I’m a gamer girl who’s gotten alot of attention from several men online, have had online relationships and talked about very sensitive subjects with them.. The thing is, i am a man.
Lets start with some actual facts:
- I’m a 27 year old male.
- I was in a long real life relationship during this, where we were even living together.
- I’ve got a stable job and life overall with minimal drama.
Story starts about 4 years ago.
Was very into DnD and overal roleplay at the time. So much so that i started to look into online roleplay activities. Wounded up at some forum that were doing some roleplay activities that piqued my interest. So i joined it!, never told my gf because i thought it would just be a small little activity i could do in private. You know.. Just for fun.
First thing that happened is i created my user, joined the public chat, and had a casual talk with some of the members, asking them how to create a character and how to indulge into some rp. I dont know why, but at some point one of them said they dont get alot of girls to join their games, and they were happy that one finally joined.
My smoothbrain didnt immediately understand, but apparentally my username sounded feminine and as such was labeled as girl.. For shits and giggles, i just went along with it, and created my female character to join some of their rp’s. It was all fun and games, alot of long nights with these strangers, having fun with dice games and roleplay. This went on for the better part of a year, still with me hiding it from my then gf.
It wasnt that strange for me to roleplay a female character, for i DM’d for a group of irl friends which ofcourse also hosted a bunch of female npc’s. I got.. quite a bunch of internet friends from these online games, and i do reckon them to be actually good friends. The problem exists in the fact that some of them wanted more out of it. Be it meeting up irl, be it sharing pictures, anything to get a more profound relationship so to say.
My fantasy character, grew into an actual person over the year. She had a job, hobby’s and friends, all of which really didnt lign up with… Well.. irl me!
This is the part where the deepdive really began. My character became more of a person as time went on.. She was me, but entirely fictional. She was starting to get online relationships with people. Sharing deep desires / fears with others.
Hell, she was really bonding with these internet strangers. And i didnt stop it, i liked the attention i was getting. It somehow felt good to be wanted, even if it was fictional.
I never joined a voicecall, or videocall, Always had an excuse.
I never asked for money, hell, i even gifted my internet friends some games every now and then because not all of them were as well off as i was.
Now the last year my.. character.. has moved towards final fantasy XIV, where she continues to be a girl.. inside the game, and out. Naturally she got some attention again, and even has a relationship with another person for about like.. 6 months now.. This person actually lives close to where i live myself, so the notion of meeting up has been a thing that happens quite often.
Now onto the present;
I’ve been tinkering with the idea of pulling the plug. Just go completely cold turkey, delete all accounts, and let that be it. Though this would mean losing ALOT of internet friends i talk to .. basically everyday.. But the thing is.. are they really my friends? Ive been lying to them for years now, im really not sure how they would react if i said i was just a guy who went down a slippery slope of fraud.
I dont want to lie further, but i feel that even if i would tell the truth id lose them anyways. Any thoughts?