I hate my best friend but I’m going to be her bridesmaid

I met my best friend 10 years ago when we were 16. I didn’t like her at first but she saw me laughing and decided she was going to be my friend and so she would constantly make conversation until I couldn’t ignore her and we became best friends.

We were both outsiders with us moving from different schools at around the same time so we never had other friends but each other in our final years of school. As we have grown up we kept our friendship and remained just as close.

About 4 years ago I met this boy named Jacob. He was my first boyfriend. I’ve never been pretty so he was the first guy to show me attention outside of hook ups.

He took me on my first proper date, we started to plan moving in together and discussing out future I was truly happy.

But then after a year he said words that made my stomach drop. He asked me if I would mind he he could start dating my best friend.

I can tell you the exact details of that day. I had just finished work, I had a really good day because my favourite dog had come in and I was on my way back.

My phone rang in the car and Jacob said he wanted to talk. He told me he had been talking to my best friend for a while and that he fell in love with her and wanted to know if it was ok to start dating her. She also felt the same way about him but said he had to get my permission before they took things further out of respect.

Sophie (my best friend) has always been the pretty one which has never been an issue. Ofc she is beautiful I tell her that all the time.

So in my head it made perfect logical sense. I just said it was fine. I packed Jacobs things up out of my house and handed them to him with a smile and congratulated them.

It wasn’t until the next day I even cried or got angry. But ever since the resentment has been building. It isn’t like a “I hate her” kind of resentment. I’m still her friend but it’s like I can’t be with her for longer than a few hours or everything she does starts to annoy me.

Why does she look at her phone so much? Why does she expect me to buy her so much? Why is everything she says only about her? Why does she talk over everyone? You know? Just those tiny things you used to ignore become unbearable so I have to make an excuse and go.

Well now 3 years after the break up they are getting married. And she wants me to be head bridesmaid. I don’t want to say yes.

The thought makes me feel sick. I hate my best friend so much I don’t want to be a part of her wedding but I know I will say yes. Because if I say no it will make her unhappy and I’d become the bad guy.

So I’ll be the head bridesmaid whose one and only boyfriend left her for the bride. And I’ll smile and act happy. Maybe the universe will have mercy and have a truck run me over on the way to the rehearsal dinner or something

Last night my wife attacked me. No argument lead up to it.

She asked for the phone charger and I asked what percentage she was on then she slapped me, tried to jump on top of me (I was laying down on the bed).

Then she scratched me, tried to elbow me, and when I tried to grab her hand so she would stop hitting me she tried to bite a chunk out of my forearm. It’s like I was fighting an animal.

If you looked at her you would never believe this happened. She is a small, petite woman.

I made a emergency meeting with our therapist (we’ve been seeing one ever since I got out of the army) and she admitted to everything. I could tell my therapist didn’t really believe me until she just admitted to it.

I’m confused and staying with my mom right now. I was happily married once and I’m just feeling lost right now.

Netizens’ comments

• It’s good that you are safe, and seeing a therapist, though this one isn’t the right one for you.
  You know you have to divorce her, for your safety and your mental healths sake. Once she is out of your life you can start to heal.
  But be aware, she’s not going to make it easy to get her out of your life. She will do everything in her power to lure you back. Domestic violence is an addiction and you are her drug. She will lie. She will charm. She will love bomb you. She will threaten. At times you will wonder if your memory is right. At times you will think you see truth in her eyes when she says she’ll never do it again and she sees the error of her ways. She will be the best girlfriend you could ever want… for just long enough she is sure that you’ve given up on leaving. And then she’ll be back to beating you.
  Which is why you can’t give her the opportunity to talk it out. Tell her you are done and nothing will change your mind and after that have her talk to your lawyer.
• Get out. Violence escalates- someone that loves you wants neverending kisses and cuddles and she aint it
• It’s tempting to speculate why but the only thing that matters is you being okay. If you aren’t safe at home, keep away. You don’t deserve to be attacked, you aren’t supposed to put up with it because she’s a woman or small. You should be safe at home. Protect yourself. Take care xx

