27M here. I am thinking seriously to get a partner and get married via a paid dating agency, whether govt or private. My life goal is to get married and form a family by 30/31.

However, throughout my life, I have no chances with girls. I have confessed to 5 girls and have all been rejected. Tbh I am not the typical tall, fit and handsome guy that you see on kdrama. On the contrary, I have an obviously pot belly though I am of healthy bmi and I suffer from acne with obvious scars on my face. I believe many girls will be put off by these alone.

I also can’t speak and express myself well verbally. The only saving grace is that I earn above the average of my peers and I can provide for a family if I have one. I really want to form a family and have kids when I am still young and energetic and have time to enjoy family life before my energy levels drop by late 30s/40s and I get too bogged down by my career as well. I am tempted by those success stories put out by those dating agencies that promises a high chance of getting a match.

If all else fails, I am not ruling out marrying a foreign bride too even if we do not share any common language.

Here are what netizens think:

• To be honest, even dating agencies doesnt 100% certain can find you a life partner. Best is to go out there n be involved in social activities n make new friends, dating apps can but u know the risks. Gd luck

• Be confident my man! Those scars and belly are just physical attributes which can be overcome by true love.

• if u not handsome and muscle fit, u need lots of money. No money no honey. Even a Bui bui with millions can get all the celebrities.

how to unlove someone? we broke up in november last year. It was a short relationship (less than 6 months).

but i poured out my whole heart and invested in this rs. we both envisioned a future together.

but his effort for me started depleting towards the end. no matter how much i tried to be understanding, to love him, it was so one sided and I realised that there was no more love. i knew he just didn’t know how to break that news to me.

so I became the dumper not by choice, but the dumper that was left with no choice.

here we are in april 2022, i’m still not over it. i’ve busied myself, went no contact the minute we called it quits, so why am I still not over.

I believe he is already done and moving on. But why am I still so stuck. I can’t do this anymore. I hate feeling so much for someone who has moved on and clocked out of a rs.

Netizens’ comments

• Key is distraction. Go for a random meetup or gym/dance event. Like half of them are there to get distracted and to start again.

You can do it

• Maybe you have to come to terms and forgive yourself for giving yourself to someone undeserving of your love. It might be this tension that you are struggling with instead.

Put in another perspective, it is your emotional losses that hurt. It could be another person that failed you in a similar manner, but the act of giving your all to someone who failed to give it back is painful. This could be because you expended yourself willingly, and the cost was great, and you could be subconsciously blaming yourself for not perceiving better and making a poor choice on whom you chose to pour all your love on. Your ex could simply be a representation of your perceived poor judgement.

Maybe take some time to forgive yourself. Love is a risk, and maybe when we fully have our hearts broken might we know the true value of a healthy relationship when we encounter it. Maybe when you can accept this as part and parcel of love, might you able to forgive yourself, let him go and move on.

So, instead of unloving someone, start loving you instead. Take care!

So yeah I needed to get this off my chest. It’s thrown me for a loop. I am 46, and I was with my husband since I was 21. We got divorced two and a half years ago. We just grew apart and mutually agreed that the best thing for us was to go our separate ways. It was relatively amicable as these things go. We have three boys (22, 19, and 16).

My sister also is in the process of a divorce. Her soon-to-be ex was cheating on her with a coworker of his. My sister has two kids. (10 m and 6 f). Apparently one night last year after my cousin’s birthday party the two of them ended up sleeping together. I remember the night because my sister showed up in a very revealing outfit and was turning heads all night. Little did I know one of the heads she turned belonged to my ex husband!

They’ve been sleeping together off and on ever since. I know they’re both adults and neither is in a relationship but it still seems weird to me and I don’t understand why my sister would go there. For that matter I don’t understand why my ex would do this. He’s a really attractive man, he always has been. He shouldn’t have much trouble finding a woman to date yet he chose my sister?!? Perhaps he’s more angry about our divorce than I thought?

My niece mentioned to me that he’s been around with mommy a lot. So I asked about it and he just flat out admitted what’s been going on. When I confronted my sister she didn’t even try to deny it and said they’re both adults and they’re not hurting anyone. According to her it’s just no strings attached and there are no intentions of them being together as a couple.

I don’t know why this has bothers me this much. Maybe because when I met my husband we weee in college and my sister was in elementary school. Were they looking at each other while they were both married? I asked both of them if they ever messed around while we were married and they both denied it. Maybe I’m foolish but I believed them.

I previously posted here a long time ago, but here I am again because attempts to resolve the problem have not worked.

Background: So my father has been super paranoid and suspects my mother for adultery (which I’m pretty sure is not true). This is to the extent that my father will do crazy things like stalk my mother at her workplace and spam the alleged adulterers on Facebook with somewhat accusatory comments. His thoughts have absolutely consumed him and he has been rambling about this “adultery” for years! (and saying the exact same words each time like he was reading a script!) Marriage has been rocky from day 1 and mother has wanted to divorce multiple times in the nearly 30 years of marriage, but in the end my mother still stuck around to preserve the family unit for my sake (which in retrospect wasn’t a very good idea lol). And because father does not agree to divorce, they have to separate for 4 years before mother can file for divorce, but obviously we have all been living under the same roof. Looking at father’s behaviour, it’s very clear to me that he has some mental issues along the lines of ASD (no friends, extreme dedication to routine, low EQ, strange habits of talking to himself and stimming with hand gestures) and/or BPD (fear of abandonment explaining his reluctance to divorce, control freak mannerisms). Probably also had bouts of depression as I’ve heard him say he doesn’t want to live anymore.

What I’ve done: For now I’ve tried to go the wholesome route by trying to get him to get a mental health assessment so that we can address his issues and make life easier for everyone. I managed to connect him to the Family Service Centre so that he can talk about his problems, and I informed the counsellors to try and get him to have a mental health assessment. Unsurprisingly he refused. The contact has been going on for a few months, I don’t know exactly what happens at the sessions but it’s clear that he’s still as crazy as ever.

Looking forward: Well now I’ve more or less given up the wholesome route. He’s not helping himself by not cooperating. The FSC has not really been able to do anything as well. I definitely have to get away from the house with my mother to ensure our safety and well-being. It’s not just my mother who’s been subject to bad stuff, I’ve often been at the receiving end by being his emotional dumpster and getting stressed about things I’m not involved in at all, and being worried about others because he seems to be on the verge of going berserk on everybody and I am the final safety catch. His presence alone drains my mental health. Maybe I’ve even been traumatised to some extent because I sometimes shudder when I hear his voice. I see no way I can have a good life if he doesn’t get out of my life (there are many other reasons for this which I didn’t mention in this post). I know it sounds unfilial but then again, if I can pay him his current monthly salary in exchange for cutting contact with him, I would do it (maybe when I start working). Anyway, since he’s not helping himself, I guess there’s no other way other than for things to get ugly. Divorce is the number one priority I have for my parents now. Unfortunately my father has been very smart about preventing a divorce. There is very little evidence we have to justify the divorce without going through a 4 year separation. There is no adultery on his side, no physical abuse, no vices, etc. I intended the mental health assessment to have a secondary purpose of being used as a justification for divorce if we really went that route, but obviously we don’t have it, and I suspect he may have seen through the plan. I realise he’s also been very emotionally manipulative by constantly trying to brainwash us that a divorce would be impossible because my mother has been a bad wife and the judge would side with him, but luckily I’ve seen through him. Anyway, I would appreciate any legal advice on this matter, I am hoping that we will be able to expedite the divorce proceedings without having to do the 4 year separation thing, and perhaps some advice on how to best handle my father so that he can no longer cause distress for me and my mother’s family. Thanks.