my dad is too much

im a female, 20 next year, and im not allowed to drink alcohol, not allowed to go clubbing, not allowed to stay out past 12am, not allowed to go for supper and do many other things as long as its past 12am. The reason for this is because my dad associates going home past 12am with sex workers and club goers (which in his opinion ALL are bad people). i mean, there is no denying that there is some truth in what he says. BUT i cant even go for something as innocent as supper with my friends. he lectures me regularly to remind me of what i should and should not do. I do appreciate reminders here and there but there is a limit to the amount of times that i want to listen to the same thing again and again.

He thinks everyone who drinks alcohol, is a bad influence and thinks that my friends who drink, peer pressure me to drink, when they dont. in fact, they do not encourage me to do so. i mean, of course i want to try things at least once in my life. so i do try types of alcohol, but clearly, i do not like it so i dont get hooked on to it. He doesn’t allow me to go to my boyfriend’s house often as he says that my boyfriend’s parents will definitely talk bad about me for going over once a week or once every 2 weeks.

Recently, i wore a dress from TEM, which i admit, is quite revealing. BUT i was very happy with it, and was very happy with myself. My boyfriend nvr made an issue out of the clothes i wear and in fact, that dress is his favourite dress out of all my dresses. He always tells me that what i wear does not matter much, as long as i am satisfied and happy. Of course i do get stares here and there, from people from the older generation, but thats nothing new. i always bring an outerwear along so i can cover up more on public transportation and when i feel cold. i always wear the outerwear before i leave the house and when i come back home. i only take it off when its rlly hot outside or when im taking photos which is to mostly show the clothes that i wear and the way i look in them.

My dad recently confronted me, and lectured me, saying that my clothes are getting too revealing and that it was disrespectful to my boyfriend that i wear it to grab other people’s attention. He said that if i wear clothes like that, it is to attract the attention of others and therefore, it disrespects my boyfriend. He also said that he has been wanting to talk to me about this matter for awhile and he had asked my mum to talk to me. But my mum nvr approached me about it. i told him that my boyfriend does not mind that i wear the type of clothes that i wear. but he counters it by saying “that’s what he says in front of you”. so i just said that if he doesnt tell me straight up, that he has a problem with what i wear, i wouldnt know and hence, that becomes his problem. but my dad said that i have the wrong mindset. He also said that people will associate me with being a sex worker or a frequent club goer if i wear those outfits and that people will talk bad things about me. But lets just be honest, the people that hes talking about are just his friends and my uncles and aunts.

Im starting to get annoyed because he keeps bringing “respecting my boyfriend” as the main reason why i should not wear the clothes that i wear, but i think its just the fact that he doesnt want to admit that hes worried that his friends think he didnt raise me well. im pretty sure, im already very tame compared to many of my friends. ive only stayed out past 12am once with my friends and boyfriend. and ive nvr been to a club, even though i want to go at least once in my life. ive only drank alcohol 5 times in my life, and never to the point whr im wasted.

To give context the dress that i was wearing was from The Editor’s Market called the Sarelia Linen Halter Neck dress (but i wore it as a tube top)

I also have The Editor’s Market Shalisa Cross-Back Dress

and The Editor’s Market Elvenia Mini Slip Dress.

Pls tell me if these are too revealing

Working in EC sector…

Just wanted to share the reality of working in the EC sector, whereby parents probably don’t often see and sincerely hoping that parents out there be more understanding and patient towards their kid’s Teachers because we’re trying

Not only that it’s physically tiring (having to take care of kid’s well-being, ensuring that they are learning & growing up well) to be in this industry, it’s also mentally tiring when the workplace vibes is just not right…

Colleagues easily taking leaves & last minute mc’s (just bcos they feel like taking mc)… Yes you would say it’s their entitlement to take yet because the leave taking rules are not strictly enforced by boss, it always causes a spiral effect towards the whole centre deployment as we constantly face the issue of lack of manpower, leading to the need of staff coverage for other classes and Teachers working OT very frequently. I believe this applies to many centre as well.

Adding on to my point of coverage , it also means that majority of the time, teachers are left alone to oversee 1 class by themselves, with no help given and not meeting the teacher-student ratio that was set out by company / ECDA.

