I guess this gonna be long. I dated a guy from an online platform last year and I broke up with him recently. Things were okay at first but it was a roller coaster ride throughout after that.

The first couple of dates did not show the red flags until we were officially together. He does not have saving habits and cannot manage his own finance properly. I tried my best to find the methods that best suit him to save but he keep strongly rejecting the ideas and said it does not work on him as he know himself the best.

Soon I also found out he likes to gamble on frequent basis. At that time, it was soccer. But so long you gamble within your means / moderately for a bit entertainment, it is okay right? No, he plays big when he has the feels. There was one soccer match that he had “feels” for it and decided to bet a few thousands. Guess what? He lost all. His pay wasn’t a lot too and he’s in the force.

Later on he went on debts for several reasons, end up with no savings. He had to borrow from his parents to clear his debts. But when he already has debts and yet he still play mj and play quite big? To the extent where he will find strangers to play with. When i found out, i confronted him and he claimed playing mj is form of relaxation, to destress himself from all the problems he had. I initiated break up. Knowing he messed up, he asked for a second chance to prove himself. So I did. He did stop on the soccer bets and mj for a while.

It didn’t last long until we went overseas trip together this year and he gambled at the casino and lost more than sgd 5k. I wasnt with him that time and i get to know after. When i asked if he knew his current situation and why will he still want play so much? Like he didn’t think of the consequences beforehand and losing this amount was seem okay to him? He told me he didnt think of anything else atm and likes the thrills when playing. Same goes to arcade like tz, cpcm, he can spend quite a lot that you cannot imagine in one day.

Again, borrowed money from parents to pay off his loss in gambling plus with his ongoing debts. At that time, knowing he in real deep trouble, he cried and said he will change for better for real this time. Giving a benefit of doubt that he will change for the better this time, i stayed to go thru the tough times with him. But then again, how foolish of me to think he will change since leopard cannot change its spots? I was constantly thinking about the future. What if I’m together with him with kids, how am i suppose to take in and live with gambling and other stuffs?

The parents are very nice people and treat me well. The mum knows his pattern very well, told him to tell me not to waste my time with him with his situations like that. I really feel heartache and pity for his parents. I guess no parents want their children to be like that right but sadly they have to deal with it? He’s a freaking working adult.

We also had quarrels on other things as well during this rs due to different communication styles and mindsets. I also found out he is manipulative and being double standards. His thinking is immature and living in his own bubble. Sometimes we happened to quarrel during his work time, he would threaten me that he’s at work or else he will do stupid things. Hence, I will have to give in.

He once told me, he sought for drinking and gambling to release out every time we quarrel. That’s also I know it’s the end for us. He can choose other forms of coping mechanisms eg: exercise but he choose those. Even the partner isn’t me, and he quarrels with his future partner, he will still choose his poisons as his coping mechanisms.

There’s a lot more things also contribute and to consider, hence we decided to break up amicably for good.

After we broke up, I do feel relieved as I think I wasn’t really happy in the rs at all, even there were happy moments. Certain times, I was stressed out because of the rs. Thinking back, I think i was in my lowest point and I was never really happy. My friends can sense I wasn’t happy and stressed out often. Right now, I feel like I’m at a better place, finding peace and giving some self love I have never given myself before. I cared other people that I forget to care for myself.

1 month after we broke up, he found a new girl, should be online platform as well. Well, quite expected as it seemed he did the same to me previously. And probably he scared being lonely and wanting to fill up his emptiness or that’s his coping mechanism. He broke up with his previous ex that time and a few months in found me. Also, He has a quite a number of exes before me.

They seems to be on honeymoon period and with that I think the girl have yet to find all these red flags and truth from him.

I’m wishing the new girl good luck and all the best until she found out all the red flags and debts. Unless he hides it very well from her and no intentions to tell her? But I also feel like telling the new girl about his red flags so she won’t get hurt eventually. Should I tell her, or ignore and let it be?

worst boss i had was at my shortest stint as contract staff. it was a role that i got through a human resources agency.

i only survived 3 months before i couldn’t take it anymore. let’s call my horrible boss D. here are some of their antics:

• D banned their staff from having lunch together (our work didn’t overlap, D just didn’t want us to spend time together. when colleagues and i talked D would pull us aside and question us on why we needed to talk to each other.
• following up on previous point, there was once i offered to help my colleague. D overheard and pulled them aside after, telling them “who do you think you are, getting help on your job?”
• D was ridiculously moody. they would yell at their staff sometimes because of some small mistakes and you would hear them yelling in the whole office. D had an awful rep with the other departments who sat with us because of the constant yelling. one of them talked to me and pitied me for being in D’s team).
• i was hired as a graphic designer. D gave me a lot of senseless comments for my work. case in point: D wanted me to set all of our collaterals’ font type to Arial in font size 12 and they said it was because it was our ‘corporate font’. (it was not).

