A job from 16 years ago called me to ask me to come back

Today was a delightful treat. I got a notification on social media with a new dm. Pop it open.

It was a manager from a job I had 16 years ago. I recognized the name. It was a short paragraph. ‘Hey, how’s it going? Hope you’re well’ etc etc. It got to the point pretty quickly.

Imagine my surprise when they asked me if I would be interested in coming back to work for them again since I had been ‘so good’ in that role when I had first worked there.

Ya’ll. 16 years ago. 16 years

It was a restaurant that I worked at during the school holidays. They asked me to come back and work cashier as a fnb worker.

I’m 30+ years old, my guy. I literally run my own crew in my own department. I could demote myself to the base position with my employer and still make more. But sure! Yep! Let me just give all this up for some juicy crappy salary, inhumane shifts, overtime because so-and-so no-showed again. No problem.

Yeah. Hard pass.

I’m sure they’ll just continue to take this tremendous rejection as further proof that ‘no one wants to work’.

Netizens’ comments

• That must have felt great knowing that you made such an impression on them they thought of you 16 years later… but not as great as getting the chance to tell them “hell no!”.
• Similar thing happened to me. I’m retired but, my first “real”job reached out to me over the weekend. It was strange.
• It is a good feeling when you tell a former employer who is asking you to come back, “You can’t afford me.”
• Tell them that your skillset has improved since leaving and you might consider a board level position.
• HR at my company has been doing some weird internal recruiting like that lately. They were getting hard up for people for this one department, and they started reaching out to people who used to work in that department, asking if they want to come back. I don’t know if they reached out to former employees, but they did ask at least 2 current employees who had been promoted to other departments, if they want to go back to a job that sucks, and pays like half as much as they’re making in their current position.

I (30M) am considering ending my relationship with my partner (26F) due to her $250,000 in debt..

l am a 30 year old male. I have a well paying job (roughly 100k per year). No debt.

My girlfriend has 250k in private loans for her studies for a private degree with a variable interest rate, not sure what exactly she’s studying but a quarter of a million dollars? How could it amount to so much.

With how fast it is growing… she will need to put 25k a year into it just to keep it in the same place. That basically guarantees that I will never have financial help during our relationship. Additionally, with how much she will need to work just to pay on the loans..

I won’t have much help around the house or with our kids (if/when we have some) either.

I keep blaming myself that I can’t just deal with it.. it’s just money right? But at the same time when I look at the reality of the situation I can’t help but feel I need to walk away from this situation.

Additionally, she is going back to school for a higher paying job (probably 60-85k income at the end realistically with the possibility of 125k a year if she works herself to death) but this program will add another ~30k in loans. I think this is a bad decision..but it’s also the only option she seems to have to up her income.

I feel like I don’t want to wait until I’m 45 when this debt (might) be paid off to have children.. I don’t want to put my life on hold in this way, but I also love her a lot. We’ve talked a lot about this and about k. plan to pay it down etc.

It now feels like my options are either accept that this is reality and it will be many years before she’s free if this debt.. or end the relationship.

Any advice?

Wanted to give an update. After reading all your comments and picking up a book about decision making in regards to money and love (will share of interested). I have come to the decision that I do, sadly, need to end the relationship.

She is a wonderful girl and honestly my best friend, but the reality of her choices financially will alter the course of my life in such a profound way that all I can see is resentment in the end. I have to stop guilting myself into sacrificing myself for others to the point of my own mental turmoil.

Thank you all for the advice. It really helped me see that either choice is okay to make and I’m not a failure for saying it’s too much for me.

Netizens comments

1. She can’t afford to go back to school….
2. Can’t afford not to either, sounds like.
3. She’s basically financially enslaved for life.
4. My brother was in your exact same situation and married her, saddling himself with her debts. They don’t have much in savings. He’s gone back to school for accounting to find a better job that will pay more (he was previously a pastor). She has a bachelor’s degree in social work and can’t do much with it, so she’s working with disabled and troubled children doing fairly dangerous work with little to no hazard pay. I don’t know how happy their marriage actually is, but I can tell you he doesn’t want to have kids right now because he feels like they literally can’t afford another mouth to feed. He’s constantly stressed. I worry about him. From the outside looking in, I don’t know that he’s done the best thing for himself or for her. I don’t know that she’ll be happy unless she can be the pastor’s wife with at least three kids, and I doubt he’ll be happy working himself so hard and stressing over money all the time. His life partner is not my decision to make, but I can at least provide you with commentary about a couple that was in a similar situation to yourself so you have more info.

I’m 1.93 metres tall. I cant do things other girls do. People will always stare in public, I can’t pull off certain clothes or even shoes when I go shopping.

I don’t even like going out because people stare, a few laughed and that’s what completely ruined my self esteem.

I’II never find a boyfriend. It’s not that serious but it’s still sucks. I was dumb to even look at possible surgeries.

Nothing can change it. I’ll forever be this tall and I hate it so much. I can never change it so I’m trying to accept it but I just can’t.