Apart from teaching, we spend lots of time off from work to work on children’s portfolio because it’s impossible to complete them during working hours with our eyes constantly on the kids. To top it off, redundant paperwork that we have to work on which is purely for filing bcos most of the time higher ups don’t bother checking??

We as educators not only teach children but also ensure children’s needs and safety are met. Administering first aid, making milk and washing milk bottles for younger kids, wiping & bending each time to lay and keep tons of cots to prepare for kid’s nap, and to little things like ensuring children are patched/sprayed with mosquito repellent cos parents expect teachers to ensure that children don’t get bitten by mozzies…

Yep, the above mentioned is the reality of what’s happening in the early childhood sector (at least for me). While we can’t change the dynamic of workplace if boss/higher ups don’t do anything, I hope for the least that parents be more understanding towards Teachers because no matter how much passion an educator have for children, just 1 nasty encounter with unreasonable and self entitled parent is enough to break that burning passion and causes more educators to leave the already short-handed industry.

Lastly. I also wish that there are more support system put in place for staff because if parents can complain to higher ups/ECDA, who can we go to/what can be done if educators are abused by parents?

So this happened a while ago but still bugs me to this day. Forgive the bad formatting as I’m on mobile and it’s my first post

I was younger at the time I went through this and it was one of my first relationships. I met this girl on a dating app and we decided to meet.

On the day the day we were supposed to meet up a but something came up and I wanted to reschedule but she insisted so I ended up driving almost 1 hour to meet her. The first red flag was the constant texts saying where are you? I however stupidly ignored it.( In hindsight there were a lot of red flags but me being me I ignored them)

I finally get there and we do our thing and I stayed the night. The next morning i leave and later that night as I’m relaxing I get the text that started this 4 month relationship from hell. “I really liked our time together do you want to start dating?” I said sure even though I really didn’t want to but didn’t wanna hurt her feelings.

A month passes and I begin to notice some things that really bother me. She told me her and her roommate weren’t an item but both were pretty close. She also was extremely jealous. EXTREMELY. I remember getting my car fixed and she later screamed at me that I must be cheating cuz of how nice my mechanic was when he had been my mechanic for years. That was red flag number

2. She proceeded to do this whenever someone would smile at me or make small talk.

A month and a half pass and I’m at her place when I’m using the restroom and she barges in screaming and crying. She told me she went through my phone and noticed one of my best friends had been messaging me earlier that day.

We’d been discussing plans to meet up for ice cream and catch up as we hadn’t seen each other in ages. She was certain that that was proof I was cheating. I explained that no I wasn’t and that was the end of that. She would regularly go through my phone and go nuts if I was talking to anyone but her. I had nothing hide but I still didn’t think she should go through my phone without my consent so I put a lock on it.

When she found out about it she threatened to kill hersef and proceed to fake a few seizures. ( She CLAIMED to have epilepsy but never saw meds used to treat it and they only happened after things didn’t go the way she wanted them to.)

Now I work with clients who does have seizures so this of course got me worrying untill she gave herself away a few weeks later. She told me she remembered a sweet nothing I had said while she was in the middle of a “seizure”. If anyone out there has seizures you probably know you don’t usually remember what happened during it. But any way back to the story.

She started to get abusive two months in. If I didn’t do things she wanted she would beat me.

It started off small like a smack but progressed to being choked out. She would also force me to have S even if I didn’t want to. There would be points when I said no and tried to push her off but she would force it and I’d have bruises from her holding me down.

The thing that pushed me over the edge was one night at my place she said she wanted Chinese food. I said I didn’t have enough money to pay for the food considering she didn’t drive and petrol to and from her house wasn’t cheap. She proceeded to threaten me with a knife. I talked her down but started to formulate my escape plan. I also really wanted to get her back. At this point I wanted her to feel some of the panic I’d felt over the past few months. Ms.nice guy was officially dead.

Now remember that roommate I said she seemed really close with? Well I found out she was cheating with him.

She left her fb open and I saw she had some messages from her roommate. Turns out she’d been cheating on him and called me a dumb bitch. She’d also been cheating with another girl too. While she was sleeping I copied the messages for part of my revenge.

