(30 m) (27 f) I had a vasectomy. She’s pregnant. I feel like crap
I’ve been with her for 6 years now. I love her. I recently proposed, 5 months ago and she was ecstatic. It was adorable. I don’t care much for weddings but, it was definitely a dream for her to have the whole “fairytale ending.” I don’t regret proposing. All I’m saying is if she was just my girlfriend for the rest of my life I wouldn’t give a damn. She never put pressure on me to propose and I appreciated that.
I got a vasectomy right before I met her. She knew about it from day one. At the time she wasn’t looking for anything serious. the fact that I had a vasectomy made me more attractive. She had a miscarriage with her ex boyfriend right before she met me. She told me that pregnancy was now a fear of hers. I never wanted kids, I was repulsed by the idea of being a dad. Her saying that made her more attractive.
She was never opposed to being a mother though and I knew that going in. She made it clear that being a mother was not a burning desire of hers but, she wouldn’t get an abortion if she ended up pregnant again. She’s definitely “mom material.” She’s the sweetest person I’ve met.
She doesn’t curse, she doesn’t yell, she’s apologetic, she’s always smiling. She’s kind, she’s understanding, she’s a great teacher, she’s intelligent and gentle. Honestly,I don’t deserve her. I’m an a-hole. Obviously she has her flaws too but, she’s truly a good person.
Anyways, she’s pregnant. When she told me I thought she was messing with me. We’ve had pregnancy scares in the past but, we both knew there was no way she truly was. 2 months ago she broke the news. When the pregnancy was confirmed, I immediately accused her of cheating. I feel like shit for how I handled the situation. She didn’t cheat. She’s carrying my child. I was so mean to her. She’s overseas with her family at the moment they’re telling her to leave me. I don’t blame them for saying that. But, I’m really not suited to be a father.
She’s going to keep the baby . There’s nothing I can do about that. But my issue is I’m going to lose her as well. I don’t really know what I’m asking. I guess I just wanted to tell somebody what I’m going through. I’ve thought about “stepping up” but, I truly can’t. I spoke to her about it. She told me that I don’t have to worry about her or being a father. She’s moving after the delivery. She won’t come after me for money or anything else. She says we’ll both get to start over.
She’s a beautiful young woman… she’ll have men lining up to be a step dad. That idea pains me. While I don’t want the kid, I don’t want him/her being raised by another man. I definitely don’t want her with another man either. And most of all, I’m scared I’m going to change my mind later on. I don’t want to promise her that I’ll be there and then ultimately being a “deadbeat.” I need more time to think but, she’s not going to give several months. I’m so torn. I can’t lose her. Especially not like this.
Update: i probably should have put this in there. My vasectomy failed. I’m not sure how long ago it happened but it failed. She was on birth control through out our relationship and stopped last year . I can’t be 100% sure if it’s my child until after it’s born but we did a prenatal paternity test and the odds are pretty high that I’m the father.