My girlfriend used to be an escort

A couple nights ago, my girlfriend came to me tearful and told me she used to be an escort. My mind blanked and I feel like it’s still blank right now. I would absolutely never have guessed this in a million years. Our 4 year anniversary is in 3 months time and she doesn’t know this, but I was actually planning on proposing. I don’t know what to do now. She’s an amazing woman – kind, loving, creative and very positive about everything. Previously I had absolutely no doubts this was the girl I wanted to marry and create a future with but now my thoughts are spiralling.

I’ve talked to her a little since and apparently when she was out in town she spotted someone who, either was, or, looked exactly like one of her former clients and that caused her to have a mini panic attack and I guess made her feel guilty about not telling me. That’s why she came home and told me. When I heard this it made me feel a bit weird, because it seems like the only reason she told me is because she felt like something could come out or I could learn it some other way (not that this would be likely at all).

I’d almost rather have never known she used to get paid for sleeping with other men because I could have gone about my life clueless and probably still had a wonderful life with her. Now I know she used to be an escort I don’t know what to think. I get that everyone now is hyper progressive with SW and all of this. I get it – one of my friends at uni used to be a sugar baby of sorts so I understand it’s probably more common than people think. But for me, this is kind of a dealbreaker in a relationship. If I had known she was an escort from day 1 I probably would have never chased a relationship with her, but now we’re almost in year 4 and I was thinking about marriage I feel cheated almost. I understand that she’s the same girl today that she was yesterday, the day before, the day before that and so on, but it’s also as if she’s an entirely different person now.

I asked her how long she did it for and she told me it was for 1 year during university and that her flatmate got her into it. She said she had 18 clients in total across the year but I don’t know what to believe. I have no clue if this is a realistic number or not because I have no clue about any of this stuff and so I have to take what she says at face value. Normally I’d never not believe her, but right now I can’t help but think she’s trying to do damage control and minimise the truth. The thing is, if she wasn’t an escort and slept with 18 guys in one year I probably wouldn’t really care. Bodycounts to me aren’t really a big deal. It’s the fact they were CLIENTS and she received money from.

Last night all I could think of in bed as we were lying together was how I could try and rationalise this in my head to make myself ok with it. The thing is, I really struggled. If she was destitute and struggling to pay rent or pay for living costs then maybe I could validate it a little bit. But the thing is, her parents are both professionals and earn quite highly – she went to a private school and had her university fully paid for including living costs and spending money. Even now when we both have jobs she is getting a monthly sum of like $500 from her dad ‘just because’. I can’t even think of another reason why you’d want to get into escorting unless you were struggling with money. I know she was on some depression meds when we first got together so I’m guessing she wasn’t in the best mental state during that time in university when she escorted.

I still love this girl immensely and I don’t think my love hasn’t changed since she told me but my mind is chaotic and a part of me feels incredibly distressed. I’ve not shown any real physical affection to her since she told me and I’m almost struggling to talk to her or look her in the eye when we’re at home. Part of me thinks I should break up with her over this and part of me thinks I can get past this. What’s upsetting me a little is that I feel like she’s almost desperate to make things up to me and is worried I’ll leave her. I don’t like seeing her like this. Yesterday she took the day off work and when I came home she had baked a batch of brownies, muffins and made my favourite meal that night. She tried to be affectionate but I kind of shut that down as I don’t think I’m even capable of being intimate right now.

This is quite a messy post and probably a bit unorganised. I’ve probably left stuff out that might be relevant but I don’t feel like rereading what’s been written right now. I guess this is partly me getting it off my chest and also hoping that maybe someone somewhere out there might have gone through something similar and so has some advice for me.

Alright, I promised to give an update on my situation and honestly I feel like writing about things has been pretty helpful to me, so here goes:

Several people on my initial post advised that I should speak with a therapist before seeing or speaking with either of my parents. I called one I had seen a few times in the past, and she was able to book me in for an emergency session, and she really helped me work through what I saw, as well as my worries, and constructing a list of questions to ask my mom when I spoke with her.

I met with my mother over the weekend. My friend who I’m staying with, and her boyfriend went with me for moral support, but they hung back and let me talk to my mother alone.

I’m not going to go through our entire conversation because we talked for over an hour, but it was pretty much what I had feared. She was roleplaying as me when I walked in on her and Dad. She wouldn’t confirm how long it had been going on, but gave me a list of several pieces of my clothing (3 dresses, then two of my sleep sets) which she had previously borrowed.

She claims they were all cleaned thoroughly before returning them, and I have no reason to believe she wouldn’t have cleaned them, but I’m never going to wear any of those things again regardless. It was probably stupid of me, but I asked which one of them came up with the idea for her to roleplay as me. According to her, it was her own idea.

I still really don’t feel comfortable seeing or talking to my Dad, and he hasn’t reached out since I walked in on them either so I guess he isn’t comfortable talking to me about it either.

My Dad was at work when I spoke with her, I made sure of that because I wanted to be able to go by the house and get a few more of my things. She let me go there alone with my friends and get the things I needed, before going back to her place.

I’m still working on where I go from here: I ended up having to fully explain the situation to my friend’s parents. They were both extremely understanding, and are willing to let me rent their spare bedroom for a few months while I figure something else out.

So yeah, that’s pretty much all that’s happened. I doubt I’ll update beyond this, but I’m sincerely thankful to everybody who reached out and tried to help me.

My boyfriend is uncomfortable because I make more money then him

I (27f) work in tech and make ~160k a year. my company is by far the biggest and most successful company around.

It has a big reputation for paying their employees insane salaries. So when you say you work there, people automatically know you have money.

I’ve been dating my boyfriend (28m) for just under 8 months. He works in a small industry and makes ~60k a year.

Which of course is a impressive salary and a massive achievement in his field, and I’m genuinely proud of what he has done. He is from a small town with small town values.

Everything was going great, until recently.

We have a lot in common and get along really well. Money has never been a issue until now, and I’ve always insisted on paying for dates 50/50.

Yesterday he said that he was uncomfortable with how much more money I made then he did. He said I should slow down my career so I could be at home more often, and to let him be the “man of the house”.

I was honestly speechless and have been staying at my sisters ever since. At this point I’m strongly considering leaving. I’ve been though similar situations with exs. Anyone have any ideas on how to get this to stop happening?

Singles, do you get picked on or made fun of in the workplace?

To those singles out there, I’m curious to know, do you all get picked on or made fun of in the workplace?

Just to share my experience, my ex-supervisor once told me because I’m single, I’m expected to do more OT since I have no family commitments. I was like, WTF, this isn’t fair!

My older colleagues also like to keep asking me why I’m still single and they will keep persuading me to quickly get married. Some tried to matchmake me with other colleagues or even their relatives, which made me feel so awkward.

Sometimes I don’t understand why some people think that being single is weird and unacceptable.

Netizen’s comments

“I made a simple project.”

Them: Of course he can. He’s single with more time. If I’m single I could do that too.

“I managed to exercise/work out.”

Them: Of course he can. He’s single with more time. If I’m single I could do that too.

“I prevented World War 10!”

Them: Of course he can. He’s single with more time. If I’m single I could do that too.

“I invented Free Energy!”

Them: Of course he can. He’s single with more time. If I’m single I could do that too.

Just bringing my point across that they tend to downplay your efforts.