Entitled childhood friend thinks my bank account is his personal dating subsidy because we are “bros.” Told him to go find a sugar mommy instead. Currently burning hell notes at the void deck so he can buy a brain in his next life.
Walao eh, I seriously cannot with this kind of people. Need to post here to see if I am the one being the asshole, or if my friend’s brain actually short-circuited.
So I have this childhood friend, let’s call him Kevin. We go back all the way to primary school, SPF NSF days, everything. Lately, this guy finally managed to match with a girl on Coffee Meets Bagel. Good for him, right? Except he has zero financial management. He spends all his money on anime figures and top-ups for gacha games, then complains he is broke.
Last week, he messaged me out of nowhere.
Kevin: “Eh bro, can transfer me $150? Bringing the CMB girl to a nice cafe in Sentosa this weekend. Need to look presentable, you know?”
I thought okay la, maybe he genuinely short of cash this month, so I PayLah! him. Then this weekend, he messages me again while he is literally on the date:
Kevin: “Bro, she wants to go for high tea after this. Can top up another $100? Next time I return you.”
Hello?? You think I am CDC voucher or what? Why must I fund your courtship ritual? I told him nicely that I am also saving up for my own things (and my skin treatments not cheap, hello).
You know what this clown replied?
“Wah, like that also calculate? We bro for how many years already. Last time you say we share everything. When I get girlfriend, she also call you initial d/brother-in-law what. Invest a bit cannot meh?”
SMLJ??? Invest? Am I buying shares in his relationship? If they break up, do I get a dividend payout or a refund from MAS? The sheer audacity to use the “bro card” to guilt-trip me into paying for his avocado toast and truffle fries is next level. Since when did brotherhood include a sponsorship package for your romantic life?
I got so triggered that I just blocked him on WhatsApp. Coincidentally, today I passed by the HDB shop and saw people buying Seventh Month stuff early. I bought a pack of hell notes, went straight to the burning bin at the void deck, and threw them in.
I literally said out loud: “Kevin, this one is for you. Big notes one, got billions. Go down there and find your own sugar baby, don’t come and disturb my bank account.” My neighbor uncle was looking at me like I am crazy, but honestly, the satisfaction was immense.
Please tell me I am not the crazy one here. If your friend ask you to fund his date, will you all give? Or should I go burn some paper iPhones for him also?