I’m a 32 years old working class adult.

I’ve been dating since my early 20s, and I’ve noticed that the age of the girls I like gets younger as I get older.

I’m definitely not a creepy older guy trying to prey on young women, but I can’t deny that my preference for younger women has become more and more pronounced as I age.

At first, I thought it was a one off incident.. I was probably just attracted to the energy and enthusiasm that younger women tend to have.

I was interested in dating someone who could keep up with me and not be weighed down by the baggage of life.

But as I got older, I started to realize that my preference for younger women was more than that.

I think the main reason why I’m attracted to younger women is because I feel like I can relate to them better.

When you’re in your 20s, you’re still trying to figure out who you are and what your purpose is in life. I can relate to that, because I’m still trying to figure out the same things.

I feel like I can understand younger women better, and I can provide them with the kind of advice and guidance that they need.

Another reason why I’m attracted to younger women is because they tend to be more confident and less judgmental.

I’m a guy who likes to experiment and try new things, and I appreciate the fact that younger women are usually more open-minded and willing to go along with my ideas.

They’re also more likely to take chances and try new things, which is something that I find very attractive.

Finally, I’m attracted to younger women because they tend to be more physically attractive. There’s no denying that younger women have more youthful, energetic looks that can be incredibly appealing.

I also find that younger women have a certain confidence and energy that I find attractive.

At the end of the day, I’m not ashamed to admit that I’m attracted to younger women.

I’m definitely not a ‘chi ko pek’, but there’s just something about them as compared to women nearer to my age that attracts me.

Sometime back in September / October i lent about 6~7k to a coworker but he quit the company The reason he used to borrow money was that his family was in a precarious situation and really needs the money ^ said that the brother borrowed from loan sharks and they came up to harrass him so he urgently needed the money to cover for his brother or else his mother would have a heart attack

ngl i do feel like i was a complete dumbass and a bit too generous with my money but what is done is already done is there anything i can do to get my money back? he isn’t really replying or anything and uhm idt it’s legal to go knock on someone’s door and ask for the payment

for more information : he did promise that he would pay me back as soon as possible and even set the date of repayment to be the 7th of every month but we’re now nearing the date but he’s leaving me on a single tick i do suspect that he’s lying + ran away with the money

^ is it illegal to loan money to someone in Singapore? i seriously didn’t know tbh 🙁 he sounded so desperate and really needed help but ngl I’m really tight on cash rn so if he doesn’t pay me back I’m kinda in deep trouble…also i didnt charge any additional sum or interest

Had a crush on an SIA Cabin Crew

Is it normal to get crushes on handsome or beautiful SIA Cabin Crew?

I had one and it was quite bad. I cannot get him out of my mind. I don’t even know his name and I am pretty sure he’s not straight, but I am.

The SIA Steward always look very good in their suits and the Kebaya is really graceful. I think it is difficult not to be attracted to them.

The steward that made me a little dizzy was tall and I like his voice. He caught my eyes when he pull the curtain shut on me after he made eye-contact with me. He was seriously my type and has a handsome round face.

Oh well, too bad I will not get to meet him again. If he ever reads this, dear SIA Steward returning to Singapore on a late night Christmas flight, thank you for making my heart race so badly when you brushed up against me.

If we are meant to be, perhaps we may meet once more.

Here are what netizens think:

• Buy yourself a steward uniform and look at the mirror everyday until you get bored…

• If he is not straight, why would he want you?

• Wait till you know the real person when they are not in uniform

• You should indicate the flight number, time and flight from to narrow down your search

• Why does this sound like someone older than 45 years old…

• Lol… Author is either a cool girl or cougar. Either case, ought to go see a shrink ASAP.

My father cares only about money and it’s affecting relationships

I don’t understand why my father cares only about money.

Both my brother and I give allowance to our parents and we take care of all bills and insurance. I can quite confidently say that my parents just need to spend on their food and whatever entertainment they want.

We initially wanted to give both parents $450 each but my father says he has savings and CPF, this that so he will just take $200 instead and my mum should get $450. Ok, fine. but we still gave him $300 and mum $450. It’s automatically giro to their bank accounts so we don’t need to go through all the trouble.

My mum is those kind who never check and sometimes wonder why she got extra cash and then suddenly remember it’s payday. while my dad keeps all receipts and try tallying every month.

