I’ve been with my wife for more than half our lives (“school sweet hearts”), and although I know this is a cliche phrase thrown around here, we have a pretty great relationship. When we have arguments, we can communicate through them effectively, when we have issues with our relationship, one can voice it and the other will do their best to make adjustments accordingly.

I’ve always felt like I “married up” in terms of attractiveness, and if I do have a type, my wife is definitely it. I say this to help illustrate that I touch my wife a lot. Whether it’s hugging, playful butt slaps, kissing, shoulder rubs, etc I am definitely a “touchy” person — I would imagine my wife, were she being honest, would say a bit too much. In addition to the touching, I definitely tell her about how I find her attractive (that shirt looks good, you look good in hats, your butt looks great in those pants, etc)

But it’s not really reciprocated, despite repeated sustained attempts at communicating this. The touching might get better for a day or two, though the compliments thing never really materializes. When I do mention it, I know it’s just not something that’s on her mind a lot or some days (2 kids, 3 and 6) the kids have her touched-out. I don’t think the latter fully explains it, though I know it’s a common issue with couples with children — this was still a “thing” before we had kids.

I know communication still helps a bit here — but it’s disheartening because asking for it (“it” being more touching/showing affection/compliments) and then having a brief spike followed by decline sort of reinforces this view that my wife just doesn’t find me that attractive. It’s something I enjoy doing, and definitely don’t need a reminder, and so the very act of reminding just feels.. degrading, if that makes sense?

I know this post comes across as selfish , but it’s already long so I won’t spend too much time defending that.. but I am just hoping for any advice/strategies/different ways of looking at the situation that any of y’all might have. Thanks in advance!

My fiancé and I have been together for 8 years (both age 30s) and due to be married in 3 months. We live together, and have known each other more than 10 years.

I have always been clear that I do not want to be with a partner who takes alcohol. I have never tried anything more than alcohol, and drink only on special occasions a few times a year (weddings, birthdays.) I have a history of addiction in my family, and have seen the effects, so always knew I wanted to be with someone who did not take alcohol. I know my partner has drink alot in his early 20s in poly prior to our relationship becoming serious, but he promised me that he had quit when I told him I was not okay with being someone who takes alcohol like a daily dose of vitamins C.

A neighbour came to our unit this morning as they had found my fiancé’s phone in their plants (they asked if they were his because the car brand of the key matched the car), and my fiancé told me that he took a few drinks last night at a friend’s house while I was at work. He can’t remember what happened after that, or how his belongings ended up there?

I am devastated. Firstly, my fiancé knows where I stand with alcohol use. Secondly, we have just moved into this house together and I am so embarrassed at how my neighbours may look at us now. We have never met these neighbours before.

Our wedding is in 3 months, and we were planning on having a child fairly soon after this. I am not okay with alcohol use in a partner. My partner does not take alcohol at all previously or he has kept it from me, and is very apologetic about his actions, saying he won’t do it again.

I don’t know if I can trust him on this, and feel like we have different views on alcohol use that is incompatible. I understand everyone has their own limits, but I feel this is a dealbreaker for me.

I am thinking of breaking up, but wanted to get advice on if we can move forward from this?