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Monday, October 3, 2022


The older generation is really different from my generation.


Like my parents, married for 30 over years. I’m coming to married life year #9, and sometimes I wonder if we can make it to #10. I admit that my feelings for my wife are no longer the same.

I’m perfectly happy for her to go out without me, so that I can stay at home and “me time”. Or if I go out, I’m ok to go out alone, so that I can have my own thoughts or do whatever I want on my phone, listen to music etc, w/o someone now and then telling me this or asking me that.

You know women after a while they can be a bit…..irritating.

The feeling is 180degrees different from when we started dating all those years ago. It’s different from married life year#2 or #3. Nowaday sometimes when she talk to me I don’t even look up. Now I sort of understand why so many men cheat….not because of physical desires, but to experience the bf-gf feeling again.

The sweet feeling when you taste a bar of new chocolate for the 1st time and new endorphins are released in the brain. Because the old chocolate is no longer sweet, it is now fermented and tastes sour and smelly….For past 1 ½ month because everyday 24/7 face her except for sleep, and the 2 hyperactive boys at home, we quarrel more often. I get agitated with her more easily. In heat of moment I often feel like saying lets divorce, go our separate ways, you can have the kids, but somehow managed to control myself…


Don’t get me wrong. I don’t really intend to divorce. But how come my feelings change so much? I feel really guilty at myself. This is the woman I vowed to love and protect her for rest of my life, but now I feel myself getting sick of her. Is it because of the kids? Or after so many years I just take her for granted? I no longer love her? I was 訴苦-ing to my friend, and she sent me this. What I’m trying to say is the main topic here is not about me or my feelings, but about the passage below my friend sent. I spent less than 1 minute to read, but it opened up my heart. I do not suddenly love my wife again like bf-gf, but it make my understand what I’m feeling is a different kind of love. Its actually a very simple thing to think and understand, but everyday we just do our own things, see each other, try all sorts of ways to make marriage work, find experts and read articles about rekindling the spark in marriage. I realize now that is no such thing as rekindling spark in marriage. Spark gone is gone. We just need to look at things differently, and love a different kind of love. Maybe that’s how my parents still surviving 30+ years? Just sharing with everyone..

“Every relationship will get “boring” after you’ve been together for years. Love isn’t a feeling it’s a commitment to love every day, physically and emotionally. It’s difficult, it’s not always laughs, smiles and fun. People tend to quit when it stops being fun, and they go look for someone else, because “the spark is gone”. No, that’s not how it works. You want somebody to never give up on you, and love you unconditionally then do the same. Be the change. This isn’t Hollywood, this isn’t the movies. That s isn’t real. Love someone when you don’t want to. When they aren’t the easiest to deal with. When they’re hard to love. That’s the realist s there is 100%.”

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