Advice on leaving my job after one year due to bad management?

Hi all, it is the start of a new year and the start of a job hunting period. I have landed my first job in a consulting firm doing technology consulting in December 2021…

My work is overall alright but I’m feeling unmotivated to work mainly due to poor management.

As I have reached my one year mark, I am considering alternative options and appreciate some advice from seasoned practitioners on whether I should leave my current firm.

Firstly, there is no useful feedback from my manager. Whenever I ask my manager about my performance or how is the team performing, it is always just one word “good”.

He always mention that he would like to work out a career roadmap with everyone in the team, but I realised that he had never done so with anyone in the team, over the 3 years he has been in the company. I initiated a one to one meeting with him to discuss my career progression, but during the session he told me he will consider and somehow brushed it aside.

My team have pitched in several advices over the past year to improve our work efficiency and quality but those have been ignored as well. Also heard from colleagues in the other teams that my manager could be afraid to share feedback with us as we might get “hurt and unmotivated”. Overall, there is a lack of long term development for the team and I am unsure of how I can further improve my personal and work capabilities.

Secondly, I am more invested in developing my expertise in a different area of tech consulting, which makes me wonder if this job is right for me. My manager did however mention vaguely that I am on track for a promotion next year, similar as to how most consultants get promoted after 2 years in the job.

I am conflicted as to whether I should stay and wait for a promotion, or forgo the opportunity for promotion, to start afresh in another role.

I also know that 1 year is a relatively short period of time to stay in a company and so I am afraid that this will reflect badly on my future career prospects.

When your partner tells you they love you, ask yourself if it’s because they love you for who you are as an individual or because of what they can get you to do for them.

It’s easy to be “loved” by someone:

1. if they always get their way with you around

2. if you sacrifice your individuality and ditch all your own interests/hobbies and take on your partner’s ones instead.

3. if your partner doesn’t care about your interests but can make you sit through theirs.

4. when your partner knows they can give you the bare minimum without you realising that you deserve better.

If your partner tells you they love you, ask yourself if you’ve changed everything you’ve been doing/enjoying prior to meeting him/her. Then ask yourself if your partner has even expressed any interest in your passions, much less changed any of their interests to align with yours? If the first answer is yes and the second answer is no, there’s a big chance they “love you” because you’ve become another them rather than because of who you are.

Talk is cheap and just because someone is good at being a boyfriend/girlfriend, doesn’t mean they will be a good life-long partner.

And someone saying “I love you” to convince you they love you, doesn’t necessarily reflect the truth.

Don’t let someone’s “I love you” stop you from realising that it might just be used as a tool to keep you there for their benefit rather than a sincere declaration.

Here are what netizens think:

• When did this place suddenly become filled with love guru advise for the criminally insane?

• we all have choices, your partner can’t force you if you refuse to do anything you don’t want to do. you did it to please your partner, it is your choice so don’t cry father cry mother.

• I think most people with sufficient common sense combined with the ability to read social cues and body language will know whether the person is sincere towards them. Some may choose to ignore the actions and believe the words because they are emotionally invested or didn’t want to accept the truth. Humans aren’t perfect. There’s no such thing as the perfect love or the perfect relationship. We forgive, we compromise. We give and we also take. That’s how some relationships last. I find people who tend to put themselves first in a relationship aren’t always happy. If you’re lucky to meet a compatible one, you will be happy to give and it sounds like you haven’t met a compatible person yet.

• If love is so complicated, it’s probably not love.

For the ladies out there who have never been in a relationship or dating before, as a female myself (25 yo, NUS alumni), I want to share on some important notes before you start dating or a relationship.

1) Actions from guys are more important than words. Yes, a guy may claim he miss you, text you good morning, say will bring you you to xxx, say will do xxx. If they are just saying without any actions done CONSISTENTLY, then it is just plainly talking.

2) Please don’t accept a relationship just because you are afraid to be alone or already in the so called “typical age range to get married” or most of your friends are attached. Rather to be alone than to be in a relationship/marriage suffering!!

Side track: according to book I read, the most important things in life for a lady are:

A) Health

B) Own savings

C) Family and Females Besties (see guy is not in the list)

3) Watch out for his body language. If a guy CONSISTENTLY:

A) Keep his phone/phone screen away from you

B) Disallow you from using his phone

Explanation for A and B: he does that because he has something fishy to hide.

C) Never want to put your couple picture as his dp or post on social media or even discourage you to do so. Delete your couple photos on his phone.

Explanation for C: He considers himself to be in the “bachelor” market. Means he is still looking around for his partner or even scared of people seeing you two together.

