I’ve been married for almost 2 years and I am unsure if I am genuinely happy. Anger management and ego are already huge issues. Contradicting, gaslighting and controlling are another. Most of the time, I questioned myself if my husband truly loves me or he stay for status?

Before marrying him, he already created problem which was cheating. He became aggressive and hit me when I broke up with him but as weeks passed, I was too dumb to accept him back . Our marriage was also kind of forced by parents.

Early days was still smooth until a month later as I get to know I was pregnant, he acted suspicous . He was looking at obscene contents of other girls and commented on them . I knew I shouldn’t have believe him from the start. I told him not to create nuisance anymore because he was going to be a dad.

It kept happening when he told me he already stopped.I got insecure and asked myself about my worth. We usually argue about that till he physically strangle me and kick me in the stomach.

That day I thought we would divorce and I wished we did but I think man has power in marriage? I felt so disappointed in my dad too as he “stopped” us from fighting but did nothing. He tried to advice me to treat my husband well.

After giving birth to our child, my husband was already yelling at me. He assumed I couldn’t handle our son at all just because he had experience with one for few months. Yep he had one with his ex but they didn’t last. Now i see why the ex don’t want him lol.

Anyways, my husband was nice and showed that he cares about me and our son in front of family and friends. Behind their back, he was a complete different person. He barely help me with our son. When I asked him to take turn as I need break, he went against me and brought up about unneccessary things in the argument. It continues even until we moved in our own house. In fact, it got worse. We had more constant arguments and financial was one of the issues.

I got retrenched from company due to my commitment as I couldn’t find caregiver for my son. My husband told me from middle of pregnancy that I don’t have to work after maternity leave. He said he can support the family but as soon as I became full time SAHM, he complained a lot.

He kept saying ” You don’t pay for anything? Can you give me money? No right? So fk off” Yes I don’t but why was he being a jerk? I endure to look after his own son,cook and do house chores 24/7 but that’s what I get? Back when I was working, I still did everything though.

On the days I want to meet my sister or friends without him, I asked his permission and he was okay with it. As soon as I was with them, my husband texted/called me often. If I responded late or not updating him at all, he gets angry and accussed me of having an affair. He probably afraid I tell them about what he has done to me.

Long story short, it never ends . Our arguments were usually verbal and us slamming doors but when it gets heated, physical action took place. I would do anything to defend myself but at times, I can say I was wrong too? I don’t want our son to be in the middle of our argument. I am afraid one day he will lay hand on our son just because he is angry at other things.

Recently, he was already punching my face while I carried our son. I don’t know how I can work things out with him. I tried having pillow talks but he always avoid. When I told him I can’t do it anymore, he kept saying he will change for better.

He told me if we divorce, he won’t have time for our son anymore. He said a lot of crap when he was angry but then, how can he act like nothing happened between us? For me, till this day, I feel like I have failed and about to lose myself. I lost love and major respect on my husband so what should I do?

My fiancé and I are looking to purchase a residential property. However, BTO are really tough to get and we’re trying to participate every time we get the opportunity to. So we are adamant about getting a BTO because it’s like a dream home to us.

Problem: Parents want us to buy an EC and they will loan us the money.

Issue: Fiancé doesn’t want to borrow any money from any side of the parents as he wants to buy it with own money. And to avoid the repercussions of the parents using the loan as a tool in the future to gain control over something.

Brought the issue up to the parents and they think that we “don’t want” their money. They were pissed about it.

Question: Now the question is, I am stuck in between them. What are your thoughts? Please share.

Here are what netizens think:

• DONT. later alot of messy stuff. eh i paid so leave a room for me, eh i paid you should take care of me in retirement, i paid so much money and you dont want to do this and that for me?!?! Unfilial child, i paid so why cannot hv say in renovation… you will be so miserable, just buy resale. Later you do anything, anything, they will be able to 1 up you by bringing this up. What can you say?? The one that took the money hv no say.

• Was in a similar position as you, OP – parents offered to loan us money for the house. SO was open to it (since it’s “free” money) and the older sibling also took up the offer. But I was against it and thankfully we didn’t borrow money from them.

• It’ll be a very lovely 30-40 year zero percent interest loan, voluntarily dragged out by happy parents who’ll use your condo facils, use the guest room anytime either party argues and so on(retiree couples argue alot). They essentially want to buy a second home through yall. Run, dont walk.