basically every day was like walking on eggshells around D.

anyway on why i left: one of my colleagues went on a 2 week holiday and D asked me to cover her work. my colleague worked in operations and i was a designer so i did not have any clue on what to do considering that we were in completely different fields.

i was asked to liaise with our on-site vendor to collect an artwork from them for their shop and they had informed me on the phone to tell me that they would send it over in the afternoon. i called at morning. when i had informed D, they demanded that i get the artwork within an hour. obviously i had no way of getting it since the vendor was third party.

D proceeded to spam call me every 5 minutes on my landline and shout at me every time i told them i didn’t have it. wound up hiding at the stairwell sobbing to my agent hours later and saying that i couldn’t do this anymore.

next day i was told to never return. apparently this is not the first time and other people who complained to the agency were asked to leave as well. no surprise that the role was open for a few years after that, until D got into trouble and left their post as the boss of that department.

Do you find it weird for people of huge age gap + opp. gender to hang out as friends?

I (late 20s,F) met a friend (lat 40s,M) by chance and turned out we share some similar hobbies and interests, so we hang out ~once a week for couple hours to do art and play sports tgt.

Overall a kind, humble, easy-going person, although he seems to be quite lonely as he doesn’t really have anyone to hang out with. We usually just have meals tgt after we hang out.

I noticed that when we chat or have meals outside, ppl around tend to look at us. (Think curious,kepo, like what kind of relationship are they having kind of look). Maybe it makes ppl curious since he’s of different race and rlly looks much older than me.

So this situation makes me quite uncomfortable at times. I feel like being judged by ppl. I thought of inviting a few more friends to hang out tgt as a small group but unfortunately most of my friends don’t share similar interests so that option is out :/

So I’m asking here hoping to get you guys opinions on my situation.

Tq 🙂

Edit: if I’m being completely honest, sometimes I feel a bit uncomfortable cuz he’s single and nv really had any success in pursuing women or chance with dating. But ofc he ardy knew from the start that I’m in a long committed rs. So yea the friendship is completely platonic.

Netizen’s comments

It’s only weird if you make it weird.

Not worth it to throw away a friend you care for (as long as it’s a healthy friendship) over judgements made by strangers. People are always gonna judge, even on the most random thing…

If he is a good friend, be proud of your friendship. Otherwise you will end up sobataging it.

I’m sure when many of you see others meet misfortune, deep inside you feel happy.

Although you say things like oh I feel so sorry for you, or hope things be better for you. Do you really hope things will get better for other people or just fake kindness?

C’mon, admit it don’t need to feel bad. Just like we feel jealous when we see our peers more successful than ourselves, we also feel happy when we see them less successful than us.

It’s human nature. I feel happy when I see my colleague get laid off, or another one whose business failed.

A close friend recently broke up with her boyfriend and cancelled the wedding dinner plus the HDB BTO. Lost money lost love. Asked us out to pour her sorrow out and of cos we comforted her felt so sorry all the bs.

But I was also secretly happy, like hey finally me being single actually is still better than her state now. It makes me feel less of a loser. Now and then I text her to ask how she is doing. The worse she still feels, the better I feel. We do like to compare among our peers. No use compared with foreign workers or beggars on the street because they belong to a different social class.

For those of you starting to judge me or in denial, stop pretending to be holy altruistic mother teresa. Admit you are a hypocrite. Do you dare swear you have never secretly felt good when something bad happens to your peers before?

Here are what netizens think:

Your post is right! I do feel that way after seeing your post. I am happy that you are quite pathetic.

Ya sometimes we think like that… Until the same thing happens to us because…. bad luck happens to anyone

 Sometimes some ppl living in denial yet they are unaware. Haiz.. sad for them.. or should I feel happy for myself?

 I used to do Math & Science tuition at a tuition teacher’s house and it was a damn horror show.

He used to spend most of the lesson time talking about motivation and the hardships of his life, and also pressures us to refers his tuition classes to our friends.

One ridiculous thing he did was asking for us to show proof of us referring by seeing our phone messages.

He also had weird emotional outbursts, and there was once/twice he raged and made us self-study for the whole tuition session, but still collected fees from us afterwards.

