Should I refuse to take out a loan to pay for my brother’s wedding?

I know it sounds strange, and I don’t think I’m the A but I need other people’s opinions on this.

My spoiled, drop-out brother married his wife (same qualifications which is none) this year, they’re both 19. I’m 23 btw. Long story short is that my brother’s hag of a mother-in-law wants a grandkid as soon as possible so she manipulated them into getting married and my stupid mother went along with it.

My new sister in law is expecting now so I’m pretty sure my theory is correct. (No I don’t care that I’m being disrespectful.)

We’re not well off, not at all. My father who all of a sudden became a coward and didn’t talk my brother and mother out of it.

In order to pay for the wedding, my father has gotten a “loan” from my uncle, his brother, and he now wants the money back.

My parents sat me down a few days ago and they told me that they have no money to spare, too much in debt to get a loan from an actual bank and since my brother and sister in law are so young and expecting they can’t pay back my uncle either.

That leaves only me.

Apparently, because I don’t have debts, no baby is coming any time soon but since I have savings and a job, I owe it to my family to take out a loan and hand it to my uncle.

I didn’t say a word, just laughed in their faces and left. I’ve been receiving a bunch of texts and calls from my family to “save” them financially but I won’t.

I don’t know, either I live in a different reality or they do.

(No it’s not a “cultural” thing or anything.)

“Is it more economical to buy a car or spend on Grab rides everyday? I know owning a car is prestigious and all but the COE price is a real bummer”

Little costs add up

Let’s imagine you buy a car that costs 100k with 70k of COE, then it would cost you 46 sgd every day over the ten years without considering fuel, parking, car insurance, car maintenance, road tax meaning that you will reach easily 60 sgd per day. And this cost will be almost incompressible while you may not use grab every day or chose sometimes to take a mrt. A car is therefore not a cheapest option unless you have specific conditions such as a family.

Depends on how many Grab rides a day

It depends on how many Grab rides you take. If you take 4 Grab rides a day (1 to drop kids off at school, 1 to work, 1 to pick kids up, and 1 to home), 20 times a month, owning a second hand car makes more financial sense. This is because Grab rides at peak traffic times are quite pricey. I don’t even take Grab anymore because taxi is cheaper even with the booking fee.

Nothing to do with prestige at all. It is all about time and logistics if you have a family.

Looking at monthly travel expenses

For starters, if you think that buying a car is about prestige then you definitely don’t need to buy a car to take yourself from point A to point B.

Using Grab or taxi makes sense for mostly the following situations:

• Single or young couple
• Small family with 1 kid
• Living close to the city or really good locations

The last one is quite an interesting one because you pay more when you live near the city however you do save a lots of money and time in many ways. An European family I know have two daughters, both born here and they’re still happily living without a car because of their home location.

You need to look at your average monthly travel expense and if it is anywhere around S$850+ then you may look into a 2nd hand car (with 6-7 years COE left)

After doing some research I see no sense in owning a brand new car because first of all, COE now is crazy high and secondly – the moment you own a brand new car, its price in 2nd hand market depreciates by 12%-20%.

In short, please check your present expenses and see if it’s suitable for you to buy a car.

Some rich people don’t drive

Wait, owning a car is prestigious??

I know people who make mid-six figure salary a year who don’t drive. I know very senior professionals who, on principle, don’t drive because it’s bad for the environment – they take the train into work.

A car is a means of getting round. In SG, it might make sense in specific instances (e.g. you have to drive to and from different remote locations every day for your job). That’s it.

New or second hand car

It honestly depends on how much grab you take and how much you drive. And did you buy new or second hand? And what car did you buy?

My car costs approx 1450 a month, not including petrol. This includes depreciation, road tax, parking, insurance, and maintenance. Of course, if your NCD is high it can be lower, say 1350.

If I grab everyday 2 times on average, and maybe 3 times on the weekend, that’s 16 grab rides a week, or 64 rides a month. Let’s call it 60 for convenience.

Assuming you would have to drive that same distance, you would probably pump petrol 3-4 times a month (let’s call it 3.5 times) at around 80-100 a tank (depends on size etc.) I drive a diesel and quite a fuel efficient car, so your experience may vary.

Nowadays grab costs about 30 or more unless you are going v short dist. A grab from my home to workplace costs between 27-50 depending on the time I take it. At peak times it can hit 50 easily. Let’s call the average ride is 30 as an estimate.

So 60*30= 1800

For my situation, its close- 1450 plus petrol costs of $400 would be around the same 1800.

With cheaper hybrid and electric vehicles the equation might actually tilt more towards cars.

I feel bad for cancelling my daughter’s flight when she wanted to leave before my niece’s wedding, that she was a bridesmaid for

I know the title doesn’t sound great but hear it out. I will be using fakes names to protect their identities.

My (54m) niece Taylor (26f) got married a few days ago, my daughter Vienna (27f) was part of the bridal party as a bridesmaid.

This wedding has been over a year in planning and Vienna of course knew of her role and everything way in advance. She’s been hanging around a guy, Matthew for a while now but I don’t think they’re anything serious.

