A netizen shared how he finds dating to be a tiresome and boring affair because he found that he is the only one making the effort and the girls he dated are expecting him to do everything.

Here is his story:

“I am starting to find dating boring, tiring and expensive. I also find that it is unfair that guys have to do almost everything. I will be putting the juicy part about me complaining about girls’ lack of efforts in dates in the 3rd last para. Burn me if you want to in the comments section. If you think girls put in a lot more effort than guys, list the things in the comments as well. Would love to hear about those.

Most of the time it goes to 2-3 dates and some don’t even go beyond 1. The worst ones are those that you spend weeks or months on the app and never meet in real life. I love it when they find something stupid to stop dating me like my salary or my choice in music (yup that happened) or because I don’t drink alcohol or the best one and the most common one, because I want to have intercourse after marriage. I do ask them why they want to stop and those are the reasons they give. The more polite girls use the ghosting method which makes me feel more respected

My salary, though average, is definitely sufficient to run a family. I am just not rich. You do realize that I could get a better job in the future right? I might be the next Elon Musk who speaks Singlish. Get ready to eat your words! Oh yes, if I was a girl and I wanted to sleep with the guy after marriage, my wish is to be respected and I am apparently holy. If I have the same request as a guy, I am a loser? Love the double standard!!! I only reject girls who are rude, manipulative or think they are made of gold unlike everyone else

Guy has to pay for first date

The rule is that guy has to pay for the first date so free meal for the lady. If I ask to go dutch, I seem petty. If I pick a simple place, they complain so I have to find something that is at least mid-tier. To be honest, I don’t mind paying for meals even it means for the rest of our lives together. The problem is that we stop seeing each other after a few dates and this happens so often. I am losing a lot of money.

I also feel that the guy has to put in more effort. Come on, the competition is rough out there. I am not exactly Chris Evans. To make myself stand out, I have to put in a lot more effort. Based on the person’s profile, I would think of a relevant place or activity for the dates. I would research the things they mention in their profile like a certain sport or some famous figure. We will have more to talk about and most of the time, it impresses most of them except for the ice queens. They just need to come and enjoy the date, no effort from them at all. They might not even remember my profile or what was in it. If the date sucks, then it is my fault. Yes, I feel amazing when that happens, especially listening to them complain.

I have done this dating thing so many times that I have a routine like those guys performing shows on stages. I have experimented on various jokes or types of humor and found the most optimal ones. The only thing is that since I pay attention to their profile, I might customize it to them. We also talk about things. Literally the same darn things. Deal breakers, interests, etc. Same thing over and over and over and over and over and over and over (approaches infinity).

Finds lack of effort from the girls annoying

As I mentioned, I am not Chris Evans but I do groom myself as best as I can. Most girls would come to dates in a decent outfit. I love it when girls come as if they just woke up from their bed and show how much they care about the date.

I find the lack of effort from girls extremely annoying. Some come to dates not remembering my profile. If the conversation is dry, I have to be the one who has to keep it lively and prevent it from turning awkward. Most girls don’t even try anything. They get a free meal on the first date. They don’t have to plan dates. They can give the uninterested face and it is fine. If I do it, then it is a sin.

Out of all the girls I have dated, only 3, that is right, only 3 girls have seemed to put in the effort. 2 of them made an effort to keep the conversation fun. The last girl planned the second date voluntarily. I am still friends with all 3 of them till today because they are WORTH IT.

Honestly, I don’t mind putting in the effort. It is fun to do some of the things. If nothing else, the least I expect is for the girl to put effort into the conversation and as a plus, remember something about me from my profile or our chats. The problem I have is that despite putting in all the effort, it keeps failing for stupid reasons (2nd para). Guys deserve to be respected too by the way.”

A netizen shared how she cut contact with a guy because the relationship was toxic but is still hoping he comes back to make her feel wanted.

Here is the story:

“These days, I feel that people are taking relationships very lightly. Having so many cases of extra-marital affairs surfacing, fwb, cross partner exchanges etc, I cannot comprehend.

I have been pretty down recently. So I cut contact with a guy, now for 4-5 months already. I had initiated it because I knew that the relationship was toxic right from the beginning. We already knew we were going nowhere, and eventually the day would come when we needed to go our separate ways. Yet each time, he reaches out to me, again and again, I will unknowingly fall deeper for him.

