My(30F) husband’s (30M) snoring is legitimately damaging our relationship

im literally at my wits end actually typing this out on the couch as he’s snoring away in our bedroom.

So we’ve been together 7 years. He’s always snored but it’s only ever been this bad when he’s sick. He’s tried the strips, a mouth guard from his dentist, we have a humidifier in the room and it doesn’t seem to matter anymore whether he sleeps on his side or his back.

I’ve seen videos of tongue exercises (for real, don’t make it dirty) he can do and sent them to him but he doesn’t seem particularly interested in them. He makes some effort but I don’t think he understands what this is doing to me. I hate sleeping next to him and it makes me hate being in our bed together at all. I definitely have no interest in getting intimate because of the pure sleep exhaustion and anger I feel towards him for hours throughout the night. I’ll wake up and see if I can go back to sleep through it. If I can’t I nudge him to change positions. If this happens enough times he gets irritated saying he can’t help it and I should let him sleep.

I use ear plugs and spend much of the night with my pillow wrapped around my head which is uncomfortable. I’ll be up for hours in the night each night just trying to get back to sleep through constant snoring.

He thinks he needs to lose some weight and that will help which could be true (his BMI is still healthy but on the higher side these days). He is eating better and still working out but I need a solution now. He’s been to the doctor before and the doctor doesn’t take it as seriously as I need him to. A sleep test has never been ordered even though I’d guess it sounds like sleep apnea.

What do I do? I’m so angry at him all the time because I’m not sleeping.

Also if anyone says this is abuse or we should get a divorce I wish a hundred stubbed toes in your future. I know this sub goes there over everything but I’m not interested.

Sg life meh

My friend is the definition of getting his life together. We are all in our mid 20s. I have a fiance and he is married.

He and his wife combined earns multiple 6 figure a year. Has a fully paid BTO and brand new car (also fully paid). He is 100% self made, doesn’t come from a rich family. He is also generous. An angpao from him, regardless to whom or wdv event, will be at least $50. I have seen him give a $800 angpao for a church wedding before. So yea.

I’m just a normal employee, worrying abt the upcoming wedding and housing expenses. Naturally, I asked him for advice.

His advice is extremely simple and logical. But I will absolutely hate my life if I follow his advise.

My fiance and I want a big wedding, to celebrate our special day. I don’t want to have no wedding, just sign ROM and zhao.

I also wanted to propose first then apply fr the flat, for romantic purposes. I don’t want to bto while still being a student to max out the grants. But this means now I got less grants than him, even though he earns multiple of my income.

I want my ideal home to fit my aspirations, not just do a simple reno to fit my budget.

Are we Singaporeans destined to live like a dog? If I want to build my ideal life, it doesn’t feel possible to do it here.

Here are what netizens think:

• As long as you continue to compare, you will never be happy. Work within what you have. There’s always someone better or worse than you. By whining your wealth also won’t grow.

• And come to reality. You want to have a big wedding. You want super romantic proposal, maybe with doves flying and butterflies fluttering. No matter where you do that, it will be expensive. If you’re average here. You’re average everywhere with all else being equal.

• 90% of the lavish weddings always end up in red and couples either burn through their savings or take a loan to finance that 1 day “special” day. Latter usually takes years to pay back.

• We are very blessed already. Look at our neighbouring countries, some doesn’t even have the opportunity to study and need to leave their home just to survive. Why want to compare? Just be contented with the little things in life and live according to your means.

My (35F) best friend (34F) got engaged at the end of last year and is getting married this year in November.

I was very excited for her until she told me that she wanted to have a destination wedding.

Once all is said and done with the cost of airfare, hotels, food, transportation, etc – the trip ends up costing me about $8,000 for myself and my spouse.

The cost of this same trip during other times of the year averages about $3-$4,000 however my bff is set on her wedding date and destination.

In my mind, it isn’t worth spending that much money but I had promised her I’d be at her wedding before I knew what she had chosen.

I told her it was too much money and now she’s upset with me because I’m saying that “our friendship isn’t worth it” and that as her bff, I’m not supporting her to make her dream wedding come true.

For context, for my wedding, she only had to pay for her shoes, which were about $75. I bought everything else including her bridesmaid dress.

Girlfriend dumped me because I wanted to share my feelings.

I wanted to share my feelings with my gf but she didn’t want me to.

I tried to talk to her about my feelings a few times. It’s good to be open and close to your partner. I always let her talk to me about things like stress, hard days, family/friend troubles.

However, if I ever wanted to talk to her about similar kinds of things she’d turn away.

