Women are such hypocrites

I really can’t stand it that women are such hypocrites despite being one myself.

This is to all the women who call themselves feminist, advocating to be a strong independent women, likes to talk about women’s right, equality, being on equal standing with man. You, yes you, educated women with a job.

Before you throw all that new age personal branding around, please act like what you advocate.

If you have got boyfriend, fiancé, husbands who are generous people and willing to pay for dates, buy gifts, finance your expenses at very early stage of the relationship, or courtship, that’s you I am talking about.

Before you argue that the relationship is not built on their generosity, please reflect on all your dating history and the expenses. I will say it is their generosity that bought opportunities and time for feelings to develop. I mean, who will say no to a date when the guy pick you up, fancy dinner, activities all paid for, and send you home.

And if you are going to argue that you can afford the dating expenses too then why aren’t you ladies paying for dates? Or now that you guys are married, are you splitting family expenses equality?

No. These women are such hypocrites.

I am not saying that man should not do all these or that these women are gold digger. What I am saying is people can be a lot more aware if what they believe in, what they feel about something, what they advocate, and what they do actually aligns or not.

rant: is it possible to save the rs or help my gf if she refuses to seek help?

i don’t know if my gf has an anger mgmt issue, is schizo, bipolar or smthg else but wtv the case is, i just hope she can get better

normally she is super nice, very sweet, even thoughtful. but once in a while she transforms into someone i don’t even recognize. i live in stress everyday for fear of her fiery temper and i have no idea when it will next strike.

she is also an avoidant. when she is angry she will disappear on me and even block me on social media with no warning. other times when she did not go so extreme she just goes on a few hours long screaming match at me while i can only listen.

the strange thing is she is normally a good person so it is not like she is like this everyday.

i love her a lot but it has already been two years and the situation has not improved. she is super touchy about the word mental health so it is impossible to suggest to her that smthg may not be quite right or she shld learn better habits. i have tried to talk to her about this when she is her normal self but she forgets all her promises the next time she gets pissed.

when she gets pissed she will also insult me and say a lot of things which are just not true. it is really hurtful and damaging. i am not sure if i should take these to heart and discuss the content of what she said each time? as they say no fire no smoke. roughly once a month she breaks up with me and we patch back again two days later all on her own accord.

i am super shag.

Here are what netizens think:

• Instead of trying to put a label to her behaviour, ask yourself why are you still with someone who instils fear in you? Does this feel familiar? Did you grow up around people who behave in a similar fashion? Sometimes we are attracted to what feels familiar when we’re young and not even realise it.

A part of you also have to accept that you played a part in this situation. If you didn’t know how to stop it, you can leave. But you didn’t. Why? Most people who are aware of their own boundaries would have lost patience in less than 2 years.

Instead of trying to diagnose her, ask yourself why have you been enduring this for so long. Face your own demon instead of trying to make her face hers because there’s no way you can change how she treat you as long as you’re still around.

• It’s a little presumptuous of you to say that she has a mental health issue because of her anger. Girls get ESPECIALLY pissed off when you label her anger as a mental health issue. It’s like calling her crazy. All you’re doing is just aggravating her.

Most of the time,a nice girl with anger issues have underlying causes or stuff that she’s been bottling up. You need to find out what it is and work together to solve those issues. Also find healthy outlets for her to vent instead of just relying on her to make promises to improve while you just sit and wait for things to be better.

If she is hesitant or can’t trust you to tell you exactly what’s wrong,chances are the problem is you! If you think you’ve done all you can and still things don’t work out,then it’s best to leave. Some things can’t be fixed no matter what you do.

• You cannot force healing on the unwilling. This is especially the case if she doesn’t see her own behaviour as a problem. This doesn’t mean you can’t work on things from your end though.

You can adjust the way you respond and cope with her outbursts, although you should be prepared that this will be an extremely draining approach for you.

Any unilateral effort in a relationship is an uphill struggle from the onset. If you do decide that she is worth the effort and sacrifice, seeking professional help for yourself would be prudent.

I don’t understand why singaporean guys would always label their female friends a princess when they hear that their dad pick them up from sch or work.

For context, my dad has been a taxi/ grab driver throughout my life.

Due to this, he has to work long hours everyday to put food on the table for me and my 2 other siblings. Hence, growing up, I never got to spend much time with my dad. Him picking me up from sch/work is the best he could do for me within his means to show love and concern.

