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Monday, October 2, 2023


I am 30 years old male, married with 1 kid and already moved into our new BTO.


Wife and I met 8 years ago, got married 2 years ago and have a kid 1 year ago.

Starting of the relationship was ok, she is ok for me to smoke and portray herself as those very nice and understanding woman. Slowly 1 year into the relationship, her true colour slowly review itself. She say I smell so bad after smoking and refuse to kiss me. I respect that as non smokers usually dislike the smell. So everytime when I’m out with her, I would leave my cigarettes in the car. I have to pay for every single thing and dinner at coffee shop seems unbearable for her.

Moving forward a bit, we had a huge quarrel with her about 4 years into the relationship as she found out that I owe my credit card debt for about 14k. FYI, I don’t buy stuff for myself, I don’t drink, don’t party and don’t game.

All my money were basically spent on her and us. She love to compare me and her life with those influencer’s and their boyfriend. Her attitude towards me is like towards a dog and she constantly scolds me with vulgar everytime she has mood swing. Her mood swing can be a weekly thing which traumatised me a lot. And she chose to dump me knowing that I am on debt. Felt really hurt inside as I chose to put myself in debt just so I can spend on her and let her lead the kind of life she wants to, but it’s still not enough to satisfy her. I chose to accept and left. And it was just that day itself when I got dumped, a very good female friend of mine since poly days contacted me and asked me out to chill, so since I’m down, I said ok and met up with her. Told her exactly what happened and she told me if she has a boyfriend like me, she would cherish so much and never let go (she knows how I treated all my exs and we were there for each other everytime we have BGR issue).


So I joking said, “when is our turn to be together?” , and she say actually she likes me too and if I have the same feeling towards her too, we can get together. I’ve read stuff online saying that best friend who got married usually last forever. We know exactly how our past were like, as such we will not quarrel over a lot of stuff new couples might face. I told her that I’m in debt and not able to buy her stuff and bring her for holidays, and she say she is ok to be the one paying and ok to eat bread with me until I clear off my debts. I’m so touched inside and I admit I had a crush on her before, and we got together.

Few weeks went by, my ex that I mentioned above came calling me, texting me and even came to my house begging me to come back and giving all the reasons that she could think of and how remorseful she were. I rejected her and said nasty things to her but she was very determined to get me back. Ultimately, still not moved on yet from her, I chose to let down my best friend and got back to her and indeed she was a changed person. But it was the worst decision I have ever made in my life. Shortly after we reconcile, probably 1 year later, her pattern came back and it got even worse. Nearing to our bto completion, I have to follow the flow and proposed to her, got married and move in our new house.

We had a child and I did everything I can to help. From feeding, to bathing to washing and cleaning, from doing ALL household chores and wash clothes mop floor hang clothes keep clothes wash milk bottle sterilised bottle, I paid for house renovation loan, wifi, utility bills, milk powder and every single meal including breakfast to dinner. She was not satisfied. She still compare her life with me with influencers. She said what I did was what I should as a husband and daddy and that I never do anything for her but only for our child. She complains how I never bring her to holiday after giving birth a child for me and says I never buy branded bags for her anymore. Honestly, I’m in debt again and I can’t tell her. She is the type that I can’t share any of my unhappiness or difficulties to her because she will have an even bigger reaction.

When baby is sick, we all can’t sleep and she will start go crazy shouting at our infant baby and telling me how I didn’t help her and even say she has market value still and don’t dare her to go look for another older richer man. She has been scolding vulgar to me and threatening to divorce me. I really don’t understand what have I done wrong or what have I not done enough. When I’m tired from work, she says don’t bring work back home ad affect the family, but she does that herself every single day. If it wasn’t for my child, I would have fought back and agree to a divorce. I’m so lost now.

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