My (26F) boyfriend (27M) proposed, but I don’t know how to say no without hurting his feelings

Me (26F) and my boyfriend (27M) have been together for almost 6 years, and he recently proposed.

I wasn’t prepared for this and I didn’t know how to react, so I said yes as it was the expected thing for me to do, and he’s super happy and excited.

I love him a lot and I know he loves me too, I want to marry him someday, maybe in a few years, but not now or anytime soon. Nothing wrong with him, I’m just going through a lot in the moment and I don’t feel like this is the right time for me.

We always talk about absolutely everything, but this time I’m afraid of hurting his feelings. I’m scared that if I say no, or if I explain that I don’t have any plans of marrying him in a near future, this could potentially change our relationship.

How to say “no” to a marriage proposal when there’s nothing wrong with the relationship?

Just editing to include more information: I don’t want to marry him for now because my mother has cancer and I’m not going anywhere until she gets better or passes away. Unfortunately I can’t give him any specific timeframe.

Netizens’ comments

I’m sorry to be blunt, but you don’t. You don’t get to not hurt his feelings here, that’s just not an option.

If you turn him down, it will hurt his feelings. It will change your relationship. It may lead to a breakup, but will absolutely lead to a conversation about what your timeline does look like. And you need to be ready to answer that, with a concrete timeline, if you intend to continue dating him, or even having a long engagement.

Unfortunately, there’s no way to have this conversation and go back to how things were before the proposal happened, there’s just not. You need to accept that, and do it anyway. Sometimes, to do what’s right for yourself, you have to be the bad guy in someone else’s story.

is $1450 rental cheap or expensive?

hi guys, im a foreigner renting a master room in bukit timah for $1450, been staying here since oct. previously i was renting a room in choa chu kang but the landlord put the place on sale.

ive been getting mixed responses when i tell ppl im paying 1450, some says its too expensive, some says its cheap as their friends with master room pay $1500-$1800.

i like the place and everything, im just concerned about the price. before, i thought it was a good deal, but then ppl’s negative reactions started to get to me so im thinking if i should move out when the minimum period finishes (6months)

my friend offered me a common room at her condo at woodlands for $1000 but the place is quite small. moreover, im scared for the long commute to my office in orchard. moving to bukit timah which is 30mins commute to orchard has helped me feel less tired and not waste time

my financial advisor said that ideally rent should be 1/5 of salary. my salary is 5k for junior position in tech. idk if i will be able to reach 7k?? im not that good:(

i guess i know all of the stuff to consider about choosing a place to live, like location, room size, amenities, etc. i guess i want more opinions on if 1450$ might be financially disruptive for me in the long run. thx

Netizens’ comments

1. Local here, I’m paying 1400 for a small condo common room at the city fringe (sharing toilet with 3 others…) so I think 1450 for master bedroom is very good already. Bukit Timah is considered a central/affluent area in Singapore.
2. Is this a master bedroom in a HDB or a condo? Generally, I usually assume it’s a HDB Master bedroom when the words ‘Master Bedroom’ is used.
   Generally, this kind of price for a Master bedroom (with an attached toilet) is really quite quite okay. Although I do not know what are your arrangements for utilities are.
   I have seen HDB Master bedrooms going for $1800 in very good locations. I don’t know where your exact location is. But HDB Master bedroom rents have been surging upwards due to high demand (singapore opening up it’s borders + more married couples renting while waiting for BTO).
   You can probably get greater savings if you downgrade to a HDB common room

My neighbour has their own incense bin and they burn it outside their front door, which is also directly infront of our front door.

We are actually facing each other directly so its abit difficult to avoid. They started burning at night and my whole bedroom smell like smoke.

I tolerated it for awhile now but I’m starting to feel a little bit agitated because the smoke would permeate our home and into our bedroom, so the smell lingers throughout the night when we sleep.

Typing this at 2am as its happening, and I feel so suffocated from the smell.

But I do feel like I should tolerate it since I have a 1 year old who cries like nobody’s business. I honestly feel like lodging a complaint would be useless and just cause bad blood between me and my neighbour.

Anyone face this? What are some of the things I can actually do without complaining?

Netizens’ comments

• Burning incense paper in HDB common corridors is no longer allowed.
  Since you don’t want it to happen anymore, just write into your Town Council and they can speak to your neighbour on your behalf, and you can request them to keep your identity anoynomous. Your neighbour won’t know its you since there will be other units along the corridor and any of them could have made the complaint.
• I also have a chinese neighbour. While our door don’t face each other,i live corner unit,so generally the wind will blow towards our unit.
  During our early shift to that house,we tolerated by closing our door until they have finished burning. Nowadays,they burn at the staircase,away from our door.
  Although still smell,but the ashes won’t flew towards our home. Sometimes we need to tell them ‘i have a baby & i also have allergy’. If they are smart,they will burn elsewhere.

I’m losing attraction to my boyfriend due to him being cheap.

So it can be hard to get my boyfriend to want to go and do anything if it comes to money. He’ll drop $500 on a trip or hundreds on something for a hobby it can be hard to get him to go do stuff($10-$20).

It just seems like he can easily fork out money for things for soley him but not on stuff on us together, even if I pay for myself.

It’s gotten to a point that I just offer to pay so we even go out but it’s becoming super unattractive.

Prime example I paid $80 for his birthday dinner but he wants to just bbq with friends for mine. I don’t expect him to pay for things for me but it’s hard wanting to go out having to feel like I have to pay for us both.

This is leading to resentment and then he’ll want to get intimate and I’m just not into it because I feel like he doesn’t seem to care about spending money on things for us to do together.

He even makes more money than I do and I get by fine but he’s always saying he doesn’t have money, then will go buy something expensive for him

Netizens’ comments

Money represents a lot of things – power, fears, dreams, insecurities… to name a few. To understand why this is happening, you’re going to have to figure out what it means to your boyfriend to spend money on you.

Specifically, what is it about the relationship dynamic with you that makes him reluctant? This may feel incredibly personal, but chances are, it has little to do with you. For example, it may come from a childhood experience or something his parents did.

If you’re otherwise feeling loved and respected by him, it could be worth talking it out. Try to put your feelings aside and approach him with curiosity, in a nonjudgmental way. You need to get to the heart of what money means to him.

You might even want to do some self exploration to see if there’s a deeper reason for why his aversion to spending money on you is hurtful to you.

It’s natural and normal for conflicts to come up in a relationship. When handled the right way, they can be an incredible opportunity for growth and developing deeper bonds. See if you can use this situation to get to know each other on a deeper level.