I asked my friend to meet me to go to JB.

I had asked him to be at my house bus stop by 12pm so that we could catch the bus.

He told me that he can go himself as he was staying at his relative’s place so I said ok.

At 11.45am, he called me and said that he was already at Jalan Besar.

I was confused – I had asked him to meet me at the bus station to go to JB, so why was he at Jalan Besar?

When I explained to him that we were going to Johor Bahru, he apologised for being confused.

He said he had thought that I had wanted to meet him at Jalan Besar, which was why he had gone there.

I was a bit annoyed at first, because isn’t it clear that JB is a lingo for Johor Bahru and no one would think if Jalan Besar?

However I remembered that my friend had always been a ‘suaku’ since young and so I decided to just let it be.

I told him to go home and take his passport and Grab down to the checkpoint and I made sure to say it was Woodlands Checkpoint in case he went to the wrong checkpoint.

The rest of the trip went smoothly – we had a great time exploring Johor Bahru.

It was a good reminder to me of how important it is to be clear when communicating with people, especially those blur like sotong ones.

Am I unfilial or is PIL unreasonable?

Partner and I finally moved into our marital home after years of waiting.

Single parent-in-law (PIL) was previously told that we would stay on our own for a period of time (maybe 1-2 yrs) before getting PIL over to stay with us to get used to our living habits and just enjoy our freedom for a while.

However, once we moved in, PIL has been lamenting we are unfilial because PIL is not staying with us. PIL frequently brings this up and even uses family members to broadcast our “unfilialness”. PIL frequently says things like what if they don’t have 1-2 years to live, they should go back to home country because not staying in our house in SG and all sorts of nonsense.

For context, we have been visiting PIL once a week after moving out and the partner has been PIL’s main caregiver. We buy stuff whenever PIL requires and run errands too. PIL is also currently still capable to take care of self, still working and does not require help with daily living.

PIL also visits my partner’s sibling once a week on average to play with grandchildren.

Is PIL unreasonable or are we unfilial? I am dreading having to stay with PIL in future.

Am I unfilial to suggest staying apart forever? How can we get past this 1-2 years without having to feel guilty every single time we meet?

Here are what netizens think:

• Do not stay with PIL, offer to visit them instead. You need your own space. Request your spouse to be firm and both of you agree on this together.

• Actually what the PIL said makes some sense. The elderly usually treasure their remaining time and will try to rush to get stuff done. If the child cannot spend time with the PIL in the same country regularly with his/her friends and relatives in another country, then it’s better to let the PIL spend time with family and friends while they are still alive.3

• PIL shouldn’t expect you to let him/her come to your house, because PIL should respect your space. Yes although if based on filiel piety y’all should let PIL come and stay, but it’s not for PIL to decide and PIL should not feel entitled.
  
• It’s just like if u have kids, you want to respect their personal space and boundaries as a full grown ass adult. It’s now their home, not just because you are the parent/PIL then u can demand to live in their house. They can be nice and loving to let you stay with them, but if they do not, learn not to complain and impose. It is what it is.
  
• You both seem to have done enough on your part, visiting PIL and buying stuff. Whether you want to do more is up to you, but generally I feel you have done sufficiently.

I am angry that my girlfriend has a curfew. It’s hard to plan anything spontaneous with her, like a late dinner or movie date, because I have to check the calendar to see if is a holiday or not.

Her parents are traditional and they won’t let her stay out late without a valid excuse.

It’s frustrating, especially because we’re both in our late 20s. We’re adults, and it feels like we’re being treated like children. We’ve talked about it, but her parents won’t budge. She loves them and respects their wishes, so she’s stuck with their rules.

She has another rule as she is so shy, we only can go to bed and “do it” when it’s dark.

I understand that her parents want to make sure she’s safe and that she’s making good decisions. But at the same time, it’s 2023 and we’re adults. We should be able to make our own decisions about our lives. We’ve both worked hard to get to where we are, and we deserve to be treated like adults.

It also makes it difficult to be intimate with her. Her curfew means she has to leave early, and it’s hard to get in the mood when we’re constantly looking at the clock.

We both know that we’re running out of time, so it takes away from the moment.

I’ve tried to talk to her parents about it, but they’re not interested in changing their rules. They’re not interested in hearing our side of the story, and they don’t see why their daughter should be allowed to stay out late.

At the same time, I don’t want to push too hard and risk alienating them. I want to maintain a good relationship with them, so I’m trying to be respectful and understanding. We’ve compromised on a few things, like her being allowed to stay out later on certain weekends. But it’s still not enough.

I love my girlfriend, and I want her to be happy. I want her to be able to make her own decisions and to be free to do what she wants. But her parents’ rules make it difficult for us to do that.

So until they’re willing to make a change, I’ll just have to stay angry and frustrated.

Dismantle the Singapore Chinese wedding industrial complex

The culture of being expected to give a cash gift that is equal to or more than how much your seat at the table for the wedding banquet would cost is awful.

Singapore doesn’t culture of a wedding gift registry – it’s basically cash gifts only.

The helpful charts indicating how much is expected based on the venue make it worse, and make it seem like something that shouldn’t be questioned. Oftentimes, an elaborate wedding dinner with hundreds of guests is something that the couple themselves may not want, but that their parents want, as a means to flex.

