I (M25) went to meet my girlfriend’s (F22) parents. Their living conditions are a bit of a shock.
My girlfriend and i have been dating for 6 months and I went to meet her parents at their home. She lives there when she’s not at her school’s dorm.
Their house was a bit of a shock. The walls were stained and had holes in them, the carpet was covered in stains, dead cockroaches and ladybugs, boxes and random furniture scattered against the walls, most of the lights and ceiling fans were missing, etc.
Her parents were amazing people and they really care for their daughter, but I still came out of the experience feeling uneasy.
Has anyone else been in a similar experience? Any words of advice/comfort? I know it might sound bad on me, I know I shouldn’t judge them and they were wonderful people, but I can’t help but feel shocked.
My girlfriends dorm is very clean for that matter. I know its wrong to speculate on other’s financial status but I feel like that’s not a factor in this.
They have paid for their daughters education fully without loans, they go on a cruise every year, they have decent jobs. I just don’t know how to feel.
- As a daughter of hoarders I can tell you that her parents living conditions are not a reflection on her. If anything it makes you a clean freak – if you’re uncomfortable hanging around the house though I would just gently guide visits to be out and about.
- My parents home is messy like this, though without the dead bugs. My Dad is retired and full on lazy, my Mum is exhausted from working full time and coming home to her giant man baby of a husband that she has to cook every meal. It’s been like that for a long time and I was always so embarrassed by the state of the house so never had friends round for sleepovers after a certain point. My sister and I sometimes completely clean the worst rooms (and never with help) but it never lasts because it’s not maintained. My home is neat and tidy because I learned the hard way that a cluttered home makes me anxious.
- There is probably some kind of mental illness or functional difficulty tied in there,. Or maybe they were raised in impoverished environments and are overly used to it.
But if they did a good job raising her, and one is functioning well enough to pay tuition and cruises, then I think that cycle is being broken with your gf. And it is a good sign that she is not embarrassed of them. It shows loyalty and secure attachment.