Losing sleep over losing hair

I met a girl. We got on really well and are both looking for the same thing (long-term r/s). After multiple dates and signs that she likes me as more than a friend as well, here’s the thing:

I’m bald.

I’ve been wearing a wig to our dates, and she doesn’t know. I know… I’m a catfish and an a-hole, but if you’re not bald you probably don’t know how looking like this in your early 30s completely destroys one’s self-esteem.

I want to be honest with her before we officially enter a r/s. How would you break the news to her if you were in my shoes?

Here are what netizens think:

• I’m in my 20s and already have receding hairline with the distinct “m”, along with a high forehead. I foresee becoming totally bald in my 30s and thats what I’m going to rock. Forget about how other people look at you, focus on how you look upon yourself first. If you can accept being bald and walk around with confidence, I believe you’ll feel much better with or without a partner. You’ll know when the right person comes. Trust me I know how you feel.

• What is your view after watching those full/drastic make up video of woman before & after? If you think you feel cheated then be prepared to face the reality too. If you think all women deserve the chance to be called as beautiful after their makeup means you have the possibility to get her acceptance too. After all, how you treat or regards others will have a reciprocal effect to own self.

• Dude, she doesn’t know yet this is chewing on your conscience. So obviously it’s affecting you more than it’s affecting her right now. Just tell her lah and see how she reacts. Just don’t hope that she will understand you completely, and if she doesn’t, she’s probably not the right person for you. For all you know, she probably already guessed you’re wearing a wig… Be brave about this…

How hard is it to find a man who doesn’t want kids? (33F dating 33M)

My boyfriend (33M) and I (33F) have been dating for a little over two years. He definitely wants to have kids and I’m pretty sure I don’t.

We’ve had several discussions about it and he knows I’m on the fence and mostly leaning towards no. I think he thinks that I’m going to change my mind, but I don’t think that’s likely. I’ve given it a lot of thought and I keep coming back to not wanting to have them.

The cons outweigh the pros for me and I think I’d be happier childfree. I’m going to have another discussion with him about this soon and make it clear that I most likely won’t change my mind.

He’s probably going to break up with me cause it’s a dealbreaker for him, which I’m prepared for.

I feel like most people want to have kids and I’m a little fearful I won’t find someone who doesn’t. How hard is it to find a man who doesn’t want to have (and doesn’t already have any) children? We live in a major metropolitan city so meeting new people isn’t hard.

ETA: No one has really asked but I just wanted to clarify that I thought I’d probably have kids when we started dating cause that’s what most people do, but the more seriously I thought about it, the more I realized I don’t want them.

My girlfriend feels uncomfortable with interacting with my family because my dad does not acknowledge her when she visits (won’t even look at her in the eye, even when she calls him / tries to talk to him).

It’s her second time meeting him and he does not reply at all too.

I think it is because he is an introvert and hence I think it’s alright for him to do that. I did not say anything because he is an elder and I cannot change him because that’s his character.

Also, my family speaks dialects most of the time because they are used to it. Whilst my girlfriend does not understand it. Hence she does not understand most of our conversations.

My family doesn’t exactly include her in conversations so she feels left out. For context, my family can speak and understand mandarin as well.

But I think she should try to integrate in instead of my family accommodating to her.

How do I make her see my point of view?

Here is what netizens think:

• If u go to her house and her family treat u as such, how will u feel? Dont so self centered can? Since your family already kinda not communicating with her, what she needs is you to be there with her, supporting her. U can be the translator, teach her also. Asking her to make effort is not the way. Please try harder.

• From your post, we can easily tell that you are very self-centered and immature. This relationship will not work if you do not step up soon. Give and take is the way to go.

• If you are worth her effort, she will try to integrate as you wish. But I guess, she is not worth enough for you to try harder and be on her side. And I feel sorry for her.

• Simi? She’s already trying liao (by your own account she tried to make the effort to speak to your dad multiple times, despite not getting a response, and isn’t speaking more only because your family dw to use Mandarin), if you want a connection between her and your family, you + your family should be meeting her halfway also.

I found my husband and sister together

Before I start, I want to apologize if the English isn’t correct. Keep in mind that English isn’t my first language. I (40f) and my husband (42m) have been married since I was 22 and he was 23.

Up until now our marriage has been perfect. We have a 12 year old daughter and a 14 year old son together.