It came to a point where I knew it wasn’t sustainable anymore. So I told him that we needed to stop so I can move on. Knowing that he knows the right words to say to make my heart turn back, I even blocked all channels of communication between us. Eventually, he still managed to reach out to me and drop a last msg, saying he accepts this, but he was still sad.

Somewhere within me, I actually still hoped that he would come back and make me feel wanted. I wish he gave me the feeling that I would have some reason to return to him. But no. We ended via message, with me saying “Let’s just end here”.

Between months, I still find myself missing him so much. I would uncontrollably contact him. When I messaged him, he seemed quite contented with his life. I realized I had always been the one holding on to things that don’t belong to me, thinking that he would miss me as much as I missed him.

I know I am silly. I should move on to find someone else I can rely on. But yet when guys approached me, I only wished that I could be back with him. Many times I had told myself to move on, but when I reached the stage of  “getting to know each other”, I would feel exhausted and the thought that he is no longer with me will bring me sorrow. Why am I so enclosed?

I question myself sometimes – perhaps if I don’t love anyone, I would not get myself so upset. That’s why when I look at people who play too much, I often wonder if they have been hurt badly before too?”

A netizen shared how he finds it thrilling to get women who are attached or married to cheat on their partners by sleeping with him.

He confesses that he is a relationship wrecker with a “success rate of 25%”.

Here is his story:

“Hi. Just wanna confess that I’m a relationship wrecker. I find it thrilling to get attached/married ladies to fall in love with me and cheat on their partner.

Obviously, once I got them to cheat, I would end up losing interest and ghost them because hey, mission accomplished?.

The thrill is just isn’t there anymore.

Boasts of “success rate”

Not easy and I would say my success rate is decent at best (25%~). Used to feel guilty at first.

But anyway, if they cheat it’s their fault right. Still, I wouldn’t try it on my close friends’ relationship. At least that’s one line I wouldn’t cross.

Obviously, I never tell them any of these because I wouldn’t wanna lose them as friends. So I’ll just post my confession here.

Thanks for hearing.”

My (23M) girlfriend (23F) asked me if I would get a vasectomy and I initially told her “probably not” and now she’s upset with me and is considering this in our relationship and doesn’t want to talk.

We are in long distance relationship and she asked me this out of the blue in a Facetime call. I told her I honestly didn’t even know what a vasectomy initially was so she explained it to me that same call. After explaining she asked me if I would do one and I told her “probably not” and now she’s upset with me and won’t reply to me.

After she hung up, I went ahead and spent a few hours reading articles and blogs to educate myself about the benefits of vasectomies and the reasons to decide if it’s the best choice for me.

I’m much more okay with going through a procedure now after reading up about it but I’m not 100% for doing it because of the process/cost of it and us both talking about wanting to marry each other and have children together.

I don’t think it’s fair for her to ask me out of the blue an important question like this and then get upset with my initial answer because it takes many couples, MONTHS and even YEARS to discuss with each other if a vasectomy is the best option.

I can understand her or any girl getting upset if their partner encourages them to tie their tubes or use birth control and not do the same thing but I never pressed those idea towards her because I know how BC might negatively affect her.

I’ve told her that I’d much rather choose abstinence as the first option before consider doing a vasectomy and also because sure, a vasectomy is reversible, but also there could be implications where it won’t work and can also be very costly.

I’ve sent her a long text about how I feel and how I’ve educated myself on it, but still need to learn more about the procedure and if it’s right. I also let her know how I feel that isn’t fair for her to be upset after my initial response because something as big as this takes a lot of time to think through.

She still hasn’t replied to me so I’m going to wait a little bit to see if she wants to call and talk about it after she reflects on my response. Not sure what I should I say?

A netizen shared how she is worried her daughter is going to lose her V to her boyfriend, after he booked a hotel stay for the two of them.

Here is the story:

“I as a mother of 2 daughters, am actually quite worried. My daughter’s boyfriend booked a hotel stay a few months ago for a staycation for her 18th birthday using rediscover vouchers.

Although we were invited to celebrate my daughters birthday together, my husband and I decided not to stay in the hotel as we have work the next day.

Her boyfriend is a nice and kind person, but I as a parent, have my fears that my daughter lost her v-card to him during their night stay ALONE TOGETHER.

After all, with the normalisation of local celebrities and influencers getting pregnant before marriage (which many were lucky that their partners did not leave them), I do not wish for this to happen to my daughter(s)!