21yo F who needs some advice~ made a bad decision enrolling into a course i had zero interest in during polytechnic and that’s when everything started going downhill for me.

had to take an extra year because i messed up my studies~

because of this, i decided i didn’t want to get my degree as i was afraid of throwing my family’s money away if i were to fail.

anyway, after i attained my diploma cert, i decided to work and thats when i realised how difficult life is without having a degree cert.

i started feeling really anxious and stressed about not being able to land a well paid job and everything in life felt extremely meaningless. then came my gambling addiction.

at the start, everything was good. i gambled online for the mere purpose of feeling the adrenaline my life was lacking.

on top of that, i was winning decent amount every week and this kind of pushed away all my problems, especially my money problems i was facing in life.

that’s when i foolishly thought that i could make this my actual job and felt like i finally had a purpose in life (its okay, yall can laugh at me and call me ignorant, i 100% agree).

i eventually quit my job and just gambled everyday like a degenerate i was lol.

just when i thought things were finally going my way, before i know it, i was starting to chase my losses. gambling suddenly became a means for me to earn money and i was no longer placing bets for the adrenaline or fun.

in a matter of 2 months, i had lost 20k and even had to sell my stocks and crypto at a loss just to fill that hole i had burnt into my savings account.

this 20k was was a combination of small losses that occured before and 10k in an hour that i threw 3 weeks ago. eventually i had dug a grave so deep that even guan yin ma refuse to help me.

i struggled to battle the demon inside of me who was constantly telling me that i could win back what i lost and even more.

it was only when i was down to my last cents that i realised how badly i messed up and needed help. i sought help from a therapist but it didnt work and ultimately i decided that only i am able to help myself.

i have self excluded from online gambling and have not gambled for 9 days now.

you know what’s the strangest thing is? its the fact that i couldnt even bear to spend a few dollars buying myself something nice but i could be throwing a few thousands of dollars away at the casino.

money became immaterial to me when i was gambling but when i wasnt, it felt like it was everything. and despite having more than i needed, it always felt like i didnt have enough and just needed to have more.

2 months back, i decided to go back to school and take a degree in banking and finance. i told myself to stop gambling while i was still up overall from gambling, but clearly i was sick in the head for not being able to control myself.

now that im in school, the thought of my losses makes me struggle to focus in class. i really regret this path i have chosen and i would never wish this addiction on my worst enemy.

right now, im back at square one. still stressing about money and how long it would take before i could earn back what i lost. ive been losing my appetite and breaking out all over my face thinking about money.

i wish i could just be like every other people my age who have their shit together because i clearly dont. i want to make it in life, i really do.

i dont want to be 40 years old still trying to climb the corporate ladder, working a 9-5 job that pays you peanuts. i want to be able to save up enough to travel the world before i die because if not that, then what’s your purpose in life right?

we’re all enslaved to this system where its just study> work> pay bills > die. those who are smart will be able to get out of this cycle and those who dont… well they’ll just be depressed for the remaining of their days.

hence, my purpose of this post is to ask you guys for advice. how do i stop thinking so much about money when im only 21??

i feel like at this age i shouldnt even have to be thinking so much about my finances. my stance on money being important is going to ruin me zz i mean it already did thanks to my gambling addiction but i can still recover from that if somebody manages to give some life changing advice to me now (“:

I hooked up with a woman I met at a bar last weekend. I’m not normally into the one night stand thing or hookup culture but she was hot.

Well we went back to her place and did the deed and after we were done I took a shower and was getting dressed when she says to me “You need to hurry my husband just texted me and he’s going to be here soon!” I was shocked because she said nothing about being married.

I said “You have a husband what the f?” She seemed shocked and said “Is it a problem for you?” I said yes and even though we exchanged numbers that I didn’t want to see her again.

Well on Monday I searched her name on Facebook, found her husband and sent him a quick message.

