Should I be embarrassed about this

I (25F) have a friend (27/28M) who I’ve hooked up with off & on for a few years. We hooked up tonight & spontaneously decided to do it from the back (I have done a–l numerous times, however this was my first time doing it with this individual) and about 5 minutes in he asks if I pooped on him.

I said I don’t know & he pulls out & tells me I did & then goes to wash it off & I ask if he’s done for now & he says yes & heads out.

He then texts me a while later & asks if I wanted to help him get hard a gain (he texted me “that s— turned me off”) & asks if I want him to come back & help him get hard again in so we can finish.

I say no not tonight & he heads out.

I’ve been having a— regularly for years & have only had a few messes but the guys have honestly never mentioned it, I only knew it happened from seeing it when cleaning up after.

So being that this is the first time anyone has ever mentioned it to me it has me feeling a little embarrassed& not wanting to see him again out of shame. Please help 🙁

Netizens’ comments

1. It’s an occupational hazard and he should have known that ahead of time. Was this his first time doing it ever?
2. It‘s perfectly normal to get a little messy every now and then when you do something like this. I mean if he is disgusted by that he shouldn’t do it in the first place. There’s absolutely no reason to feel embarrassed about this. I mean what where his expectations, that women always do a cleansing before they have intercourse to be prepared for a possible session. I one always would have to do that beforehand it totally would kill the moment and the spontaneity.
3. He sounds terrible, leaving you like that in the middle fo the act, then talking to you rudely. He should be the one who feels shame. The correct thing to do would have been to pull out, wash off, come back to bed, say it doesn’t matter, ask you what YOU need to feel comfortable, oblige.

How to deal with boss and manager tracking your work productivity down to every task and hour?

Currently in a company where both boss and middle management expects to see tracking of your daily tasks done, and how much time spent on them. And expects every possible working hour from 9-6 (minus lunch) to be packed with work.

Measuring your productivity by this lens basically. So if Task A usually takes you 2 hours to finish, you MUST finish x4 Task A by the end of the day, or else you’ll be questioned on any issues faced at your work, things affecting your productivity, etc

This is abit of a culture adjustment to me as I’m used to working until the job gets done, rather than how many hours I clock in a day. IMO this feels like the boss doesn’t trust his employees, and I also don’t feel inclined to be productive (I just don’t be too productive the first time I’m doing a task) or go the extra mile for him.

What do you guys think? The only reason I’m still here is cos it’s a local media company with a decent brand name with plans for expansion, but I’m seriously considering other companies where there is trust on you getting your own work done, than micromanagement on such a level.

Also, the nature of my work is similar to R&D so perhaps that’s why this style of work reporting doesn’t go well with me

Netizens’ comments

1. Sounds toxic AF, but I guess it also depends.. when they are asking you about issues you faced is it passive aggressive, or they are genuinely trying to help you
2. Hourly reporting by task/project is common in agencies. You may be asked to do some form of hourly reporting even if you go to another agency.
   Ideally the task breakdowns show how much time you spend on tasks so the company knows how much to to bill the client, and not because they don’t trust you.
   The system is flawed though as it assumes people can work non stop for 8 hours. In reality people probably take some time in between tasks so they can complete 8 hours of work, but over 9 or 10 hours. E.g. it’s hard to start something 15 minutes of time before a meeting.
   And yes, I’ve been in an agency where if I clocked 8 hours, I wasn’t doing enough, but if I told the truth I was inefficient. I left eventually.

SG Divorce Advice – Help!

I’m a stay-home mum with a 2yo son. I left my job after my maternity leave to take care of him full time. At the same time, my husband also left his job to trade full time. At that point of time, our arrangement was that I would be the primary caregiver, but he would help out whenever he could. We do not have much extended family support in child raising.

My husband lost alot of money from his trading the whole year. At the end of last year, he initiated divorce saying that he didn’t want anything to do with us anymore. His reason was we affected his trading work, blamed us for the money lost. I agreed to the divorce because he has been very emotionally/verbally abusive to me/shouting the whole of last year.

