Dating apps make me feel like I’m not good enough.
Hey guys, 28F here. Am on a couple of dating apps (Bumble, Hinge, CMB, OKCupid) but not having luck with matches. Either I get matches but they don’t talk to me or I hardly get matches at all.
I would say I’m an average looking girl (have heard that I’m cute from some friends and guys) with an average paying white collar corporate job, but it hurts feeling like I’m not attractive enough a catch for strangers on the internet to initiate a conversation with.
Either that or I don’t feel like the guys I’m talking to really have any interest in me – many times, I feel like they only talk to me because I’m the only match they have and it gets very discouraging.
How do you get over feeling like you’re not good enough? I feel like dating apps have damaged my psyche and made me doubt my self worth.
Netizen’s comments
If you don’t look good as a guy, you’re playing a losing game with dating apps. Dating apps are literally the LinkedIn of relationships, and as a guy if you’re not the top 10% of what girls in SG are looking out for, be it how good you look or how rich you are whatever, you’re shit out of luck.
Women are in charge of the dating world because women don’t need men anymore, they are now more independent than ever before. Women can be successful on their own. But for men, or at least for myself, although I don’t show it, I feel left behind. Although my life is ok alone, I feel happier falling in love, and being loved by my partner, and I want a women to love and share my funny life with. I know I’m not the top 10% but it took me many painful lessons to build up the self-confidence to know I’m not the worst guy there is either. Meanwhile, women just need to “show up” in the dating world and exist and they’ll be thrown with hundreds of likes.
So why should they settle for us lesser guys when they have so many options to choose from?
I know looks have never been my strength, I’ve always been told that one of my strengths is in my sense of humour, that I make people laugh, even when they’re at their lowest, and girls like that in a guy, so that’s what try to achieve, keep her laughing, keep her smiling. I’ve nvr started a convo with just a “Hi”. I always read her profile, and try to find a common interest with her and start a convo from there. And my profile is usually informal thrown in with a bit of my humour and my interests, short, sweet and honest.
I really tried.
But what’s the point of putting all that effort in when a guy who looks better than you will just win her anyway cuz of his looks? Furthermore, if I, a less-than-average-looking guy, try to impress a woman, I’m labelled as desperate, pursuing someone out of my league, and, my personal favourite, a simp; I’m “simping” for ANY nice gesture I do. Meanwhile, a top 10% guy could do the EXACT same things I’m doing and he’ll be “cute, hot, sweet, gentlemanly etc”.
Women always like to say that it’s not about looks, it’s abt his personality. Sure, they’re not wrong, but it’s not that simple in reality, especially on dating apps. Looks is the spark that starts the fire, personality keeps the fire burning. So sure personality is more impt in the long run, but there’s no point you have all the wood ready to keep the fire burning when there is no fire to begin with, no matter how high quality of wood you have. But at least you can tell yourself that if and when a girl chooses to be with you, you’ll know you’ll give her all the warmth and love she deserves for the rest of her life. Vice versa, don’t forget that it takes two people to keep this fire burning.
All dating apps did was drain my mental health and made me feel worse about myself, physically and mentally. The amount of effort that men must put in is rarely rewarded. And one day, it just snapped, that this, is not worth a single second more of my time, so I’ve stopped using them permanently. I’d rather die alone feeling better and happier about myself than die heartbroken over and over again for a girl.
I’m not saying SG girls are picky or entitled, or they have a high standard, maybe they are, but I’m not a female, what do I know? All I know is as a male, I just don’t have what SG girls want in a partner, whatever that is in their list. Do women feel the same way? I don’t think they need to, because they are the ones in charge, they are the ones who can choose who they want to be with. But that’s just my own opinion.