For background, I have three children, aged between 2 and 14 and several months ago their father stormed out after an argument (over money) and contacted me asking for some of his things, his passport, paperwork, clothes etc. So I packed everything up and left it in my outbuilding for him to collect.

He got very angry about all his stuff being packed up and indicated that he hadn’t really intended to leave for good, just for a week or so to calm down. This is something he had done previously (his parents had an empty apartment he was able to use) so I knew that had probably been his intention but I had had enough with the relationship. He hasn’t earned any sort of income for a decade, so money was tight. He is very critical of my parenting but hardly did a thing to help with the kids or around the house and constantly wanted money. He is a great cook so would help with meals, but only if he had the exact ingredients he wanted, often these were very expensive.

Affair

The final straw really was that he became convinced I was having an affair when I was at work (I work from home) and would come and sit behind me while I tried to work, staring at the computer screen and talking constantly. It was incredibly difficult to work like this.

I definitely have my faults too and I put up with a lot of this because I assumed I was equally annoying or inconsiderate and that we have to make concessions, but being accuse of cheating was the end for me. And since he left, life has been a lot easier – even with three kids. I don’t feel anxious all the time.

Problem is, now he cannot stay in the apartment anymore and while he actually has the option of a free flat with some work attached, he doesn’t like the location – it’s 15 km from us which he thinks is ‘too far’. He’s dropping hints about moving in again and using the kids as a reason. He says they have suffered with him gone and I am bringing them up very badly, with too little discipline. I really don’t want him back at all but I am wondering whether this is a selfish perspective and whether it would be better to tolerate his behaviour in order to let the kids grow up with two parents. (The oldest child says they don’t want him back at all, the other two are too young to ask, really).

I know he will struggle on his own, but I also feel he had several months to find work/accommodation and so he doesn’t *have* to be homeless… but suspect he could end up that way.. He is very proud and has been out of work for so long because no job is good enough. He also wont claim benefits because he is too proud to do so

I currently feel under constant pressure to offer him a place to stay. I feel like not to could be a selfish decision and could adversely impact him, but I am really much happier without him. The guilt is horrible.

I was having a chat about cheating overall with my mom and brother just what we think and how we would react in hypothetical situations. Anyway, the topic of my girlfriend cheating came up and I just said I wouldn’t know how to react because it hasn’t happened.

My mom then proceeds to say that I would be the problem and the cheat not her.

I was taken by surprise by this comment she said it was a joke and I don’t know how to take a joke. All I did was say that it wasn’t a nice comment and walked away. She got upset that I didn’t take it as a joke and was saying that we take everything too seriously. My dad then heard the story and said I should take it for what it was which was a joke.

But the problem is, she said it in my girlfriend’s face, which lead to an argument later on with my girlfriend.

She is sensitive and just got together with me for a month, this is not really a time to joke and this completely destroyed any confidence she had in me.

That stupid joke my mom maid had repercussions that lasted me for the next 6 months, she has been suspecting me, checking me and doing all sorts of “detective work”.

My mother really sabotage my relationship.

I dont know if I’m overreacting to the joke but I did feel the comments were hurtful and unnecessary.

He’s had a few jobs here and there, but mostly just stuff like supermarket, McDonald’s, and he delivered pizzas or doing GrabFood for about a month.

He’s never held down a job for more than 60 days. He dropped out of school, and never bothered to get a diploma or degree. He mostly just sits in his room drinking my booze, smoking my cigarettes, and eating my food while he plays whatever JRPG he’s currently obsessed with.

I don’t mind this, I truly don’t. I did well in life, and my wife invested our money very well. So we’re comfortable. I have more than enough resources to support him fully for the rest of our lives, and I intend to do so. He’s not taking food out of my kid’s mouths, he’s not cutting into their university funds.

It’s literally extra money that I would just be squirreling away if I didn’t spend it on him.

Last night at dinner, my wife told me that her brother lost his job (he worked for a company that recently had MASSIVE layoffs, so it was due to no fault of his own), and asked me if we could float him some cash for bills and stuff while he finds a new job. I told her to have him send me an estimate of how much he needs to cover 6 months, and that was that (or so I thought).

My brother proceeded to head over to Facebook and post a rant about how people need to be more self-reliant and not ask for handouts they didn’t earn. He didn’t mention my BiL by name, but it was pretty clear that that’s what triggered his rant.

I commented on his post, and I asked him how living off of me for the past 9 years was “self-reliant”. I told him that he is in an incredibly privileged position because not everyone has a millionaire brother to pay all their bills for them. I also asked how the allowance I give him every week is not a “handout”.

Anyway, a bunch of his friends from his video game started clowning on him in the comments (apparently he tells people online that he’s an investment banker). He deleted the post, and has not come out of his room since (there is an en-suite bathroom, don’t worry).

My wife says it was F up for me to call him out publicly like that, and that I could have been more respectful about it, and my aunt is FURIOUS with me for “airing the family laundry”.

So I kinda think I might be the asshole here. Not for what I said, but for the fact that I said it publicly.

But at the same time, I don’t feel like the asshole, because his rant was public too.

I am currently job searching and doing Grabfood to make ends meet, so I tend to work odd hours. I often get home around 10 P.M.

When I got home tonight, I noticed the apartment across from mine was playing some really loud music. Not thinking much of it, I went home. At around 10:45, the music got louder, and I could hear the bass in my bedroom. My bedroom is on the other end of the building from them. I decided to try and wind down with some video game time in my living room, so I heard my BIL calmly knocking on their door at 11:30. When they finally answered their door, he very politely asked them to turn it down because they were having a hard time getting my niece to sleep because of the music.

Whoever answered closed the door in his face and told someone else in the apartment to turn it up.

Around midnight, I texted my BIL, which is when he reported his encounter with them. I decided to go and ask them as well.

I walked up to their door, and sharply knocked five times. I heard them turn down the music a little bit, and then one of them answered the door.

“Hi,” I said while smiling politely, “I was wondering if you could please keep it down.”

They rolled their eyes at me and closed the door in my face. I stood there dumbfounded for around thirty seconds while they complained about my rudeness. I was just confused, and I think they interpreted my shock as malice because after 30 seconds I heard one of them say, “Oh my God, she’s still there!” And the sound of the chain lock being put in to place.

“Leave! Go to sleep!” Someone told me through the door.

“I’m trying,” I responded, “That’s why I asked you to keep it down.”

“Okay, we’ll keep it down! Go to sleep!”

Even more confused, I went back to my apartment. I think they found me threatening, even though this whole encounter was maybe 1.5 minutes long.