My (26f) husband (29m) died on Wednesday. Yesterday would have been his 30th birthday, and my 27th is coming up on the 11th.
We were together for 9 years, married for nearly 4. We have a 7 year old son together. He collapsed in our kitchen, hit his head on the stove and fell face down.
It took me several minutes to roll him on to his back because he was quite a bit larger than I. The emergency operator walked me through CPR but I kept going too fast and I don’t even think I did it hard enough.
The paramedics came and took him to the hospital. Myself and his parents followed and after an hour of waiting they told us he didn’t make it.
I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to go through life without him being at least within reach by phone.
My son is so deeply hurt of course. He will be starting grief counseling through his school and I guess I should go back to therapy again.
I don’t see how I am going to live the rest of my life without my person. Everybody says I’ll be okay but they all still have their spouses to fall into at the end of the day.
Netizens’ comments
- As a paramedic we have a saying that “bad” CPR is better than no CPR, you did your best, you’re not trained to do it, you did all you could and you did exactly what you should do. Please don’t place any blame on yourself even though I know in the dark of night it’s hard to not let yourself go there but nothing you did or didn’t do could have saved him.
As for moving through the processes of life try to focus on your kiddo, rely heavily on family, don’t isolate yourself from his family either if you’re close, you and their grandchild will be welcomed support and distraction and take your time to focus on you. I suggest looking for therapists for you and your kiddo as well. I’m sorry for your loss. - For years I wondered if my dad would have survived if his girlfriend had done “better” CPR. I didn’t blame her, it wasn’t her fault he had a heart attack, but I wondered what if.
- From someone that lost their beautiful wife of 21 years on May 15, 2022, I wish to express my sincerest condolences on your loss. The pain lessens over time, but I am pretty sure that it will never go away. What you can do is cherish the good memories that you have of him, and hold onto that for your child’s sake. Remember, that he depends on you and you must live for him I have a 16-year-old, and that is who I live for now.