I tried a few of times to figure out how to communicate better with her, asking people irl and online. I got some interesting tips but it didn’t work.

I tried again to explain why it’s important but she’d had enough of me trying saying I was relying on her too much (she talked about her problems to me more than the other way around) and that I need to do this on my own.

After that she dumped me. I don’t really know how to explain how I feel. She talked about how much she liked sensitive guys but that wasn’t true.

I wanted her to be a partner but I guess that was foolish to expect. I want to think this was for the best but it hurts too much.

My (27m) gf (29f) fantasizes about group sex with my friends

My gf of 1 year and me were talking about fantasies and I shared mine that I have always thought it will be hot to do it in a risky place like elevator or in a car in traffic. And then she shared hers and frankly it took out the wind from my sails.

So I have small group of friends whom I see once every two weeks (4 guys including me) and we normally gather at either mine or my best friend’s place and have dinner and just talk till late at night.

Most of times our partners also accompany us. And this was connected to my gf’s fantasy. She said she wanted to be on the table with food all over her body which we will eat and then all of us have our way with her.

To say I was shocked to hear this would be an understatement, my jaw almost hit the floor. She must have noticed because she immediately said its just a fantasy and not something she would ever want to try even if I was up for it.

But this has shook me to the core. I see those guys as brothers and her fantasy involves them. She might as well have said she wanted to sleep my elder brother. I dont know how to get over it and I am actually dreading going over there this weekend with her. It will be so awkward. Any advice on how to get over it and stop the mind movies?

On New Year 2023 my past rs trauma suddenly hit me which resulted in me breaking down and at the heat of the moment broke up with my current gf.

Since then my gf and I were pondering if we should patch back for 1 week. I can see she is fight for the rs. But to me suddenly I feel i’m not 100% into her already. Nonetheless we got back together.

Although in the past we met often (5/6 times a week) to chill. Even if each meetup is 2-3h for dinner. But recently I suggested to her that we should meet lesser as all she wants to talk about is her insecurities & doubts. But I hate such confrontation man.

When she suggest to maintain the frequency we meet, I’m just doing it to make her happy. But I do find her clingy/sticky now. Cause she place me on high importance and made her life revolve around me.

In summary… I used to enjoy her presence. Now I felt that I’m just meeting her out of obligation. Maybe my heart isn’t fully into her nor wanting this rs anymore. She is a nice lady, and I really don’t want to hurt her. But breaking up with her for good is in my consideration.

Here are what netizens think:

• I hope she reads this. So she can see that she’s wasting her time on you.

• Then do it la. Come here and whine for what? We also not interested in your indecisiveness and consideration.

• Your love for her has died. Pls move on instead of wasting each other’s time

• Other guys are struggling just to get a gf, what more a girl who wanna spend time with them. Then you, cant even commit. People always want what they cant have.

• Best is either you stay single for life if not karma will do its job. Don’t you know, you need to commit and be responsible in a relationship? If you can’t do it then in the first place you should just stay single, just because of the initial strong feelings and now you can just simply say that she’s clingy etc. You better pray hard that you have no kids especially your daughter and hope your daughter will never fall in love with such a useless man who can’t commit in a relationship yet got the cheek to say someone else’s daughter is clingy etc.

I’m a guy who was led on by a girl… mildly infuriating.

Firstly, my story.

So one day in class I saw this girl I liked and asked her out to lunch. She said yes. We had lunch at a nice restaurant in a shopping mall, where I paid. From then on, we got along very well, we frequently met up, and chatted very well, all over the period of a month. By ‘well’, I mean ALL our meet-ups were one-to-one, we took turns treating each other to lunches, and we texted each other for hours on end, sometimes late into the night.

I was interested in her, and I also thought she was interested in me.

Then one fine day I confess my feelings for her. She looks genuinely shocked (and I’m shocked at her reaction too), then she says “I’m sorry, I already have a boyfriend, I thought we were just friends…”

By the way we have a mutual friend whom I’ve known for some time. But I only met the girl a month ago, so she wasn’t my friend prior to me asking her out. It was pure coincidence that my friend happened to know the girl quite well.

Later I found out from this friend that she already had a bf LONG before she met me, and she only saw me as a good friend from the very start. This friend also told me that she felt bad if she gave me the wrong impressions and was truly just trying to make new friends in the course, and wasn’t some stupid reason like trying to make her bf jealous.

The mutual friend is someone I know for some time and trust. So, if she truly is a nice person and wasn’t trying to make her bf jealous or what, I think she led me on because she was either lonely or something.

Now, my rant.

