Ex gf wants to place our baby for adoption, not sure that I can
I’m 23. My ex-girlfriend is 20. We met while we were still studying. I’ve since graduated but she has 2 years left.
She’s 21 weeks pregnant and wants to put the baby up for adoption. She was around 14 weeks pregnant when she told me she was pregnant. We had already broken up 2 months before that and I honestly had no idea she was pregnant.
She said she needed space to make her own decision and that’s why she didn’t tell me.
From the moment she told me she was pregnant I told her I would support whatever decision she made. I respect that it’s her decision. I believe in a woman’s right to choose and all that.
I feel guilty that I got her pregnant. I’m internally panicking at the idea of a baby and the idea of being a father is wild and unreal to me right now.
But when she told me she was planning to put the baby up for adoption it felt like a gut punch. She’s already connected with possible adoptive families.
In no way do I think she should be forced to be a parent. I would never want to contribute to that. I completely understand her reasoning. It’s just making me feel sick. She seems as content as she can be with the decision. She knows this is the “right” decision for her.
I don’t know if I can consent to it. I’ve started researching contested adoptions. I think it’s sort of crazy and I’d have to be willing and prepared to completely support and parent the baby on my own and be able to prove it.
I feel guilty thinking about coming in and ruining all of her plans. Maybe it wouldn’t be fair to anyone for me to do that, but I’m becoming more uncomfortable with the idea of adoption every day.
I’ve not told her how I feel because I know it took her a while to come to her decision and even though she feels it’s the right one it’s also a highly emotional thing for her.
I spend a lot of time trying to rationalize why adoption is the best thing for everyone.