Being stalked by ex-bf and his wife

Hi hi just wanna ask whether it’s normal for my first bf (now an ex) and his wife to be viewing my social media. It’s been more than 15 years! S/he has been viewing my profile for many years – I only realised it recently. I recalled seeing s/he as a viewer on my different platforms including Fbook/Instagram and LinkedIn several times in the past, but we are not friends or connections. They are even living in different countries now. Only recently when I saw him/her viewing again that I realised it’s they have been doing that for so long.

I feel weirded out.

Please advice if anyone been through the same – either as the party being stalked or stalking. What’s the reason? I don’t even think of my ex anymore.

Here are what netizens think:

• To check whether u give birth one who looks like him or not

• There’s no tracking device to see who has viewed your Facebook / Instagram accounts. So I’m calling you out for this. Only LinkedIn lets you know who has viewed your profile. Somehow I get that feeling that it’s you who is stalking them but wrote a reverse situation to play victim. Lots of insane folks out there.

• How you know she’s stalking you, if you dun go look for it? You also got problem right…

• Just block them on all social media and online platform.

• Yes. His ex wife used to do that for many years. I just ignored it. That’s why I privatized all our accounts because I didn’t want her to come on there or send friend requests and be able to see what we were doing in life. I never discussed it with him either. I found it a waste of time esp when we were trying to build a family together. If it makes you uncomfortable just block all the accounts. That’s it. Keep your life as private as possible…

• Dont think viewing is wrong but if it makes u uncomfortable just delete/ block them

What is this called? Is it gaslighting?

My spouse and I were winding down for the night, both in bed and I decided to turn on netflix, which I rarely do, cos I’m not that much of a netflix / TV person.

The wife saw that, and instead of just informing me that she had discontinued the subscription, the following came out from her.

1. “There’s no more subscription. You are also not a very TV person”

And while factually true, was there really a need for that later statement?

2. “How do you expect things to be there if you didn’t make it happen”

To clarify, I was just plainly turning on netflix and checking. Not complaining about netflix not being there.

3. “When was the last time you watched netflix with me?”

True. It was a long time ago. But how does that link?

Please enlighten. I had barely said anything and I got this barrage of words unleashed upon me with just the simple act of turning on netflix.

Here are what netizens think:

• It’s not gaslighting, but she’s probably using Netflix as a way to try to tell you that you guys aren’t hanging out enough (quality time) and you’re not doing enough for the relationship, and it’s probably something that she has felt for awhile now but kept it in- which builds resentment. Communication is a two way street, so you guys need to talk about this together.

• When my so don’t say anything when I expected him to say something, I will be super buay song.
  My guess – she likely feel u don’t know what’s going on in the family eg u don’t even know Netflix has been terminated for months. She likely has mentioned it before yet u have no idea. This shows u never cared enough to listen.
  If u didn’t make an effort, it will not be there. Hint : work on your relationship else your wife won’t be there anymore.
  When was the last time u watch Netflix with her?
  Hint: when did u both last date or spent quality time together? Make time for your wife. Go breakfast or watch a movie. Give her some attention

• U heng she used Netflix as a subject or indirect hint tt you guys are not spending quality alone with each other compared to last time. Why I say u heng, because u tried to on Netflix. If you tried to open the fridge and start to wonder out loud why the fridge don’t have things u like to eat…..u see if u kena 1 more big bomb. No need Netflix, no need amazon prime. Spend more time with her, bring go makan, go back to dating her. Which girl don’t want spouse or bf to sayang, manjah, and focus on her and her alone after work?

No s chemistry with husband

I am S attracted to a childhood friend I will never marry because we have different needs and priorities in life. I am happily married, butS I am not attracted to my husband. He is very good looking – it’s got nothing to do with his looks. I just don’t like his vibe. It’s like we don’t sync and there’s no chemistry in the bedroom. But outside of bedroom we are a match made in heaven.

With my childhood friend, I feel turned on even if he just puts his hand on my head in a friendly way.

What’s worst is he is attracted to me to but I turned him down and didn’t even give him a chance.

There are too many deal-breakers, we are of different religions and of different worlds. I feel that in the long term the differences will tear us apart no matter the sexual chemistry.