AND I CANNOT FIT IN THE BATH TUB!! All my siblings are below 170 and I had to be so tall. I wish I could sue my parents for emotional damage, mfs must have done the wrong position or something

Netizens’ comments

1. People look at you because you are tall, not because you are ugly. One of the most famous model in my country is your height and considered as ridiculously gorgeous. Your height doesn’t make you ugly, just visible.
2. Hey OP! I hope you can learn to feel comfortable in your own skin. We humans, especially ones who are different, tend to get in our own way. It affects our confidence and eventually makes us weary, mistrustful and pessimistic of the outside world. Find something that makes you happy, a hobby maybe, something that is just for you and no one else. When you discover your happiness I think you’ll discover someone to share it with:)
3. That sounds difficult I’m a short girl so I got the problem of being ridiculously short but my girlfriend is 6ft or 6ft 1 and she loves wearing platformed sneakers and platformed boots and high heels. I think she looks incredible and she now loves looking down at people lol.
   When we are out together idk if it’s because we’re a gay couple or if it’s the height difference that gets us some attention.
   But either way I don’t care on our last date she wore a black tank top crop top with bedazzled skulls on the top and big black jeans with lots of pockets and chains then black platform high top converse and to top it all off some sunglasses.
   She also has a shaved head and 2 tattoos. And then I’m her lil fem girlfriend holding her hand.
   I’m telling you that tall girls are hot and lots of people agree with me. I mean why do you think most women who model are tall? You’ll find someone who will think the world of you
4. One of the most beautiful women I know was super tall. I’m not sure exactly how tall, but tall enough to have played basketball for the school team.
   She was more than her height. She was witty and fun to be around. Always had a smile for people at work, even the a-holes she could have put into the floor.
   No one ever judged her for her height. We judged her for her knowledge on our procedures, the equipment, and her ability to work as a team. And she was amazing.

Rotans being sold in malls, my 8 y.o. didn’t know what it is. Are you for or against corporal punishment?

I brought my child out and about recently and we passed by a shop selling these rotans outside, and my child asked me daddy what is that?

It seems like kids these days don’t know what these rotans are, given the fact that more and more children are not caned for misbehaving nowadays, compared to our time when our parents would just whip out the cane if we didn’t listen to them.

And it wasn’t just at home, we used to be caned on our hands by the teachers if we misbehaved in school or didn’t do our homework, and there was nothing wrong with it. But times have indeed changed.

You know what they say, spare the rod and spoil the child. and we were given the “rod” so many times that we grew up just fine, we were punished and caned onto the right path as children.

FYI, I’m against corporal punishment as I was beaten like heck as a kid XD.

Netizens’ comments

1. Nope, why stop at corporal? Not even major, captain or sergeant punishment, let’s go straight to general punishment and mete it out to everyone!! /s
   Just kidding. I was at the receiving end of those as a kid, but folks used it more as a threat than actual punishment. At most, I was locked up in the toilet. It doesn’t excuse using it on kids. If kids learn from our example, what are they learning when we use violence on them?
   By the way, I know that shop. Sells all sorts of goodies from days gone by. Good stuff.
2. I am against corporal punishment except when the situation warrants it.
   the problem is when parents get angry .. their emotions run high and can unleash a tirate of rottan swinging that causes more harm than good. This is clearly child abuse, and it is often difficult to draw the line between the two.
   The only time I wacked my child was when he hit another child so hard that guy had a nose bleed. But before I did it, I had to find out the circumstances that led to it.
   Apparently, this child had been annoying him for some time. On that day .. he could not take it any more and took a swing at the fella, and scored an ace.
   I told him that what the other boy did was wrong, but what he did was also wrong, and two wrongs don’t make a right. I also counselled him that should someone annoy, threaten, him, he should let me and the teacher know. I explained to him that violence will only lead to more violence. I also offered to let him attend martial arts classes to defend himself if someone attacked him.
   In the end, I explained to him that I still had to punish him so that he would remember. I asked him to show me his hand, and I whacked it with a ruler.
   It hurt me more than it would have hurt him. He did not want to take martial arts classes. He was only 5yo at that time. That was the only time I whacked my son.
   Today .. he is a loving son, and I am proud of him. He still remembers what I told him that day.
3. I was ever only canned once in my life, and it happened in school.
   The school I attended had a disciplinary teacher. Besides the headmaster, he was the most feared among the students. It was never a good thing if you were told to go see him.
   Well, on the fateful day, my class teacher asked me to go see him to pass on something to him .. and I faithful fulfil my instructions.
   when I arrived, there was a line of students waiting to see him … and he had a cane in his hand … and he gave the person at the head of the queue a stroke of the rottan.
   when it came to my turn, he just did that without asking or saying anything. After receiving the punishment that resulted in me sitting in a very odd way for a day or two, I told him that I was asked to pass on that thing to him by my class teacher.
   He looked horrified, and he was speechless. I thanked him and scooted back to class.
   recently, me in my sixties and he would have been in his eighties, met at an old boys’ reunion. He gave gave me a hug and apologised for what he had done to me.
   Apparently, that corporal punishment taught him an invaluable lesson too, and he remembered me for .. Well.. the rest of his life .. lol!