D) Always talk about himself and rarely entertain you

Explanation for D: One sided. He only want companionship. There should be give and take.

E) Always online on WhatsApp/Telegram but take 10000 years to reply your messages

No need to explain you should know why.

F) Say “none of your business”.

This is a major red flag. In a relationship, you all are supposed to work and listen together, not one don’t care about the other.

G) Don’t know what he wants in a relationship. Even after months.

H) Flirting and Cheating. When someone flirted and cheated although he has you, it means that your relationship is not that strong enough to begin and typically he will not suddenly change his heart overnight. So please do yourself a favour to distance away from him. Why tolerate someone like that?

I) Always texting a lot of female friends. Go to female friends’ house alone and not with a group of people.

J) Not willing to fork out money for meals/trips on YOU. If a guy is cash stripped because of his family situation (eg. Take care of family/pay loan/debt), it is understandable. Otherwise, the typical guy will always have more than money to spend on you on meals. Imagine a guy having difficulties parting with his money at the dating stage/while in a relationship, and imagine if you were to have kids with him, he definitely want you to spilt/pay for the hospital bills and baby accessories expenses. Would you ever want that?

Side note: a typical guy will chat with more than one girl online/in person. Please keep your eyes open and don’t put 100% heart into the relationship unless you feel reciprocated. Otherwise you will get hurt.

4) I suggest ladies to watch videos from Stephanspeaks YouTube Channel (yes I am a fan of him). From his channel, I learned that a guy who truly wants to be with you would put 100% effort and his heart to be with you. He will be willing to spend money and time with you. No excuses. No mind games. You will be his priority other than his job.

Thanks for reading up to here. I have been in the above situations blindly until I woke up finally. It has been very heartbreaking for me since I put my 100% heart into it. I cried alot and felt depressed and I am recovering from it now. At least I am thankful for recognising it at the start of the relationship.

Haiz…. Why r ppl so nasty nowadays?? Everyone say the older u get the harder to keep friends n they r right.

Sometimes really not ur own fault but because the “friends” u make r fake ppl.

Story about my old “friend”. Never see him for almost 3 years already last time hang out every day makan n watch football together. Also go fishing trip and jb back in uni days. He very awkward n quiet face also look like cock but he always try talk to ppl n be friendly.

We click bcos of football, always together n ppl thought he my brother at first. I really treat him like brother n always fetch him to makan or study and even jb never ask him pay for gas bcos I not gian png also last time petrol cheap haha

He change course or sth so I grad faster then him, think he grad this year or last year idk how long his course. A few days ago 2nd jan my old uni friends jio me go orchard shopping. We go Ngee Ann city there n I saw him with his new gf. At first is he see me and my friends then I going down escalator then when we reached the bottom I look up and eye contact with him for 1 second he quickly turn to side facing us and pretend talk to his gf like super engrossed but actually confirm is got see me and want siam.

Siam for f?

I also donno. I can see he use the side of his eye to look at us but pretend never see us n also pretend busy chatting with his gf so I just walk away. Afterwards my friends ask “is that XXXXX?” n I say yes. They say why he never say hi, thought the 2 of us very close last time I say yes we close like brother but donno why he want siam me maybe he never see. We change topic n continue gai gai n makan. After makan we walk towards ion outside there n just nice see him again, this time he walking towards us. He 100% confirm plus chop got see me n eye contact for a few seconds then again he quickly turn 90 degree right and drag his gf away from our direction.

My friends say wtf why he like that but they can see I very sad bcos I really treat this guy like bro and he do this to me so we just change topic n never talk about it.

At night 2 of them DM me ask me if I’m ok, still quite sad donno what I do wrong he suddenly want burn bridge like that n act like he autistic or sth. Sad sad.

I am a 33-year-old man who has been in a committed relationship with my girlfriend for the past two years.

We have had many conversations about our future together, and I am confident that she is the one for me.

However, there is one problem that I have not been able to bring myself to tell her. I am impotent.

I do not know how to tell my girlfriend that I am impotent. It is not something that I am proud of, and it is something that has caused me a great deal of embarrassment and shame.

I have discussed having children with my girlfriend, and although she has not brought it up lately, I know that she has been thinking about it and is interested in having a family with me.

But how do I tell her that I am not able to have children with her? I do not want to hurt her, and I do not want to make her feel like less of a woman because of this.

I want her to know that she is loved and accepted for who she is, despite this limitation.

At first, I thought about trying to hide this from her and hope that she would never find out. But I know that is not the right thing to do. I have to tell her the truth and let her decide if she still wants to stay in the relationship with me.