We were about to head back to her place when I told her I needed gas. I find a station and tell her to go grab us drinks. She goes in and I leave her there. I made sure to pick a station 30 mins away from my house in an unfamiliar place. I got home and sent her all the screenshots and said I’m done. Good luck getting home. I then sent the screenshots to her family and the girl she was cheating on me with. I then posted her number to a S app with her photo and number. I blocked her on everything after that

I still wake up screaming sometimes because of that bitch.

3 years later. She broke me. Mentally, physically, and s-lly. I wish I had done more to her. Sometimes I wish I had hit her back or just walked away sooner. But I was too dumb. Hopefully no one goes through something like this or is smarter than me and leaves at the first sign of danger

How do I get over the fact I’ve been lied to by my partner?

When we first started dating she branded herself as someone who is clean due to religious reasons but ltr in the rs I found out she actually kissed some of her dates (they were not officially bf gf) and when I asked, she said it was just a peck.

I’m troubled because of the fact that when we first kissed, she made it such that it was a big deal and I took a step back but knowing this now paints a different picture in my mind.

We’re official and the fact that she can do this to any other guy and not blink an eye and lied to me bothers me a lot.

Here are what netizens think:

• kissing is unclean? then u better not kiss any girl before u marry them cuz u make them unclean

• I guess u are not upset by her being physical with other guys, but how she lies and brand herself as super pure and virtuous to the extent of making a big deal when you guys first kiss. Tbh major turnoff. And character issues. Just observe her more if she’s lying abt who she is in other aspects before u call it a day.

• From how you describe her, she doesn’t seem to be an honest person and it sounds like she’s not that sincere about you. Better cut your losses early. Early in the relationship when the road is smooth she already feel the need to lie. What if there are bumps along the way? Unlikely you will believe her words as she had already broken your trust. Don’t waste your time.

• She doesn’t sound honest and that into you, tbh. I think you’re a temp bf until she finds someone she really likes. Better you dump her first. Stop investing in this rs.

• Reminds me of the time when my guy friend was sharing with me (with a dreamy look) about the first time he held her hand and she was so shy about it. I also knew the girl (quite well in fact, and also know 2 of her exes)… Shy? For just holding hands when she had already… done so much more with other guys before? Oh pls…

• If you’re gonna be haunted by this whilst being in a relationship with her, I rather you break up.

• If you give other ladies a peck, I wonder how she reacts? A r/s with trust issues, things dun last. It’s like a cracked glass. How to continue keeping it?

How do you know if he is the right one?

I’m going to be in my mid 20s and I have been dating my first boyfriend for about 2 years and we met online.

I have lack of relationship experience so sometimes I don’t really know what is important for me to look out for in a partner.

I want to settle down soon (e.g. buying flat) and working towards future as I have goals and dreams, but I am still unsure if he is the right one. There are times when my gut feeling tells me he isn’t the one, especially when he does things that turn me off.

We argue pretty often but usually it resolved in awhile. It is difficult to pin point everything here as I do understand there are definitely problems in a r/s. I am just wondering how do you tell if someone can live with you for the rest of your life. I am definitely not trying to say that I want a perfect partner with zero problems in the future but at the same time I don’t wish that I regret marrying the wrong guy in the future.

Should I give myself more time? What should I do?

Here are what netizens think:

• If you are unsure then he isn’t the one. You’re still young so go out there and experience more relationships even platonic ones to understand what you want in a life partner. Have some fun, travel, see the world, meet new and exciting people. There is plenty of time before you find yourself settled in (stuck?) with the same person for the next 40-60 years!

• If you’re not sure and not ready, don’t settle. It sounds like you are still wondering if there’s a better one. Actually there’s no right or wrong guy. Its more about making a conscious choice to be with someone and commit to it. Also taking into consideration if you can get along well, especially when you have different opinions and views in all aspects of your lives. That’s why most believe its ideal to marry your best friend. Is he your best friend?

• Forget what the world tells you about a fixed set of criteria. The most important thing is a person’s character. That, you can only find out for yourself, over time. No one else can decide what’s best or acceptable for you. It takes a lot of trial and error. And maybe if you are lucky, one relationship is all you need. But most people do go through a few relationships before they settle.

