I am still a student and i just reflected over the past year. Consistently leaving home at 7 to 8 and coming back home 12 hours later.

It is so exhausting and it literally feels like the life has been sucked out of me. Then i realised that adults who are working would literally do this for decades and have no breaks like june holiday or the december holidays.

I would literally die.So how do you all do it?

Work hard to retire early

Yes we literally do that. Literally.

Well, we all have different approaches to this. There are people who choose the “I grind very hard now by doing a lot of sales so I can earn money faster and invest and then I will retire earlier” but it’s really a lot of hard work and maybe a bit of “conning” people along the way.

Most of us, we save cash and also let our CPF accumulate (for us to pay housing loan). Buy some insurance to cover ourselves for emergency like critical illness, hospitalisation and accidents. And we just roll with it. We do get holidays by using our vacation leave but it’s definitely not as much as your June or December hols.

When you grow older and older, life will really wake you up by force if you’re a normal household who have loans and recurrent bills to pay.

Enjoy while you’re being a student even tho academic pressure is also smth for students to handle.

Have hobbies and friends

Find a career and job that pays decently, offers flexibility and has hours you are ok with. The ability to do that, is unfortunately a function of all the efforts you’re putting in now as a student, albeit with other variables. So hopefully that can keep you motivated.

Honestly if my mum had reworked “if you don’t study hard you’re gonna become a roadsweeper” to “if you don’t study hard you’re gonna work in a family-run sme for a boomer boss located in an industrial park that requires 3 buses to get to”, I would have hauled ass in double time.

Also, have hobbies and friends.

It’s no news that my(21M) mother prefer my sister(18F) “Betty”. It’s always been like this. The reason is that I’m the split copy of my dad, appearance and personality, while my sister is way more like her.

It never bothered me much in the past, but the more I grow up the more I realise that it’s not just tiny differences, but more like if I’m not wanted at all.

My sister 18th birthday is coming by the end of the month and I never felt this upset about the differences our mother make.

She’s throwing Betty two parties, one with her friends and one with our family. The family one is a surprise. She asked me to find out what Betty would like to eat so that she can cook all her favourite foods and she has made a reservation in a really fancy place to hold said party.

The “last straw” was this morning; I went grocery shopping with mom and she asked me if a necklace with a diamond is an appropriate gift. “She’s turning 18 after all, it’s fair to get her something nice”.

The conversation went south quick when she asked for comparison “what did I gifted you for your 18th?” “Nothing”

And it really was nothing. She said that if I wanted a party I had to pay half, but I had no money to spend at the time so I decided not to have one. She said that “my gift for you would’ve been the party but you decided not to have one”. Pretty unfair if you ask me, but I’m not a big party guy anyway so I didn’t think much of it.

I feel kinda bad and confused because it never bothered me and now so suddenly I feel jealous of the way my sister is treated.

I don’t wanna be cold to her or our mother out of nowhere (also because it’s not Betty’s fault), but idk it just keeps popping up in my mind and I can’t stop feeling upset.

I think I’m justified but I still wanna hear some external opinions and maybe if you have some advice on how to get through this it would be appreciated.

In general, I am a well protected and lucky person & I feel very fortunate as compared to some of my peers. But…

Well,

I came to Singapore at age 2 and educated here up to my highest level possible.

At my age, I have experienced most of the luxuries in life (cars, bungalows, etc) even though my immediate family is just average. You may wonder why? Well.. It’s probably coz my relatives doted on me.

Maybe they find me cute as a kid, or maybe they find me special coz I always topped the class. Or they were just very kind people who wanted to spread happiness & make kids like me happy.

So yep, I grew up in that kind of environment. Very supportive, very friendly environment overall.

Nevertheless, it is always not in my priority to lead an extravagant lifestyle.

I prefer to keep myself grounded and it is rather obvious in the choice of my lifestyles as most friends & family members commented.

As a result, now I face rather enormous pressure from my extended families because they feel that I am different drom them. Since young, I have been asked to pursue the luxuries in life (or example, get a Merc, BMW at least if I were to buy a car, or to own a bungalow at least).

As I grew up, such pressure made me resent wealth to some extent. How I wish my family could place less emphasis on wealth & start contemplating on the essence of life and what is it that really makes me look forward to waking up everyday with a sense of purpose?

Of course, during the process of resisting the overwhelming pressure, I rejoiced in finding my true passions and building it up so I could lead a life which is emotionally fulfilling. I used to hastily get into a job (for some funny reasons) which didn’t bring me happiness.

There were two main reasons why I joined the company: 1) to finance my brother’s education & 2) my crush was there!

So when my crush left the company, I found it hard to focus on my work, let alone the motivation to continue to excel. Sometimes I cried (I was a crybaby all along so nothing surprising). Most of all, I felt disengaged, disinterested and totally pissed by all other colleagues. To me, he was everything. Yes, everything. As in emotionally, he was my inspiration!