And it’s so irritating and underwhelming for guys to label this as a princess syndrome when they do not understand the background and yet have the guts to say that I stay in hall just so I won’t inconvenience my parents yet they constantly ask their parents for every little expense.

I would too if I had the money bro but having 200 as an allowance could only bring me so far, on top of it, phone bill and transport would take up a bunch.

Here are what netizens think:

• If someone calls me a princess just because of this, I see it as a compliment cos that would mean my parents are King and Queen. Rightfully so. “My daddy sends me there and picks me up. Yours have or not? Jealous ah?”

• Think it depends to what extent. If the person makes their parent wait for them to pick them up showing no ability to go around on their own, then yeah, they’re spoiled, sheltered brats. Parents are not chauffeurs or maids. But if the parent insists on doing so, or its a convenience (otw home etc) I don’t see how it should reflect poorly on the individual?

• The sort of guys you know seem suspect. A guy who hears that the gal is picked up daily by her dad reads the message loud and clear “don’t mess with this girl”.
• He’s probably trying to get you to ditch your dad so that he can make a move.

I grew up in a less than privileged background. I worked super hard, because my mother told me to. She told me that if I didnt work hard, she wouldn’t pay for school. That it.

I slogged my ass off, raffles, then nus medicine. I just worked hard, listened to advice from my peers, and worked.

I remember failing multiple times during this process, failing, and getting up, no tuition nothing. and before you think I am bragging, I am not, I am bitter. I am bitter because I had no help during those struggles, those struggles where I saw my friends going for tuition after their fun ccas so they could get someone to catch up with them, and then off for nice holidays after each tiring semester.

meanwhile, I went home to a crowded home with not much.

in university, my parents didn’t even understand the course I was in.

They said oh wow good ah doctor. But they didnt understand the stresses I was under, how my peers looked down on me for not being able to get that starbucks every week, or eat the same meal every day (“why you always eat the same thing lol”) no one said anything explicitly, but just people started hanging out with me less… and less.

Now I have a family, small but its mine. dont really have friends from school, just a few work ones who we get teh (coffee shop) together and its surprisingly the highlight of my week. I dont want to have kids because I dont want them to go through what I had gone through.

my mum, she was probably the driving force behind why i cant quit. I now acknowledge its my trying to live up to her expectations and make her proud that I did all of this.

I never once dared to show her my failures, or my struggles, or my isolation. Because I was the son she was proud of, I was important in her eyes. and so I kept the path, never once considered seriously dropping out even though I had minimal interest in this medical path.

its 2am and I have just finished a shift. I hope that someone out there reads this and learns something from it. you wil inevitably be influenced by your parents/peers/society. this is something ive learnt that cannot be avoided. but what you can do is to be conscious of it, and to try bit by bit, to integrate a part of yourself in a sustainable way, a part of happiness in your life so that one day you can find peace in the struggle that is your job/career/course.

Have empathy for the peers who seem isolated and struggling, or even acted out in school. Dont write them off as introverts or whatever. They likely just have more to deal on their plates than you do, or you have more social/economic support than them to get through your shared circumstance. Maybe say hi, share notes, or reach out to them if you havent heard from them for a while and say hey, I see you, I know youre struggling, Im going through this with you (not in those exact words but like sometimes just company helps)

one last thing, I would also like to say thank you to that one senior in school who stood by me when things were tough and that it was very meaningful and prob was the reason for finishing the course.

I try to do that now with my juniors in the hospital. Anyway goodnight

On the giving parents 1.2k rant.

I have to do a submission in order to comment because my entire “family” is on my fb.

I have the same toxicity family as you. And mind you, giving money is the least of my worry. I still have to do entire household chores taking turns with my sister while my own dad is watching youtube and mom playing phone games.

When i was still under one roof with them it was nightmare every day. I had to bug my bf to hurry up marry me and get me out of there.

I was very stupid for me to tell them my salary of 3.6k back then and i started buying them gifts. And the ball dropped on me when they wanted allowance of $500 because they saw how well to do I am. On top of that, i have to pay for my mom’s shopping spree on lazada and taobao because “i dont know how to do online payment”. I damn regretted teaching her and showing her the good deals available. It is really bad during the 11/11 whatever sales.

