Job Scope a level above my Job Title, should I be worried ?

Hi guys, so I’m just thinking ahead on what to do in my future career.

I am just a diploma holder and was hired as something of an Assistant Engineer level title. I can’t disclose the actual title as it would be very obvious…

But anyways, when I joined this SME I was the first engineering staff and took up many more responsibilities.

Eventually, my responsibilities evolved so much they were more of Executive Engineer level but my title is still Assistant Engineer.

Just want to say that I am not being taken advantage of. In fact, my boss has a very good opinion of me and it shows in the bonus he gives to me, albeit little compared to degree holders…

Anyways, I’ve spoken to him about this and asked if he can change my title and he mentioned that many Assistant Engineer do take on higher responsibilities than usual in this line of work.

My concern is that whatever I build up here is only relevant here. Although I do Executive Engineer work, my title and educational certificate ties me to Assistant Engineer roles.

I’m not sure how to approach this… If I get retrenched I can’t find a better job and I can’t quit because of this…

Would like some advice please, thanks !

Netizens’ comments

1. Lol typical SME boss gaslighting diploma holders to do degree level jobs while paying diploma salary. Thanks for funding his Mercedes.
2. Instead of asking for simply a title change, you can try asking for a promotion? You can get a pay bump too.
   I’d recommend you collect data on how you’re over performing for your role and have a list to showcase. But of course…I haven’t worked in SMEs but heard horror stories of stingy bosses, so if you do so, you may need to be wary of any potential backlash. But if you feel you’re shortchanged, just give it a shot.
3. A title is simply a title. You lose it the moment you leave the job and it has little meaning. Your future employer don’t judge you by your title, but how much you command to offer you your next salary.
4. Basically u r very good in what u r doing and you are being rewarded by getting more work and responsibilities being piled on until your job scope is beyond the job description of an assistant engineer
   It is true that your boss gives u higher bonus for the above but I place more emphasis on monthly salary and job title because your next job and the salary that comes with it, is often peg to this.
   What ur boss told u is a half truth that it is okay to go a bit beyond the usual job scope perhaps 5-10% more den the agreed job scope and it is true most jobs are like this. But if it goes beyond that, it warrants a job grade adjustment and a job title and compensation that matches the scope.
   What I will do if I am u is that I will speak to my boss and tell him that while I am happy with the work and responsibilities, I feel that the job scope no longer commensurate with the title and compensation and ask him what can he do about this, like talk to HR or something. Can express some frustration and subtly hint that you may consider a job offer elsewhere. Play your cards wisely and dun go overboard because the economy isn’t too good at the moment.
   At the same time, apply for jobs elsewhere for a higher salary and if the job seems interesting and company is good, why not just move on?
   I had a similar situation as u in my first job. Due to lack of manpower, I had to take up more responsibilities than then my current job grade. When I told my boss that the scope justifies a promotion to the next job grade, he told me that I need to prove that I can take on more responsibilities beyond the usual scope. So I chugged along with the assumption that I would be promoted the next cycle 6 months later. Fast forward to 6 months, I wasn’t promoted during the promotion cycle. When I asked why, they told me I wasn’t senior enough in the number of years that I worked in the company and the promotion quota was maxed out and although I was under consideration, I failed to make the cut just so slightly.
   3 months later, I started my next role in another MNC as a project manager with a 30% in pay. Ironically, the guy who got promoted over me also left the same year for a better job.

I (24, M) have trouble performing unless she’s restrained

I’ve been thinking about this for a while now. I’ve always had a thing for bondage, and an aversion for touch. Like I get really squeamish when people touch me in general, and being intimate makes it even worse.

I’m not uncomfortable with my body or anything I just have a general discomfort with physical contact and I find it difficult to “get it up” sometimes with my girlfriend if she’s reciprocating a lot of contact.

I’d find myself taking control by pinning her down just so I could perform. I feel like I have this pathological need for complete physical control in bed.

I’ve since introduced her to bondage, because, frankly, it’s easier for me when she’s tied up, and I find her more attractive honestly (a bit of a concerning thought) when she’s helpless.

We’ve had discussions about this, she’s been open to me buying toys and things like that, which I’m thankful for.

Still I find myself needing to use my belt or ropes to at least bind her hands, or needing to do things like cover her mouth so she doesn’t moan.

I was successfully able to eat her out, for example, by lashing her wrists to the headboard and gagging her, but trying to do it with her even brushing my hair was impossible for me.

I fantasize at times just about ways to tie her up and I usually get really aroused just tying her up and watching her struggle, without even an explicit component.

