Is it really that inconceivable for a man to want to be single for the rest of his life?

I have never dated. But the idea of my having to live a life to please another human being who doesn’t at the bare minimum pay me makes absolutely no sense to me.

Lawyer Brother with “princess wife”

I make a good living. I’m an Oxbridge-trained lawyer who is on track to becoming one of the youngest junior partners in my law firm’s history. I love my job. It’s highly interesting and I go to bed looking forward to the next day of work. I can’t say the same about the prospect of having another woman live in my condo. It fills me with dread to have to share my space with someone.

My older brother is a junior partner at a different law firm and his wife has just been a pain in his butt since they met. Doesn’t work, the maid looks after the kids, and she just buys ridiculously expensive stuff all the time. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him happy since he was married.

Since you get one try to be married to a person. Why would anyone nowadays take that gamble?

Here are what netizens think:

• “Is it really that inconceivable for a man to want to be single for the rest of his life?” No, it’s not. You actually sound like you’re going to be single for the rest of your life. Good marriage > Singlehood > Bad marriage. That’s why people gamble. Just because your brother’s marriage is bad doesn’t thereby mean that every marriage is bad. QED

• Your life your choice. Why bother posting to trumpet your shallow achievements and complain about a personal life choice? No one gives a shit whether you get laid or not.

• Then don’t get married lor. Want us to clap for u and your achievements?

• In the extreme case, you may get paid to help a guilty person get away scot free, denying justice to the innocent. So if you can go to bed to that then don’t just stay single, don’t procreate also

Girl reached out to me (28f) accusing my fiance (30m) of cheating but the guy in the photos wasn’t him

Just for background: I’ve been with my fiancé for over 3 years and when I say this man couldn’t be more perfect I’m not exaggerating. He communicates amazing, we have always had a perfect relationship and everything about us is the best relationship of anyone i know. We always joke that we should start a podcast on healthy relationships because that’s how good we are together. Anyway….

A few days ago a got a message on Facebook from a girl claiming she’s been sleeping with my fiance for a month or so. He apparently told her she was in an open relationship but she had her suspicions it wasnt true so she’s reaching out to me. As proof she sent me pictures of his tinder profile and text messages… but here’s the wild thing. The guy in the pictures of his tinder profile and the phone number didn’t belong to my fiancé. Admittedly the guy in the pictures looked very very similar but it with 10000% confidence wasn’t him. Also the name in the profile isn’t my fiance’s name either.

I sent the girl pictures of my fiancé saying “this is my fiancé not that guy” and she’s swearing it’s him still. I asked her some of the times they’ve slept together and she gave me the 4 instances they’ve slept together. 3 of the 4 times I was either not around or working but I can say with 100% confidence that 1 of the 4 times I was with him that night and therefore it couldn’t have been him. I asked her more about that one time just to be sure and she insists she’s very certain it was that night.

Yesterday my fiance fell asleep early and I did something I’m not proud of and snooped through his phone. I found zero evidence of anything on his phone. No tinder. No apps on his phone that could draw suspicion. He definitely passed the test on every front.

So now I’m feeling extremely guilty that I snooped his phone and at the same time I’m still wondering if this girl was telling me the truth or if she’s just trying to start drama. Maybe it’s a guy that looks like my fiance and she’s just mistaken? Do you think I should talk to my fiancé about this and see what he has to say or should i try and find more details before approaching him? Do I tell him I went through his phone? What do I do?

I was plaqued by financial issues and family issues. How am I going to pay for my 4 years of uni?

Despite my unstellar A’Level grades and no outstanding CCA record, I still “shamelesss” applied for scholarship twice and of course I got rejected.

Someone from “inside” actually told me, “ they have enough people with As and Bs, why would they…”

I was lost, I was bewildered. Yes, NS allowance made me feel so “rich”, it was the first time in my life I ever had “so much” money constantly coming into my bank account every month. I don’t know why people keep complaining about cookhouse food. I found them delicious and nutritious, and they are free somemore, till this day I don’t know what’s wrong with cookhouse food.

