I’m considering to go back on my decision to donate my kidney for my mother because of her reaction when she found out that I am a match
My mother had been struggling with kidney failure for a long time, and after trying to manage her condition w dialysis, it was finally time for the procedure and it was up to my siblings and me to step up.
There were three of us – me(F25), A(F29) , and M (M21). When M did the test and he turned out to be a match my mother was devastated and started crying hysterically from the thought that he would have to go through this and was even talking about considering other options.
However, when my mother found out that I was also a match, she was calm, mildly-concerned but i can see that she felt relieved .
I was hurt that my mother obviously seemed to fear for my younger brother’s safety and well-being more than mine. It was clear that she had a favorite, and it wasn’t me. I’m scared and honestly I’m having second thoughts about donating to someone who didn’t seem to value me as much as my brother.
When I discussed my feelings with A, she called me delusional and said that I had already promised our mother and our whole family. She reminded me that our mother had taken care of us after our father’s passing, and this was my chance to pay her back, and making my brother do it will only put her under additional stress.
I know that he is younger than me,but my mother’s reaction has made me reconsider my decision to go through with the procedure. I would prefer to be the donor instead of making my younger brother go through it, but now I feel unvalued and disposable. I feel petty and selfish knowing that she’s in life threatening condition while I’m thinking about my feelings but I couldn’t move past her reaction. I’ll probably end up doing it anyways though.