Recently, mum have been spending more because she joins her friends in holiday tours (one for countdown and one for the coming CNY) the tours are not expensive but my father starts complaining and hinting us that maybe the money division should be swapped. He kept saying he can handle money better.

Both brother and I doesn’t agree with father. Coz my father is kind of a miser who doesn’t want to spend on things/holidays (unless it’s a family trip) but we honestly don’t like to go on tour with him. he doesn’t know or want to enjoy himself but punch on his calculator all the time. When we go with him, we always need to convince him why we wanted to try a famous restaurant or buy a certain souvenir. He is also always about “worth the (ticket) money” so he rather pack a day full (from 7am-9pm kind) even if he himself is really tired. And it gets quite sian to be honest.

For us, We think since we do have some ability to let our parents enjoy themselves, why not? We did mention to father that we can spilt the allowance equally ($400 each) or if he needs more, we can try to work things out. But he seems more interested in preventing my mum for getting and spending her allowance which we obviously is not going agree with.

My mum have been a housewife almost all her life since she is 20. She had my brother when she is 22 and doesn’t get to enjoy her youth. And my father is such a miser, she doesn’t get to spend without his consent. We don’t get to go to zoos or any place which requires tickets. It’s till we’re older that he started being more generous and it’s just a trip to Malaysia once a year. mum got a part time job when we’re in our teens, the money goes into their joint account as requested by my father. She does have the card of the joint account but every spending will be scrutinized by my father. It’s only until now she gets more financial freedom to enjoy herself.

We did talk to our father and tried encouraging him to pickup hobbies/go on tours or join classes/interest groups too but he just doesn’t want. His only hobby is some RC karaoke once a week and it will probably stop because the price is going to raise by $2.

Recently my parents starts to quarrel over money a lot more. father will use “no earning power” to “guilt trip” mum and it hurts her because she feels like he is not appreciative of all the efforts and contributions she did for the family. But my father likes to use money as a judge and will comment about his friends children earning more than us, driving bigger cars etc. But what’s the point? It’s not like we’re going to sleep on the streets or go hungry.

Can’t he just learn to enjoy the remaining of his life or at least let others enjoy theirs?

My married ex-boyfriend’s wife is still stalking me

I am a divorcee with 2 young girls and got involved with a married man somewhere in Aug 2016, not knowing he was married then.

We went for holidays and he even stayed at my apartment almost everyday thus I never suspect he was married. We acted like married couple and my girls doted on him. A year plus into the relationship, he suddenly ghosted on me with a reason that he needed to think about our relationship.

Months passed by and no news from him. Then I found out he was in a relationship with another girl through his IG posting. I was broken indefinitely, and began to dig further. It was only then that I found out he was actually married and still going around acting single. This new girl was his new fling. I ended everything and walked away, even ignoring his apology texts a few months later.

2 years had passed, when suddenly a girl texted me and claimed that she was his wife. They have been married since 2011 and currently going through divorce due to his infidelity and wanted me to stand in for her in court to testify. I explained to her about finding out his status only at the break up stage. I even took the initiative apologize to her. But that didn’t stop her from trying to stalk me after i rejected her request.

It’s been months, I received friend request from every social media platform i have. Tiktok, IG, FB, Twitter. I didnt accept and ignored her. She viewed all my IG stories (mine is not private). She texted me asking me to delete whatever postings I have when I was with her husband for example, a photo of my kids during our Krabi trip. He was not in the photo but she knows he was with us. A photo of a cute couple shirt we had, and again he was not in the photo. She requested that i removed all the hashtags involving me and him which i used during our courtship. She asked me to dispose off those shirt and telling me to delete whatever memories i have of him.

I am a person who cherish memories and i dont remove pictures just because someone doesnt like it. So it is getting ridiculous and annoying. I have told her to stop stalking me as i am now seeing another person but she still does that.

What should I do?

I gave up hope on looking for love.

I was told to be nice, to be kind, to make surprises, to buy her flowers, to celebrate special dates and holiday, to have a car, to have a house, to compliment her, to understand her, to be her crying shoulder, to lift her up, to support her, to never abuse her, and the list goes on.

I did everything.. I did all I was told to do..

But what did I get in return?

Left behind on my worst day.

No support when I needed it.

Cheated on.

“You’re too nice for me” she said.

And she ended up staying longer with someone abusive and complained that she didn’t get “treated right”.

