Dear girl who kena gong tao at workplace, I am facing a similar situation.

Our time in the same office may have been short but it was one that motivated me to become a better person in all aspects.

In some way, it was the senior-junior working relationship I didn’t know I needed all along. But at some point, because of how close we had gotten as friends, I struggled to understand if my determination to catch up to you was purely professional.

The best thing about you is that you are clear with your standards. In this way I realised, without even thinking of asking you, that I’m not someone you’re looking for in a partner in terms of values and I completely respect that.

For reasons I can’t say, it would also be hypocritical of me to try even if I didn’t already have a personal rule of not shitting where I eat.

It doesn’t stop me from thinking about you every day.

I really really want to text you more often about random stuff that isn’t just work-related, but I know I can’t afford to catch feelings or blur these lines, the current dynamic we have is perfect and changing anything about it would hurt either one of us.

This also means I will never admit to you that I’m the OP of this post, so if you’re reading this and suspect that it applies to you, just remember that wherever you go, there’s someone who looks up to you and supports you

Thank you for all that I have learned from you, I will forever be grateful.

Toxic culture at **Hospital – OT department

Went to ** Hospital’s in-patient rehab department, which is located at *.

For the first few weeks of my placement, things were still okay. However, slowly, I realised that my supervisor has execeedingly high expectations, and she is someone who remembers every detail of my mistakes, which is very demoralizing for a Year two student.

Not only did she only remembers all my mistakes very clearly, she repeats them over and over again, making me feel like my self-worth is defined by my mistakes. Furthermore, i only found out there were negative rumors about me circulating around the ward, and I only found out from my supervisor that I had ‘issues’ with my communication… but I was only an intern! how was it fair to treat a Year Two student who is still learning to understand how to perform the job.

I have been very traumatized by this incident even until now, and I would like to warn other students to be careful of a supervisor by the initials of CC.

She is not fit to be a supervisor.

Here are what netizens think:

• It gets harder when you join the workforce. As an ex-nursing professional, I quit nursing purely because of management with a lot of politics. Because of these people, I lost all of my passion to help humans. One of my managers back then told me directly that she didn’t want to hire me at first because I didn’t look reliable, but because I had good grades, she “took a chance” on me.

• It’s better to pay full attention to your work before harm is being brought to your patients. I do agree with one of the commenters that you can ask for ways for improvement at the end of each shift.

• Nurse here. Politics in hospitals are rampant. Nobody is your friend there. Work friends are work friends. Tell your supervisor to inform you of any improvements you can make in the future after every shift, so that she won’t mark you down as “bad communication skills” or “not being proactive”. The healthcare industry is dominated by mainly females who (sad to say) are notorious for gossiping. Never reveal too much of your personal life. You will encounter more situations like this when you finish your internship as a student and will feel the jump from student to a working adult. All the best.

Why tho?

Just a rant. Took grabhitch to my workplace last week and was picked up by this dude who seemed nice and was pretty chatty and I thought we hit it off quite well.

When we were about to reach my workplace,

I briefly suggested if we could make an arrangement on a weekly basis for a fee if he doesn’t already have a regular, as my workplace is pretty ulu and it’s really hard to come across drivers heading towards the same direction at times.

Dude said he was ok and didn’t mind. We exchanged numbers afterwards and I texted him later in the day to arrange something.

It was only then that I realized… dude gave me a wrong number. I mean, if you weren’t open to the idea at the start why wouldn’t you just tell me frankly?

Instead of agreeing only to give me an incorrect number in the end. I don’t think i was very pushy about it anyways and you could have just declined if you didn’t think this would work.

Geez

Here are what netizens think:

• First I think it is not rightl to have such arrangement for a fee. Second, he is kind enough to reject you indirectly rather than right in front of your face. Third, i think he is a careful person and follow his company policies.He needs to make a living.

• Is it even allowed for Grab drivers to have this private arrangement?

• Either you are not his cup of tea, or you took down the number wrongly. Maybe try calling different combinations of the 8 digits you got, you might get lucky after a few hundred tries.

• If you look like a diva or Kpop candy eye princess, he will give you a legitimate no.

• He probably thought you’re trying to hit on him. He was stunned and didn’t know how to reject you on the spot.

I hate my mother

I am in my 30s this year. I have 3 kids.

My plans are always for my mother to take care of the kids. But she always complains about how naughty my kids were and that my maid was not up to the task. To cut the story short my in-laws took over the task and there was peace.