So I decided to quit my job. I proudly told everyone about my intention to resign. I even contemplated joining the SPF to become a policewoman.

Have I ever regretted quiting my first job?

No, not at all.

In fact, up till this very moment, I still feel very happy about it.

And thank God, I reunited with my love. I dote on him every chance I have now.

To sum up, I just want to say that

I live for LOVE & Happiness.

Wealth can come second, or third.

It doesn’t matter to me.

Women, Have Some Temper & Build Some Muscle

I am not sure about most women, but I myself came from a family (and having extended families) where women make most decisions and sometimes earn more than men.

In our household, we don’t look down on men, neither do the men look down on us. It is always almost equal.

First, lets talk about my dad.

I count myself one lucky daughter. I have never gotten any beatings from my father, for example. There was once he tried (cause he wanted to try out a new cane he just bough to smack my younger brother, Lol).

Guess what? I smacked him back, with the same cane. xD That’s how much self-respect I have.

I’d always topped the class & was well-liked by my teachers and relatives. I am independent with my own opinions and my dad has always been proud of me.

In marriage, I have my own temper.

I remember years ago, there was once when I argued with my husband (because his mum stirred sh*t), he got so agitated he grabbed an object & threw it right on the floor to vent his anger.

Keeping in mind my mum’s teachings (never let anyone bully you, including your husband), I threw my phone on the floor to vent back, smashing the screen and losing some contacts in the process.

I don’t care. No one messes with me. So what if you’re my husband, my MIL?

Still not enough? I flew a chair across the living room, at his parents house.

His mum stared in awe, just like this: Probably feeling good inside because me & my husband arguing. And then she *smirked*, how typical.

Interestingly From then on, my husband never initiated any arguments with me.

Why? Cause my son started to mimic what we did (i.e. throwing things..) That’s when we decided.. No one shall ever throw things around again! xD

After that incident, my husband also got me a new phone to replace the one I destroyed.

Of course, my husband has no 小三 , at least not that I know of. If I ever found out he has one, Ah… good news, I can finally go for 小五 or 小王。Fair enough, right x)

The lesson is: DIL stay away from toxic MIL, and live happily ever after.

I (24F) work in a mostly-male environment since I work in IT, and I have never felt uncomfortable until I met this guy.

He’s like 50, and he’s two levels above me and oversees a different part of IT but still approves some of my project stuff. He followed me on Instagram and on multiple occasions has gone back and liked my old uni pictures.

He also pulled me aside once and told me I have a super pretty voice and asked if I’m a singer (really odd to me). Few weeks ago I was in the office since I’ve started coming back, he came over and asked if I wanna go to lunch Thursday. I thought it would be a group thing, but he sent an invite to me and me only for a 1.5 hour lunch even though our break is only 1 hr.

The title said “your choice” so I could choose where we were going. I was creeped out. Today, he came over and said “you have a rash on your face” and touched my jaw.

Am I being overdramatic or should I be weirded out??

Just for context he technically an indirect supervisor since he approves a lot of my work, but I don’t report to him directly. He has a high influence on the IT department as a whole especially since it isn’t a big organization.

Here are what netizens think:

• Bring this to your direct managers attention right away. If you’re comfortable doing so, also directly tell this guy his behavior is making you uncomfortable. Document everything.

• You are correct, this is inappropriate. Trust your gut. This guy is using his position and power to be a creep. If you don’t feel comfortable talking to your direct manager, talk to your HR person. If you don’t feel comfortable going straight to HR, find another woman to talk to who has been in the company a while and knows this guy.

• If I was you, I would send him a very neutral but firm e-mail regarding the lunch invite (so you have a refusal to his invintation in writing): “Hi, thanks for the lunch invite. I thought it will be a group work lunch, but it seems I am the only person invited. I am sorry I can’t make it as it makes me feel uncomfortable. Thanks, Kind regards.”

I’ve been married for almost 2 years and I am unsure if I am genuinely happy. Anger management and ego are already huge issues. Contradicting, gaslighting and controlling are another. Most of the time, I questioned myself if my husband truly loves me or he stay for status?

Before marrying him, he already created problem which was cheating. He became aggressive and hit me when I broke up with him but as weeks passed, I was too dumb to accept him back . Our marriage was also kind of forced by parents.

Early days was still smooth until a month later as I get to know I was pregnant, he acted suspicous . He was looking at obscene contents of other girls and commented on them . I knew I shouldn’t have believe him from the start. I told him not to create nuisance anymore because he was going to be a dad.

It kept happening when he told me he already stopped.I got insecure and asked myself about my worth. We usually argue about that till he physically strangle me and kick me in the stomach.

That day I thought we would divorce and I wished we did but I think man has power in marriage? I felt so disappointed in my dad too as he “stopped” us from fighting but did nothing. He tried to advice me to treat my husband well.

After giving birth to our child, my husband was already yelling at me. He assumed I couldn’t handle our son at all just because he had experience with one for few months. Yep he had one with his ex but they didn’t last. Now i see why the ex don’t want him lol.

