(M43) my partner of 15 years (F38) admitted to having a drink too much in a work party and kissing a co-worker and I ended it and moved out. Now I’m being blamed

In August she came back from on overseas work trip, and she was not really herself. I thought she was tired or having a work issue that she’d rather not discuss so I acted normally and never brought it up.

Early September she said we need to talk, then confessed that after the work thing everyone went to the hotel’s bar to celebrate and that someone kissed her and she kissed him back. She said she had drunk wine and says it wouldn’t have happened without the alcohol.

We’ve been together for about 15 years, neither had the desire to have children so we have none, I always treated her with respect and trusted her fully, and the few disagreements we had over the years were silly nonsense that we worked out immediately and never even had one event that amounts to a “fight”.

Still, cheating is and has always been to me a definitive and immediate relation killer. I knew exactly where I stood and didn’t even think twice before telling her that I appreciate her honesty and the fact that she did not want to continue living a lie, but that it was over and I’ll begin moving out in a few days. I couldn’t stay with her in the same place and needed time to take in the shock so I went and stayed with my mother and let it all dawn on me. It was painful, I felt immense betrayal, I thought about the best years of my life that I wasted with her and the times I shut down attempts by women or left immediately when I felt someone was becoming flirtatious, and I just felt like an utter fool.

Anyway I got calls from mutual friends and her family, and I remained very respectful to her but told everyone that I can’t recover from something like that and that it’s over and no hard feelings. I then went back while she was out and took a few pieces of my own clothing and books and left everything else. Did not want to look pity and take any other items even the things that I bought, which is basically pretty much everything since I always wanted to be the provider.

That was in October, and since then I’ve been slowly recovering psychologically and getting back to my normal routine, and I think I will be alright. Naturally I remember things from all the years we’ve been together and I feel deep dark sadness, but I don’t miss her nor want her back, and I can’t imagine being with her again now that I visualize her kissing another man. I am thoroughly repulsed.

The problem is that people on my side, a couple of my own friends and a few family members, have begun telling me that I was mistaken and they just couldn’t tell me that during the tougher times when my world was crashing down. I hear things like “a single kiss is nothing”, “it’s not like they slept together or even made out”, “you can’t throw away 15 years for a few seconds of weakness”, and the one I get the most is one form or another of “it was the wine”.

As much as I’d like to claim that I’m totally confident and no words by anyone would made me doubt myself, they succeeded in making me wonder if I’d reacted in the wrong way. It takes time for my change of address to take effect, so she still gets my mail and bills and calls me, and I go to pick them up and act politely but very robotically. She still tells me that she’s sorry and she’d do anything to get another chance, but the betrayal keeps replaying in my head and it’s horrific. I don’t want to be with her ever again.

Now I’m neither looking for affirmation nor blame. I’m seeking your honest opinions no matter what they are, and I can take it no problems. Don’t spare my feelings or anything. Just tell it as it is. Thanks you

Do you know last time my NS pay only 50$? You are very lucky now.

I can’t stand people saying that we are lucky now because we are paid 600 and above.

When it’s the same people telling us that things are so expensive now while reminiscing about the past when 1 bowl of noodles was 1 dollar LOL.

If you do the math, we are getting paid, on average the same as they did last time based on how strong the money was last time

Netizens’ comments

• Yes, last time food so cheap, u can’t compare last time to now, last time $50 can buy a lot of stuff, now $50 buy what? Gst now 8% going to 9% soon
• Now I need to pay $1.5 to buy milo for my buddy.
• All those old boomers always use their circumstances to undermine ours. Different times, different cost of living.
  They always gonna make it seem they have it harder. Ignore them, they have no better advice, that’s why they say such things.
  Makes them look tougher but it’s all just ego.
• My girlfriend taught me a comeback for these kinds of boomers.
  “Yea but back in the day, you can afford a 5-room flat with like 2 raspberries.”
• The counter is telling the person what their pay would be now with inflation.
  I earn $20 less than a random encik during his time. And it wasn’t even 10 years ago that he enlisted. Lol it shut him up about it.
• I heard last time ippt still pays around the same as now though, so if anything we are losing out more, let me know if I am wrong
• I think they are trying to make us feel better. The absolute amount does make someone feel better even though in real terms there is no change. LOL.
  For example, you have 50k sgd but if you convert to baht, you are a millionaire in Thailand. Actually bad example cos things are cheaper in Thailand. You get the point.
• I suppose and you guys do have a point about how times were different back then and how the pay now may not be as big of an increase from last time if you take things like inflation into account. But for those in the older gen, let’s cut them a bit slack as some of those that I hear this from were genuinely nice guys who just want to make you feel better. I know it varies from person to person but for those who are genuinely nice, we shouldn’t ridicule them as they mean well but they just lack perspective.

