Found out I’m the other woman. Do I tell the wife? If so, how?

I (30F) have been dating a man for almost a year (45M). Turns out he’s married with 2 teenage children. It looks like he’s been married for 20+ years according to the wife’s Facebook account I came across.

I broke things off with him but didn’t mention that I knew he was married out of fear. Now I’m contemplating if I tell the wife or not?

They have kids together which makes me feel so terrible and guilty if it were to break their family up. I’m also scared of retaliation.

Is there any way to do it anonymously without giving away my identity?

Update: I’m scared of retaliation from both him or the wife honestly. I’ve read a lot of advice threads about this and people have talked about the wife reacting terribly to the other woman.

Also he knows where I live and idk how he will react. For this reason I’ve considered just staying silent and moving on with my life. But at the same time I would want to know if I was the wife.

Netizens’ comments

1. Also OP, there are a lot of affair partners that specifically get a kick out of being the other person and will not tell the spouse/partner that’s being cheater on. He will try move onto someone like that. You, fortunately, are not one of those people.
   I say 1) get tested because who knows his real story and 2) tell his wife and tell her to get tested. If you’re scared to her anonymously and block out your face if there are pics you can use. Then block them on everything.
2. Yes you should tell.
   Anonymity depends on the amount of “another women” this man had. If you are the only one it’s obvious who is who.
   Also, why are you scared of retaliation, from whom, and what kind of retaliation?

Gaming over having a girlfriend 😅

So I’ve dated this guy for 4 years. We recently broke up this year because he wanted more time to himself and play games.

He also didn’t communicate that properly with me, that he wanted us to stop video calling everyday and have more time to himself.

I had to reach out to him and talk about it because he couldn’t communicate. So we got back together and now I regret it.

He would refuse to do adult duties because he’s scheduled a “raid” to play games. He would abstain from sleeping with me and outings because he’s too busy playing games.

He also refuses to let me look at his phone and go to his house. We have fights regularly because I have compromised alot for him and he has never compromised for me.

I unfortunately have an emotional bond to him and I don’t know how to leave.

Netizens’ comments

• What have you bonded with? He’s giving you nothing, so it seems like you are bonded with the idea of him – which must be absolutely nothing like the reality of him.
• I don’t understand how people fall into these traps. Don’t you know there are guys that will want to be with you? That will treat you well and make an effort to make sure you’re happy? Think of you before themselves? Why settle for this? …twice?
• Your first mistake was getting back into a relationship with someone who has historically shown exactly zero care for you.

I’m an international student who graduated and after a year of job hunting, I haven’t got any positive news. This is my first time being unemployed for so long. I worked part-time while doing my degree, went to 4 internships and 2 of which were 6 month long.

Though I totally understand the point of having SGUnited traineeship to help locals and also get why SG government needs to tighten the hiring of foreigners, I feel so lost.

Came here under study loan, now I have a huge debt waiting and a government’s bond that I don’t know how to deal with. I have been asking my parents to send money to survive day by day in one of the most expensive country so that I can keep applying for jobs.

But no one cares. No one ever cares. I turn to the CFG advisor, they have no idea about the employment of international students. They say they can write us a letter that we’re favourably considered for a work pass. But again, will any company ever look at your CV and the letter, knowing you have a foreign status?

I believe I can work well, I’m confident that I can do the job. But as far as they know I’m a foreigner, they turn me down.

Debt, mental health struggles and disappointment, and soon I might be homeless. I don’t want to rant, I never blame but at least I hope there is a light somewhere in this dark tunnel for me to head to. I really want to end my life here. Too much to suffer.

If any international graduates facing similar problems read this post, I hope we can gather as a group and support each other, at least emotionally.