Lastly he tells my parents his tuition was registered as a home-based business (pays taxes) but afterwards I found out it’s not as well.

Apparently this guy made some money, as recently I saw a few of his tuition centers (bearing his name) around Singapore

Netizen’s comments

Mine is just a typical tuition centre experience. I was pretty bad at English and ended up joining this tuition centre that was famous for their English classes. The problem is that because it is so famous, a lot people who joined are above average.

Unlike school where your peers are more or less around your level, you can really feel the pressure from all these smart people. The feeling is just horrible. To make things worst, they forces you to do presentation on your answer which you obviously has no idea how to answer which is why you are attending the classes. The intention is to train us to speak out and learn from each other but it hurts so much when everyone constantly just laugh at your answer.

The teacher also didn’t help much except giving out more and more challenging questions ever week which I really have no idea how to answer.

To make things worst, that year was my o level year. I straight up told my mum I can’t take the pressure anymore and I asked to self study instead of going to tuition which she accepted. My mentally health improves so much after I left the tuition centre and I somehow managed to get B4 for my o level. Not the best result but was very happy with it.

So i’ve been with my gf for about 1 year already. We met at friends gathering and i chased her for about 3 months.

At first it’s always the sweet, happy moments but nowadays, i have always been tolerating her unreasonable actions.

1) We worked at the same place. She always demand that i drive car and pick her up. I live a bit nearer to the workplace and sometimes if it’s raining and it’ll last till next morning, she will come over my place to stay overnight but she have a lot of demands and she’s very easily emotional. There was once where she have no appetite when mine parents specially cooked dishes for her, she just say no appetite and went back to room. i told mine mum she not feeling well. just keep some for her, i later bring into room for her. End up i’m the one eating while she went to order grab food?

2) I brought her ann mum for shopping, so my mum was those that feel cold easily while gf was the opposite. So when we were in the car otw to shopping mall. I lowered the aircon for my mum and my gf was the shouting about mine actions and saying that by doing so, i don’t care about her, i’m a Mama’s Boy.

3) There was one day where she woke up n ignored me then started being very emotional. i asked her why n she just give me that stare n no words (she not on her period). Later that day, she said she dreamed of me cheating on her with other girls and said that she had that dream because i don’t give her enough attentions for her to feel secure in a relationship.

4) After dating about 1 year, she met mine family but she’s always delaying for me to meet her family. Said what next time, i haven’t gotten to her kind of standard for me to meet her family etc. It’s really tiring n hurtful to tolerate her actions and giving ur best to her while she just think i am still not up to her standard.

Here are what netizens think:

• You know why guys like to change cars every few years? Its becos they cannot change their wives. You have every opportunity and right to do so now! Dun think too hard! Go change to a better model now!

• She’s a taker, not a giver. Period. And your life’s gonna be totally ruined if you’re thinking of spending your life with her. There could be reasons why she doesn’t want to let you meet her parents. 1, maybe even her own family detests her self entitled character and too many other things which she doesn’t want you to know(maybe she don’t have a good relationship with her family). 2, she’s having reservations in this relationship.

• You may like her, but she is not taking you seriously. She is spoilt and a insecure person. You either wake her up or leave her. She is taking you for granted.

Having a tough time managing coworker who is 8 years older, any tips?

Did well in my first 2 years at this company and was transferred to another department to manage a team of 4. I’m (F) in my late 20s and this particular coworker (F) is in her mid 30s.

She has terrible attitude and bosses don’t value her work.

As I am now her direct report, I face large resistance and undermining, she is not happy that I got to give her instructions as she has been here for 5 years without a promotion.

I choose to remain extremely professional, eg no small talks, no ranting, no gossips with her as she is notoriously known to twist words and leak conversations.

I am not at my wits end but would like to take up this challenge of trying to manage her instead of reporting upwards and getting her into disciplinary action. I would value all advice, thank you.

Netizen’s comments

Well, personally, it is what it is. I don’t believe in the “I can fix her.” notion for every broken person I see.

Continue as you are, give her orders nothing else. If you have to give her comfort, check in on her work less, she probably sees you as irritating. This may result in reduced work quality since you’ll not be micromanaging as heavily as before.

Ensure you have a ‘paper trail’ of every order you give her so that it doesn’t blow up in your face. Just because you’re coworkers doesn’t mean you have to be friends.

I at the time (28F) and Boyfriend (29M) moved in together after a year and half of dating.