What is the weirdest dog name you have encountered?

I was walking my dog and saw another dog owner. Asked for the dogs name and she said the dogs name is CB short for cute baby.

It was very weird to hear her keep shouting CB stop, let’s go CB. No she was not Singaporean.

I honestly kept giggling each time she called the dogs name.

Netizens’ comments

• Knew someone who named every single one of their pets after what they were commonly known as, I.e pet hamster was called Hamster, pet dog was called Dog
  LMAO and these pets responded to their names. most creative /s
• Not really weird but funny. The name is Money. So “Money come!”
• Monkey D. Luffy, for a dog. He responded to both “Monkey” and “Luffy”, so forgetting and yelling “Monkey! Monkey!” in public didn’t always go down well.
• True story. I have a neighbour who had two golden retriever, missy and fortune. Every day i swear I hear misfortune come misfortune go.
• As long as you don’t name dog as Snake or any other dangerous predators names, otherwise people will run away like zombie to busan once you call your dog’s name.
• My husband works at a vet clinic and he encountered one rabbit that was named “Stupid Rabbit” by the owner. I’m not joking.
• this one time i was cycling in a park n heard someone say ‘stupid come’. i thought she was scolding her kid or smth, but then i saw her dog coming near her. then i understood that the dogs name was stupid
• Someone got a dog when studying in Australia and called it Angmo . She brought it back to Singapore when she finished her studies.

My husband wants a second wife. But thinking of the possibility of him with another women completely breaks my heart.

I just want him happy. He says that he loves me unconditionally but I still feel like I’m not sufficient enough for him if he’s willing to peruse a relationship with someone else.

I feel like I can’t completely tell him “no” because I don’t want him to resent me in the future or have doubts of things he wish he could have done in his lifetime.

We’ve been arguing a lot and I’ve been fleeing the house when I need a good cry and I still can’t admit to him that I can’t let him be with another women.

My heart is broken and I feel crazy cause every time he touches his phone, my head races with a million thoughts. Idk what to do.

I’m mentally and emotionally drained. Sore to the stomach with anxious thoughts but I would never throw my marriage away.

Netizens’ comments

• if you don’t tell him now it will completely destroy you and ruin your marriage, try and get the guts to do it it’ll be hard but you have to for your own good. if he doesn’t accept that then he has already thrown your marriage away. i’m sorry my heart hurts for you
• He does not love you unconditionally if he’s changing the conditions to suit himself. He loves only himself if he chooses to disrespect you so intensely as to bring a whole other person into the marriage. Do you get a spare husband on the side? If not, why not? Why does he get to have a second when you have to make due with only half of what you committed to. He sounds weak and greedy, imo.

[23M][37F] My wife and I have an open marriage but she doesn’t want me to do anything while she does

I [32M] have a open relationship with my [37f] wife Trisha. She wanted a open marriage and I’ve been loving it. I use condoms and don’t kiss these women on the lips or eat them out I just do my thing and leave.

We use to go to clubs together and bring women back and have fun. I can say I’m a solid eight some would say a ten so getting women isn’t hard for me and I have zero emotional strings with them so a win is a win.

I haven’t slept with my wife because I’ve been doing my thing with this woman my wife knows about her and it’s been amazing. So my wife told me she doesn’t want me to see just that woman even if it’s with her. And she doesn’t want me to sleep with the women anymore she wants me to just watch.

Of course this made me feel a certain way because she’s the only one who can have fun while I watch watching doesn’t do anything but make me mad. So whenever she does the deed with a woman I leave to my friends house a play cards for a few hours.

This has caused a problem because she thinks I’m not attracted to her anymore or that I don’t want children with her because I stopped sleeping with her.

what’s your worst tekan story in NS?

Mine was being given 5mins to run to bunk, change into FBO, and come down after having done our morning workout. And then changing parade for several times cos no one could reasonably meet that time limit.