On the flip side, sometimes she’ll touch me and I’ll feel jittery and wholly unaroused. It’s a bit of an odd problem to have.

I have a thai gf.

I have a thai gf. I’ve been meeting her both in sg and in Thai. Even met her mum for vacay.

I’m 30 this year and I’m planning to leave this place to go to Thailand to live there. Just want to ROD first before I move abroad.

My gf is coming here to work before I ROD. We planned to work and earn in sg first.

Just want to know if anyone here has a foreigner gf and is thinking the same? What would your plan be? I’m a free lancer in sports industry. Im wondering what sort of passive I can have here in sg while I’m living there? And also can I just go there without passive here? What are your thoughts? Ps I might go there be farmer lol

Netizens’ comments

• Marry her and buy HDB. Go with her to Thailand and rent out your HDB. That’s your passive income. If no money for HDB or don’t wanna marry yet, there is SSB/FD for your passive income.
• Also: she has friends, you have friends? Matchmake 2 to 4 people.
  Farming with 4 people more efficient, like in stardew valley.
• don’t need to rent out whole unit… just renting out 1 or 2 bedrooms while keeping one and periodically coming back is good enough… it’s a grey area thing but perfectly justifiable
  • Actually I read on CNA or mothership that some LL got caught doing this and HDB repossessed the unit. That’s why I was asking. It seems it’s not really grey. It’s clearly illegal 
    • Please don’t do that, it’s illegal 😅 but I do have friends of friends that have their parents to look after their flat for them when they are away. Even came back occasionally to stay there to project presence

Should I quit my job?

I’ve been in this job (perm/FT) for a few months and at the rate I’m taking MCs and waking up to having “f this job” mindset, I’m just thinking if I should just quit for the sake of my own sanity and mental health.

Pros: Fixed working hours, no OT, don’t have to bring work outside of work, nice office & colleagues. Pay is relatively high.

Cons: Employees are micromanaged and being watched on the clock (feels like school, or even worse tbh). I feel like I don’t have the freedom to manage my own time at work, aka no trust from leaders. Managers don’t really care about you/your career progression, just pushing you to hit your target every single day. Job function is also not what I enjoy doing.

Concerns: Since it’s only few months in, I did consider if I should give myself a bit more time in this work just so that it’s not a reckless decision for wanting to leave. And also what would the outlook of my future employer be with this short stint in my resume? And should I quit before having another job because I just can’t stand it any longer. Honestly, the pros of this job does give me the liberty do whatever I want outside of work but at what cost..?

Thoughts? 😭

Netizens’ comments

1. I feel envious when I saw when u said- no OT, fixed hours, nice office n colleagues… I had plenty of OT, irregular hours, and a black faced colleague sitting beside me everyday for LONG HOURS in my prev job. All these is worsened by the fact that I did not enjoy the nature of the job at all. Every night, I feel dread just by thinking of the next long day. It’s like the FML feeling everyday. The only gd thing was that the pay was relatively high .
   Tbh I feel if u dislike/hate the nature of work, u won’t be able to last long. U don’t need to thoroughly enjoy yr work, but u cannot dislike/loathe the nature. Since u mentioned the pay is pretty good, perhaps you can consider hanging around for abit more just to save the money. I did that for my prev job, hanged on there for a few more mths just for the money.
   As for yr concern on this short stint affecting yr prospective employer’s opinion of u, I feel that u can exclude this frm yr cv, since it’s just a mere few months. Fr my experience, short stints like this can be explained even if the future employer eventually does find out.
2. Since your evenings are free, start planning your escape plan. Like plan the f out of it.
   Network with people on linkedin, change your resume every single week. Go for extra lessons. Apply for interviews, make it the interviewees accommodate to your timing for the interviews.
   Take up healthy hobbies such as to change your physique in the evening. Or consider career switch courses. Or upskill in whichever domain you are already in.
   Health investment – This can be a form of release/venting all those pent up frustrations from work. Your colleague give you black face? Attend boxing and picture your trainer or sparring partner as your colleague. Don’t you wish you could beat out the crap out of your manager?
   Career Switch investment – Cant comment much. Am myself in this journey.
   Company switch investment – Well you have to take it from multiple angles. If you were to leave and go for new jobs, the question come as to why are you leaving under such a short stint. If you wish to leave it out from your resume, is your previous job long enough to give the HM credibility that you are not a quitter? Can you explain the situation you are in?
   Are you able to go back to your old job? Was your relationship previously good enough that it won’t cause awkwardness. I do have personal stories from friends who went back, then eventually their time was free-er and could job hunt again. Mistakes occur in our life, its more of giving yourself room to err.
   Have you invested in talking with career coaches? They can always give us another perspective or blindspots we never considered. Income seems to not be an issue for you.
   Cant be bitching about your work after working hours to your partner, family or friends after work. They don’t deserve it. Maybe if it occurs once or twice a month sure. But I would get worried and annoyed if a close family member bitches about their work all the time. No one has the mental capacity for that.