I don’t think I’ll ever understand this culture anymore.

I gave up. I’m not looking anymore. I did my best.

Here are what netizens think:

• Don’t waste your time with local women, they’re as entitled as Western women, source from villages in the surrounding countries, ones that will accept traditional gender roles.

• Don’t let one bad experience or even more defeat you. Sometimes you can do everything right, but it’s not meant to be. Instead, look on the positive side that you did not end up stuck with someone who wasn’t going to appreciate you. The love you desire will come when you least expect it…it might take a while to sift through but don’t give up on it. There are so many nice people out there who would love to have you as a partner…you just haven’t had the chance to meet them yet.

• Ok. Good. The best ones are always the ones you least expect anyway. Go use this time to be productive and build yourself and your worth. Because your worth ain’t much if it’s dependent on the woman that left you. Heal that wound. Enjoy yourself too.

• don’t ever measure yourself based on what she wants. doubting your self worth would be the silliest thing to do. Do good be good and you will be appreciated by the right person in time to come.

Partner’s financial decisions

I have been in an LDR for almost a year now. He’s quite an emotional guy who’s had some personal trauma in the past and I just want to be there for him as much as possible.

However, my mum has been taking issue with the fact that now that the borders are open, he keeps flying back from his studies in the USA even during the semester to see me or asks me to come over and visit him.

He also spends a lot on gifts for other people, including my family, but isn’t that better than being selfish like my ex?

Neither of us are rich, I know the older generation cares about financial stability but in this day and age, aren’t happiness and validation also important?

Is my mum right that he’s reckless/borderline clingy and that I’m not helping it, or is she just outdated and naggy?

Here are what netizens think:

• Your mother has a point here. If both of you are planning a future together, he should be visiting you during the holidays and also saving money on gifts if he’s not working part-time overseas.

• Both are right. It’s one thing to be generous but stupid to spend recklessly and not save for your own future. I salute you for being there for another human being but honestly, clingy people have their own baggage to sort out and one day you may just get so tired of it and there will be another post about why it’s always about them, them, them? I guess at the end of the day the only question that matters is – Does this relationship make you happy and is there a realistic future?

• Always listen to your mother.

• I think the cling is not only borderline

• can you pay for your wedding, future kids and BTO flat with validation?

Advice on leaving my job after one year due to bad management?

Hi all, it is the start of a new year and the start of a job hunting period. I have landed my first job in a consulting firm doing technology consulting in December 2021…

My work is overall alright but I’m feeling unmotivated to work mainly due to poor management.

As I have reached my one year mark, I am considering alternative options and appreciate some advice from seasoned practitioners on whether I should leave my current firm.

Firstly, there is no useful feedback from my manager. Whenever I ask my manager about my performance or how is the team performing, it is always just one word “good”.

He always mention that he would like to work out a career roadmap with everyone in the team, but I realised that he had never done so with anyone in the team, over the 3 years he has been in the company. I initiated a one to one meeting with him to discuss my career progression, but during the session he told me he will consider and somehow brushed it aside.

My team have pitched in several advices over the past year to improve our work efficiency and quality but those have been ignored as well. Also heard from colleagues in the other teams that my manager could be afraid to share feedback with us as we might get “hurt and unmotivated”. Overall, there is a lack of long term development for the team and I am unsure of how I can further improve my personal and work capabilities.

Secondly, I am more invested in developing my expertise in a different area of tech consulting, which makes me wonder if this job is right for me. My manager did however mention vaguely that I am on track for a promotion next year, similar as to how most consultants get promoted after 2 years in the job.

I am conflicted as to whether I should stay and wait for a promotion, or forgo the opportunity for promotion, to start afresh in another role.

I also know that 1 year is a relatively short period of time to stay in a company and so I am afraid that this will reflect badly on my future career prospects.

When your partner tells you they love you, ask yourself if it’s because they love you for who you are as an individual or because of what they can get you to do for them.

It’s easy to be “loved” by someone:

1. if they always get their way with you around

2. if you sacrifice your individuality and ditch all your own interests/hobbies and take on your partner’s ones instead.

3. if your partner doesn’t care about your interests but can make you sit through theirs.

4. when your partner knows they can give you the bare minimum without you realising that you deserve better.