Matthew had gone overseas on a business trip and got into an accident, this all happened a couple of weeks before Taylor’s wedding. Vienna found out and had a nervous breakdown, saying that she needs to fly out immediately.

Yes I understand she was upset but she wasn’t thinking straight, and was unnecessarily worrying. I explained to her that even if she goes she has to come back before the wedding, but it’d be better if she didn’t as there’s a lot of last minute things.

She didn’t listen and kept saying she was going to go and probably stay there for a while.

Both me and my wife tried to explain to her to stay calm and she can go anytime after the wedding.

She called up Taylor, my brother and his wife and told them she wouldn’t be able to attend. Taylor understandably didn’t take the news well and his wife made a whole Facebook post saying “some people don’t want to see others happy” and “isn’t it nice when family quits at the last moment”.

She didn’t mention us by name explicitly but it’s obvious what it was about. It pretty much caused nuclear warfare throughout my side of the family, but Vienna wouldn’t hear it and booked a flight before the wedding. All of our flyer accounts are linked so I canceled her flight – Vienna went insane when she found out and we had a huge argument, and again we told her that she really needs to understand how big of a deal this wedding is as she’s part of the bridal party, and some man doesn’t overtake a family obligation.

I even offered to pay the extra cost so she can reschedule the flight after the wedding, but she blew up at all of us. Vienna did attend the wedding and did all her duties as a bridesmaid (and thankfully didn’t make a show), and all of us thanked her for understanding but she pretty much cursed us out (even my brother and his family).

Me and my wife tried calling and messaging her after the wedding but she’s not picking up or answering. I do know that she flew out the day after the wedding so I really don’t see what the issue is, but Vienna was clearly mad at us.

Is it right to despise cyclists who cycle at high speeds in pedestrian areas?

My hatred for them grows every day. I know I’m supposed to love my enemy but my resolve is slipping.

This morning, I was walking back home along an area where there is a bus top and overhead bridge along the park connector. It’s quite a narrow pathway.

it’s no problem if you cycle fast in the park connector itself but I feel like you should slow down a bit when you get to cramped pedestrian areas like this.

I’m reminded of those incidents where speeding cyclists/PMD hit and crash into old folks and children.

Anyway, these f-ers just kept speeding through this narrow pedestrian area.

I stared daggers at them, hoping to get a rise out of them.

Even though they probably would have beaten me up as they were bigger than me (Angmohs), I was willing to go down swinging, whether to the hospital or my death, as all the memories and headlines of those speeding f-ers hitting old folks flashed through my mind and my rage increased.

Unfortunately, they cycled away unheedingly as if I was just an angry ant.

If you are a cyclist who speed through pedestrian areas, f you. I hate scumbags who have no regard for human life.

My husband and I struggle financially. Last year, we were comfortable enough to go on a vacation that we ended up going over budget for.

It seemed like a no big deal, we could earn that money back — except I found out I was pregnant shortly after.

I had to move out of my apartment and we moved in together but had to pay two rents for a period of time. He changed jobs at the end of this residence.

We then ate a second deposit and drained my savings to move closer to his job and I transferred my job to be close. I’m now 5 minutes from work and he is 10 from his. This rent is $450 higher than our previous one, we have to pay ALL utilities (only 1 before), and even with us both getting pay raises when moving, we still need to ask family for help about $500 a month to stay afloat.

We have our own reasons for not buying a HDB due to bad credit history.

He found a new job opportunity that would be significantly better than now.

The problem is that it’s an hour away via bus, MRT and 40mins drive in the morning peak hours.

We’re only 6 months into this new lease, living off a painfully strict-to-the-penny budget, and petrol prices are still crazy high. In my mind, this pay increase would go straight to the petrol he’d use for the drive and he’d be away from home 13+ hours a day for work and the drive.

Our baby is 7 months old and we rely on one of us being home or our parents driving 30 minutes to us to babysit for free.

Don’t get me wrong, I was him (both of us) to make more money. We NEED more money. But I don’t understand why he needs to choose a job an hour away when we live in an area with plenty of places hiring. He thinks I’m dumb for not wanting him to make more money to support us, and our family and friends are split on what to think. I’m lost on what to do now… how….

Should I quit being an insurance agent?

A little background about myself, I’m 33YO , graduate 4 years ago with a Business management degree from private university, currently I’m about 3 years in as an insurance agent.

Prior to becoming an insurance agent I’ve worked 1 year in an administrative role earning 3k per month.

Why did I change to become a insurance agent ? Somehow got persuaded to becoming an insurance agent as I was told I could earn much more.

But it turns out otherwise, since I took up this role, I didn’t even hit the most basic award.

I kept telling myself that next year I will do better but it has been almost 3 years. Still, no awards and I’m just getting by each day.

I started late in the workforce and now I feel if i quit my insurance agent job now, it means I will set myself back for 3 years.. and part of me still feel that I can do better.

My peers are all earning 4-6k per month and I’m not even close to them.. And if I quit I’ll become a loser/quitter in this industry.

Really need some advice , should I continue ?

HDB as investment?

Hi Guys, I’m looking to buy a HDB as an investment. Would appreciate some help as I myself am not Singaporean. However my wife and our 2 kids are so I believe we are eligible. I have some basic knowledge of the Singapore market.

