Life swap from jc to Uni: I became them and they became me

It’s amazing how the lives of me and my friends can turn upside down within years. I don’t know about hormonal/mental health/medical reasons, but me and them SWAPPED upside down?

I am not who I used to be.

When I was in JC, I was the only one in class who had a boyfriend. Nobody else in class had boyfriends, everyone else was focused on studying.

From the age of 16-19 (ie before university), I was healthy and happy. I used to be super into romance novels and movies, I think I saw about 20 per year? And I used to (yeah past tense) cry a lot at the sad and touching parts where the rest of my jc mates felt absolutely nothing. I was the only one who shed so much tears at romantic films and even songs.

In that time, I was the only A in class for a lot of subjects. I was the top few in my jc class for A levels.

Then, my life took a sharp turn and I could barely recognise myself. Throughout University and even work, I NEVER had a boyfriend any more. I lost complete interest. My jc mates who never had a crush on anyone found boyfriends in University, while I was left single.

every time friends gathered to discuss their “targets”, I’d be sitting there with a BLANK LOOK. I suddenly realised that I have not had a crush on ANYONE in years and I forgot what the feeling was.

I’d still go for outings and gatherings with everyone but just as friends, I can’t pinpoint a single person to “love”. This lost feeling followed me until graduation and into work.

One by one, my jc friends who previously never had boyfriends all got married. Even the one who never had a crush from jc all the way until University, met her Prince Charming at work and married young. The introverted one who only talked to a few girls found her husband in church. The one who aspired to be a nun since 17, is now married to a long term boyfriend she met at University.

I watched as their tears flowed down at their weddings, while I sat there dry eyed each time, thinking”this used to be me. Why can’t I feel anything now?” After age 20, my tears of being touched suddenly stopped flowing, the feels stopped coming, and I never was interested in a single romance movie.

Without the ability to love, My grades went all the way down, and I barely scraped past the honours. No more A for any module.

Youth is so beautiful. I miss being young. How did these friends suddenly go from asexual and aromantic to happily married? Are they truly in love or did they just pick someone who loves them without them loving the other party back?

What’s going on?

Just wondering if normal/okay for land lord who are staying with you to just do something without informing you on the costs.

“A” ever got locked out of room because she forgot to bring out her keys. She suggested to her landlord that she will look for a lock smith and that she will make the payment for this instead.

However, her landlord didn’t care and just hammered her doorknob out and said he will settle it the next day.

“A” mentioned to her landlord not to worry and she can settle this by herself with him in the house when the locksmith is here so it’s more assuring for him since it’s his flat.

Her landlord said no to it as he claimed that he does this since he’s doing a reno company.

“A” asked for the cost and he said he will send her an “invoice” after that which turned out to be a message from his personal number on WhatsApp.

“A” waited till the evening for his employees(s) to head down to fix it since she doesn’t likes strangers in her room with her belongings unattended.

Her landlord then texted her unless than an hour immediately stating that he’s fixed and she has to pay him $150.

When “A” questioned on the price because he refused to tell her until the job is being done. She told him that it was out of the budget range she thought a locksmith would charge.

He just insisted that he’s a businessman so no choice. In the end, she just paid him the amount to avoid any conflict.

In addition, her landlord(a couple) were only nicer when it’s nearing the end of the 1 year contract so they could both agree to renew it. They typically don’t acknowledge her presence which I guess is quite normal since they all just mind their own business.

However, one month into the renewal of the contract, they became a complete asshole to “A” by picking on her unnecessarily and disrespecting despite doing everything the same way over the past 1 year.

They even played the race card, “my house, my rules” and “I’m a boss, I have 30+ people working under me and I earn millions of dollars. It takes a lot for people to reach this level” kinda stuff even though “A” didn’t even get to talk when they were harassing her when she’s otw out to do her stuff and asked if it’s possible to talk after she’s done settling her stuff.

Funny thing is, even a delivery person who was doing his job said that he didn’t like the attitude of the landlord when he was just trying to make sure her item was delivered safely.

He told the delivery person to just leave it outside his flat which eventually got left till late night unattended. The same delivery person who sent another parcel before this incident said that the landlord took into the house the parcel at first but when “A” got back, the item was left unattended outside.

Just knowing this left me thinking like why do such people exists? It’s okay for people to have some agreements on how certain things gotta be like so everyone can be at peace but is this fella just being an insecure and egoistic person who just likes to make the life of others difficult?

I didn’t know it can be such a hassle for people to be as a landlord/tenant despite following the rules and being polite. I guess the landlord is going to find trouble with “A” after she moves out according to the agreement in their contract when it’s time.

Would she need to pay for anything if he “claims” that she damaged or stained any thing like the wall/floor even if she didn’t do it? And her contract doesn’t has such a clause?

My (M24) girlfriend (F23) has had a recent, annoying obsession with trying to outcompete me in all sorts of intellectual games.