However, I was fully aware that once I ORD, the allowance is going to stop. Am I going to worry about money 24/7 in uni like I did in JC and sec school? I had had enough! Am I going to survive on bread and $2 chicken rice again? I am not a genius, I need time to study and focus on uni. I would not be able to juggle part-time job and school like some more capable others are able to. How? How? How? I did not dare to think.

I was like an abandoned ship in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, lost. I often look at my life and the world and laugh, what a joke, what a joke, what a joke, why is it so funny. I was so helpless that I was at the verge of giving up of my life. I prayed to God every day every night that I could have enough money to pay for tuition fees and living expenses for 4 years.

Then with a stroke of luck, I somehow won more than S$500,000+.

My life now:

1) I still have S$500,000+ with me. (Yeah yeah yeah, I know, invest blue chip, invest stocks, invest property, buy insurance, yeah yes, good good, there are wonderful ways to grow your money, yeah, 10% return per annum, yeah, 100% return, correct, financial advisors, thank you! Thank you! wonderful I hear you)

2) I pay for my tuition fees. I have no scholarship, neither do I take bank loan. (Yes bankers I hear you: even Zuckerberg takes bank loan for home, yeah you are right, he is a genius I agree)

3) I still don’t go for “recess”. I have not eaten together with anyone in NTU before. The last time I ever bought and ate food (I remember it was S$2 cai png) in NTU was in y1s1, I have not bought any food in NTU ever since, now I am in y2s2.

4) I am still the “unpopular” and “uncool” kids. I sit alone in almost all my lectures. In many tutorial classes I sit alone too. Some people would rather squeeze 7 people into a tiny HIVE tutorial table than to sit with me. The last time any of my coursemate Whatsapped me (not regarding project work) was back in April 2020. The last time any of my coursemate physcially talked to me (not regarding school work) was when I was in y1s1.

5) My cgpa is 4.0. I’m not a genius, I wish I was could be a supper mugger, but I’m not. But still, I do work hard and put in effort into studying and improving myself everyday. I have no URECA or whatever student research programme blah blah. Of course, I never made it into the what you call, what people always say, the Dean’s List.

6) I realize most people are mediocre people. Not everyone is a genius. I am just a mediocre person. However, we should always improve ourselves. If somebody can do a better job, and he gets good grades, good money, we should feel happy, he deserves it. If he can make some invention to improve the world, why not? If he is just cheating his way through, he is cheating himself ultimately.

7) I have become more mature than before. And I take people’s judgement less seriously. If I never did or say anything bad to you and you choose to dislike me. So be it, whatever, you are torturing yourself. I ain’t gonna fix you.

9) Despite all that, I am not a materialistic person, I don’t own any branded clothes, bags or whatever. I have not travelled overseas, not even Malaysia or Indonesia. I am more spiritual than materialistic, like I always was. I believe in God more than ever, if not for the miracle, I don’t know what kind of person I would be now, I might have given up on life, I might be a very different person, I might have been crushed by the financial difficulties and depression. (no I’m not preaching or try to convince you to belive in anything or debate theology with you, I fully respect and applaud your belief or/and disbelief)

10) There are actually more I want to say, but I better censor myself. I know, there will be a lot naysayers. Those who understand, will understand. Those who don’t understand, can continue jump around and not understand.

11) Probably only a very few handful people in NTU can even connect to some of my experiences and feelings. But whatever, those that can connect, will connect; those that cannot connect, you are wasting your time reading (I’ve already warned you in the beginning. I’m not here to make any point, I don’t need a purpose to write in a confession).”

Hubby is always frustrated/angry with me

I do not know what to do anymore. My hubby is always frustrated/angry with me.

He is a good hubby. He does his work and returns home on time everyday. He doesn’t smoke, doesn’t drink and don’t have any bad habits. However, he gets frustrated at the tiniest things I do. I have been very gentle with him as I know that he has constantly been in a bad mood. I encourage him, treat him affectionately, don’t raise my voice with him.