This has left me feeling kinda infuriated. I feel like I’ve wasted emotions. I invested some degree of emotions into this only to get heartbroken. Like, girls, ASSUMING you aren’t doing morally questionable things like gold-digging or making your bf jealous, you don’t agree to lunch at a RESTAURANT, with a NEW guy one-to-one, AND let him pay, AND to top it all off CONTINUE to meet up with him in a similar fashion, UNLESS you are interested in him as more than a friend, right? It’s just not normal! If you were interested in a new guy at first but later lost interest, then fair enough, but this girl already had a bf and wasn’t interested as more than a friend from the start. So it was really unfair for her to agree to go out one-to-one with me more than once, when she was never interested, as that would give me the wrong idea that she’s interested when she never was.

Sharing this partly as an appeal for all not to lead others on. It’s just not right.

Uncertain plans for the future

Hi guys, I am a 24M in NUS psychology. As a guy who is rather soft and emotional due to experiencing much setbacks, dramas that are forced upon me, I am more of a person who prefers a slow pace of life. I believed being happy is the most important thing in life and while I do not need to be extremely rich, being poor is a no-no. However, I am easily swayed by what others say about my decision.

When I told some of my friends how I planned to move to Malaysia after working full time until I am 30 once I complete my studies in 2 years (considering I currently already have 100KSGD that I saved up over part time jobs ever since my O level days and investing in shares), they commented how unambitious I am.

Thus I am really uncertain. Is it wrong to want a simple, peaceful, slower pace of life? I worked part time and studied for close to 10 years just in hopes to reach my goal faster, while everyone just brush me off as incompetent.

TL:DR I know people in the comments will be commenting my current balance isn’t enough to migrate to Malaysia , thus I mentioned migrating when I am 30. Which will be about 6 years of full time working after I finished my degree in 2 years time (I will be 24 by then). I think I can afford a car and terrace house in Malaysia by then?

My apologies for the lowkey flexing of my balance, as I am very proud of myself considering my parents did not contribute any $$$

Here are what netizens think:

• JB and KL pricing is catching up with Singapore. Go somewhere far away. I’m in Sungai Petani, Kedah for business stuff. Close to cheap farming commodities and also close enough to Penang if you need the city life.

• Just do whatever makes u happy. Its ur life, u decide. U tell them ure moving out they not happy. Even if u stay here i bet they also unhappy. Dont know what they want from u also

• You’ll need a visa to work in Malaysia but yes Malaysia is definitely a good pace of life. You can look into building up some kind of remote job which isn’t dependent on where you live, and make US dollars or euros while spending RM for maximum benefit

Hello, I wish to share my cousin’s predicament in hopes of finding a solution for it from the community as the law doesn’t seem to be doing justice for him.

Basically, he has a low IQ, and he is the breadwinner of the family. He has a sister who is slightly intellectually disabled, and his father who is in a nursing home. He makes ends meet by collecting plates, washing the dishes, and cleaning stalls at the hawker centre.

He works hard to earn his keep, evident from his rotting hands from the chemicals during his course of work and skinny build.

He works daily without a real off day, but worst of all, he was exploited by a woman named “Ah Soon” (He even had trouble telling if this person was a male or female, so this case has nothing to do with cheating by love/lust) to hand over about 100K SGD (this is my cousin’s family’s lifesavings).

This is going to be a lengthy post to help everyone understand the full picture as much as possible to my knowledge. Please note that due to his low IQ, he is gullible and some of his actions will appear illogical and lack common sense.

One day, he called my mum and tried to get her to safekeep her gold in bank deposit through a friend. Sensing that something was amiss, we warned him that he shouldn’t do it as this person might have ulterior motives. True enough, this “friend”, Ah Soon, refuses to return the gold pieces when requested, and demanded for a payment to get the items back (have not been returned till date).

After I got to know about it, I accompanied my cousin to make a police report, under the offence of “criminal breach of trust”. Thereon, I learnt that Ah Soon had been coercing my cousin to “lend” her an accumulative sum of about $100k on multiple occasions without a proper loan record. Moreover, she has been residing at my cousin’s place without paying rent for a long time and my cousin is afraid of kicking her out of the house. When probed about why he handed over the money, he simply said that she would scold him and harass him when he refused.

At this juncture, I have the impression that Ah Soon is taking advantage of my cousin’s mental capacity and achieving her schemes through aggression. The Police do not have jurisdiction over the loan and have advised that it can only be resolved through private legal channels.