So here’s the thing on how i escape from these sick “parents” who treated me as an investment.

I stayed more in my bf’s house, saying that it was nearer to workplace. I eventually got married, got my bto, 2 kids. I told my parents that im not paying them anything other than cny angbao. I have my own life to handle, bills to pay myself and guess what i asked for money from them. They dodge me all the way.

I mean i heck care. They went to manipulate my relatives saying how useless am i. They even refuse to take care of my bb. Refuse to help in house reno. Whatever. I do it myself with my husband & his family. And i never regret this move ever since. Honestly its good riddance since they are out of my life and waiting for me to fail. But i show them success and happy without them.

To any boomers who are about to comment how unfilial am i, think again.

If my parents didnt demand harshly, i would have spent lavishly on them, bring them out on holidays, more family time spent. But they made the whole thing so sour, spoil my image to all the relatives and friends, refuse to help in my confinement, playing with my kids, i think this is what strike the balance. Force me until i simply dont care anymore.

Funny you should say that. I’ve also been working for around 10 years now.

I just attended a JC reunion, went to RJ, and the most successful person was the person I least expected to make anything of himself, mostly because he flunked out of J1.

Let’s call him Nick. From what I remember, he took his A levels as a private candidate or something, and he got into NTU. Then he dropped out of NTU and became a real estate agent. Shortly after, he started to write a condo management software which he built for several years before selling it recently for a lot of money to an Australian company.

I don’t know the exact amount but it was 8 figures and I didn’t even hear it from him. I had a lawyer friend who was on the M&A team for this deal.

Many of my classmates went to top overseas universities. I myself went to NYU for chemical and bio engineering and did my MBA at UChicago. I just hit a 5-figure monthly last year and I traded an arm and a leg for it. I was around 75th percentile at RJ and barring the scholars, all the best students seem to be doing alright but not spectacularly.

Nick didn’t only flunk out, he was one of the most disruptive jokers and pranksters at RI. I knew him since I was sec 3 and he was always trying to crack jokes in class, he was dozing off all the time, he pulled childish pranks on classmates, he cheats during exams, he copies homework, he made a habit out of playing hooky. As a close friend of his, it never occurred to me that he wasn’t smart. He was just about as bright as anyone I met at RI. You can tell this by just talking to him. He just had a different personality.

So it is true that we haven’t the faintest idea who will make it big and who will not. We do know that if you do well in school the probability that you will be middle-class is high. But it takes a lot more fairy dust to go higher than that.

Wife is upset I haven’t touched her in over a week.

As the title states. I haven’t touched my wife in over a week.

Backstory: Last Saturday she and I went out and had a good time. We were drinking, dancing, laughing. Doing what we normally do. My wife gets…frisky when she drinks so I told her when we get home, we’ll have fun. Fast forward a couple of hours and we’re in the Uber home, she’s still hands on, we’re still having fun.

We get into our house. We settle in. We share a cup of water, talk about how much fun the night was and make our way into the bedroom. She gets undressed, jumps into bed. So I, like every night, get undressed as well. (I 97% of the time sleep without wearing anything because I run hot) I strip off my clothes and asked her, “You ready babe?”

And that’s when things take a turn for the worst.

My wife starts to yell at me. She says things like that’s so weird. What are you doing? Why are you not wearing anything, this is weird. Etc.

And I’m dumbfounded. So I respond, I’m always like this for bed, and sorry I was trying to be funny with the dumb voice, I’m sorry. But she continues to yell at me.

“This isn’t you, you’re being rude. You never take off your clothes before bed!” And again, I’m at a loss for words.

I put my clothes back on, again apologize and she continues to yell at me. Finally I say, listen, let’s just go to bed. We’ll talk in the morning.

20 minutes later she goes, I think I’m drunk. Laughs and goes to sleep. I never get an apology.

Since then she’s tries to be intimate and I can’t. Idk whats wrong with me but I just can’t.

She embarrassed me, made me feel ashamed, and now she wants to be loving and I feel uncomfortable. I’ve been racking my brain trying to to think what I did wrong but I don’t think I did.

She got intimate and i reciprocated the same amount of energy. She yelled at me and I stopped dead in my tracks.

Now she’s yelling at me because I won’t kiss her and she’s acting like I’m the bad guy and the Asshole.

What am I supposed to do?