I also have to make sure that I am honest with her about the possible options that she may have if she chooses to stay with me, such as adoption or surrogacy.

I am still unsure of how to go about this conversation with her. I am scared that she will not understand or accept me and our relationship will be over. But, I also know that I have to be honest and open with her if I want our relationship to work.

The first step is to think about how I am going to bring up the topic. Do I just come out and tell her, or do I try to ease into the conversation?

I think it would be best to start off by telling her how much I care for her and how much I want a family with her. Then, I can tell her that I have something that I need to tell her, and I can explain to her what is going on.

The second step is to figure out how to explain the situation to her. I want to make sure that she understands what is going on and why it is happening.

I also want her to know that I am still the same person, and that I still love her and want to be with her, despite this limitation.

Finally, the third step is to figure out what options are available to us if she still wants to stay in the relationship.

I want to make sure that we both have a clear understanding of what our future could look like, and I want her to be aware of the possible options that she may have if she chooses to stay with me.

I understand that this is not going to be an easy conversation, but I also know that it is something that I must do.

I want my girlfriend to know that I am still the same person that she fell in love with, and I want her to know that I am still committed to our relationship, despite this limitation.

It was a holiday that I’ll never forget. I was with my ‘xiao san’, and we were having a great time exploring and enjoying the sights of our destination.

Little did I know, my wife had also decided to take a trip with her new ‘fresh meat’.

The day started off as any other. We were out exploring the city and taking in the beauty of our surroundings.

We were laughing and having a great time, completely oblivious to the fact that my life was about to take a major turn.

We were walking through a local market, enjoying the sights, smells, and sounds of the area.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, I heard a voice that I recognized. It was my wife, and she was with her new ‘fresh meat’.

At first, I was shocked. I couldn’t believe that my wife would be in the same city as me, especially with another man!

But then, I realized that it was a sign. It was time to finally confront her and let her know how I felt.

I knew that I couldn’t just walk up to them and start a fight. I took a deep breath and calmly walked over to them, introducing myself to her ‘fresh meat’ and politely saying hello to my wife.

I then asked her if we could talk in private. She agreed and we went to a nearby cafe.

We talked for what seemed like hours. I told her about my feelings, how hurt I was, and how I was trying to move on.

She listened intently, and then proceeded to tell me her side of the story.

My wife explained that she had been feeling lonely and neglected for a long time.

She said that she had been searching for someone to make her feel special and loved, and that her ‘fresh meat’ had been able to provide her with those things.

I was devastated. I had never thought that my wife would be capable of such betrayal.

But I also realized that I had made mistakes too, and that I had to take responsibility for them.

At the end of our conversation, I finally expressed my forgiveness and understanding and sought her forgiveness for cheating on her as well.

We hugged, and I wished her the best. We then went our separate ways and got a divorce when we were back.

I used to be a controlling partner. I thought I was doing the right thing by making sure my girlfriend dressed modestly, but I was wrong.

I thought that if I controlled what my girlfriend wore, it would stop other guys from looking at her ‘longkang’. I was wrong.

I tried to tell my girlfriend that she needed to dress more modestly when we went out.

I told her that if she wore something revealing, it would distract other guys and they would think badly of her.

I thought that if I kept her clothing choices conservative, I could keep her safe and protect her from unwanted attention.

At first, my girlfriend didn’t like it when I tried to control what she wore. She thought it was unfair and controlling.

She felt like I was trying to control her and make her feel ashamed of her body. She felt like I was trying to police her body and her choices.

I was wrong. By trying to control what my girlfriend wore, I was actually making her feel worse about herself.

I was telling her that her body was something to be ashamed of and that she needed to cover it up in order to be “acceptable”.

This was never my intention, but that’s how she felt.

It took me a while to realize how wrong I was. I realized that by trying to control what my girlfriend wore, I was actually making her feel worse about herself and her body.

She felt like I was policing her and making her feel ashamed of her body.

I realized that the best thing I could do was to accept her body and her choices. I accepted that if she wanted to wear something revealing, that was her choice.

I also realized that if other guys were looking at her ‘longkang’, that was their problem, not hers.

I also realized that no matter what she wore, there will always be people who will judge her. People are going to judge her no matter what she wears, and that’s something I can’t control.

The only thing I can control is how I treat her, and that is to accept her body and her choices.

I now realize that by trying to control what my girlfriend wears, I was only making her feel worse about herself and her body.

I now accept her body and her choices, and I no longer try to control what she wears. I accept that she is in control of her own body and her own choices.