But lately I have been getting this weird feeling that my husband is in love with my sister. For short context my sister (43f) has always hated me, even though she was out parents favorite growing up she just had the hate for me and always took away things like I loved like for example when I was younger I loved playing soccer and was good at it, when my sister found out she also started playing soccer she was good but not better than me (not to brag).

One day she injured her ankles and was told she couldn’t play soccer for a long time and somehow it was my fault. She told our parents and being their favorite angel they believed her and banned me from playing soccer ever again.

She also stole my first boyfriend and mistreated me in school but I never said anything and mostly kept to myself.

Back to now. I had the feeling that my husband was in love with my sister because when she and her husband got divorced she called up my husband immediately and he went without a second thought. That’s how it has always been when ever she needs him, he’s there with her without even a second thought.

About two months ago our 12 year old daughter broke her arm and we went to the hospital with both me and my husband while my son was at his friend’s place.

We got home and my daughter asked if she could get McDonald’s and so I went out to get our daughter some McDonald’s because she wanted it and she also wanted her dad to stay with her (she has always been a daddy’s girl)

when I came back home I found my husband on his way out with our daughter crying and begging him to stay.

When I saw it I quickly rushed over and asked what was happening and I found out he was going to my sister because she wasn’t feeling well and I asked him why was he going there when his daughter literally just broke her arm and he only answers your sister needs me and left.

After that I got super angry and packed a bag for me, my daughter and my son and went to stay at my aunt’s place (she was the only one of my family that agreed that my sister was a brat so I spent most of my childhood with her) two days after I had to go back home because I forgot my work computer and when I got there I was shocked at what I saw.

My husband and my sister were on the sofa of our family home doing the dirty work. When they both noticed me they were quick to get their clothes back on and my husband ran to me telling me that this wasn’t what it looked like and that this was all a misunderstanding.

I stood there for a minute because I yelled back at him how he could have done this to me and if I meant nothing to him and I yelled that I want a divorce and left.

When I got to my aunt’s place I went into the room I was staying in and broke down crying. I don’t know what to do. I already told my aunt and she is furious. She told our parents and most of our family members even though I asked her not to but at the same time I’m happy she told them because I don’t have the courage to do so.

My husband and sister have been blowing up my phone with text messages but I just ignore them. I don’t know how I’m gonna tell my kids. What do I do?

A couple of months ago, I made a new friend via a group of mutual friends and saw this girl whom I thought was really pretty and has a good personality.

She likes someone else from our group and they have been hanging out together exclusively, though they don’t consider themselves dating.

Whenever I meet this group of friends, I try not to interact too much with this girl directly as I’m afraid that I may grow to like her (because I already find her very attractive) but I’m already attached in a stable relationship.

We all met up today to gamble at one of our friend’s houses.

During the initial mingling, somehow she ended up sitting next to me on the couch and she started talking to me, asking me about my vacation as I just returned from an overseas trip.

I know this just seems like small talk but I thought it was still nice that she bothered to ask me some details of it.

Then when the group started playing blackjack, I had already sat down but she also ended up choosing a seat just next to me, even though it was not the only empty seat available.

Throughout the entire session, she was seated quite closely to me; our arms touched at some points, she also crossed her legs in which they were sticking into my direction and body language wise, she was also seated in such a way that she was kinda facing my side profile.

To be honest, I know she doesn’t like me in any sort of special way but somehow, it still felt nice to be sorta sharing that close physical space with her for that 4 hours. I will not dare to dream of anything more nor take actions of any kind because I’m not the kind to cheat and I do love my gf.

To others who know about this, they will probably just brush it off as an eyecandy but all my past exes started off as my eye candies whom I found attractive and we eventually got together.

I’m meeting this same group of friends tmr again and my gf will be coming along too. I think I’ll just maintain lesser direct interactions with her, but the fact that I’m having random thought of her is annoying me. Not seeking any advice here, just wanted to get this off my chest.

My (24f) best friend (26m) of 12 years is a great person with many desirable traits. He is educated and has a good career and I’m really proud of him for his accomplishments. Since we were kids I’ve always noticed he had really bad hygiene habits, but chalked it up to him being a teenage boy. Now that we’re older I’ve seen that his hygiene has not improved with age. He goes to the gym at least 3 times per week but never showers more than once per week, never brushes his teeth, and only does laundry when the clothes are completely stiff. I’ve dropped little hints like if we stay the night somewhere together I’ll ask if he packed shower supplies, and in the mornings I’ll offer to leave my toothpaste out if he wants to use it. I’ve found myself no longer inviting him places because it’s embarrassing when he shows up greasy, smelly and with an inch thick of plaque on his teeth.