I told him that we hooked up last weekend and that she wasn’t wearing a ring and I didn’t know she was married and we slept in his bed and that she told me after.

I told him I was very sorry and if I had known I never would’ve slept with her and he’s welcome to punch me out if he sees me.

He messaged me back and said he had a feeling she’s been sleeping around and that he appreciated me telling him and that because I didn’t know he’s not upset with me.

He said he’s going to confront her in a couple of days.

Today she texted me and was angry that I told her husband and that he’s filing for divorce. I texted back “Is that a problem for you?” and she has not responded.

I still feel bad but I’m glad I told her husband. It felt like the right thing to do and if I were him I’d want to know.

I met someone online who brings his mother along for our first date LOL. I wont go into details why i join rentbabe, but it did haha. So he texted me on the website for a meetup. And after seeing his profile photo and his previous meetup reviews. He seems quite legit and he told me his staying NTU Hall. Although, i was quite sceptical about one of his profile 3 stars reviews comments “Brought +1 without telling”.

But i already got the payment from him and the meetup is out of my convenience which is at north spine. So one day before the meetup right, he told me in DMs that his best friend was his mother, and that they spent a lot of time together, at first I thought “Awww that’s sweet!” And he talked about her nonstop, her work, her hobbies, the things she did, he even shared her picture to me which I thought was kinda funky, we agreed to meet at one of the coffee place at North spine, he hopped out of his mom’s car and she waved and drove off, like 20 seconds later she shows back up and pulls up a seat, turns out she was parking the car to come join us LOL

The entire date was just her talking about her work and showing me old photos of when she used to play basketball, they sat REALLY close together and kept hugging and kissing each other’s cheek, it was so freaking awkward.

Anyone got baited into Insurance job interviews?

3am, was just reflecting on life when I ORD-ed last year. I applied for a couple of Marketing & HR jobs, thought I was hella lucky when I got shortlisted a couple days later. Went down for interview, which only then I realized it’s an insurance agency but it was too late.

Interviewer is some team lead who asked me about life aspirations and nothing about applied role, then last part straight up ask me to join them sell insurance. Wonder if anyone else got baited like me as well?

*If you ask why not Google before going down, these scummy Insurance agencies usually provide a generic company name (eg. J Index / QP Organization) that return no search results.

Netizens’ comments

• Nah its never “too late” OP, unless you said “Yes ” to joining them 😉.
• I remembered in the past, the Insurance company will directly call NSFs for the potential job interview. The session was full of NSFs, that’s when some suspected their contact details were leaked to the Insurance Co for call-calling and recruitment purposes 🙄.
• As a general rule of thumb, never interview for an organisation which doesn’t yield any search results.
• Got baited a few times years ago when I was still a fresh grad but now I find it so easy to identify them. The name of these companies usually gives them away and your last paragraph is another telltale sign.

hi all , I’ve recently ran away from home about 3 weeks ago, and I am an adult.

so some backstory but if its too long there’s a section below that gets straight to the point.

Growing up, they conditioned me to think that everything bad that happens is automatically my fault, even as a child. Like if a young child who does not know any better stands under the coconut tree and a coconut falls on him, they would scold the child and condition him to always, always expect the worse case scenario in life. This is the reason why I developed anxiety over the years and thought that it was normal to always feel scared 24/7 of what’s going to go wrong in the future.

They also instilled that I should never ever trust anyone because people will always have hidden agendas. And it’s not your normal “be careful of the stranger that’s offering you candy” warning, but I remembered that in primary school when i said that i made a new friend, they told me to always keep my belongings hidden from them or they’ll steal. Thus this created a false dependency on them thinking whatever they said is absolute and trustworthy.

Over the years, I learned that this wasn’t the case as I’ve met friends and people throughout the years that proved this belief wrong otherwise. And even now, I’m still struggling to overcome social anxiety especially when it comes to talking or asking for help from people around me, like my classmates.