The other day he left him without a mask and came back for it. When he ask me to take one for him, I did not know which one he was referring to and he got very upset, then he got angry.

He can also wake up feeling tired, and then take it out on me the whole day. For instance, upset about temperature of water not being right. Raising his voice at me and my son. Now my son is fearful of him and asks why Daddy is always in a bad mood. The worse thing is, he raises his voice at me in public, at my son too, which I hate.

I have tried talking to him numerous times. I told him how I felt, I gave suggestions on how we can handle situations together. I have learnt to stop speaking when he raises his voice with me so as not to aggravate him further. I have learnt to focus on my son and myself when he is in an awful mood. But it happens so frequently. I asked him what he is upset about, but he says nothing, he is just tired.

I left my job to take care of our son, so I am not financially dependent. I am surviving on my savings as I do not take money from my hubby. I am at my wits end as to what I can do in this situation. He is not open to counselling (which I have suggested to him). His mother could also tell that he is in a foul mood as he takes it out on her occasionally too.

I feel lonely, scared and unloved. He doesn’t treat me lovingly anymore. He doesn’t care about our son too.
I just need an outlet to let this out.

Now let me preface that if I have kids, I don’t want them until my 30s. When I was young, I always dreamed of being a mother. But being in my early 20s, I 100% don’t want kids now but know I might in the future.

Dated my wife for 20 years, married for 8 years and we have a child together. She’s the most wonderful woman I’ve known in my life; educated, filial, hardworking, compassionate, responsible, trustworthy, great mom, all the best qualities you can find in a wife, a 9/10.

The issue with our relationship is that, we lack chemistry and do not have any common interest. I understand that romantic stages of love can’t be sustained and will dwindle over time, eventually moving into attachment or family phase.

My 20s was mostly work and I’ve never thought deeply about whom I’d like to spend the rest of my life with. We dated for so long, the relationship was stable, my family members are traditional in the sense they get married young, have children and live life as it is. I thought that was the norm and shall be my path as well.

So when my wife suggested if it’s time we get married, I agreed. When she wanted a child, I obliged because I know she really wanted one. We haven’t been intimate for the past 10 years, mostly because I am not interested in her. I’d always reject her requests to be intimate and beat it off myself when I have the need. How did we have a child? I medicated myself to get it up so she could conceive.

Pretty sure my wife knows that I’m not attracted to her, just that she keeps quiet about it. Realizing the seriousness of this situation, I started visiting psychologists for talk therapy and have tried all possible ways to make myself be at the least interested in bed; all attempts seem to be futile so far.

So my question is, do I resign myself to live the rest of my life like this?

Bosses matter. A good boss is as rare as a unicorn. Having said that though, there is a difference between a tolerable boss and a humanized demon from Hell. Mind you, the effects of a bad boss lingers long after that stint.

I worked at this organization (a third tier statutory board) last year, which I left after 2.5 months, including notice period. My work is not of national or even organization critical success.

Alarm bells went off even during the interview. When I asked about the working culture (it was a panel interview, consisting of my prospective RO aka boss, Deputy Directors, Directors and Deputy CEO), she LITERALLY teared up on Zoom. She said she was “eternally grateful” for the opportunities that Organization X had given her, and she had no regrets staying for the past 7 years, and how this was the best place on Earth.

When I started work, the first 2 weeks were a shock. I specifically mentioned during the interview that I was very weak in Excel (humanities student here – i dont even know how to freeze/unfreeze panes that kind of cui) and thus was this a concern for the position. Interviewers told me that it wasn’t a problem. 2 weeks in and 90% of my work was on Excel. Yes, it wasn’t complicated formulas but it was ALOT of eyeballing data which I wasn’t good at.

At the 2 weeks mark. I was brought into the boardroom (alone with my bitch of an RO) to discuss an Excel prototype that I had used the weekends to develop. Look, I wasn’t expecting it to be perfect but she berated me for “not putting in effort” and having “attitude issues” because the prototype wasn’t up to her standards.