I am happily married.

Just wonder how nice it would be if I could feel the same chemistry with my husband. Sigh what do I do? Is this even something that can be controlled?

Here are what netizens think:

• See. This is proof that woman can never be happy or contented handsome husband, match made in heaven.. still not happy LOL

• You mentioned happily married repeatedly – classic over-compensation

• You should divorce your husband and let him find someone who will appreciate him fully. You can go back to your childhood friend for the “chemistry” and the “vibe”, but there’s a risk your childhood friend would do a flip on you and leave you in limbo because he saw how your husband was treated. That’s how a lot of women end up with nothing. But as they say nowadays “slay Queen!”. You do you.

• U sure u happily married? U should hv considered all these b4 marriage. Get rid of your other options and stop comparing. Will u like it if your hubby has better sexual chemistry with other woman? How will u like him to do? I am sure the first thing is not to meet or be in contact with that lady. Likewise do it at your end.

To people who blame negative people, have you thought why they become so negative?

I have my reasons to dislike naively positive people! Why? because, as you wished, I suffered from their naive “positive” decisions!

Have that family member who overspent and then borrow money every other month? (Can earn back one, can solve one! In the end also not them who solve what!) The friend who ask you if it’s ok if she quit her job to try be YouTuber when she is still in debt and have only 2 subscribers? (Just do it attitude, right?) The family member who thinks since they’re already getting medical treatment means it’s ok to do and eat whatever they want? And the one who thinks prayers solve everything? (There will be miracles, right?)

The friend who knows you’re dealing with anxiety issues due to social and financial stress but choose to think it’s just you being negative.

Most people are not born negative but trained/beaten by life to become one. And then whenever those negative people try to engage with a more positive person, they shun them and say “we don’t like negative people!” (Yes, they’re sooo positive when they did that!)

So what can the negative people who are struggling do? They can only go to each other for help or if they’re rich enough, go for professional help.

Sometimes I wonder why these naively positive people who burden people around them can get away with their crimes and still shun the ones who struggled after helping them clean up!

Long distance relationship

I am having a long term relationship with a guy of different culture and nationality. It’s been a few years now and he proposed recently. He moved on to another country to work so that he can save up for our wedding.

Recently, he became more cold and distant. Messages are just good morning and good night on working days and on non working days it can be no news and no sound from him.

We have always been very open to freedom and making friends with no restrictions over each other, especially when he is away from home and in other country, friends are really important.

We are not control freaks too but the amount of freedom we gave each other is getting quite imbalance.

He always spend time talking with friends and when we talk, it’s just 5 mins. Texts is a one to two words reply. Questions like how are you doing or giving him opinions mostly were read and unresponsive.

I am tired of trying to communicate with him so most of the time I keep quiet.

Till recently, I was unhappy that he says he is unwell and went to sleep early but his female friends tag him on social media with screenshots of them video calling till after midnight( he says he slept at 8am).

I ask him about it and he says it is rude to stalk him and mind him talking with his friends.I didn’t even stalk him, the post just pop up but he says it cannot be and ask me don’t lied when he is lying.

2nd occasion, it happened that I saw a meaning quote on social media and share it. He got sensitive and says if I am trying to hint him something? Anything can just tell him, don’t need to be attention seeking!

I was like what? It is not even what I mean.

So, I decides to stay away from social media and stop posting anything. I thought this will do good for him, yet, he pick up another argument and says I am petty as I didn’t post anything anymore, asking me to grow up!

My patience have reach to a new high this time.

When I try talking to him, he doesn’t bother. When I stop asking, he says I am petty.

What he want me to do? When his friends talks to him, he can spend hours with them, when they post something he always find it interesting, why they post something to scold people he says they need to vent their frustrations but when it’s me who do these I am a loser.

I am beginning to be quite sick of his behaviour and also lost faith in the suppose marriage.

Have tried to explain myself and talk to him, but he doesn’t response.

I really don’t know what to do. Shall I just give up all together?

I am in my early 40s and before anyone judge, we knew each other while working together. We are not couples from online long distance type of relationship.