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Friday, February 23, 2024
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CONTROLLING GF STOPS BF FROM MEETING HIS FRIENDS CAUSE FRIEND IS “HOT”

So my BF and I have been dating for a little over 2 years and we are both in our early 30s, we started dating just before the pandemic and so when everything hit he moved into my tiny studio flat so we could isolate together.

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After a while of both of us working from home and starting to drive each other crazy, he suggested we spend more time at his parents home about 1 hour away because we would have more space and I could attend my millions of Zoom meetings a day without disturbing him.

He is also an insomniac and night owl, so we have different routines. Everyone was so lovely we ended up spending a lot of time there over the months before we moved into a bigger flat near where we both work. As mentioned, one of the main reasons we were there so often is to have more space. Our new flat eliminated that need.

A couple of things happened that made me want to visit less:

  1. His parents fight really meanly with each other and also with my BF (not with me). There are horrible insults thrown, yelling, no one listens to each other, and they all seem to aggravate each other further. I am anti-confrontational and do not deal well with yelling of any kind. I also firmly believe in fighting fair.
  2. I got a new job and it was horrible as a guy went on a smear campaign against me. Anyway this made me, an introvert to begin with, withdraw even more. I did not want to see anyone or talk to anyone, in hindsight I was probably a bit depressed, not sleeping, just working etc.
  3. There have been 2 incidents where I have (genuinely) accidentally seen two inappropriate but not too crazy messages to women – one where BF was wondering what would have been with a lady whose profile picture was her naked, and another with his childhood BFF where she sent him a picture of her butt in some jeans to which he replied “sexy”.

So between these issues, I did not want to be going with BF to his home so often – the atmosphere at his parents always blew up at some point, I was not doing great, and our relationship was rocky and I was avoiding Sexy Butt Lady. He would ask, and I would politely decline and say he was free to go alone.

I found out this weekend that he went out with his friends as well.

He said he noticed I was uncomfortable visiting his parents and his friends (He have a hot friend)

I confirmed this and outlined my points above. He thinks it is weird/offensive to visit solo. I clearly stated that I am not responsible for him maintaining a relationship with his friends, and do not have an issue with him visiting his family/friends solo and have suggested he visit without me (e.g. when he asked, or when I was visiting friends/family solo).

I was surprised to essentially be blamed for him not going home/not talking to his friends as much as I always encouraged him to visit them and never even implied he should not talk to them. Now I am not sure if I was being unrealistic to expect him to maintain a relationship when I was apparently obviously uncomfortable with them.

But he accuses me of not letting him meet his friend’s cause that are females. Our relationship is going down the drain and obviously I’m feel insecure that he is going out with hot girls.

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