If your partner tells you they love you, ask yourself if you’ve changed everything you’ve been doing/enjoying prior to meeting him/her. Then ask yourself if your partner has even expressed any interest in your passions, much less changed any of their interests to align with yours? If the first answer is yes and the second answer is no, there’s a big chance they “love you” because you’ve become another them rather than because of who you are.

Talk is cheap and just because someone is good at being a boyfriend/girlfriend, doesn’t mean they will be a good life-long partner.

And someone saying “I love you” to convince you they love you, doesn’t necessarily reflect the truth.

Don’t let someone’s “I love you” stop you from realising that it might just be used as a tool to keep you there for their benefit rather than a sincere declaration.

Here are what netizens think:

• When did this place suddenly become filled with love guru advise for the criminally insane?

• we all have choices, your partner can’t force you if you refuse to do anything you don’t want to do. you did it to please your partner, it is your choice so don’t cry father cry mother.

• I think most people with sufficient common sense combined with the ability to read social cues and body language will know whether the person is sincere towards them. Some may choose to ignore the actions and believe the words because they are emotionally invested or didn’t want to accept the truth. Humans aren’t perfect. There’s no such thing as the perfect love or the perfect relationship. We forgive, we compromise. We give and we also take. That’s how some relationships last. I find people who tend to put themselves first in a relationship aren’t always happy. If you’re lucky to meet a compatible one, you will be happy to give and it sounds like you haven’t met a compatible person yet.

• If love is so complicated, it’s probably not love.

For the ladies out there who have never been in a relationship or dating before, as a female myself (25 yo, NUS alumni), I want to share on some important notes before you start dating or a relationship.

1) Actions from guys are more important than words. Yes, a guy may claim he miss you, text you good morning, say will bring you you to xxx, say will do xxx. If they are just saying without any actions done CONSISTENTLY, then it is just plainly talking.

2) Please don’t accept a relationship just because you are afraid to be alone or already in the so called “typical age range to get married” or most of your friends are attached. Rather to be alone than to be in a relationship/marriage suffering!!

Side track: according to book I read, the most important things in life for a lady are:

A) Health

B) Own savings

C) Family and Females Besties (see guy is not in the list)

3) Watch out for his body language. If a guy CONSISTENTLY:

A) Keep his phone/phone screen away from you

B) Disallow you from using his phone

Explanation for A and B: he does that because he has something fishy to hide.

C) Never want to put your couple picture as his dp or post on social media or even discourage you to do so. Delete your couple photos on his phone.

Explanation for C: He considers himself to be in the “bachelor” market. Means he is still looking around for his partner or even scared of people seeing you two together.

D) Always talk about himself and rarely entertain you

Explanation for D: One sided. He only want companionship. There should be give and take.

E) Always online on WhatsApp/Telegram but take 10000 years to reply your messages

No need to explain you should know why.

F) Say “none of your business”.

This is a major red flag. In a relationship, you all are supposed to work and listen together, not one don’t care about the other.

G) Don’t know what he wants in a relationship. Even after months.

H) Flirting and Cheating. When someone flirted and cheated although he has you, it means that your relationship is not that strong enough to begin and typically he will not suddenly change his heart overnight. So please do yourself a favour to distance away from him. Why tolerate someone like that?

I) Always texting a lot of female friends. Go to female friends’ house alone and not with a group of people.

J) Not willing to fork out money for meals/trips on YOU. If a guy is cash stripped because of his family situation (eg. Take care of family/pay loan/debt), it is understandable. Otherwise, the typical guy will always have more than money to spend on you on meals. Imagine a guy having difficulties parting with his money at the dating stage/while in a relationship, and imagine if you were to have kids with him, he definitely want you to spilt/pay for the hospital bills and baby accessories expenses. Would you ever want that?

Side note: a typical guy will chat with more than one girl online/in person. Please keep your eyes open and don’t put 100% heart into the relationship unless you feel reciprocated. Otherwise you will get hurt.

4) I suggest ladies to watch videos from Stephanspeaks YouTube Channel (yes I am a fan of him). From his channel, I learned that a guy who truly wants to be with you would put 100% effort and his heart to be with you. He will be willing to spend money and time with you. No excuses. No mind games. You will be his priority other than his job.

Thanks for reading up to here. I have been in the above situations blindly until I woke up finally. It has been very heartbreaking for me since I put my 100% heart into it. I cried alot and felt depressed and I am recovering from it now. At least I am thankful for recognising it at the start of the relationship.