Met 2 guys from dating app around the same time, now both are starting to hint that they wanna date me exclusively. But I don’t know who to choose

So Guy A is totally my type in terms of looks. Due to similar upbringing and educational

background, we have a lot of common conversation topics and on top of that he has good sense of humour. We also share a liking for one particular sport which we do together weekly. He lives in HDB and doesn’t drive, his family is not rich but lives a comfortable life. He was a scholar back in uni and now holding a managerial position in MNC. He is very capable at work, generally street smart and carries himself well around people. Only weaknesses I noted so far 1) He doesn’t show much concern when I have a bad day or when i am sick, not really sure if he doesn’t know how to comfort me or just can’t be bothered. 2) He doesn’t like to plan dates so usually is either I plan or we do things impromptu. He does try to accommodate to my love language that is quality time and we spend quite a lot of time together despite his busy schedule.

Guy B is not bad looking too, although not exactly my type. He comes from affluent family, owns a condo and drives. He holds a decent job, but I happened to know he is actually a uni dropout and got the job through his parents’ connections. He is not as smart / capable as guy A but personality wise he is more warm and caring. He is very talkative so there is never awkward silence between us, but as time passes, I notice he does most of the talking and we don’t have much common topics to talk about. We also have no common interest. He is very generous with gifts and he brought me to nice places for dates. He openly tells me he is serious about me and hopes to settle down with me soon, something that guy A never brought up before. He even brought me home and introduced me to his family although we are not together yet.

In short, I feel like I get along better with guy A and more attracted to him as he is smarter and more capable, but guy B seems to be a better guy to settle down with given his financial stability and caring nature. Hence the dilemma. I am approaching 30 soon and hoping this relationship will be my last.

Just wanna get the crowd’s opinion on who you will choose and why.

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Hi! I want to share a situation with you to receive different points of view.

I’m (M23) in a very good relationship for two years with a really nice woman (F22). We live in different cities, but they’re pretty close, so we only see each other on weekends.

Recently, she was called for a new job. It will be a great opportunity and I supported her decision to make that change. There’s only one issue: in this new job, she will be working with a guy that has some feelings for her. When we started to date, he even blocked her and said that she was hurting him… kind of childish. And they never had anything. It’s only his interest, she never responded.

Nowadays, he says he’s over it. As they live really close and will be working together, this guy said to her that he can give her a ride to work everday. What do you think about the situation? The workplace is far from where they live, so it would be very good to her to get a ride as she doesn’t have a car. But at the same time, I think it’s a bit of an annoying situation knowing that the guy will be with her in the car everyday as he has (or at least had) some feelings for her.

What do you think? Does it make sense for me to be bothered by this? Should I talk to her?

Here are what netizens think:

• That’s a good way for him to un ‘get over it’ proximity is the worst thing for feelings good and bad.

• Why would that even matter if she isn’t interested in him? I’m not sure if it’s a cultural thing, but most of these responses seem really controlling to me.

• Honestly, as a woman in THIS day and age, I wouldn’t even feel comfortable accepting the ride given the history. I’d politely decline. His feelings are bound to reignite despite him being “over it” if he even is in actuality (highly doubt that by the way).

• I wouldn’t feel safe if I was in her position, so I would have told the guy absolutely not. I’m not sure why she would want to take a ride from him, even for convenience. Talk to her about it because I’m going to give the benefit of the doubt, and say she hasn’t thought through the potential scenarios of what could happen if she’s left alone in a car with this guy.

Is it advisable to get a landed property as the first property as a young couple? I (30) and my gf (29) are planning to get married soon.

Our salaries are slightly above the BTO ceiling. Although we can try to appeal, we are considering to get a landed property as our home.

In particular, we are looking at those very old property and tear it down and rebuild a new house. It’d be really nice to have our own inputs into how the house would be designed into our dream house.

Both of us grew up in HDB flats sharing with many family members and we’d like to get a change of environment and get much more space.

We are thinking of getting a long loan like 30-35 years and slowly pay off as our income grow in future.

I think just the downpayment alone would totally wipe out our savings + cpf but we see it as a long term investment. Is it worth it to get such a property considering our age/ income?