Especially now that I’m majoring in psychology in university. I’ve since learnt that this thoughts are not beneficial for one’s mental health as it is a sign of “unhealthy thought processes”, and I am in counselling to try to unlearn all these negative automatic thoughts. I have also since learnt that i was exhibiting symptoms of anxiety, and a bit of depression over the years, but is not to the point where I have to be on medication.

Even now they keep focusing on the negatives of everything, and gaslight me to question my own beliefs quite often whenever I’m free or while I’m studying or trying to rest after a long day in school. They will often barge into my room unannounced, even though I’ve requested for them to knock, and start attacking me on whatever comes to mind that they don’t like about me (E.g my looks or how i arrange my stuff). This also happened a few times during online lessons also, when they clearly knew that I was busy since I told them the night before. This led me to have suicidal thoughts over the years and I’ve called the hotline and attended counselling multiple times. My room and my home does not feel like a home or a safe space anymore. I just felt like a lab rat being caged.

I’ve always tried my hardest to brush it off like what others have told me since the beginning of time, but it has become really, really hurtful, to the point where they want to control my relationship with my fiancé. They keep threatening that we’ll break up, or divorce, or that he’ll leave me once we decide to have kids. He has done nothing but been a pillar or support for me for more than 3 years through ups and downs, through every single breakdowns I’ve had because of my parents, or external stresses. He was always there to pull me back up.

We’ve tried to show it to them about how happy we are in the relationship, I also asked them if they did not realise I was much happier after hanging out with him- but get attacked for it instead, saying that I shouldn’t get too close to him and that we will divorce because they believe so, to the point where they wanted to do a comparability match between me and him despite me saying that we did not believe in that. When I declined to provide my parents his birthdate and time, they kept pressing me for it, stating that even if I didn’t believe in this sort of thing, they just want to “see for themselves”. This was the point where I clicked that my parents were really the ones who drilled this fear of the uncertainty and the future into me. They are never comfortable with uncertainty, and resort to extreme fengshui practices, taking it as if it was word from God himself. So if they don’t do, they’ll believe that the rest of their lives will be doomed and will fall into chaos. And the best thing is that they refuse to consult fengshui masters, since they believe that whatever they do is right, and do not take advice from other people no matter how much evidence they may provide them with.

My mum also boasted about the fact that she did not spend a single cent on anything she wanted while she was dating my dad, and will make my dad pay for it, adding on to that she would often comment on the things my fiancé passes down to me saying its 2nd hand and cheap. In reality, I just took it because I find that it’s cool and that it’s practical too since it’s still in relatively good condition and functioning. She also wants me to like branded stuff and jewellery, and wants me to adopt this idea of being materialistic, which is not who I am!

They also threw in their misogynistic views on me saying that women are 2nd class to men, being weak and taken advantage of. But that’s not the case anymore in current times. We have the rights and the smarts to take care of ourselves especially in Singapore. Another thing to add about this is their own views on ‘beauty standards’, forcing me to go for horribly painful facials, and most often than not, attack me during mealtimes about the pimples on my body or whatever on top of the usual brainwashing ideals they want to push onto me. It’s the reason why I avoid eating together with them in the kitchen, or go out to the living room to watch tv anymore. It’s to avoid these hurtful comments.

I’ve recently sat down to have a serious talk to my parents about how their actions made me feel, and proposed a middle ground for most problems that I want to get them to at least make an attempt to rectify. (This was not the only attempt I made, I also had a conversation about this to them a year ago)

Despite this, they laughed it off literally saying its a small issue and that they do not understand why i felt this way and that I was weak and needed to be stronger. They are still choosing to believe what they want like they always had. Their actual words to me was: “If your best isn’t enough, try harder.”

At this point I took a day off away from them at a friends house, but when I came back and had another talk with them to see if they have understood what I said, they instead placed more restrictions on me, and wanted to get other people involved, despite them saying that they do not want to get others involved.

They were always filled with contradictions. Saying one thing and then changing it to suit their beliefs for the situation at hand.

