I will be 30 this year, and I’m still scared of my mother. I’ve not admitted this to anyone, and no one knows this. It has been my secret since young.

Since I can remember, my mother has been this intimidating figure in my life. As a child, I thought this was normal. When I was in primary school she would cane me frequently, sometimes I deserve it (like most kids I make mistakes sometimes), but sometimes it is really not my fault. I remember vividly the times she hit me when I accidentally knocked over a vase, or when I was hungry and ate some food from the kitchen she didn’t approve of. She would quarrel with my father (divorced) and vent her anger out on me. I also got beatings simply because she said I reminded her of my dad and that it’s my fault she got divorced. Often I would go to school with cane marks on my arms and legs and be ridiculed by my classmates. I would always be scared to go home, not knowing what mood my mother would be in.

In secondary school, the Cannings continued. She would also not give me pocket money regularly and I would have to ask for it. Sometimes she was in a good mood and she’ll give it to me, but a lot of times she would scold me for being a financial burden or hit me and chase me out of the house. I would go to school and watch my friends eat because I didn’t have money to buy food for myself. I made excuses like I’m not hungry. I had to return home immediately after school because if I was late to come home she would hit me or lock the doors and I would have to wait in the HDB corridor for her to return so I can go in. I couldn’t join my friends to go out after school and anyways I didn’t have the money to go. I made up loads of excuses and slowly no one asked me if I was going anymore. Weekends she would forbid me to go out and lock me at home while she went to play mahjong. If she lost, I would be in for another beating. If she won, which was rare she would be in such a good mood she would cook me dinner or even dabao something back for me to eat. In my teens she also escalated to throwing heavy objects at me, hitting me over the head with hard objects and even sometimes throwing boiling water at me. I got better at evading and covering up bruises and marks on my body.

In my teens in addition to the frequent beatings, her mood swings were also scary, and she had a lot of paranoid thoughts. She would often accuse me of ridiculous things like I’m plotting with the neighbours to ruin her life. She would also accuse others of having intentions of harming her. She can get from normal to really angry in seconds, and it’s hard to predict her mood as the simplest things can set her off.

I finally graduated (my father gave me some money for school) and she got older. I got a job and would stay out later to avoid going home. Till now her mood is still unstable, and she still chucks things at me and hits me with bamboo Poles and stuff. But her strength and agility is lessened now due to age so I’m able to evade. I also have income now so I can buy my own food and spend on some things that I need. She has also retired and asks me for an allowance every month which I give.

People might ask me why I don’t move out. It’s expensive to rent, and I don’t earn much. Despite her shortcomings, I do still love my mother and worry she’s not going to be able to cope alone. I do alot of things around the house. She did still bring me up. I also can’t stay with my dad as he has a new family and other children now, and he doesn’t want me to interfere with his family. He says he’s done his part by paying for my education and to not mess up his new family.

Sometimes I feel tired living with someone who’s so unpredictable. The fear is still there even though things are better now as she’s not physically hitting me as much. Now I don’t know what’s in it for me in the future. I’m living one day at a time. It’s bad but sometimes I think I’ll only be free after she passes. I feel guilty thinking this way. For now I just wait I guess.

Thanks for reading my rant. Needed to get some of this off my chest.

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Hi all, just a little unsure about this situation and would hope some of you could offer some advice on this.

Two months ago, I was matched with this guy on CMB and we texted quite okay but the convo died after 1 week. Two weeks after that, I took the courage to message him to ask if he’s still interested to meet me and he said he was.

So, at the 5th week after being matched on CMB, we finally went out and to my surprise, the date went really really well – we could banter and joke quite a lot and I felt like I was hanging out with someone I’ve known for a long time. I could also sense that he was quite comfortable with and interested in me as he would sit pretty close to me. Apart from his nice and kind character, I also liked how he was quite caring and courteous during the date. For example, when crossing the road, he’d put his arm behind my back (not fully touching) as though he’s “protecting” me should anything bad happen or when we walk along a narrow path, he’ll ensure that I’m not behind him.

Back to the situation: what’s bugging me is that, when we text, his replies can be quite short and are at times delayed (12 to 15 hours later that kind). It’s the semester break now, and he’s not working, so idk why he’d be so slow in replies. When I look at my igstories, I could see that he has viewed them but he takes a long time to reply my messages. More recently, he seems to have stopped texting me for 3 days now (my messages are still unread). I even went back to our chat to see if I said anything sensitive, but there isn’t any.

I’m wondering if someone is indeed interested in me, wouldn’t they be excited to reply my messages? Even if they forgot to, wouldn’t they realise all of a sudden and check if they did reply? Though we’ve not set out for a second date, I’m really unsure if I should continue investing into this seemingly potential guy, or just say my thanks and move on?

Please help advise!

Here is what netizens think

The guy already have girlfriend one la, u dreaming

• If he likes you, you’ll know. If he doesn’t, you’ll be confused.I wish I knew this when I was younger. Would have saved me a lot of heartache. No point thinking so much & analyzing his actions. Men are very simple creatures.If he likes you, it will be obvious. Just move on.

• Protecting you when crossing the road could just be a gentleman’s gesture. You think too much already lah.

• Even when a guy doesn’t like you, the nice ones will put up a front and show you a good time when you are out. And yes when a guy is interested and pursuing you, he’s at his best behaviour and you wouldn’t be in doubt if he likes you or not. Pls just move on, stop contacting and investing feelings in this guy cos he’s clearly not into you.

I’ve been with my wife for more than half our lives (“school sweet hearts”), and although I know this is a cliche phrase thrown around here, we have a pretty great relationship. When we have arguments, we can communicate through them effectively, when we have issues with our relationship, one can voice it and the other will do their best to make adjustments accordingly.

I’ve always felt like I “married up” in terms of attractiveness, and if I do have a type, my wife is definitely it. I say this to help illustrate that I touch my wife a lot. Whether it’s hugging, playful butt slaps, kissing, shoulder rubs, etc I am definitely a “touchy” person — I would imagine my wife, were she being honest, would say a bit too much. In addition to the touching, I definitely tell her about how I find her attractive (that shirt looks good, you look good in hats, your butt looks great in those pants, etc)

But it’s not really reciprocated, despite repeated sustained attempts at communicating this. The touching might get better for a day or two, though the compliments thing never really materializes. When I do mention it, I know it’s just not something that’s on her mind a lot or some days (2 kids, 3 and 6) the kids have her touched-out. I don’t think the latter fully explains it, though I know it’s a common issue with couples with children — this was still a “thing” before we had kids.

I know communication still helps a bit here — but it’s disheartening because asking for it (“it” being more touching/showing affection/compliments) and then having a brief spike followed by decline sort of reinforces this view that my wife just doesn’t find me that attractive. It’s something I enjoy doing, and definitely don’t need a reminder, and so the very act of reminding just feels.. degrading, if that makes sense?

I know this post comes across as selfish , but it’s already long so I won’t spend too much time defending that.. but I am just hoping for any advice/strategies/different ways of looking at the situation that any of y’all might have. Thanks in advance!