Because he was losing money from his trading for the whole year, I tried to help out by paying for groceries (since I was the one cooking) and our son’s necessities like clothes, cot, toys etc. It was all from my own savings and I did not get any allowance from him. But he doesn’t care at all.

He even took out his anger on our dog by trying to starve her, even threw her on the top rung of the storeroom just because she barked.

When the divorce proceedings commenced, it was uncontested – my husband agreed to giving me sole custody, just wanted minimal access with our son (he has been very obvious with his actions for the past year, doesn’t care for our son anymore) plus child & wife maintenance. I thought it was all good because I honestly don’t mind raising our son on my own as long as my husband does his part of contributing financially for our son. I’d prefer our son grow up in a safe home than one with abuse and violence.

My husband also offered to help cover all the expenses (my son’s school fees, food etc) until I find a job. He also encouraged me to rent a place and said that he will cover the rental for up to 6 months or until I find a job. Which I thought sounded reasonable (and financially I have no choice anyways) and I went ahead to make arrangements for.

Fast forward to today after 2-3 exchanges between our lawyers, he has totally changed his terms to the opposite – now he wants joint custody but is giving me full care and control, wants to have so much more access, unsupervised (he even included a an access plan for until my son was primary 1) and is only willing to pay a very low maintenance amount that does not even cover half the rent, not to mention not be able to cover my son’s school fees and everything else.

And he has also stated in his latest lawyer letter that he will be contesting if I do not agree to his latest terms. Plus he also included our dog in the letter as one of the terms – he wanted me to agree that he gets our dog too. But our dog is already registered under his name (sadly back then I didn’t know he registered her under his name. He said he was gonna “help me register” since I was the one who bought her).

Does anyone have any experience in this? I’m very worried because in the first place, my husband wanted out thus the divorce. But now he is dragging me to court for terms that are opposite of his reasons in the first place!

Does this mean that I cannot protect my son at all? And not to mention my dog? What I understand is that the court usually just gives joint custody and access regardless of allegations of abuse.

Sadly through this whole divorce fiasco it is clear to me – this is a sneak preview of what it is to come for my son and I in the future if it is to be joint custody.

My boyfriend (32m) wants me (31f) to move in with him but is 40k in debt

Am I crazy to move in with him? For reference, I live comfortably on my own. If I moved in with him, I would save about 400 dollars or more a month essentially “paying cheaper rent” to him rather than what I pay to my current landlord.

This way I get cheaper rent and he gets money to help pay off his debt.

I do love him and see a future with him, however it’s only been 9 months of dating. It’s not a thing of feeling sorry for him, but financially it’d be comfortable for him and even more for me.

EDIT

since there’s been a lot of questions on regards to what the debt is from I thought I’d add it here for clarity. It is a 40k line of credit, half (maybe more) of that was home renovations, some was car expenses he couldn’t afford up front.

he does have some loans (not sure if that affects the line of credit, I’m smart with my money just don’t know a ton about these kinds of things) and the rest is just miscellaneous spending over the last 5 years.

No gambling, no addiction. Nothing like that. Just not the smartest decisions/could have made better ones.

Netizens’ comments

• Give it some more time and pay attention to his spending habits. Tell him you are open for the idea but not quite there yet.
• You don’t sound like you’re ready to move in with him TBH. If his debt worries you, it could help to have a conversation about how he intends to pay it off and when, because if you stay together it could get in the way of your plans as a couple.
• It may look good on paper to move in but what about when he starts asking you to “loan” him money for this bill or that item? Money that you’re never going to get back because either you “live there too” or “but don’t you love me?” So the money you think you’ll be saving…you really won’t be saving anything but actually spending more. Before you argue this point remember that he’s 40K in debt. How do you he got that way? Is it all school loans or is it credit cards? Gambling? Think about whatever it is.
  You’re only nine months in. I’d wait and see if this is going to be a long term relationship or not before making such a commitment.