prior to going to uni, I was always “adopted” by extroverts as friends. I struggled to find real friends in the initial part of uni as well. It didn’t help that my good friends from JC and secondary school had *all* decided to study overseas, so I didn’t have any friends left in Sg.

What I have to say is that, after going through university + 10 years of working, I find that friends and relationships of any kind do not happen so organically any more. If they do, great, but if they don’t, you have to work for it, just like anything else in life. If you want good grades in school, you work hard right? If you want a promotion, you also work hard right? Having good friends and having a romantic relationship is the same. You have to work hard at it in a deliberate manner if it doesn’t happen organically for you.

But what does it mean to work hard at having relationships?

People may have a different answer from me, but for me, I found that a big part of this it means to work hard on yourself. Make yourself be an interesting person that people want to be friends or in a romantic relationship with. Have hobbies that you’re passionate about, read more books, watch more films, brush up your personal grooming (not saying yours is necessarily bad but there’s always room for improvement), and try new things that you’ve never considered before. If you want to work out and achieve a better body (I did, back then), that also helps in the initial interest period, though I’ve found that physical attractiveness alone doesn’t sustain any kind of relationship, and a lack of physical attractiveness actually is not a bar to building good friendships and working relationships.

Basically, build an identity for yourself. Who are you? What do you stand for? What are you proud of? Water finds its own level, so if you want to be in a certain group, how do you improve yourself so that they would be interested in being friends with you? I find that like-minded people will gravitate to you once you know what your own brand is. Of course, sometimes you also have to seek these people out, by joining interest groups. Once there’s a common interest, it’s very easy to connect. Uni is a great time to join interests groups because you have CCAs. Make full use of it. Once you go out to work, finding interest groups is a lot harder, and you may have to resort to finding these online through sites like meetup.com.

The other thing about working hard at relationships is keeping the relationship going once you have built the initial connection. For me, this is remembering to wish people / do something nice for people on their birthdays and other significant dates, remembering to check in on people once in a while, and remembering their interests. I send people stuff I see that I think they would be interested in, like maybe a pic of a cute cat-shaped mug I saw in a shop if the person likes cats, or an article that’s related to their hobbies or work. Or if I know that someone is on MC, I’ll check in on them to ask if they’re doing ok, and follow up a week or so later. For the first two, I actually find that as I get older, I need reminders, so I set calendar reminders to do it if I think I will forget.

Maybe this all sounds too deliberate and calculated. But I have had success doing this, and I’ve built good friendships and working relationships this way.

I am also happily married. Maybe you can try this method and see if it helps you?

Hello everyone, I’m the fresh grad guy that was stuck between the 90k and 70k job. Even though i know most of you dont care [LOL each man for his own!] I thought I would share my decision and thought process, in case anyone ever get stuck in my position too.

Ultimately I decided the 90k Job, Your comment made me hesitate greatly. I almost chose the 70k option when I think back about your comment! And yes you’ve rightfully pointed out that im part of the 80% and not one of those chiongters. Met some of them during CS days. Its hard to imagine how to really catch up]

Like some people have rightfully guessed, the 70k job is related to consulting.

Without delving too deep [yall are too good at stalking], it was in a role which required frequent travels but not technical. I always thought it would be fun to do different projects as well [less monotonous bro]! Frankly the starting pay wasn’t too bad [~5.5k per month w bonuses]. More then enough for my current lifestyle. With consulting job comes certain skillset [Idk, smoking skills? HAHA] and I thought IR skills was definitely transferable [in case I want to continue working on IR related jobs]. Of course, I nv worked a day in consulting before and I heard the life is pretty shit and intense.

But still if I don’t try, I would never know right? Most importantly, this role does not always present itself (dont ask me how i got through the interviews. Sometimes you get luck). If not now, then when? What if I never get a similar opportunity anymore? My CS Job won’t be able to help me travel around even!

But what pushed me to decide the 90k Job is as follows:

1. If my early career does not define my life, why not take this chance to earn cash and improve on my technical skills [which is truly, indispensable in today’s digital age]

2. With the cash [and ETF investment. Lord praise the US markets. Ok but for real, hope the world becomes a better place so everyone flourishes and my etf flourishes as well] I can build up my money. And at the same time, build up on my resume so I am wanted *everywhere*

3. Am I giving up on my dream job? Hell no! I will simply postpone it! I am early in my career! If i can afford to take a risk on possible setbacks from the consulting job, i can equally take the risk of giving up this opportunity and HUNT for one next time.

Yes opportunities doesn’t always come. The consulting role I mentioned isn’t always available. And they may not even consider me next time. But the onus is on me then. I will improve. Be better. And be on a consistent look out. That’s why I decided to give up on this opportunity, and look for another one who would be willing to compensate similarly in the future. Maybe as a fresh grad, 70k was all they were willing to pay. But what if i came back with more experience? Make myself worth that much in the future!

