A netizen shared how she had an argument with her parents because she doesn’t want to get married and have children.
Here is the story:
“I (27F) had an argument with my parents a few days ago regarding me settling down and starting a family.
While I do have a boyfriend and do not mind getting married (though I honestly prefer not to because marriage is just a glorified certificate anyways), I mind having children. I’m great with them. I babysit my nieces, nephews, and godchildren all the time but yet I simply do not want any kids. My parents and basically everyone but my boyfriend thinks that I’m selfish for not wanting to have kids and have been saying other nasty things to me about my decision as well.
Today, the conversation came up again during dinner and honestly I’m fed up and sick and tired of repeating myself over and over again hence I harshly defended myself openly for the first time and now my parents are giving me the cold shoulder as they feel like I’m pushing my trauma and the blame to them.
I grew up in a family of 7. I’m the oldest and I have 4 younger brothers. Half of them are dyslexic. As I’m the oldest child and cousin (yes, both sides) a lot of pressure has been placed on my shoulders, especially academic-wise. I’m the only child to enter the Express stream. My parents kicked a huge fuss when I decided to go to a polytechnic instead of a JC. I graduated university with a double degree and was on the dean’s list as well. Growing up with 4 younger brothers was not the smoothest as my parents often neglected me a lot to put all of their focus on my brothers. Hence, I was very independent at a young age. My father had several failed businesses so I started working at 14 years old to ensure that I wouldn’t add on to his financial burdens. I have had to babysit my siblings, be their tutor, and even guardian once I was at a legal age to do so. In short, I was like the third parent.
Being independent at such a young age continued to make me more independent, but also made me not want to have kids or honestly get married. Marriage is negotiable to me, but definitely not children.
My financials are great and I have a stable job with a good income. I have a reasonable amount saved. 2 of my siblings are married and have kids, but even before the pandemic, I can visibly see that they’re struggling to keep things afloat. Most times they resorted to asking money from my parents and me as well.
Every child deserves a parent, but not every parent deserves a child. I know deep down that I would absolutely hate to be a mother, and I would hate myself even more for giving in to motherhood. I do not want to bring a child into this world knowing that I definitely do not want it even when I’m financially stable to afford it.
I love to travel and have some quiet time when I get home from socializing or work. And my boyfriend completely supports and understands that. So from how I was raised and from seeing how things are with my brothers and their “happy little family”, is it wrong and selfish of me to not want to have kids?”
Editor’s note: Nothing wrong with your decision.