Partner won’t take his shirt off when he hook up because of his weight

My partner is a bigger guy and is super insecure about his weight, so much so he won’t take his shirt off when we have intercourse.

Sometimes I feel like he doesn’t believe that I’m really attracted to him, and when he does it’s “despite” his weight.

One of the things that I think makes him more attractive is his weight. Not in a weird way, though.I just want him to feel desirable exactly as he is.

How do I talk to him about this?

Netizens’ comments

1. Just be patient with him. Touch his belly and the parts that you know he’s self conscious about during intimacy. It may take time but he’ll get there. It isn’t about you or whether he believes you it’s about him overcoming fear and shame and that really hard.
   I’m a fat guy and have had these kinds of self conscious situations before.
2. My recommendation is to buy a pack of cheap undershirts and tell him that you have a fantasy about him tearing his shirt off.
   You could definitely ham it up and motivate him out of it.
   Women want confidence from a man but you found a big insecurity. Something that could define you as a great partner is helping him build that confidence.
3. It’s awesome you’re attracted to him as he is, but sometimes it’s best to let him be how he’s most comfortable. I know I’m better with my bra on, because I’m not distracted by how I feel about them. So maybe that’s better for him. You can still make him feel your attraction without making him feel uncomfortable and distracted by his insecurity with himself.
4. As everyone else said, be patient, but I have some personal experience with this. An ex of mine was super insecure for the opposite reason (he was really skinny), and I always made sure to pay extra attention to his torso. Start by sticking your hands under his shirt, try pulling it up a little at a time, and make him feel wanted. Hope this is helpful!
5. As a former fat person. Please be careful with this subject. It’s something that takes time and trust. They may trust you but they don’t necessarily trust themselves because everyone is their own worst critic.
   Just make them feel attractive with their shirt on.
   Also try not to take it personal because it’s not anything you do with you. You’re not doing anything wrong. Time really does fix a lot of these insecurities

I used to think that most men were strong, independent and capable of taking care of themselves. But as I have grown up, I have noticed that this is not always the case.

A lot of men like ‘gu niang’, only know how to live off women

I have on many occasions seen how some men rely totally on women to pay for their expenses and pay for them to have fun.

It seems like some men today are too weak and soft. They want the women to do all the work and take care of them. They think that if they don’t, they won’t be able to have a good time.

They don’t understand that it takes strength and hard work to make something of yourself.

It makes me so angry to see these men relying on women to pay for them. They expect them to take care of them and never even think about giving back.

I have a few people whom I personally know owes their woman a lot of money from simple things like their share of the drinks when they go out and have fun with their friends.

It shows a lack of respect for the woman and for all the hard work she does.

I know that some men are genuinely unable to pay for their own expenses and may even need help from time to time but that is alright if they at least put in some effort to try to do something for themselves.

But there are many more men who simply don’t want to work hard and take responsibility for themselves.

They get away with relying on women and never have to worry about their finances. I think this is a common issue in today’s world and something needs to be done about it.

It’s an unfortunate reality that some men will never learn to be strong and independent. They will always rely on someone else to do the work for them.

My wife and I had been married for five years and had our first child four years ago. We had always been in agreement on how to raise our son, but now my wife was telling me that she didn’t think we should cane our son when he misbehaves.

I was brought up with caning as a norm, my wife was never caned before by her parents

I had grown up in a household where caning was the norm and I had seen the positive results it had on my siblings and I. I truly believed that caning was the best way to discipline a child, and I was determined to use it on our son.

My wife on the other hand, was never caned before in her life and to be honest, she acts a little pampered from time to time.

My wife and I argued for hours, but eventually she convinced me that caning was not the best way to discipline our son. I reluctantly agreed to try other methods, but I was still not happy about it.

For the next few months, my wife and I tried out various methods for disciplining our son. We tried using time-outs, taking away privileges, and even rewarding good behavior.

But nothing seemed to be working. Our son was still misbehaving and we were running out of ideas.

Then one day, I had had enough. I told my wife that I wanted to revert back to caning our son, and I could see the shock and disappointment in her face.

She tried to talk me out of it, but I was adamant. I believed that caning was the only way our son would learn right from wrong.

My wife eventually agreed, but she was clearly not happy about it. But I was determined to prove her wrong.

I caned our son the very next day when he misbehaved and threw a tantrum. He was so scared and upset, and I could see the hurt and confusion in his eyes.

I wanted to take it back, but I couldn’t because I had to be stern and show him that it was wrong.

My wife however, was so heartbroken to see my son getting caned that she immediately went up to him to sayang him and pamper him like it was my fault.

I wonder how will my son ever learn.

I am afraid that if I do not beat him for his mistakes now and he does not know the consequences, he might get taught a lesson by outsiders in future.