So with that, goodbye dream consulting job [for now]. I’ll be back. And my final advice for those who may be in a similar crossroad. As everyone said, there’s no right choice! There are only different perspectives. For me, I was only willing to give up my dream job because someone reminded me this : “This won’t be the only job that you get to travel. You’re not giving up on this opportunity, you’re giving yourself a chance to seek for a better opportunity. The world is large. If you truly want it again, you can and should hunt for it again. Get some cash ready to prepare for your next fight”. So my final advice is as follows: “Don’t give up on an opportunity because it’s not the “best”. There would always be a better one. But definitely don’t accept a deal that is objectively worse off”.

That’s all folk. It’s a long WoT. Perhaps a way for me to convince myself I made the right choice. But hey who cares. I will be buying my S22 Ultra for the ITZY concert now! Thanks for reading. Great luck to all your careers my fellow students!

Part 1:

This is bothering me for a while. A while ago I was doing internship in a bank, there I met a NUS senior of my age. She’s 23 just like me, I kinda have a crush on her. The thing is she has a bf who works in the same bank and she is getting married this year. The BF is 36 years old and is a senior banker. They both been dating for 2 years, when she did the same internship.

I found out later that this phenomenon is common in the bank, with many dudes around 10-15 years older than their spouse. Another intern(21) also dated one dude 9 years older because he has a car, condo and a 100k salary package.

At this rate all the good ones are getting hunted by all these rich old man. To the girls, Isn’t it really disgusting to date someone almost 1.5 times older than you?

Recently I shared this thought with a friend, and she told me that if she was could find a 100k per annum dude with a car and condo, she’d marry him no matter how bad he is. Worst come to worst she could just divorce and ask for alimony.

What is this world coming to? Maybe I should go for dudes instead.

Here are what netizens think:

• Orrrrrrr you can find women that earn 100k and is 1.5 times older than you with car and condo. Learn, adapt and survive bro.

• Your very mindset is why they don’t go for guys around their age. Think about it logically, would you go for someone new in his career who gets emotional like this instead of thinking how to be a 100k earner or one a decade ahead who can provide in more ways than one?

• Sad reality of life, not many woman wants a man who’s a “work in progress”. Stay strong bro.

• Just wait another 10 years and you might become like them

I have been dating my bf I met on Tinder for 4.5yrs. During the initial phase of seeing each other (non exclusively), I was also seeing another guy (who had a car and often bring me to nice restaurants and offered to fetch me home after dates). I openly told these guys about the other guys that I was seeing and not rushing into a relationship.

So my bf often got anxious whenever I go on dates with other guys and wanted me to be exclusive to him. He would text me everyday and always making plans to meet up. We meet almost every other day since our first date and I began to like him. One day after going on a date with another guy and the guy about to send me home, my bf insisted that I don’t sit my date’s car. He insisted to “fetch” me home by booking a GRAB since he doesn’t have a car.

After seeing his sincerity, I decided to be with him out of the 3 guys I dated. We clicked better in terms of conversations and I like that we share common interest including food and bubble teas.

I also told him that for future dates, we could stick to commuting via public transport as it was unnecessary for him that to take mrt to meet me then book grab to send me home then take mrt again to go to his home.

But after 2nd year together, especially entering the 3rd year, I began to feel that I was taken for granted. He no longer love me and want to go out on dates with me. He is just a lazy person who refuses to do anything everyday.

Oh ya, I moved in with him during CB because I couldn’t bear being separated from him. I still remember I missed him so much that we decided to meet at Fairprice lol.

I wanted to do things together with him at home, such as cooking, dalgona coffee and diy bbt, but he is always lazy. Then we continued staying together after CB but he just got lazier. He doesn’t even do chores and change bedsheets.

When he wakes up in the morning, he doesn’t brush his teeth. He will just sit at the sofa, scroll FB, Insta, TikTok and play games. Even when it’s lunch time, he still don’t bother to ask me out for lunch. He is just abnormal and doesn’t get hungry.

When I offered to cook, he would sometimes angry that I made the house dirty. I always clean up after that but he still didn’t like that the house gets Smokey. I grow up appreciating my mom’s home cook, I don’t know why he doesn’t. I asked him why he is so unappreciative, I feel a lot of men would have wanted their gf to cook homecooked meals for them. He said he just doesn’t appreciate food and hated eating. I felt very cheated as this was not the person he said he was when we were dating. On our first few dates he always made me believe that we shared the same passion and hobbies. Whenever I ask him out on easy and cheap dates such as cycling or hiking , he’s always disinterested and just wanna stay at home. When I suggest holidays, he would say he want to go on cruise where he can sit and relax.

I have expressed this to him several times but he is still like this. I said his laziness is too extreme that even when he is bored of me, he is even too lazy to break up with me. One day he just hurt my feelings and say “I only want S and you don’t give that to me” so it got me crying. He apologised after that.

Before the relationship, I told him beforehand that I am a virgin and that my second ex cheated on me because I refused to do pre-marital S with him. He said he understood and willing to wait till after marriage. But then now he behave like that. He said, “u try ask around any Singaporean men willing to date you for 4 years without S. That’s friend. Not gf bf”.

We have had arguments over (other things) where he left me crying cause I felt like he didn’t give a shit about this relationship. Then he often promise to change but then fall back to be the same person later.

Now ever since that “S talk” he try to be nice to me again but I don’t know how long he can stay like this before being ignorant again. I don’t know if I should end this and find someone else. Or is it too much to ask for premarital S today?