Recently I got retrenched and lucky enough within one month I got a new job.

Caveat was I need a car. The COE was at a all-time high and I am thinking of borrowing money from her and repay her monthly. But she gave excuses to my hint. I have been giving her an allowance since the first month I started working for 20 years.

Thinking back she was not helping with my uni tuition fee which I took a bank loan she was helping only minimally for my wedding.

Thousands of dollars where I help the bulk of the wedding expense with my now husband.

Sometimes we only need some money to tide over. Why is she now helping in any way and care about herself even though she is financially well off with my father’s inheritance even though she is not working.

Am I even right to feel angry?

Herer are what netizens think:

• i dont have good relationship with my parents either. but it is due to this relationship that i learnt not to expect much from them. That is how i found my peace. Although i am ok that they are old and looking forward to enjoyment. I am quite fortunate that my parents taught me i have only myself to depend on. Good luck be positive

• Ur education, ur wedding, ur kids, ur car…take care of it all urself can

• Whatever my mother’s attitude/ character…if she’s sometimes unfair it’s okay…really respect and love her…she’s getting old,i don’t want to regret being calculative daughter towards her when she’s gone one day…

• I think elderly needs to have money to feel “secured” they are old and considering that she don’t work. having money helps to make her feel “safe”.

• next, if she volunteers to handle your children. great if not then you shouldn’t expect her to do it and feel good about it.

• lastly, it’s honestly up to her to decide to help you with that car or not. car is but a luxury , depends on how much you need to travel you can take a grab or negotiate for an allowance for transport with your employer.

• I took my degree paying it fully myself too. it’s not easy half studying and working. but it made me mature and independent. it’s dangerous to think that parents should help with university fees.

Defaulted on personal loan 15 years ago – I want to clear it now. How do I do it?

Used to live in SG, 2004-2008 (was PR, no longer PR now, don’t live in SG anymore) Took a personal loan, global financial crisis happened. Lost my job. Had to leave the country. Addiction issues and other life drama.

Now back on track. Want to clean the mess I made. How do I negotiate a repayment deal with the bank? I’m assuming they would have written it off or consider a very low probability of recovering this debt.

Loan was about 30k, now 37k after interest.

Netizens’ comments

This is probably a question better asked by placing a call to the bank’s call centre.

In all honesty though, given the time it has been, and if you could not be reached in all that time, the bank would have written it off by now and put you onto their blacklist as a bad creditor (not sure if a criminal case would have been raised though)

And if you’re never going to come back here, it makes no sense to even try to repay this? You can put your money to better causes/use (e.g. sponsor a food kitchen, charity, etc)

I don’t even think most banks have a process for this TBH, and while they would be more than happy to take your money, there’s a high chance that they wouldn’t have all the necessary steps in place to remove you from whatever action they took historically.

Disclaimer – Different banks have different processes with regards to bad debt, so I won’t be able to tell you specifics other than what I’ve seen working in the industry and even then what I shared might not even be the full picture

How to turn someone down but not hurt his feelings?

I have a male colleague who i am close to. We work together closely and as a friend we also hang out quite a bit.

All along i knew he had a thing for me but i was not ready to reciprocate.

Recently things begin to get more “escalated” as he offers to do more “boyfriend” type stuff like sending me home, lovey-dovey messages and small gifts.

Recently i came back from a work trip, and he told me “he missed me” and asked me out for dinner.

How should i turn down his advances but not hurt his feelings.

I dont want to ruin this friendship and working relationship.

Should I outright just have a proactive conversation with him about how i only see him as a friend to set things straight?

Here are what netizens think:

• There is no way to reject him without hurting him. Stop accepting his affections and tell him you do not have feelings for him. Anything you accept from him is going to confuse him so play your own part in this and don’t lead him on anymore.

• If he refuses to accept it and if it escalates, you may want to involve a male friend for your own safety.

• It happened to me before and the guy didn’t accept my rejection till a male friend stood up for me. Sometimes some men just don’t take no for an answer.

• Say it directly and clearly that you have no romantic interest in or feelings for him.

• The longer you drag this, the more you are “leading him on”, the more it will hurt both of you when the eventual conversation happens.

• take a step back and dont reply his messages so immediately. since he has feelings for u, u cannot be as close anymore. saying it direct will hurt him.

• I think you should ignore his messages and get a guy to go with you if you want to set things straight with him

• Don’t lead him on. Should tell him direct and if you don’t want to hurt him do it discreetly. Tell him you appreciate his friendship but not more then that. Then try not have lunch or dinner with him and DON’T hang out with him. Don’t take his free ride home.

