Improvement is hard, but we can do it.

Hey everyone, I 28F have been together with my boyfriend 30M for 1 year and I am very sure he’s the one. And I hope my post helps the people out there who are struggling like me.

However, recently we had a huge argument & took some time off each other. After that, we had a talk where we both agreed that I was being too controlling.

So for context – I get upset and angry if he keeps in contact with his female friends & goes out with them 1 on
1. It came to a point where everytime he tells me he is going out with a friend, I’ll always ask about the gender. Just all in all, if I have time or if he have time, I want him to spend it with me. I want him all to myself.

Before you guys bash me, I would like to say that I agree it is a toxic behavior as my partner has his own life. Hence, I’m working towards it.

I’m posting this because some days I struggle with improving myself and working on myself and some days I find it easy. I would like to say that – For couples that are struggling with this, be patient with one another. Change is not easy & it really takes time. Help one another out & talk it out. Take a break from each other to think through things if needed. Some days are harder than the others but as long as we are trying, it gets easier.

For people who are struggling with this issue or other relationship issues, I hope you can take a step back to question yourself why are you feeling the emotions you’re feeling? Is it because of a previous relationship? If so, I hope you learn to let go of it. Don’t be trap in your past. It’s not easy. I’ve been there & I’m still working on it.

Jiayou!

Marriage isn’t working out

I’ve been married for 11 months now and I know my husband for 6 years.

Things aren’t working out and I don’t know what to do. We are on the verge of calling it quits. He works and drinks too much and there is no time for the relationship.

Yes we do go on holidays, movies, dates, but the spark is not there anymore and neither is any intimacy. We are just going on with the motions but there isn’t anything else. He doesn’t have the mental bandwidth because of his work. I don’t know how much more understanding to be when he has the audacity to blame me because the spark and feelings aren’t there. “Even on holiday there’s nothing between us” – huh? No effort and feelings can magically appear?

Is divorce the only way?

Tried suggesting marriage counselling but a) he doesn’t have time and b) his family mooted the idea so we just never went. Even trying to talk ends up in fights.

What to do? Is this the usual ‘just started living together, first 2 years are rocky’ fights? How do I know if I will ever get my relationship back or if this is the end? Planning on having a sit-down discussion with the families, or is this a bad idea?

I feel like I will be happier alone, and I do prefer it when he goes to work (I work from home) but it is very lonely.

Here are what netizens think:

• Marriage is kinship by choice, it is not always romance at all. If it is end of the road then do it on a nice note but remember why you choose to be with him in the first place. Don’t regret after choosing your decision.

• If he can’t even make time for counselling, it means that there’s no effort on his part to even want to salvage the relationship.

• This is why having an intelligent and humorous partner is important in a rs if you’re someone who is a bore. Some couples can do nothing for days but it’s still a place full of laughters

Shoddy Renovation Contractor

We contacted a renovation contractor through an online platform. After several rounds of discussion, we decided to use the contractor to renovate our kitchen and toilet. A job that should have been completed in one month was delayed for three months.

• Exterior paint works started peeling by the second month.

• Water gushing out from the concealed water pipes on CNY eve for more than 6 hours because we were out

• Leakage from water pipes throughout the project

• Interior paint works done halfway with holes in the wall

• Existing marble and new tiles were chipped

• We discovered the drainage pipe choked after the tiles were laid

• There were many more defects….

By 3rd month, we could not accept the shoddy workmanship and delays any further that we terminated the service of the contractor and got a new contractor to takeover the project.

The renovation contractor then sent us an invoice for payment but unit cost of items were inflated, the number of items renovated was increased (e.g. we only renovated one toilet but contractor charged us for 3 toilets.) The claimed amount also included works that the contractor did not do and did not complete. Subsequently, we got involved in a legal battle to determine the rightful amount to be paid for the works.

To further strengthen their case against us, the contractor forged our signature on several quotations, some of which we have not seen before, to claim more money than what was intended. This matter had been reported to the police but it’s been months and we still have no conclusion. We went to our MP for help but also nothing could be done to expedite the investigation. All that needed to be done was to obtain the originals and test for fingerprints and the truth would be told but it seems that was our simple-minded thinking.

Some higher being up there is looking after us as luckily we did not sign any agreements with the contractor because there was a penalty clause in the agreement that said “if you terminate the contract without mutual agreement, you are liable for the full contract amount”.

What really happened for us is when the contractor starts a specific work, the contractor will send us an invoice for 50% and when the work is completed, the contractor would bill us the balance 50%. Reason why we didn’t sign the agreement is because it was only a quotation and some of those items we had told the contractor that we were still looking for other contractors to do, e.g. cabinetry. We engaged the contractor mainly to do hacking, painting, plumbing and electrical works. But the contractor claim us for everything in the quotation.

To further pressure us to give in, this contractor sent emails to our company, maliciously spreading inaccurate and unfounded information that is damaging to our personal and professional character. Claimed that she is a terminally ill patient and that we had cheated her money despite the truth being that she had committed forgery and that the true monetary value of her works is to be determined by the Magistrate’s Court. Thankfully, our companies saw the truth and believed our integrity. What’s appalling is we were not the only victims. We found out that that there were other home owners who were in the same situation as us.

A few of us home owners got connected and we tried many ways to find justice and redress in this, reporting to BCA, CASE, HDB and even the police on the harassment but there are no policing bodies that can govern such issues.

Anyone can start a company today and renovate your home. The police won’t do anything as there is no physical hurt in the harassment. Our only “out” was POHA or defamation legal claim which again will incur high legal costs. We want to share the name of the contractor but we can’t due to legal complications and it’s sad that we cannot prevent other home owners from this.

We had reported to the online platform about the errant contractor but they refused to remove the post, and this will allow more home owners to be cheated.

(not real names)

My son is dating Gina.

My wife and I (early 30s) have a joint bank account that we use to pay all the standard household expenses.

For hobbies and other things that do not benefit the entire household, we have separate personal accounts.

How?

resignation letter to boss

i’m a local and i’m working at a small company, i recently got a new job offer and now gonna tender my resignation letter to my boss.

all of my old companies has HR that i could email to but this company, i’m working under my boss. he’s the one who interviewed me and he’s the one that pay us. we have no HR at all and anyone doing payroll.

i wonder if should be respectful to send him the letter by hand or just email him.. need help. i also have social anxiety, so facing people sometimes makes me nervous.

Netizens’ comments

1. Email and bcc your personal email so you have evidence you tendered.
2. If this boss is someone you respect, just tell him you need to talk to him in private and then explain to him you are about to resign as you have a better offer.
   Any boss that takes care of his staff would enquire if this is due to any push or pull reasons. The conversation could begin there and you could then send a email to confirm the resignation.
3. In terms of notification of your last day, email would suffice. In it, you state your last working day.
   In terms of formality (and maybe respect), you can do it by hand. But you should do it discreetly. Like ask to meet or talk in the meeting room for awhile with the letter in between your files or laptop. This is so that you don’t let other employees see your intent to leave.