Originally lived under my parent’s roof. Purchased a house in the beginning of 2021 in my name. That’s when things started getting weird. When it came to remodelling or painting our place he always gave me a lame a$$ excuse why he couldn’t help me.

Like “I’m a terrible painter” or “I have to work on my videos”(He’s a YouTuber). I ended up painting the whole house myself (mind you I’m only 160cm) it was a lot of work for a very small person.

I felt accomplished non-the less. It was almost a year in the house when I started to notice something was up not just in our relationship but him in general. He had become distant and I couldn’t figure out why, I thought it was something I had done.

Turns out he was cheating on me!

When I asked for answers to who the girl was, or where he met this other person he gave me nothing but BS lies. He did admit that he was seeing her for 2 months (that means he was seeing her and I during the Holidays while he was living under my roof.)

I originally gave him until the end of the month to leave, but I couldn’t even look him in the face. I was disgusted by him and couldn’t stand being around him. It bothered me more that he wouldn’t tell me anything about the person who broke up our relationship.

The reason he was hiding it so hard, was for to the fact that he was still seeing her even after we broke up and he was still in my house. The only reason I found out was that I looked through his phone (which I paid for).

I called her up and told her what has been going on she broke up with him as well. Ex called the police on me and said I stole his property (the phone had already been returned safely in his possession).

Nothing was in his name not even the bills. I packed up his things after that incident and he left on his own accord.

Is $S55k enough to survive in SG?

Got a job offer to work at an academic institute in SG and they’re offering 55k ANNUALLY plus medical. I’m from London so will have to relocate but they aren’t giving any relocation package or even paying for my flights.

So I worked out 55k after tax each month is around 3.5k – is this enough to survive? I’m hoping to live in somewhere like jurong east/west and I’ve been looking at some apartments for rent around 1.5k

Anyways do u guys think this is enough money to survive? I don’t go out much but obvs i wana do some fun activities from time to time

Please any advice would be much appreciated 🙂

Netizen’s comments

S$55k after taxes is not S$3.5k a month. Assuming you have no other tax deductibles, or additional taxes, total annual taxes for that salary is just S$1,530 which leaves you with S$53,470 annually or around S$4,455.83 per month.

Not sure if you need to pay for taxes in the UK too though so maybe that’s why you arrived at a much lower monthly takehome pay.

I’d say if you’re going to move here from London, 55k is a small package. Rent at S$1.5k is just a room on a flat you share with others as rent is crazy expensive at the moment. You can get by with maybe a budget of S$30 on average per day which is roughly S$1K a month for everyday needs. Not too much on the cheap end for lifestyle but also not as lavish (especially if you plan on drinking beers and smoking).

The rental rates do not include internet and utilities. That shouldn’t amount to more than S$40 a month if you are sharing the flat. Mobile network can be around S$20 a month.

That leaves you with around S$1.1k (from your calculated S$3.5k, so higher if you don’t have to pay UK taxes) to spend on wants and of course to save up. Not sure if that’s worth it for you to move here as I have no idea about what you can get in London.

Anyway, that’s from my personal account of my experience moving here so it would greatly vary. Hope it helps somehow.

A Singaporean girl has recently taken to Facebook to voice her unhappiness after going through an abusive childhood. It became so bad that her mother would challenge her to fight her.

Here is the full story:

Never able to relate to people who have good relationships with their parents. How much they love their mum or dad. How we will appreciate our parents after becoming parents ourselves. etc
I am the total opposite.

I remember since young, my parents were pre-occupied with their problems. My mum has a nasty foul mouth to me and constantly criticising me, putting me down, trying to “win” me in everything and even called me “lousy” or “prostitute” or “Jinx”. She often challenges me to hit her we are in arguments. 要打，来！(COME, FIGHT!) The thing I hate most about her is her gambling habits (toto or 4d). She can pretend to such a kind and understanding person to outsiders but treat me like dirt.

My dad was often bitter after losing his business to close relatives. They betrayed him and left him with very little. My dad ended up working long hours to put food on the table. He was constantly tired and angry. A little bit was enough to trigger him. Asking him for money for school matters was like asking him to eat poison.

I walked on eggshells growing up and forced myself to grow up asap. Never dared ask them for anything. Neither did they pay for my university fees.

Took me many years after I have a child to realise how toxic my parents were. I vowed the toxicity ends with me. While I do my best to keep my emotions in check, speak and think kindly to my child, I have unresolved anger inside. Because of my parents and their words, I felt unworthy all my life. I felt I need to do everything myself and be totally independent in all aspects in order to be loved/worth