Netizens’ comments

• Standby bunk in parade square, had to bring cupboards and bed down and place exactly like your bunk layout.
  Encik even played the part of opening the “bunk door” to enter the bunk.
• Knuckle push up on an asphalt road in the mid day sun, the instructor got a boat load of complaints afterwards
• hearsay someone jumped from height onto a tonner canopy during change parade to meet the timing, which then caused change parade to be banned
• Due to the officer believing the misinformation that wet clothes hung indoors cause pneumonia, we were told to standby universe in an unreasonable amount of time. When we inevitably failed to make the timing, he ordered that we brought our CABINETS downstairs to the parade square. Of course this was impossible, so he changed the orders and told us to drag our cabinets to the corridor.
  In an effort to move quickly, one of the cabinets tilted over, and the hook left a cut in one of the recruits’ head. He bled profusely but was otherwise fine.
  This was in BMT in 2006, and our coy line was right at the end of school 2. So no one saw us, except maybe the one other coy line across from us. All this started because one recruit contracted pneumonia.
  The officer sign don’t know how many extra and was duty officer for the remaining time we had there.
  Tbh I’ve had more siong tekan in officer school, but this memory really sticks out.
• Our entire company had to do 50 x 10 sets of pushups because we failed to sing out loud during a route march that was being led by our red beret wing commander.
  Btw, for the first 5 sets, we were in our SBOs. The last 5 sets, my arms were literally shaking uncontrollably.
  FYI, it was OCS, so nobody gave a crap about the maximum cap of punitive pushups written in the SAF SOP.
• We were marching to our bunks after lunch, for some reason this fella walking past wanna tekan us: Push ups, sit ups, jumping jacks, basically a full intense workout for 10 min.
  Most of us threw up on the spot LOL not the worst but wildly uncomfortable
• 16 guys took MC after BMT outfield, Platoon SGT got pissed and started SBA right after book in. Found every single speck of dust they could plausibly find and forced us to do 200+ pushups, crunches, buddha claps EACH. The guys who took MC? They got nothing.
  This wasn’t even pre-2010, this was late 2020. When Covid fears were high. Yeah, lets fuck everyone else to scare the ‘sick’ guys back, that’ll definitely not potentially get a C+ case to report to duty.
  Sgt HS, you were quite out of line that day.
• Not mine but a certain OC of the infamous Ninja company lost his temper when he found out at a field exercise that the recruits did not cover up the communal shit hole as they were getting ready to leave the site.
  He made the recruits dig the shit up and then did a whole bunch of rolling maneuvers all over it. Dude got down ranked and sent to my unit before I ORD. He seemed chill though.
• FBO High Kneel with assorted arms over head for 1 hour. I lost count of how many times I changed legs. Meanwhile my CSM that made us to this was eating maggee in training shed
• 2 incidents came to mind:
  This one happened during BMT. I didn’t feel it was that bad but it was feedback to me by one of the 3sg afterwards that it was one of the worst tekan they have ever administered.
  It happened during one of the outfield activities, and the task was to build up our tents in neat rows, I was the IC for that phase. When we were done and being inspected, we were told to remove everything, and set up everything again in a different area within a certain time (can’t remember the duration).
  Not only did we meet the timing, our tents were so straight that the PS was stunned and had nothing to say. They clearly didn’t expect us recruits to be able to do it.
  The second happened during the professional phase of Combat Engineer OCS. We were in our civilian, marched to the front gate, then told that 7 minutes have started (for the non CE guys, it means to be in the parade square in FBO with items laid out), so of course we have to run back and do the change parade and kena other punishments for not meeting the timing.
  In hindsight, it’s not the most physically taxing activity, but one of the most sian and unexpected one.

MLM Companies

Anyone has bad experience with MLM Companies?

Like.. knowing your upline isn’t as committed to his/her work as desired?

Then when you want to change upline, you need to gain a certain number of signatures to get out of their chain of people?

After you have pursued to being removed from the chain, then your direct upline throws his/her anger at you.

Like why, why throw tantrums just because someone doesn’t want to be your downline anymore?

If you’re always wanting more from a person instead of giving more of yourself, when you’re constantly approaching new people to establish new connections, doing stuff behind someone’s back and not giving 100% to helping others through your work, what’s the point of supporting you continuously?

I guess one will reach a point and age whereby they want to protect themselves for self-preservation and not give to others unless necessary.

I have given my share to a group of people, but despite my giving, I felt that my concerns have not been approached appropriately. What’s the point of giving my time and effort to a bunch of people and having others people being favoured in the end?

For now, I want to put myself and my loved ones as my priority, not a second fiddle who may not be considered as a priority when certain decision are being made.

May those who have been burnt from the MLM folks recover and pursue a life they desire with an upline they have chosen correctly from the start. Should they have made the wrong choice, may be they able to change their uplines ASAP and remove themselves from the misalignments.