Last month he told me he had a crush on one of my newer friends and asked if she was single. I told him that she was, but only recently single and isn’t looking for anything right now. He wouldn’t take no for an answer and decided to contact her himself to ask her out. When she declined, she lied and said she was seeing someone. He knew that one of us was lying to him. When he confronted me I told him that everyone I know thinks he is disgusting because of his hygiene, they don’t want to be near him much less date him. He denied having bad hygiene, and said he does shower and brush his teeth. He left, and hasn’t talked to me in over a month insisting I need to apologize and set the record straight to everyone we know. I think I’m doing him a favor in the long run and he should appreciate my honesty because he is the one who confronted me about why I lied to him about my friend.

My dad is a wildly successful business owner with a tech recruitment agency with operations in New York City and San Francisco, and a net worth in the tens of millions.

We live in a bungalow in Bukit Timah. He always told me and my older brother that we should never aim to be corporate slaves because if one were to commit to working hard for anyone, it should only be for ourselves.

I have been told this multiple times for nearly 30 years of my life. He is also of the opinion that people who strive to do very well in school and for their company, will rarely create life-changing wealth, because they are too socialized to doing well for others.

I have done well in school.

I went to the best IP school and I graduated FCH from law school. Near the top of my cohort. I then got a masters from Cambridge, where I was also near the top of my cohort.

Now that I’ve gotten a big four law job, I feel that my life is comfortable, I make good money, my bosses love me, and I feel no incentive to make it on my own. I was even told in passing that if I keep up my work I could make partner one day.

On the other hand, my older brother is a bioengineer, didn’t do that well for A-levels, graduated from the University of Michigan and then UC Davis, quit his pharma job to start an agricultural technology company in California with four of his friends from college that recently fundraised at an 8-figure valuation.

Recently there was even an acquisition attempt that was rejected. Needless to say, my dad has started to overwhelmingly favour him over me. He went to the same IP school as I did he was just very lazy about schoolwork.

I have a weird upbringing in that I used to bring home great grades from school and my dad was never impressed. My brother is a tinkerer and he built a PC at the age of 14 and back then my dad couldn’t stop bragging to relatives about it. At 16 he wrote a password manager on iOS that made a few thousand dollars in its first year and I literally have not seen my dad so proud about anything that I’ve ever done before. Not even when I was in the Humanities Programme and ranked 3rd on a literature block test in my JC cohort of 1000 people.

One thing he has never done is gave me explicit instructions to do anything.

He has always believed in giving us a lot of freedom to try things and to fail. What affects me deeply is his unwillingness to show any regard towards those who are not inclined to challenge conventional life goals. I once overheard a conversation between him and my mom in the bedroom after he showed absolutely no reaction when I ranked first in my sec 2 class.

He told my mom, “all he did was work very hard studying to do well on an exam, what’s so special about that?” That hurt me deeply. He has this deep distaste for what he believes to be a “typical Singaporean philosophy”—do well in school, get a good job, promote, make some money, retire. Which I frankly don’t know where he got it from since he also went to Raffles College, and he also has a degree from Cambridge.

I respect him greatly and I just wish to get some approval from him. I’m just not an enterprising person by nature. I find it odd that someone would look down on people who do well academically and aim to do well at their jobs. If my brother’s startup hadn’t been an immediate success he would have been working for no pay and no reward for 5 years.

The amount of money I saved in the past 3 years alone gets me 80% of the way to making a downpayment on my first apartment. There was no risk involved. If I keep being on this trajectory I’d have more money than I know what to do with anyway. I honestly don’t need anymore than $5 million to retire comfortably.

I don’t hate my brother. I’m incredibly proud of him even though I used to not be able to stand it when his exam was literally 24 hours away and he’d be twiddling his pen in the living room watching anime. It always seemed to me that he was squandering his talent since I know him to be very intelligent.

He learns things ridiculously quickly. Nevertheless I think the world values all sorts of people and I am incredibly happy that he has the creative energy that startup founders often share.

I just don’t understand why my dad values people like him and not people who can really take an instruction and deliver the best work.