• There is no such thing as a “better one” only the suitable one

how to protect family from father’s lack of financial self-control?

mother passed away recently, did not do estate planning, so all savings automatically went to father. mother was single-handedly controlling finances because father lacks self-control.

siblings and i are still students. have a special needs sister who will be taken care of by us for the rest of her life as well, which is why i’m so worried about our finances.

father earns 10k a month, but none of this goes into his savings or the joint account. my mother has been the only one contributing to the joint account and paying for siblings and i’s expenses. father has a gambling addiction. used to go to the casino all the time, drained joint account, which was why mother changed the pin on the joint account and he lost access to it (but apparently he never added any money to it anyway, so no loss there). his gambling now consists of “investing” — he buys crypto and stocks, but when you spend your whole paycheck on that, it’s no longer investing, it’s just pseudo-gambling. he also spends quite a bit on online shopping and maintaining his aquariums.

he has less than 20k worth of savings. scary since 20k is just two months of his salary.

i recall when a family friend asked him what he would do, hypothetically, if he won the lottery, and he explained the kinds of mega shopping sprees he would go on, before my family friend interrupted in horror and asked why he didn’t think of saving any of it for me and siblings, especially special needs sister. this is a man who clearly only thinks for himself.

he insulted this family friend to the point where they cut us off, which is why i’m afraid of confronting father about his issues, he could do much worse to me and siblings. i’m not confident that mother’s death has changed his ways and made him a more responsible man.

this is a man who spends 10k a month without even thinking. mother’s joint account and savings are sizeable (at least 250k). even though it’s a lot, i don’t know how much father’s expenses will balloon after seeing this amount. will he go crazy spending it all away over a period of a few short months? i suspect so.

i’m really scared and i want to find a way to protect siblings and i. especially my special needs sister, that money could go a long way paying for her school fees, possible speech therapy, future adult care. but i’m not sure if there’s anything i can do. any advice? or is father automatically entitled to spend the money however he wants?

how do y’all cope working non stop until your retirement?

I feel so exhausted already I have no idea how y’all do it for 5 days a week maybe even more. I know the money from work is important esp in a place like sg but just pure grit? how do y’all do this

I really can’t see myself doing this for the next 50-60 years of my life without developing some sort of issue or breaking down literally

Focus happiness outside of work

I focus my happiness on things other than work. For me as long as the workplace isn’t toxic and I can earn enough to fund my hobbies, that’s enough.

I’m exhausted too but I’m lucky enough to be able to “switch off” after work and only work during office hours. So the rest of the hours is all for me (single..heh)

So I guess TLDR, hobbies and “me time” do more than enough to get me through life (I have zero ambition)

No work outside working hours

I used to work 50-60 hour work weeks. Looking back I can’t even remember what drove me, probably financial security.

It was only after a family member passed this year when I really reevaluated my life, its purpose and my why.

My partner and I have since agreed to have very clear boundaries with work. No more night calls and meetings outside working hours, unless something is on fire, at the expense of family time. Refusing to take work calls or emails while on leave also gives me mini resets.

I also let go of previously formed beliefs like having to upgrade our HDB once it MOPs. We honestly do not need to unless we have children and even then we can buy a cheaper resale flat in a non mature estate. This mindset shift let me do the above without worrying I would be passed on for promotions.

Mentally get out of the rat race

For me it happened once I mentally got out of the rat race. I just think: there is endless work. I don’t need that much money to be happy. I don’t need to fake a Mercedes on Instagram to prove how long my dick is.

My peers with nicer pay checks or branded companies might have money, but they have no partner or life or have kids but outsource everything to Fatima or Anita. They essentially become rich, tired kids who made a kid who is raised by an Indonesian mom who’s trying to earn money to raise her own kids. Or they are so exhausted with work they spend all their time and money on games and porn to de-stress. There is no meaning to this life.

I’m happy earning this amount, I don’t need this and that. I won’t be around forever to enjoy my hobbies, spend time with my family. And I just focus on these.

And then I bring my 2 year old to the park, enjoy the times we giggle at butterflies, share an ice cream (99% me, 1% her, totally fair) and just watch her jump and hop with joy as we go to her favourite parts of the park safari. All this costs $0 and yet has a value far exceeding a $40,000 a month job.

Be content.