Should I talk to my daughter about their hotel stay? Should I ban my daughters from going to a hotel? Set a daily 9pm curfew? What should I do?”

Editor’s note: I think you need to have a talk with your daughter before the staycay.

A little context, my boyfriend is still in BMT and we have been together for a little over 2 years.

[ decided to preface this by saying that I truly think it is an honour to be an NS gf, I’m honoured to get to learn about the ns reality and life through my bf and to be someone’s support system during such a tough period. Not everyone will have the experience of dating an NS guy, so I truly truly view it as an honour to have been given this chance to learn more and to better myself as a partner ]

Before my bf went into NS, I made him a care pack full of stuff from caps to mosquito repellent, KT tape, muscle relaxant patches and much more. I even prepared tons of letters for my bf which are colour coded by how his day went, so that the letters he reads everyday would be more contextualized towards his experience for that day and I think this is a super good gift for all NS gfs to prepare!! Plus I also bought a voice recording card on shopee to record a message for him, so that he can listen to my voice too before he sleeps.

When my bf enlisted, I made sure to be super super supportive. Till this day (3 months+ in), I still fetch him from every single bookout and drop him off for every single book-in, so long as it doesnt clash with my working hours (mon-fri, 9-6), as I’m currently working full time before entering uni. I kid you not, I’m there waiting at the mrt where the bus drops all the NS boys off, every single book-in and book-out that I can. By this point probably my bfs entire platoon recognises me lmao. And every time he books out, I do my best to buy a different drink for him ( diff brands of bbt, boost etc.) before rushing down from my workplace to pick him up from book-out. Girls, you dont know how badly your bf misses civillian food and his favourite bbt. But yeah, presence is key, always show your support for your NS bf every chance you get, I promise it means the world to him!

So what do I do when my boyfriend is busy in NS? Well, I do my research on different things about NS. Mostly I spend time on this NS thread, reading about the experiences of different NS guys and the kind of inside jokes yall have, or whatever complaints yall have about cookhouse food or field camp. In fact I’ve genuinely become insanely interested in NS life. I’ve watched all the mindef playlists (yep even the ones from >10 years ago with the stupid 240p resolution), because I want to better understand what my bf is going through as well as his experience. Tbh I dont understand why NS bfs always complain that their gfs aren’t interested in what they have to say about the army. I literally ask my bf so many questions about the army, to the point he’s sick of talking about it already HAHA. But in all honestly, mindefs youtube is a hugely helpful resource for NS gfs to understand how NS works. I’m so fascinated by the different types of trainings they undergo, how to use the SAR-21 and before this, I never even knew the grenade had a lever! Now I better understand the military rankings and different vocations and all this I’ve learnt from mindefs youtube, without having to ask my bf. And in fact it’s so cool to really see that the NS facilities look like, because we girls will otherwise never be able to relate. Watching the videos gave me such a better picture of how the SOC looks, how the dismantled SAR-21 looks, how the BCCT premises look and so much more. And I’ve learnt so many cool things from asking my bf questions as well! How else would I know there’s such a thing as a tracer bullet or the different shooting positions or the different things you guys carry during FBO. It’s literally so interesting, you can learn the head knowledge about the NS process and go ask your bf for the practical knowledge and experience. I know from a macro-view that guns, grenades, marching and shooting sound incredibly boring, but I promise you it’s not! I never saw myself as someone who would be interested in these things, but boy was I wrong. It’s really fascinating and Im sure your bf will really appreciate you taking your time to deepen your knowledge in what is his everyday reality!

In terms of keeping an NS relationship strong, it takes 2 hands to clap. Ive been so so fortune to have the best bf in the universe because idk how he even makes time to text me everyday during his limited admin time. Not only do I ask about his day, he also puts in the effort to ask about how my work went and we always talk about what we had for lunch. Always communicate with your partner, even on the most mundane of things! I’ve honestly never felt happier in my relationship than now, it is the easiest because Im so touched by how my bf makes time for me out of his busy NS schedule. But dont expect too much, some days your bf will be too exhausted to text. Instead, just be understanding snd wish him goodnight immediately when he expresses exhaustion. You will never be able to understand just how exhausted he is from getting scolded by sergeants all day and having to do intense physical workouts. Just support him and remind him that you’re always there! Don’t be quick to get angry with him, always empathise, his NS life is tougher than you can imagine. Always reassure him that you love him and only him, your loyalty will motivate him through the toughest of trainings!

