My (31) wife was caught cheating online with her friend’s boyfriend. Whats the play here?

my wife and I have known each other for well close to maybe 15 years now? Give or take, we’ve had a great relationship (or so I thought anyway) and I’ve been working hard to provide us a life together.

Sometime last month I guess she decided to start to cheat emotionally and send very intimate photos of herself to him. I knew something was off nearly right away but she made me feel like a jealous husband and bashed me to her friends and they likewise confronted me and told me to basically stop being jealous she would never cheat.

Today as my wife laid down to take a nap something clicked in my head, how she disappeared at the exact same time of day every day to “nap” but today she was napping actually…earlier. It was a moment of weakness for me and I decided to unlock her phone and I found hidden text messages of them sharing how much they mean to each other in private.

Photos were mostly of her, but anyway they were “clothed” but you know basically panties, a shirt so tight you could see everything. Even talk of how they wish they were next to each other for comfort etc, as this is happening she also tells me about her friend and how her friend is struggling in life (so cheat with her bf I guess was the reaction).

She deleted the messages sadly, maybe a tablet, maybe her pc somehow shes pretty good with tech much more than my dumb ass is. I couldn’t see everything just enough to know wow this isn’t right.

Personally I just want to throw her out of the house so fast her ass skips on the concrete, willing to help her get setup somewhere and even live out her fantasy.

Bonus points people, if your partner ever chain accuses you of cheating I am here to tell you YES IT IS A SIGN THEY ARE A CHEATER. She often accused me of cheating and had me so gaslit I fell for it like the sucker I am.

Anyhow, whats the plan here? I said I’d think on it for two days, trying to distract myself and let me just reveal my dumb weakness right now I AM desperate for some sympathy (actually just someone to say im not crazy, so maybe sympathy was a poor word) as everyone else just seems concerned she has a place to live and a chance to work on fixing it. She’s right here next to me watching me type this, so ask away. Advice away, insult me away for being blind and not trusting my instinct.

A netizen shared how he took a loan of $50k to fund his studies for a business degree, and after graduating, he couldn’t find a job and ended up doing GrabFood deliveries.

Here is what he said

“I took a loan of about $50k to enrol in a full time business Bachelor’s degree at a private university, and after graduation, life was pretty much downhill from there.

I think I should add that I am a Singapore PR, and my family is not rich for that matter. We took loans from everywhere we could so that I could have a future in business, and my family had really high hopes for me.

After I graduated, I struggled for months to get a job. I applied for everything related to business, from the aerospace industry, to the computer industry, to the marketing industry, and even the construction industry (on the businesses side of course).

But I apart from a few unsuccessful interviews, my applications were largely ignored and I was going nowhere.

The immediate thought on my mind was repaying the loans that me and my family took out to fund my business degree, which costs a bomb.

I had to get a job as soon as possible because I was bleeding money that I didn’t have every month trying to repay the loan for my business degree.

In the end, I had to settle for whatever job I could find and worked as a GrabFood delivery rider, and it has been almost a year since I started this job.

I am ashamed to say that I find this job very comfortable and I make between $2k to $3k a month, depending on the orders and how hard I work.

I know that I have to find a proper job related to my business degree soon, and my parents are helping me with the loans at the moment.

If anyone is looking to hire a private uni grad with a bachelor or business degree, please hit me up, I promise I will not let you down.”

Editor’s note: Have you tried mycareersfuture.gov.sg?

For confidentiality purposes, I will be referring to my boyfriend as Lucas. I and Lucas have been dating for over 10 months and I have never felt so secure in a relationship before.

Despite the age gap, our life experiences have put us on an equal footing with each other and it has never caused a major problem. Lucas is sweet, loving, and supportive but he does have some problems with using his credit card.

He goes out of his way to make sure that I am happy even if it means swiping his credit card and buying me something expensive. He is kind and wonderful with kids and animals. We are both adventurous and outdoorsy. He has a successful career as a chef and I am so proud of his accomplishments.