Here’s some info about us:

Both under 35 y/o

Looking to BTO (I believe this is where we have to queue/put our names for a ‘chance’ to buy a new HDB)

We have no CPF

Have roughly 60k SGD savings

Want to rent out in the future

Questions:

Is our savings sufficient?

Bank Loan vs HDB loan – I think as we do not have 20% deposit, we have to have a HDB loan, right?

Bank loans – do they offer a loan if all our income is earned overseas?

on HDB loans – why would people want a HDB loan when interest is 1% cheaper usually on bank loans? Is it because of greater deposit required?

Which BTO areas are good? (I want really close to MTR station)

4/5 bedrooms better as investment?

if I complete all my paperwork tonight, is there a long lead time for new HDB units to be built? i.e. Can’t buy one within the next 3 – 6 months?

Any helpful webpages/resources available?

Would appreciate any help you can provide, its hard to understand the intricacies of another country’s market when you’re not in the country.

I(26F) had spent almost 2 yrs working for an online retail small biz.

After putting my 2 weeks notice in I got the cold shoulder from the main owner, the wife. There are 2 owners: a husband (35M) and a wife(34F). The wife was the one who started the business.

She refused to acknowledge my existence for 2 days. She would not speak to me or look at me, to the point that my colleagyes were noticing.

A few of them let me know that the wife had been trying to get more info on why I was leaving & where I was going. This was not new behavior for her. She is notorious for talking about her employees to other employees behind their back, in addition to lots of other mean-girl behaviors.

She broke her silence after 2 days and asked to have a meeting with me and the other owner that same day. While heading to the meeting the wife asked to have a private convo about feelings.

More specifically, her feelings. The convo included her telling me I had hurt her feelings for not letting her know I was looking around for jobs and that I had “pulled the rug out from underneath her” when I put my 2 weeks in. She said I had upset her by not thinking of her feelings in deciding to take a new position.

Then she asked if I was capable of not sabotaging their business during my last week and few days working there.

During this convo, the husband pulled aside a staff & asked if I was “going to do something to their business social pages” (I ran the social media accounts). All bc I put my 2 weeks in.

During my meeting with both owners, my 2 weeks were cut short by 3 days bc they would be on vacation for those last 3 days and said they “do not feel comfortable with me in the building while they’re not.” I want to be VERY CLEAR in that I have NEVER ONCE given them a reason or anything close to thinking that is something I would do or be capable of doing.

They then outlined my priorities for my last week there and what they expect me to get done so they can have content to post after I leave. The meeting ends, I go back to my office. Im upset and tears start. I could not sit there the rest of the day let alone another week making stupid TikTok and Instagram videos for them to post & use while I wont even be working there anymore! Especially after how I had just been treated & spoken to! I let my coworkers know and began to grab my stuff. They helped me take my stuff to my car. As my coworkers are helping & saying bye the wife comes out of her office.

She sees us and asks “what the hell is going on?”At this point, I am SO done. I yelled at her that I’m leaving, and for her to question my character just bc I put a 2 weeks notice in is insulting and unacceptable. While Im saying this, I’m walking towards my car & she’s following me. She is sputtering out words like “thats not what i meant”, “what do you even mean?” etc. I again turned to her and told her she cannot treat people like shit and expect them to stay. Got in my car, slammed the door and pulled away. Everyone saw. AITA for making a scene and yelling at my boss? Did I let my emotions get the best of me?

Mid Life crisis, no degree, poor GPA, don’t know what to do.

Actually more like quarter life because of misclick

25F and going to be 26 soon, I’ve obtained diploma from NAFA in 2020 in the middle of circuit breaker and had very poor GPA (2.3). Honestly I was partially expecting poor GPA in year 2 since my mental health problems relapsed at that point.

After graduating from school, I went to work in several temporary/part time jobs that were somewhat related to what I studied. With a salary of $700 – $900/month I didn’t have enough to pay for my medical bills, and bi-monthly visits to the hospital (I have a physical chronic illness as well since I was 14, but it’s manageable).

Even people with no work experience are earning more than my total monthly payout. Everything just seems so futile no matter how hard I try. It didn’t help that there’s no one in my family that really understood what I was going through or help me with my problems. I’ve tried to go for therapy and career counselling, but neither seem to work because it was difficult to articulate these thoughts in a way that they could understand, and each session felt so limited. Looking for therapists is especially difficult when the hospitals are always booked.

When I see online posts that recommend on going for a degree, I can’t help but feel that maybe a degree is what I’m currently missing and not fully ready for the working world.

Finding other jobs is really difficult if I don’t have a degree and education is not getting cheaper, but with my issues, I don’t know if I could cope with going back to school when I barely scraped by during my diploma. I am afraid of the possibility of dropping out again and wasting time and money on Uni.

There’s still the question on what degree I should take, since I had failed in trying to get into NAFA’s degree programmes for two years and it didn’t seem worth pursuing because it didn’t feel like it will add any more value to my employability.

I don’t know if I could afford to try something new because I have been out of mainstream education for so long and may have difficulty learning technical subjects.