After confronting her about the money and gold situation, she explained that she had financial difficulties for her business, but she was not trying to cheat my cousin, as she would have run away otherwise. She also admitted that she had pawned the gold which was meant to be deposited in the bank (She already confessed about this to the Police during her statement taking prior to my confrontation) but gave a different account of what she told my cousin (likely to dodge legal liabilities by denying that the gold was taken on the pretext of safekeeping in the bank).

When probed about the loan, she claimed that she did not have a record of when and how much was loaned (obviously, since she had no intention of returning). Also, she attempted to lie about the loan amount being about 60k, which was not true, since a quick check of my cousin’s bank account indicated more. In response, I suggested both parties conduct a thorough check of the total amount, so that I may draft a loan agreement that is fair for both parties.

As a simpleton, my cousin had no records of the money lent and was unaware of when or how much was lent in total. Therefore, we checked the bank withdrawals for the loan to Ah Soon, which amounted to about 100k over a period of a few months from 2021 to 2022. During the check, I noticed that their savings (my cousin, his sister, & his father) were depleted. This explains why Ah Soon targeted my cousin’s gold.

On the day of drafting the loan agreement (26 Apr 2022), both parties agreed to a total loaned amount of 90k, without any interest (bad move), and that Ah Soon would start paying a minimum of $1k per month from June 2022 till it is fully paid. The absence of interest and minimal payment condition was agreed out of goodwill since she appeared to be sincere about it (but we were wrong).

As of July, she has not repaid the loan or returned the gold, and my cousin has expressed his intent to pursue the issue legally. As the situation is getting out of hand, we sought Dr Tan Wu Meng’s assistance at the Clementi Meet-The-People session for my cousin’s predicament, where he kindly referred us to the Legal Aid Bureau (LAB) for the case.

During the initial engagement with the LAB, I was not allowed to speak on my cousin’s behalf even though he had problems expressing himself or answering questions pertaining to his case. Also, I found out that my cousin was still “lending” money to Ah Soon, even though she was not repaying my cousin, even though the Police, my mother, and I advised him not to do it.

Sadly, as my cousin had trouble expressing himself coherently and providing the necessary information needed for the case, the Legal Aid Board was unable to provide legal aid as they were unable to establish the veracity of the full facts to his claims. He was told to engage private solicitors to act for him if he wishes to pursue the monetary claim.

At this point, I think engaging a lawyer will incur a cost that is likely unrecoverable. This is because even if they file a claim against Ah Soon successfully, I doubt it will be fruitful since she has no asset (no property since she’s freeloading at my cousin’s house) and likely no money in her bank to make the repayment at all. Also, I am unsure if engaging debt collection services would be feasible. This is because she is residing at my cousin’s place and even if they were to talk to her at her stall, she’s just going to abuse my cousin verbally when she’s back.

My cousin’s story needs to be told to the community and I would appreciate the public’s kind advice on how to help him as I am at my wit’s end.

All of this makes me feel as if there is no justice and that evil hearted people are allowed to exist in our society without repercussions to take advantage of those who are attempting to earn a living honestly. Even though my cousin might seem foolish, it is painful to see him working so hard and then being exploited like that without us being able to do anything about it.

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years now, and I’ve always considered him to be a really good guy: thoughtful, loyal, and kind.

However, recently I’ve noticed his behavior has changed, and it’s making me really uncomfortable.

Whenever we’re in public, my boyfriend just can’t seem to stop openly staring at any random girls with big ‘chests’.

He’s not even subtle about it; he’ll just blatantly make eye contact with them and then look away when I catch him.

This has been happening more and more frequently, and it’s really starting to bother me.

I’ve tried talking to him about it, but he just brushes it off as “no big deal.” But it is a big deal to me. It makes me feel like I’m not enough for him, or like he doesn’t find me attractive anymore.

He’s never been the type of person to ogle women in public like this, so it’s really confusing to me why he’s suddenly started doing it.

I know that it’s normal for guys to be attracted to other women, and I don’t expect him to only have eyes for me.

However, I do expect him to have the decency to not be so obvious about it when we’re out together. I don’t want him to make me feel like I’m invisible or like his actions are something that I should just accept.

I’ve tried to explain to him how uncomfortable this behavior makes me feel, but he still doesn’t seem to get it.

I just don’t understand why he would be so blatant about it when he knows how I feel. It’s really hurtful and it makes me feel like he’s not respecting me or our relationship.

At this point, I’m not sure what else I can do. I’ve talked to him about it multiple times, but he still hasn’t changed his behavior.

I love him and I want to make our relationship work, but this issue is really starting to take a toll on me. I’m not sure what else to do, but I know I can’t keep living like this.