The amount you pay is not a “gift” – it’s expected. It makes every wedding seem very calculative and in my opinion, sucks all of the joy out of it. A gift should be a gift, not an unspoken expectation.

If people want to call me cheap, they’re welcome to.

There are much better uses of anyone’s money than propping up the grift that is the Singapore Chinese wedding industrial complex.

Here are what netizens think:

• It’s a stupid practice (not even tradition), so I am happy to not be invited to these kinds of weddings where I’m told or expected to pay an embarrassing “entry fee” to sit at a table and eat food I may not even like.

Weddings have been over-commercialised to the point where a large part of the stress is to recoup the losses. The essence of a wedding, which is a communal event where loved ones and friends gather to celebrate the union of two people and where guests enjoy the favors of the hosts is lost because of monetary expectations.

I would decline such weddings, especially if they aren’t by close friends, and more of us should, too.

If the bride and groom’s families want to host an extravagant wedding, then they should expect to fully bear the costs and not impose on or expect guests to foot the bill.

Your friends and families partaking in merriment and cheer for your union, as well as being on good terms with them, should be the priority. Not recouping “losses” because these shouldn’t be seen as a loss, but as an investment into strengthening familial and friendly ties with your communities instead.

• There’s always a choice. Don’t go for the wedding with whatever reason you can cook, but advisable to prepare another gift for the one who invited you, depending how close is the relationship and future meetings/opportunities. Be strategic if it’s colleague’s wedding. You can choose to be practical if you don’t mind the finger-pointing and badmouthing. Nothing’s wrong, just a choice of social behaviour.

• It’s true people shouldn’t expect guests to match up to the cost per seat but it speaks volumes of certain people who act blur don’t give at all or give like less than the minimal average. The fact that you will want to attend shows you appreciate this friend but if you think you don’t want to do the basic goodwill of a social/cultural norm for Chinese (like giving angbao for CNY), it’s better to show your true colours by telling the friend you can’t attend.

The day I found out my wife had lost over $200,000 of our shared money in stocks and forex trading, my world came crashing down.

I thought she was smart, or was I dumb for marrying her, but the reality of the situation was that I had married an extremely dumb wife.

It all started when my wife, who had never had any experience in investment or trading, started talking to her friends about the stock market.

Her friends were apparently “experienced traders”, and they convinced her that she too could make a lot of money through trading. She was incredibly naive and believed them, and started taking our shared account money and investing it in the stock market and forex.

She did it behind my back. Unfortunately, I found out too late that she had already invested in several stocks and forex trades. I was furious, but I decided to let her continue as long she don’t use more than 10% of the money in the account, as I thought that she might be able to make some money.

Unfortunately, my wife was not as smart as she thought she was, and she ended up losing all the money she had invested.

She was too trusting of her friends and went behind my back a second time and used the rest of the money in the account. She did not do her own research or due diligence, and she was unaware of the risks associated with trading. She thought that she could get rich overnight, and was completely oblivious to the fact that she could lose all of our money.

It was a huge blow to us financially and emotionally. We had put all of our eggs in one basket, and now we were out of money. We had to start from scratch, and it took us a long time to recover from the loss.

Looking back, I realize that I should have been more strict and not allowed my wife to invest our money without doing her own research and due diligence. I should have been more aware of the risks associated with trading, and I should have been more careful with our money. I should have protected our investments better, and I should have been more aware of my wife’s actions.

It was an incredibly difficult experience, and it was a hard lesson to learn. My wife learned the hard way that stock market and forex trading is not as easy as it seems, and it can be a very risky business. We both learned the importance of researching and understanding the risks associated with investments, and we both learned that making money through stock market and forex trading is not as easy as it seems.

It was an incredibly expensive lesson, she lost her status as the house wife and I forced her to go work and make up for the money in the account + interest + inflation.

She is not happy about it but she have to do it as she is guilty.

How to get the loan back from a friend

Back in 2016, my BFF borrowed $4K from me to repay a loan to his BIL.

Fast forward today, my BFF has yet to return this sum of money to me.

My BFF career has taken off since 2020 and doing even better since late last year to a position of HOD and changed to a new car 6 months ago.

Our relationship is still good & I thought of putting it nicely to my friend for her to repay the loan i gave her.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not jealous of her success, but I thought since she is earning many times more than me, I could have good use for that sum of money.

I always refrain from lending anyone money because I’m very poor in getting the person to pay me back. The reason I gave her the loan back then was because she was struggling financially because of her house, reno & baby who came along.

The question is , how do I bring up the subject to her to repay me without jeopardising our friendship ? I’m not confident if she still remembers this or the amount of money I lent her?

Here are what netizens think:

• Tell her you need to borrow 5k from her. When she asks you back for the money, tell her to offset from the amount she borrowed from you last time, with interest.

• If your BFF is is really a BFF, then she should not be offended when you bring this up. Since she is doing well, it is her responsibility to honour her commitment and the trust you have given her.

• Once you lend anyone money, consider it gone! Don’t talk about friends, even lending to own blood also cannot get back!