I should do with this situation and how I can better improve this tragic barrier between us. Thank you in advance everyone.

My boyfriend BMI is 36.7.

We have dated for 4 years and since then he has gained over 20kg.

Im always getting upset at his unhealthy lifestyle which he does not see it as a problem. We also always having arguments about it as he finds me very controlling and difficult when I tried to get him to change or modify some of these lifestyle habits.

He likes food and love to try many varieties of foods. However he doesnt like to exercise, which resulted in the significant weight gain. Covid-19 exacerbated the issue as he began to work from home. He does not usually leave the house and tends to be infront of the computer most of the time. Even when he is out, he tends to grab around.

While he did tried several methods to lose weight, it was all shortlived (perhaps at most 2 weeks). He ordered some meal plans but after a while he felt that the meals were too boring as he tried almost everything. Therefore he gave up after a while. He also tried fasting but he does not stick to it; maybe managed to do so for 3 days.

He also order food delivery everyday instead of going out to get food. Usually these platforms has a min spending. So he would have to order more than what he needed. He has a habit of drinking at least one sweet drink per day m. When I tried to restrict this to once every 2 days, it was tough. Could only try to encourage him to do so when we meet, which are weekends.

He also has the habit of sleeping late at night, like 3/4/5 a.m. Sometimes I would try to get him to do some exercise or even sleep earlier but he felt that I am controlling and naggy. I work in the healthcare sector and I witnessed how disastrous chronic illnesses could be. Stroke, heart attacks and amputation are some of the very common consequences. Many of the patients also told me that they regretted not taking care of their health better. I tried to get him to have a health screening check-up in hope that the health result may be able to motivate him to do something about his lifestyle but he has been postponing it for a year.

He does not see all these as much of an issue. Not sure how to encourage or help him with this without getting into argument or him thinking that I am naggy.

My friends always joke that I’m a hermit because I never seem to celebrate my birthday.

It’s not because I don’t enjoy a good party or that I don’t like presents, it’s because my birthday is on Valentine’s Day. All of my friends are busy with their girlfriends on that day and it seems rather pointless to try and plan a party.

I remember when I was younger, my parents would always make sure to make my day special. They would buy me a cake, a special present and plan a family gathering.

But as I grew older and my friends started to get into relationships, it became increasingly difficult to plan something for my birthday.

My friends were always so busy with their girlfriends on Valentine’s Day that it felt like my birthday was being ignored. As time went on, I eventually stopped celebrating my birthday altogether. It was just too difficult to try and plan something when no one seemed to have the time.

I never really told anyone why I stopped celebrating my birthday, but I think a part of me was embarrassed that my friends were too busy with their girlfriends to make time for me. I felt like an outsider, like I wasn’t important enough in their lives. It was a really lonely feeling and it made me feel like I was missing out on something special.

I eventually learned to accept my birthday for what it was and stopped expecting things from my friends. I also started to focus on the positives of having my birthday on Valentine’s Day.

I could always count on getting a lot of free stuff from stores that offered special discounts for people with a February 14th birthday. I also got a lot of free food from restaurants.

But most importantly, I learned that I didn’t need to rely on my friends to make my birthday special.

I could always find ways to celebrate, even if it was just by myself. I could go out to a movie, order a special cake, or just spend the day doing something I love.