People don’t like me once they get to know me

I can make acquaintances somewhat easy, and people can easily like me on the surface level.

But whenever they get to know me they easily start to see through the veneer and that I’m actually a very judgemental, self absorbed, self pity wallowing, broken person.

My only solution to avoid the rejection is probably just to keep people are an arms length, though that’s hard because a penchant I have for over sharing.

It’s especially bad when it’s coworkers, who then just don’t want to be around me and it’s very obvious.

People really don’t like you that much when you are “just being yourself”

Netizens’ comments

1. I’m gonna try and remember to show this to my therapist… because same
2. So what? Don’t judge your likeability based on what coworkers think of you. The workplace is rife with competition & jealousy. Coworkers may not like you if they see you as a threat or a competitor, or if you possess skills or knowledge they would like to have themselves, but lack. Just because your coworkers don’t like you isn’t necessarily a reflection on your overall likeability.
   Adult friendship making isn’t as easy as it was when you were a kid. Don’t expect the same level of involvement or commitment, or ease of making friends. Again, not a reflection on your likeability.
   You sound like you are being very hard on yourself. Surely you have some good, positive traits. Focus on those. Nobody is perfect and everybody possesses to some degree the negative traits you describe in yourself. You can try to improve areas about yourself you think are lacking, you aren’t set on stone. Everyone’s a work in progress. Find something you want to improve, then work on it.
   At the end of the day, the only person who you should want to truly respect you is YOURSELF. Improve yourself for yourself, and don’t bother about others’ judgement.
   Good luck.
3. Well, people do want to be treated well and trust that you are being real with them.
   Have you ever considered working on yourself so you can heal some of these things? That way you could still “just be yourself” but a healthier version.

My (39m) partner (39f) of 20 years cheated on me. I want to kick her out but it would make her homeless. She doesn’t have a job. We have an 8yo daughter.

I have no idea what to do. We are not married. We have an 8yo daughter who is my whole world. My partner hasn’t worked for 8+ years as she never went back to work after having our daughter. We are jointly on our mortgage but I pay it (and for everything, she has no income at all).

Found out last week she’s been sleeping with someone. 2nd time. First time we went through therapy and I spent 2 years healing. Now she’s done it again and I feel like I can’t do that all again.

I want her gone but I can’t make the mother of my daughter homeless. I have no idea how to figure this out. Our home only has 2 bedrooms so she is currently sleeping on the sofa. It doesn’t feel sustainable.

[edit] I’m really looking for ideas/solutions that don’t involve just kicking her out. Thanks

Netizens’ comments

1. There is no solution, imo, based on the facts here. No extra bedroom and you don’t want to let her be homeless. Your daughter is in school, I’m guessing, so your ex should be looking for work so that she can take care of herself. If you keep feeling sorry for her and taking care of everything, she will never leave. A part time job while your kid in in school is a good place for her to start until daughter is old enough to not need a babysitter.
2. Even if you tried, I doubt that there would be any coming back from her cheating for a second time. Plus, who knows if there haven’t been other times you don’t know about. Your child, at 8, is in school for the majority of each day and, without a job, your wife has a lot of time on her hands. Time she has used to cheat on you.
   If she’s on the mortgage and the deed, I think it’s time you consider selling the house. It’s bound to be worth more than you paid for it, and the two of you can split that money, which she can live on until she stabilizes. She’s going to have to get a job, though. She needs to start looking today. Even if she has to clean toilets, she needs to get a job immediately. She also needs to start looking for an alternate living space. Renting a room would be ideal. But, remember, she needs to do this so she can learn to be independent again.
   You need to sit down with your daughter and tell her what is going on. You don’t have to mention cheating, specifically, but she is absorbing the tension between the two of you. She needs to be reassured that whatever happens between the two of you will never have any impact on how much you love her.
   Good luck. You kind of set yourself up for this by not demanding she get a part-time job the last time she cheated. If you had, she would be in a better position to start a new life. But, there’s no time like the present, so tell her to get on it.