I was genuinely shocked when I saw NS guys in this thread saying that their gf expects them to pay for both parties on weekend dates. I think it’s horribly insensitive and selfish on a gfs part to expect that. In fact, I do the complete opposite. I’ve asked my bf if he would allow me to pay for our meals whenever we go out, seeing as I know he wants to save as much as he can out of the peanut pay that NS gives. I’ve told my bf that everything is about proportionality, I’m earning more now, due to my full time job, hence I should pay for the dates and his food. However, he didnt want me to fully pay either, since he says my money from work belongs to me. So we’ve decided that whenever we go out, we eat simple and if I decide I want to eat something more expensive that day, I would pay for 80% of the total meal. For dates and outings to movies or places like USS, I’ll pay 100% for both of us. It’s only fair to do so. So ladies please dont expect your bf to pay for you ya, he barely earns enough for himself, be the generous one! I’m sure it’ll relieve his financial burdens too.

And for weekend dates, try to plan chill stuff if you must! Keep in mind that your bf has been walking, marching, jogging, running, swimming, climbing and so much more, all day every day. He’s probably already so exhausted and just wants a break to rest, so do indulge him in that. Try to plan more home dates, just grab snacks or order in food and watch some movies together. Better yet, just take a nap together. If you wanna go out, pick a close mall or one with a direct bus route, so your bf can rest more. Please dont plan full day outings, you dont want to torture him. Also, on weekend dates, be the bigger person and let him choose what to eat most of the time. After all, he only has those 2 bookout days to indulge in civilian food. If you want to eat smth badly but he doesnt like it, just eat it yourself during the weekdays HAHA. He has less freedom than you, so let him enjoy those little moments of freedom and I’m sure he will appreciate you for it.

Remember to let your bf spend time with his family and friends too. Give him bro-time to game, gamble, drink or just catch up with his guy friends too. After all, he’s only human and as much as he loves you, he has a life outside of your relationship as well, so let him enjoy that. Dont cut him off from his family or friends, things in NS are already hard for him as they are.

Andddd words of affirmation! I always remind my bf that I’m very proud of him and that I believe in him, every time he completes an exercise, whether it be a run or a strength training or something else. Hearing that you’re proud of him will really brighten his gruelling days.

All in all, the NS relationship experience really is what you make of it! I live an hour away from my bfs book in/drop off point, while he only lives about 20mins away from it. But some days I will still wake up at 7am and travel all the way down to his house, just to accompany him in the bus for those last 20mins before he books in. Quality time is everything to a man with such limited time, always show him how important he is to you by making sacrifices for him, your little sacrifices will eventually go a long way in his heart. Jiayou to all the NS gfs and bfs out there!!

( just wanted to add that my bf is going for his field camp soon and I’m filled with worry and excitement, I’m so proud of him and I know he will do amazing, I can’t wait to surprise him at his post-fieldcamp bookout and treat him to good food and hear all the stories he’ll have to tell me about his field camp experience!! )

A netizen shared how she had a fight with her boyfriend because she felt they weren’t spending enough time together, and she cries at night because of it.

Here is the story:

“Me and my bf had this fight two years in. Mainly because I felt like we aren’t spending enough time together and when I brought up that topic he went all mad.

He would choose to cancel our plans last min to meet with his friends instead, gave me promises but broke them anyway, and I’ve found his habit of blaming ppl (sth like gaslighting) when something goes wrong.

I’m not sure when he developed all those traits & habits but I didn’t notice them when we were friends or at the beginning of dating….

So… when I tried to talk about those He’s like “What do you want me to do?” It seems like he couldn’t change for the better and I also felt that maybe I was pushing too hard to spend more time with me.

Stupid of me to think that only if I could change my perspectives and be more understanding, we could fix this again.

Tried to be accommodating

I tried to adjust myself to his plans. Our meet-ups become unplanned ones and even if they got canceled, I tried not to feel hurt. I would pretend to enjoy every little time we have together but at the back of my mind, it was like, this man would ditch me any min for something else.

This man will shout at me for every little thing that goes wrong when it’s not even my fault…TBH, when I adjusted myself, our relationship overall improved but I’m always in a terrified state.

Some days, it gets really exhausting and I will burst out crying at night. I don’t even know why am I trying anymore…. doubting whether I can continue like this…”

Editor’s note: He doesn’t deserve you, it’s time to move on…