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Thursday, February 22, 2024


Tldr (very long post ahead): I fell in love with a married man through my freelance work. Things got complicated, he is divorcing his wife and I don’t know what to do now.


I was a freelancer (if you know what I mean) and I met him through an app. I’m 27 and he’s 37. Due to problems with his marriage which has been going on for years (I knew that from the start, I’ve known him for 1 year already), this was where he turned to. His wife doesn’t know about us and has never known about any of the girls he had met before. He ended up falling for me due to certain parts of my character and personality that he liked which apparently his wife lacks in, and the chemistry is there. We just click.

Before things got complicated, this was all just transactional to me. I was okay with meeting him everytime he asked since he treats me well, more like a paid FWB thing making it feel less of a “chore” when I meet him as compared to other men. And his married status gave me the comfort that this man just wanted someone to spend his free time with to temporarily get away from his problems at home. Later on, the meet ups became “weirder” as he asked me out for occasional movies, dinner, massage, gym, and even a staycation. It literally felt like we were dating.

A year later, he eventually confessed to me and I admitted that I fell for him too. I stopped my freelancing and he stopped meeting other girls and we have been “exclusive” for a couple months already even before we confessed our feelings to each other.

I never wanted nor expected anything more because of his marital status as I thought that I was just a girl to pass his time and things will be over between us when he resolves his marriage problems or when he finds another girl. But I was wrong and I also ended up falling for his personality and actions.


Since his confession, he also told me that he is divorcing his wife, but it will take some time to settle the divorce and their house matters, so I would have to wait 1 year before we can officially be together. At first we set a date a year from now, once this date has passed, I’m gone and I’m not waiting any longer, and we agreed on it. I know that he’s sincere about this because I know the situation with his wife (long story- but she initiated the divorce). I’ve read his conversations with her and I’m even the one he spends every night with. He shares with me all the details about his life. I tried talked him out of it many times before as I felt bad being a third party… but he insisted on going through with the divorce as he feels this marriage cannot be saved anymore.

Just recently, he told me that he wanted to extend this date to a month longer as he saw the wrong date for his house matter (something about the 5th year mark to be able to sell off the house and get some money back). I cant explain how I felt upon hearing it- firstly I already agreed to wait so long- a year for him to settle what he needs to. I didn’t ask for anything else be it material things or whatever at all. Secondly it’s not my fault that he saw the wrong date, we agreed on this timeline and he should’ve checked before he agreed with me. It feels unfair for me to give him the benefits of girlfriend (/mistress) while he has a wife it’s like he is benefiting from both of us and I have to wait around, although I know that there’s nothing going on between them anymore. I know it’s just a month longer than agreed but this extension request is making me feel like I might not be patient enough to wait. Or maybe I’m just worried that somehow a miracle happens and he decides to stay with his wife and I would have ended up wasting all my time.

I told him I honestly don’t know if I could wait that long, but he wants me to give him a definite answer and he’s pleading me to agree to wait just a little longer. I just really don’t know if I should agree to this or just end it altogether. I know I’m complicating my life by being in this situation when I could just, not be in it. The thing is I really feel that his feelings and actions towards me are sincere and what if all this is worth it in the end? But then what if it’s not?

Someone please knock this brain of mine and help me out… I know I’ll get a lot of hate for being a “home wrecker” sure.. hate me.. go on but please just please tell me what I should do..

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