We get along great with each other’s families and he is someone that I could see myself spending forever with. Except Lucas is an alcoholic and drinks so much that he is relying on his credit card to buy more drinks.

Shortly after we started dating, Lucas admitted to me that he had a slight problem as a teenager. Nothing major, he never needed an intervention or anything

I also noticed that Lucas tended to drink a lot. Like 20 beers a day. Almost every time I saw him. I mentioned it to him and we discussed our histories of alcoholism.

There was this one time he drank so much beer that his credit card exceeded its limit.

There is one thing about being an alcoholic but having trouble with finances over drinking is a big no-no.

I feel like this is an issue that needs to be addressed, but I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to lose Lucas, but I’m worried about his health and the health of our relationship in the future.

Any advice for how I should proceed?

I(m 35) recently found out my wife (f35) has hid 55k in debt from me for years.

This all started a month ago when I ran her credit and saw all these credit cards max out. The total was close to 24k.

I confronted her and she admitted to have a spending problem and that she would try to change. I took a personal loan out at a much lower interest rate and paid off the debt.

We have seperate accounts and I thought that the new loan payment was enough for her to pay.

Today she came to me to tell me that had taken out 30k loan a couple of months ago to pay off another loan and that she has another credit card under her mom’s name.

I feel betrayed and hurt. I don’t think I can trust her anymore. Just looking for some advice.

Netizens’ comments

• I feel your pain. My ex wife wiped out most of her own savings, used our savings as an ATM, had multiple CCs with balances not paid, overdrew our checking, and started bouncing checks. I won’t comment on your marriage, but I’m not sure this behavior goes away. I don’t know how you can protect yourself from this type of liability.
• My (ex) husband was like this and I got wiped out financially and basically had to start over at 40.
  I’d recommend couples counseling and working with a financial planner to come up with a plan if you want to stay together. Seems like she also needs some individual therapy.

I’ve been trying to decide if I should apply for the law as I feel it’s the field that would best suit my interests in politics and debating but I’ve heard a lot of bad things about the field. Most of what I’ve found on the internet is very americocentric but some of the stuff by Singaporean lawyers also warn against going into the field saying that burn-out is very likely.

Do you regret becoming a lawyer? What type of person is suited to being a lawyer? Any other advice for somebody considering applying to NUS law ?

Here are what netizens think:

• If you’re in it for money and being able to make arguments in court, you won’t see any of that until maybe about 6 years after starting work.

Generally, being a litigation lawyer (especially at entry level) is all about being part of a factory, churning out the first drafts of documents and doing research on obscure points of law, and going through mountains of documents as preparation for trial. It’s nothing flashy like you see on Suits – actual legal work is the antithesis of what is seen on TV.

As for pay, the current base salary at a big 4 firm as a newly qualified lawyer is around $4,400 a month. Front-loaded bonus makes it about $5,400. The only issue is that hours are frequently 9am – 12am, and you will more likely than not be required to work weekends, especially for litigation lawyers. The hourly pay isn’t that attractive and this is why the attrition rate is so high.

As another commenter has pointed out, apply for internships to get a rough idea to see if you’ll like the work. However you have to be realistic as well – you won’t be doing any meaningful work as an intern being one that has no legal experience, especially since you’re not in law school yet. Your goal of applying for an internship should therefore just be to get a feel of what type of work you’ll potentially be facing (in law school and in a law firm) and to determine if you think that’s for you.

• Alternate route for money: get into a US firm. They don’t have the concept of a training contract so you’ll be an associate right off the bat. Base salary at 0 PQE is comfortably 5 digits per month. By 4 PQE you’ll be an accredited investor from base salary alone, and your peers will be wondering what they’re doing with their lives.

• I went to law school for the money and didn’t regret it. My interests and what makes me happy lies outside of law, and a law career helps to fund that (not that I have excessively expensive hobbies) and life in general. My personal experience is that if you go into law with an aim to “be a good lawyer”, you’re more likely to get disillusioned as your ambition conflicts with reality (sacrifices you make for the long hours, mental health etc., more on that below).