• Don’t say one thing (like you don’t like him) and do another (leading him on by going out to have dinner or taking his car ride to office or him). You will confuse him

.

For context I have lactose intolerance and I’m a big coffee drinker.

Anyway, I go to Starbucks and I get my usual with dairy free milk. I feel I always have to make it extra clear that I can only have dairy free milk or else I reap the consequences.

Now, I can’t necessarily say to the barista “please make sure it’s dairy free milk otherwise in 20 minutes I will be on the toilet while my butt burns in pain as liquid flows through me” as that might be too vulgar, right?

However, it is a very thin line between you not crapping your pants vs you crapping your pants. Sometimes they don’t pay attention as to what’s written on the cup and they simply forget, and you also don’t wanna be the customer to micro manage them and say “uhmmmm you sure this isn’t whole milk?” anyway, I digress.

Didn’t pay attention either to make sure they didn’t grab the whole milk. I drank my coffee while walking and window shopping when all of a sudden I feel the guttural sound in my bowels and immediately think “oh no”

I rush to the toilets on the first floor, just my luck it’s closed for cleaning. I hop on thé elevator quickly to go one floor up but the elevator goes one floor down to pick someone up and of course said person has to stop at the ground floor once more.

We reach the ground floor a second time and people keep getting on and the elevator doors won’t close and at this point I’m clenching my butt so hard I’m quite sure everyone can hear it.

The elevator doors close and we finally go one floor up and at this point I start believing in god talking to myself “please dear god don’t let me shit myself in front of everyone in the elevator”

my bowels were churning by this point, my face started sweating, it wasn’t going well.

Take into account this all happened within a matter of 2-3 minutes but to me every second felt like an eternity. I rush out of the elevator trying not to speed walk to make it obvious, reach the washroom, and sprint to the first toilet I see.

I hate sitting on public toilet so I’m building a birds nest with toilet paper (trying to anyway). This is where I made my grave mistake. I should’ve just pulled my pants down and sat on the toilet. I would’ve made it had I not done that.

So yeah, had it not been for the barista that gave me whole milk, for the man that had to make the elevator stop twice, for the amount of people holding up the elevator as well…I wouldn’t be here telling this story.

I’d like to finish this story by saying this is the second time this year this has happened.

Looking for some help to make sense of the state of my marriage. My husband (45m) and I (36f) have been married for 9 years, together for 12.

We have two young children. If you had asked me last week how we were, I would have said great. We’re the best we’ve ever been in terms of our relationship, finances, and intimate life.

We own our own home, and he is doing well in his job. We don’t have a ton of stress, we make time for our relationship.

Which is why I was blindsided on Saturday morning when I caught him texting an escort for an dirty massage. This is not the first time he’s done such a thing.

I first caught him going in 2012 before we were married. He swore he only went for the massage and only went for a happy ending twice (yes I realize how ridiculous this sounds as I type it out.).

He started going to therapy for addiction and gambling (which is a whole other story) and they came to the conclusion that he sought out these massages as a way of coping with his stressful job (he’s in finance). And he committed to our relationship and stopped. For a while.

I later caught him again in 2016 calling an escort for a massage. He swore he didn’t go, just that he was looking. He went to therapy again, and we went to couples counseling. And again, it worked. For a while.

Until Saturday. He apologized, but I didn’t see the remorse I would have liked. He immediately started looking for a therapist and had a session. After said session, he revealed that he in fact lied to me in 2016 and did go see an escort for a massage 3-4 times, but swears it’s just for a happy ending.

He told the therapist that he has enough respect for me not to sleep with or receive bjs from them. Whatever that means. He doesn’t see this as cheating the way I see this as cheating.

It’s hard for me to make sense of the need. He said (and this is a direct quote), “I have a wandering eye for other women and this is my way to get around that.” He says he likes sneaking around, he says it feels naughty.

We have a great intimate life. It is better than it’s ever been. I do all the things: I give head, I’m enthusiastic, I enjoy it and in fact I have a higher libido than him. Which is why it’s so confusing. I think I’d be able to make more sense if we weren’t getting it on in bed, or if our relationship wasn’t so good. Why isn’t that enough? Why is he willing to risk it all for a hand job?

I feel stuck. He makes quite a bit more than I do. I don’t want to leave him, but how can we keep going? He says he wants to make it work. He’s been calling more therapists. Has anyone been through something similar?