She brings me crosswords, puzzles, logic riddles, math problems, and gets frustrated when I outdo her 95% of the time.

She even begs me to play chess and other “intelligent” games, but throws a tantrum every time she loses.

I really don’t know what’s gotten into her. She literally used to tell me that she liked me because I was very smart, and that guys dumber than her repulsed her. But now she is suddenly upset about it?

I told her after a chess game yesterday to stop testing me and just accept that I am smarter than her at these types of games, and she started crying and called me a condescending a-hole.

I tried explaining to her that she has other strengths where she outdoes me by far and there’s no use competing over unimportant things like this, but it seems the damage was done.

Netizens’ comments

• so sad when a 23 has tantrums when losing a game. If you cannot handle it,stop playing. Why did uou continue playing with her? Maybe you could initiate to do the things she excels at. Make her feel better about herself.
• One of my ex-spouses tried to compete with me intellectually after we’d been together for over a year. My intelligence was what they claimed attracted them to me at first.
  Choosing to challenge me at games where I had more knowledge and experience was not a smart move on their part. That made the ex-spouse the AH. But I never said the kinds of things you said.
  Tell your GF that you do not want to compete with her. You want to help each other improve your abilities.
• She sounds immensely insecure in her intelligence, and seems to understand very little about the definitions around intelligence in general if she thinks little games are going to be objectively quantifying markers that she can use to determine who she is smarter than and dumber than. The fact it even matters to her this much just screams toxic insecurity to me. Toxic insecurity is actually the most generous description I can give to her behavior here, because this sounds like far more deep seated problems with her than basic insecurity.

It’s always the loudest people who are the dumbest. She seems to be aware on some level that she’s not as smart as she wants to be in this lifetime, and instead of actually working on that she’s dead set on trying to “prove” she’s at least smarter than those around her to feel better about herself.

I’m obviously biased, I wouldn’t stay in a relationship with somebody like this, but I’m not going to tell you to break up over this either. I mean, per her logic you’re a condescending ah despite the fact she’s been repeatedly and obsessively going out of her way to try and prove to herself she’s smarter than you? While also telling you she’s “repulsed” by men that she perceives as “dumber” than herself? In your position I’d be sitting there wondering if there ever came a time where this person started consistently “winning” these games against me, would that be their indicator to then break up with me? They beat me, therefore I’m dumber than them, therefore I’m repulsive? According to that incredibly weak excuse for logic anyway.

If she wants to be a genius amongst geniuses, then it doesn’t even start with these little logic games and math problems. It starts and stems from having a deep vested passion in education and applying learned knowledge in every facet of your life. It grows with open-mindedness and cognitive flexibility, two things this person clearly doesn’t have. The most intelligent people I know are all deeply passionate in their particular arenas of education. I’ve known architects who can describe the most convoluted jargon about a regular looking building to me with shining eyes. I’ve known a legitimate musical genius who could almost instantly figure out how to play any instrument put in front of him. I’ve known a genius in mathematics who was given grants on the fly because he happened to DOODLE an idea for an algorithm that ended up revolutionizing something in his niche of research (don’t even ask me to get into what he figured out, I could barely understand what he was describing to me at the time anyway). He didn’t get that grant because he’s naturally gifted, he was working hard in his education in this specific field of mathematics and robotics. I’d be willing to bet good money that every single one of these people are far more intelligent than your girlfriend in these specific arenas, and they may not win every single one of these little games she brings up to them, but that wouldn’t make her smarter than them nor would it make her dumber than them.

I don’t even know what advice to give you on how to approach this situation, because you’ve done literally nothing wrong and there’s no right combination of words that’s going to snap her out of these baseless beliefs and obsessions until she herself realizes that what she’s doing is wrong and not an indicator of an intelligent person. Intelligent people aren’t desperate to prove just how intelligent they are, especially in comparison to others.

I had been dating a woman from Batam for the past few months and I had developed feelings for her.

She had told me that she was single and that she lived with her elderly parents, so I thought it was the perfect opportunity to make a grand gesture and show her how much I cared.

I had saved up a large sum of money, and I decided to give her $100,000 to show her my commitment.

I had no doubt that she would be grateful for such a generous gift, and I was sure that it would help her get back on her feet.

When I arrived in Batam, I took her to a nice restaurant for a romantic dinner. We talked for hours, and I could tell that she was impressed with my gesture.

She thanked me repeatedly and said that she was truly touched by my kindness.

We went back to her place and I asked her if there was anything else she needed.

She said that she needed more money as her elderly parents’ health was not very good, and I offered to give her more money.

She thanked me profusely and gave me a kiss and more when I handed over more money to her.

The next day while I was walking along the streets, I noticed a man staring at me intently.

He approached me and told me that he was mistress’ husband.

He told me to back off from her and threatened me that he has a gang over there.