Netizens’ comments

• just curious, if downpayment will wipe your savings + cpf, where will you get the money to tear down and rebuild the house? it would easily be another 200-300k just to refit the house, more to tear it down 
• I personally think it’s a great idea if u can afford it. But don’t buy a leasehold landed that has not many years left, because it’s a depreciating asset.
  Get one that is either freehold or a young leasehold. Then as the years go the value of your house will also grow. These 2 years the value of landed property grew the most out of the differentproperty segments.
  But not sure if u calculated finances properly, because most landed properties are at least 2 mil. And if it’s 2mil, the downpayment required for that in CPF/cash is 500k..

Work, for the most part, is just like the rest of your life: There are people you trust, people you like, parts of it you like, people you don’t trust, people you don’t like, and parts of it you hate.

Tips on how to navigate office politics?

Try not to get involved in office politics. It’s mostly created by egos. Biggest tip: Don’t say or email anything you wouldn’t want anyone else to see or hear. ALWAYS assume your emails and comments WILL BE FORWARDED to someone else. Re-read all of your emails and ask yourself, if this got forwarded to the entire company, what would happen?

How to form friendships in the workplace?

Just like you do in the rest of your life, but until you can trust them completely, assume they can’t be trusted and will tell everyone what you say and do.

How to be liked by most people?

Again, just like in real life. Some will like you and some won’t. Treat everyone with respect.

Tips on how to be enthusiastic and happy at work even on your worst days?

Don’t. Don’t ever fake your emotions. You can’t be enthusiastic and happy every day. Again, just be respectful to other people and don’t take your feelings out on others.

Tips on how to be more extroverted when you’re an introvert?

You can’t. This is how your brain is wired.

How to feel confident when you have no idea what’s going on?

NO ONE expects you to go what’s going on when you’re new. Feel confident that you’ve made it this far. Remind yourself where you were two months ago, or whatever time period works for you, and the progress you’ve made since then. NEVER STOP ASKING QUESTIONS. I’ve been working for 20 years and I’m not even kidding you — I still don’t know what’s going on and I’m still asking questions.

My widowed mother recently informed my elder bro and I that she will be selling off her flat. 1st HDB appt done.

The proceeds will go 100% to our younger bro coz he needs it. She will move into his flat as he resides overseas.

Her flat was meant to be a safeguard for retirement & where she can collect passive rental income from renting out some of the rooms.

Relations in the family has soured. My mum even asked if my elder brother could cough out the whole sum from his personal savings to give to the youngest son so she can stop the sale.

Mind you it’s hundred of thousands here. Otherwise, she will proceed and she’s just informing us, not consulting us about the flat.

If your living mum cuts you out of her assets and gives everything to one child, what is your reaction to this decision knowing well that in her old age, she will need monetary support?

Mind you, I’m the go to child for errands, not the precious youngest child. I don’t want to make this a topic of money either but it’s inevitable and money spoils relationships.

Me and parter have two kids. We are currently in a bad financial situation and living with my mother-in-law.

He goes out with friends regularly, regardless of funds and if we can afford it. Recently I had to pay a really important bill alone because he spent his entire portion drinking with friends.

I have no access to his bank account, I have no idea where his money goes and any time I try and talk to him about how he spends his money it turns into a fight. Today he informed me he’s going drinking again. I asked how he was paying for that and he said he would be I said we couldn’t afford and his response was to demand how I would know that.

We had an argument and he said he could afford to spend X amount of money and I said clearly not considering I had to pay your portion of the bills he said something along the lines of “I actually work for my money” and left. I don’t think I’m in the wrong.

Here are what netizens think:

• Get out of this relationship as soon as possible.
• Sounds like you married a pig that only eats and drink and has zero care for the world.
• Take the kids and run, go file for whatever you need to file and make sure its the end of it.

Should I move out.

Im a single female in my late 20s staying with my parent, I have been looking to move out due to certain circumstances and conflicts with them.

Also it takes me more than an hour to travel to work so I thought maybe it would be good to rent a place nearer to my workplace to save time traveling

Just wondering though would it be practical to spend $400-700 on rental when I earn a monthly take home salary of $2k.