I’ve tried everything, and this is the last straw. I’ve since left the house with the help of my fiancé. We are living in a rented apartment and I’ve never been happier. Time away from them feel like bliss.

The rest of my family either share similar values as them, or are kept in the dark because of their tendency to “save face”.

————————————————-Here’s the important part——————————————————-

Read above for why I ran

My fiancé’s parents agreed to help us but they believed that a good conclusion could be agreed upon. They’ve decided to get involved despite the fact that my fiancé warned them about the stress it’ll have on them. They’ve insisted that I keep contact with my parents replying them once a day. This went well for a couple of days and it seemed like they actually understood me. They attempted to go for family counselling which I’ve agreed on but on a later date as i didn’t want it to affect my grades due to the amount of work I’ve had as well as travelling to the place they have selected.

But being manipulative people, they had an agenda of their own. Every message they sent is an attempt to get to meet up with me. Parcels that arrived, offering to deliver it to me to find out where we are staying, renewing a shared card (which i do not use or accept any money from their end, we are self sustainable right now) to try to pass it to me.

I’ve told them no countless times and reminded them that they agreed to give me space for the time being, especially now that I have a ton of deadlines coming up and my exams fast approaching, and that I need the space to focus on my studies for the time being. However, they have been getting increasingly impatient and decided to threaten us with the police.

So I would like to seek advice on this matter, I’m an adult now. I’ve read the law and its statues regarding the rights of an adult. But how effective will this be? Will they be able to track us down? will the police reveal where we are currently staying to them? And get further harassment out of it?

I have considered long and hard to ask for help here up till now. Sorry for the long wall of text, but I am eternally grateful for any support or advice that I may get. If anyone here has a similar experience, please feel free to share it to if you’re comfortable. TYIA.

Quitting before securing another job

I am feeling very burnt out about work recently and really want a change in work environment ( while looking to get pay ofc )

However, i tend to push off sending the job applications until i am done “preparing” myself for the upcoming interviews and technical tests that will be held.

With that said, I always tend to feel very tired and lethargic after work that i cannot squeeze out the extra time to prepare for the interviews leading to this endless cycle of me thinking that i will apply for another job the moment i am done preparing myself but that time just never comes.

Should i quit my job before securing another job so that i have more time to prepare myself for the upcoming interviews?

Netizens’ comments

• Use the weekends to prep? I’m risk adverse so I wouldn’t quit before finding a job
• Sometimes your feel crappy in job means you should take 1-2 days of break
• Have you ever thought, that employers purposely makes you so tired and burnout so that YOU dont have the energy to hunt for jobs?
• Send applications first. When you get interviews, take 2 days of MC to prepare for them.

I have been with my GF for two years. So far so good, with some problems. However things have been weird.

My girl has been working with this dude, lets call him Sam. They have been working with Sam for 1.5 years and she mentioned him a few times but said nothing other than the fact they chat at work and have some shared interests. So i was like ok cool.

I’ve noticed she started putting more make up on than usual and also putting on lots of nice smelling perfume that I like before work.

I have come across some information, which i wont get into details about, that my gf and Sam are at times extremely flirty and get “touchy” with eachother. They playfight at work where shes like grabbing him, she allows him to touch her face, she even allowed this guy to tie her up to a desk and blind fold her with a ribbon as she was giggling and basically this is their vibe.

As you can see, they don’t take work seriously and goof off with eachother.

I am trying to see if these are “normal” colleagues encounters or there is something there?

Here are what netizens think:

• You know this isn’t normal and you’re hiding information about the guy… good night and good day

• I’m sorry she’s putting you in this position. It’s not very respectful of your relationship and could very easily lead to resentment depending on whether or not there have been any other trust issues.

• While you may have been with her for two years, I think you need to take some time and think about whether or not these are the kinds of character traits you want in someone you choose to call “partner”. The disrespect towards me alone would be enough to start considering “sunk cost fallacy” and reconsidering the relationship.