It turned out that my mistress and her husband has been doing this to cheat many unsuspecting men, mostly Singaporeans like me who think with their ‘smaller head’ instead of the bigger head.

I was shocked and embarrassed, and at the same time, I was humiliated and heartbroken and I felt like a fool for believing her lies. I had given away all of my savings, and I had nothing to show for it.

This incident taught me a valuable lesson. I had been blinded by love, and I had failed to do my due diligence. I had assumed that she was telling me the truth, but I was wrong. 

I am 42 years old and a virgin.

Yep, I’ve made it 42 years and no one has stolen my virginity from me. Not to say I can’t talk to women or am really that shy.

I have a good job, go to the gym, fit enough to go on multi-day bike rides. I can talk to women in a professional setting or out in public but the second it turns flirting I shut down immediately.

It’s just my natural reaction and I hate it. Every freaking time, my brain just goes into automatic mode and pushes her away.

Now people my age are finishing up raising kids,. some are becoming grandparents. They’ve been through marriages, divorces, childbirth, temper tantrums, holidays, celebrations, hardships, school events, watching their kids grow into adults while I’ve spent my life on the sideline watching it all from afar.

So yeah women scare the hell out of me and I’m a virgin.

Netizens’ comments

• Have you considered therapy? There’s probably a reason that you push women away and you could work on it with proper help
• Wow, do you have any kind of gut feeling about what makes you shut it down? Reading between the lines of what you said, I’m assuming that you liked some of the women you shut it down with and regret doing it?
• Why are women scary?
  I’m a woman and I don’t like to think that I’m scary.
• Alcohol is the key. Let’s face it: Half of the population would not exist if the guy and the girl would not have been drunk at the time when they had sex. It lowers things like anxiety and it makes it easier to keep going.
  And before i get attacked here: I’m talking about a few drinks, not about becoming an alcoholic. That’s not required.
• Dude, are you serious? Get some therapy, like yesterday. You obviously have some deep-seated issues with women and I don’t think you wanna die a virgin.
• You could try putting yourself in situations where you meet others on a regular basis, like joining a dance or cooking class. You won’t necessarily meet the love of your life there, but you will practise interacting with others.
  Also, remind yourself that this isn’t a race. You don’t need to have your own kids to have a fulfilling life. You could also be a cool godfather/uncle.

It had been a long and difficult shift at the restaurant. The customers were demanding and the orders were piling up.

I had just finished my shift when I heard a loud cheer coming from the kitchen staff.

At first, I assumed they were drinking because it was the CNY season, but when I got closer, I saw that they were playing a game of blackjack.

I had never seen the kitchen staff do something like this during their shift, and I was curious to find out what was going on.

I asked one of the chefs what they were doing, and he told me that they were playing blackjack because the boss never gave them their salary.

He said that they had been doing this for a while now, since the boss kept delaying salary.

They had to find a way to make money to cover their salary, so they decided to play blackjack against each other.

Its true that our boss delays our salary from time to time for whatever reasons he has and it makes it hard for us to pay our bills on time.

I decided to join in on the game, as I was feeling lucky that day. I started playing and quickly realized that I was winning. I was ecstatic and couldn’t believe my luck.

However, my luck quickly ran out. After a few rounds, I found myself losing all my winnings, even as much as a few days worth of my salary.

It was a difficult pill to swallow and I thought to myself that I should have not risk a few days of my hard work just for a little fun and thought that it was dumb for the kitchen staff to do the same.

However, I realised that they were just simple minded and happy go lucky people who comes to work diligently and did not think much.

They must have been desperate for money since their salaries were always delayed and thus came up with this solution, hoping to make a quick buck so that they have enough to cover their expenses.

Thinking about it, all these would not have happened if our boss pays our salary on time.

What should I do if I suspect my lead is a taking weird photos

I (Female 30s) joined my company less than a year. The team only consist of team lead (Married Male 50s) and an executive Z (Single Female 30s). They have a very close working relationship with another colleague Y (also Female 30s) from another department. All 3 of them have been with the company for 8-13 years and lunch together whenever they are in office.

In the recent months, I began noticing that TL’s phone would occasionally be position at weird angles directed at Z. I have a suspicion like he was capturing all the zao geng – downblouse, armhole area when she wears sleeveless and legs if she wore a dress. Z once wore shorts to a company sports event and the moment she sat down (crossed legged), I saw the weirdly angled phone again directed at her legs.

Work wise everything seems professional.

Recently during townhall, I happen to be behind TL and actually saw him sneaking photos of Z (the phone screen) before he moved away. The one I saw in action was a half body shot of Z tieing her hair up while chatting with other colleagues.

Now, I don’t know what I should do.

I can’t exactly confirm that there are indecent shots but TL’s action is kinda creepy to me. Should i tell them? But I don’t have evidence to show Z and I’m not that close enough to confide in Y especially since the 3 of them have worked together for so long.

There’s no local physical HR as well (+ no evidence).

Any advice please?