Here are what netizens think:

• Not practical. Insufficient income is only one factor. More importantly, this is a portion of money you will be throwing away on rent when you already have a home to live in. That money can go towards your future home when you do intend to settle down with a partner. It is impractical to be unnecessarily renting a place for the sake of travel convenience and family conflicts. Both of which are generally obstacles in life we just have to make do with or find a workaround to resolve.

• Totally support you to move out, share a room with someone or a friend, then you will gain freedom and independence that you crave. Either you will appreciate your parents more or grow up faster. I’m sure you hv savings from earlier years of working. Late 20s, you definitely need to move out and be independent

• That’s not prudent! Just go home to sleep only and stay outside as much as u can

• Sometimes the condition of a person tells a lot. Drop ego so that u can live better. Instead of always being stubborn

Am I being too soft hearted

I got to know a girl from Taiwan few months ago who was working in Singapore under S pass.

Let’s call her ‘D’. She was a sweet lady, very well-mannered, compassionate and very family oriented. We got along really well and soon became attached. We met almost everyday and spent our weekends together , shopping for groceries, going to the beaches, watching movies and much more.

We were like any other couples who were in love. We shared our joy and problems .. we talked about our family and anything under the roof. She said I made her feel special and happy, a feeling that she had never gotten from other guys. I told her I am serious in the relationship and she acknowledged and told me that if time permits, she would bring me to her hometown to meet her family and bring me around. I was really happy when she told me that.

2 months ago, due to some family matters, she had to go back to her hometown. Our communication got lesser after she went back and shortly after she told me she has to cancel her permit as her dad wanted her to stay in her hometown and that she would never be able to work in Singapore anymore.

As the communication got lesser, I felt something not right.. I asked if she is seeing someone else. She said no but that her dad had wanted her to settle down in her hometown and had suggested that she get married to a close friend’s son whom she said she has never met and she was considering as her dad is getting old.. she felt that it was right to stay and take care of her dad.

My heart sunk when she told me that but at the same time I respected the way she thinks. We continued to chat via text like we used to but the frequency got lesser and lesser. Then,I knew it was hard for us to be together.

Her birthday was last month and I told her I had bought her present and would ask a common Taiwan friend to pass to her when she meets her in Taiwan. D suggested that if I had the time, she would want me to pass to her myself.

I was uncertain as I felt she had been cold in our chats and I wouldn’t want her to make me feel like I am just a normal friend when I see her. I went eventually.

I was really happy when things were like when we were in Singapore. We held hands , we kissed, the feeling was the same. We had a good talk and I asked her again if she is seeing anyone in her hometown.. she told me no again. I asked her about the arranged marriage by her dad, she said she had not made up her mind. . She told me she had spoken to her dad about me and that her dad needed time to think about it. She said once she settled all the issues, she would bring me to see her dad. I told her I would give her time and am ready to settle down with her. She said she was happy to hear that from me. I came back to Singapore with full of hope.

However, few weeks ago, I got to know from the common friend that D has intended to get engaged this month and this guy she was going to get engaged to was in fact her boyfriend in Taiwan whom she knew about a year ago.

I was shocked and heartbroken but I pretended not to know. I hinted to her a few times in our chats that I felt something not right and asked if she has anything that she wanted to tell me.. She ignored.

Then came the day that I couldn’t take it and told her I knew everything about her and her boyfriend and told her we should have a good talk and end everything nicely. The text message that she gave me was .. “we can’t chat like that anymore because few more days, I will…” that was her exact words.. she couldn’t even finished the sentence in the chat and didn’t have the courage to confess to me that she lied and that she indeed has plan to get engaged to her boyfriend. My heart was deeply hurt.. but I kept cool and wished her all the best..

There were moments that I felt so angry when I think back how she has lied to me that I wanted to expose her wrongdoings to her presumably husband now. I would be able to connect with him if I wanted to. I wanted to tell him She has cheated on both of us.. but I ended up suffering alone in silence and felt the other guys is innocent.

Few days ago I saw her engagement photos, she was wearing a ring that I gave to her. It was hurtful. I don’t know if she felt sorry or guilty when taking those photos .. she seemed to have a good time but I am here suffering alone.

I know it’s easy to say.. let it go.. but the hurt is really deep. I am just worried I would get drunk one day, can’t control myself and expose everything out to the other guy.

It’s Hard. I don’t hate you but am utterly disappointed with You ‘D’