Anyways, my husband was nice and showed that he cares about me and our son in front of family and friends. Behind their back, he was a complete different person. He barely help me with our son. When I asked him to take turn as I need break, he went against me and brought up about unneccessary things in the argument. It continues even until we moved in our own house. In fact, it got worse. We had more constant arguments and financial was one of the issues.

I got retrenched from company due to my commitment as I couldn’t find caregiver for my son. My husband told me from middle of pregnancy that I don’t have to work after maternity leave. He said he can support the family but as soon as I became full time SAHM, he complained a lot.

He kept saying ” You don’t pay for anything? Can you give me money? No right? So fk off” Yes I don’t but why was he being a jerk? I endure to look after his own son,cook and do house chores 24/7 but that’s what I get? Back when I was working, I still did everything though.

On the days I want to meet my sister or friends without him, I asked his permission and he was okay with it. As soon as I was with them, my husband texted/called me often. If I responded late or not updating him at all, he gets angry and accussed me of having an affair. He probably afraid I tell them about what he has done to me.

Long story short, it never ends . Our arguments were usually verbal and us slamming doors but when it gets heated, physical action took place. I would do anything to defend myself but at times, I can say I was wrong too? I don’t want our son to be in the middle of our argument. I am afraid one day he will lay hand on our son just because he is angry at other things.

Recently, he was already punching my face while I carried our son. I don’t know how I can work things out with him. I tried having pillow talks but he always avoid. When I told him I can’t do it anymore, he kept saying he will change for better.

He told me if we divorce, he won’t have time for our son anymore. He said a lot of crap when he was angry but then, how can he act like nothing happened between us? For me, till this day, I feel like I have failed and about to lose myself. I lost love and major respect on my husband so what should I do?

My fiancé and I are looking to purchase a residential property. However, BTO are really tough to get and we’re trying to participate every time we get the opportunity to. So we are adamant about getting a BTO because it’s like a dream home to us.

Problem: Parents want us to buy an EC and they will loan us the money.

Issue: Fiancé doesn’t want to borrow any money from any side of the parents as he wants to buy it with own money. And to avoid the repercussions of the parents using the loan as a tool in the future to gain control over something.

Brought the issue up to the parents and they think that we “don’t want” their money. They were pissed about it.

Question: Now the question is, I am stuck in between them. What are your thoughts? Please share.

Here are what netizens think:

• DONT. later alot of messy stuff. eh i paid so leave a room for me, eh i paid you should take care of me in retirement, i paid so much money and you dont want to do this and that for me?!?! Unfilial child, i paid so why cannot hv say in renovation… you will be so miserable, just buy resale. Later you do anything, anything, they will be able to 1 up you by bringing this up. What can you say?? The one that took the money hv no say.

• Was in a similar position as you, OP – parents offered to loan us money for the house. SO was open to it (since it’s “free” money) and the older sibling also took up the offer. But I was against it and thankfully we didn’t borrow money from them.

• It’ll be a very lovely 30-40 year zero percent interest loan, voluntarily dragged out by happy parents who’ll use your condo facils, use the guest room anytime either party argues and so on(retiree couples argue alot). They essentially want to buy a second home through yall. Run, dont walk.

Met 2 guys from dating app around the same time, now both are starting to hint that they wanna date me exclusively. But I don’t know who to choose

So Guy A is totally my type in terms of looks. Due to similar upbringing and educational

background, we have a lot of common conversation topics and on top of that he has good sense of humour. We also share a liking for one particular sport which we do together weekly. He lives in HDB and doesn’t drive, his family is not rich but lives a comfortable life. He was a scholar back in uni and now holding a managerial position in MNC. He is very capable at work, generally street smart and carries himself well around people. Only weaknesses I noted so far 1) He doesn’t show much concern when I have a bad day or when i am sick, not really sure if he doesn’t know how to comfort me or just can’t be bothered. 2) He doesn’t like to plan dates so usually is either I plan or we do things impromptu. He does try to accommodate to my love language that is quality time and we spend quite a lot of time together despite his busy schedule.

Guy B is not bad looking too, although not exactly my type. He comes from affluent family, owns a condo and drives. He holds a decent job, but I happened to know he is actually a uni dropout and got the job through his parents’ connections. He is not as smart / capable as guy A but personality wise he is more warm and caring. He is very talkative so there is never awkward silence between us, but as time passes, I notice he does most of the talking and we don’t have much common topics to talk about. We also have no common interest. He is very generous with gifts and he brought me to nice places for dates. He openly tells me he is serious about me and hopes to settle down with me soon, something that guy A never brought up before. He even brought me home and introduced me to his family although we are not together yet.

In short, I feel like I get along better with guy A and more attracted to him as he is smarter and more capable, but guy B seems to be a better guy to settle down with given his financial stability and caring nature. Hence the dilemma. I am approaching 30 soon and hoping this relationship will be my last.

Just wanna get the crowd’s opinion on who you will choose and why.

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