My fingers are hurting now so I will sum up some of the appalling and retarded things this demon spawn did:

• Not sure about the private sector but in public agencies, usually when your CEO or bosses gives a speech or says something, nobody really comments anything much unless they have a burning question or concern. Or if they are the moderator or something. My RO is the kind of ‘por-fessional’ to raise her fat hands and be like “oh thank you so much for the inspiring speech blah blah blah”.
• micro-managing me to the extent that she dictates how I should write my dates (i.e. my previous bosses do not have issues with me writing 25th June – but she insists that I write 25 June), paragraph indents, etc. WHAT IN THE FLYING F ITS JUST AN INTERNAL EMAIL.
  
• expects me to text her to update on every work related issue. Even on weekends. So this legit happened to me. I was testing out a website system which is owned by a US company, and had sent in a query on Friday (our time). Mind you, it wasn’t urgent. Naturally, due to time difference, when the support team got back it was already on Saturday (our time). So I forwarded the email reply to her email. On monday, she called me to SCOLD ME because I didn’t text her.
  
• she legits IMs me after every single email submission. Mostly to scold me.
  
• I always had this habit that I disable Whatsapp read statuses and online statuses. Long before I joined this shitty organization. There was once, I was on MC which she knew of. On day 2 of the MC, she asked me if I am well to turn up for an online meeting which she would be presenting. I said I would try, but most likely not. She said ok. Fast forward, I took meds and slept. I woke up to see her text – “Hi wildheart38, were you there at the meeting?”. I didnt reply because I thought it was a stupid question. I mean, if you see my name there means there lah. If no means never go lor. Not a big big meeting also. She went to complain to the directors that I am not responsive -.- AND THE SHOCKER WAS …. SHE ACTUALLY TRACKED WHAT TIME I CAME ONLINE ON WHATSAPP. WHAT IN THE WORLD.
• when I resigned, she threatened to waive off the notice period. Because “to be fair to the organization”. Until I told her that notice period cannot be waived off unilaterally. I wanted the money actually, and I was resigning without a job offer because I buay tahan already.
• i guess her ‘por-fessionalism’ worked because the Deputy Directors, Directors and DCEO love her. During my notice period, I made a mistake once and she blasted me in an email that copied all her friends in. And the Whatsapp incident, yup, she complained to her higher-ups (she is always lunching with them). And they set up an IMPROMPTU tele-conference meeting just to officially blast me.
• workaholic. Sending emails to me at 2-4am while getting back to work again at 7:30am sharp. No need sleep one. She has 2 young kids btw.
  
• you know how people separate their lives into 2 main personas right – professional vs personal. Like your boss or colleague may be an absolute asshole at work that you hate working for or working under, but outside of work he or she is actually alright? Nope. Not for her. She once asked me why I didnt just become a teacher, after I told her that I studied Political Science and Sociology. She said Accountancy (her discipline) is the safest career choice. Oh oh, and to her, if you are 30s and still single, there is “something wrong” with you.

Many many more stories. My thumbs are hurting at this juncture. But I have never hated someone more intensely in my life. Turn-over was so damn high too with people lasting only weeks.

I even contemplated casting black magic on her. After I left, she also resigned and got a new job. I really pray for her staff.

Singaporeans, please, tell your moms and dads to hang up the phone whenever they hear someone claiming to be a government rep, yet (1) they’re speaking Mandarin, and (2) they’re speaking in a foreign Mandarin accent.

This is such a simple rule to follow. If you hear Mandarin just hang up.

My mom is 65 and my dad is 70. They have received numerous scam calls over the years and my dad sent $3000 to what he thought was the ICA.

Now whenever they hear Mandarin they just hang up. Works perfectly.

If you’re reading this, scammer, please make an effort. Don’t speak in Mandarin. And even if you can’t be bothered to speak our official working language at least speak in a Singaporean Chinese accent.

I don’t know if you’ve been led to believe that we can’t tell apart Chinese accents but it takes us 2 seconds to know that you’re not local.

So please. Make an effort or stop scamming.