it has been a while. I wasnt ok. Mom passed February 2021. And as good spirit receiver I am.. of course she came to me. Almost immediately.

How it works? It is like an impression in my thoughts. I know is not me, it feels “from outside” but.. inside my head. Telepathy? Unsure.

I am in the US. She was back in Singapore.

As I was in a stupor for the loss, i felt her. The first thing she said was.. I BELIEVE YOU NOW! (she never believed I could sense spirits and in the paranormal).

As I doubted what i was “hearing” She showed me the last moments of her passing. I felt as if i floated on her bedroom ceiling. Saw the people in the room, where they were, where my sister was, what she did.

Mom then “said” tell your sister I am not going anywhere, I will be here.

When I told my sister what had happened to me, she exploded in tears. She said I described the scene to a T. And the answer from mom was about the last words she told mom in her last breath: “Please mom stay close to us and protect us all the time”.

Well, safe to say now my sceptic sister believes in me too.

After a life of being taken as a charlatan my whole life, my family believes.

Mom is often around. That thought impression… check the oven (and is on). The kids lunch (i forgot to do it). The X thing is on X place (i cant find something).

It is not anymore a whole “conversation” with visionary inputs but flashes. “Knowing”.

A woman shared how she is in her 30s but her mother is still controlling her life, including choosing what she buys and wears, following her around when he’s outside, even to her job interview.

Here is the story

Does any of you have helicopter parent? I am in my early 30s and an only child. Till now, my mom is still overprotective. Some examples like:

– Back when I was in secondary school/poly days, she will follow/hide and observe us when I went out with my friends. Everyone was freaked out – due to that, I have no friends.

– When having a job interview after grad – she will follow me to my office and waited for my interview to end – which makes me feel uncomfortable.

– Fetching me from work every day, make me lie to my colleague that she works nearby so I won’t feel ashamed. I kinda feel left out when they went out for dinner and I can’t join them. And control on what I can buy/wear

Till now, whenever I left the house, she will follow. I was only allowed to have my house key when i was 26. I have talked about this(overprotective way)  to her and she will get mad and ask me to stop being concerned about what people think/view on it.  I still love her, and I don’t want to make things worst.

It’s driving me crazy soon, what should I do? Is there any support group or counseling on that?

p.s I can’t move out of the house.

Netizen’s comments

• U really need to sit down with her n tell her nicely that you are already an adult to be making ur own decisions in life. If she dont leave u to do ur things, then its very hard for u to be in control of ur own life. She really needs to understand that u need some space including follow u around. Yeah, find her some new hobbies to keep her occupied.

My sister’s 16-year-old stepdaughter keeps sitting on my husband’s lap and I get called weird for being uncomfortable with it.

My sister (36) has a 16-year-old stepdaughter that she introduced us to a few months ago.

I’ve noticed that she’s been paying my husband too much attention and asking him personal questions, I thought her behavior was somewhat inappropriate but recently, whenever we visit, whether we’re sitting in the living room or the dining table, this girl would leave her seat and come sit on my husband’s lap.

She would do it every single time we visit and remain on his lap for a while, My husband acts like it’s normal and so does my sister and her fiance.

I on the other hand find this completely inappropriate especially with the way she dresses. It’s just…it makes me feel so uncomfortable.

I brought this up with my sister and she called me weird and said that I was wrong to assume it’s inappropriate because it’s completely normal.

But I don’t know many people who would be okay with that or think it’s normal.

Again this girl just keeps acting inappropriately as a whole. She once told my husband she’d show him some dresses after she asked if he liked the one she was wearing.

My sister says she’s a child but I don’t think that her behavior is appropriate for a child. I feel like I’m going crazy over this and keep wishing she’d just stop because I might just tell her off myself though my sister would be royally angry at me and accuse me of ruining her relationship with her stepdaughter.

We married for 2 months.

So here’s a thing, I used to use pads for my periods but recently was able to start using tampons (I have medical problems) in comparison, Tampons work 10x better for me, especially when I’m outside…say like at work or travelling.

My husband hates them, he never truly gave a reason other than just say…he doesn’t feel comfortable with me using them. I didn’t think it was a big deal at first since he said he hates a lot of stuff that I do but “puts up” with it any way except for this. He asked that I go back to using pads but I made it clear since it’s my body then I get to decide.

He threw away some tampons he had access to, and I was getting upset but*!!!!* to keep the peace, I just bought a box and hid it away from him. he somehow found it and threw it away. I didn’t find that out till I had my period yesterday and realized I had no tampons to use.

I was tired and too stressed I just yelled at him after he admitted to throwing away the whole box. He argued that I already knew how he felt about this stuff and yet I decided to still keep it around. I lost it and told him he had no right to do this and told him to get over himself already. He stared at me almost about to tear up or something, then walked out.

He later went on about how we, as a couple should take each other’s discomfort into consideration and said he already tried to speak to me about those tampons yet I brushed him off and insulted him and verbally abused him. He also said that if I still insist on using them then I should do it while I’m outside the house but I said that it won’t happen. I feel bad for how it played out but I was just at my wet’s end and in so much pain I lashed out.

Did I go too far here? Does he have a valid point or not?

This is the true story of my good friend. He is an excellent IT professional.

This is a recent sad story of his job. He has been working for this particular company for 3 years. He is a sincere worker. To be precise, 80% of the work is done by 20% of the engineers. He belongs to that 20% category. Even the company has put a notice period of 3 months if he quits his job (usually 1 to 2 months for other employees). He is that good. Suddenly, the company said that it is liquidating the Singapore operation and laying all the employees of the company in a single call without any prior notice.

He has more than 40 holidays that he did not take (He did not take the holidays because he is the go-to guy for most of his projects). He is not getting any salary further even he has a 3 month notice period. He is not getting anything for his holidays that he did not take. I do not know about the legal obligations. But the company said since they are liquidating, they do not have to pay notice period salaries or for the vacations that the employees did not take.

He will find a better job soon without any doubt. The thing is the moral value of the company and the management. If you are a family man, sudden termination and no salary will put you under great pressure.

The moral of the story is to take your vacation all the time, spend time with your family, and you do not have to be over-committed to a job. In the end, management can just throw you into a bin as in this story. (There are many nice companies. But these companies still exist.

To be honest, the ghost may appear at any time.

Editor’s note: End of the day no matter how hard you work for a company you are nothing like a used tissue paper, anytime can throw.

My husband gets off of work at 8 PM and he usually goes back straight home or goes NTUC to buy some food.

It takes about 15 minutes to get home. Every single night, he gets home between 830 and 9 o’clock. I’ve noticed that he goes to the supermarket almost every night and a lot of times it’s for things like lotion or dog food that we really don’t need because we will already have dog food at home.

He also says that he likes to decompress in his car listen to music and play a game on his phone for like 10 or 15 minutes. 

After watching a K drama I realised that he could be cheating. But I have no evidence so I have to find some evidence.

I started to question him and even wait at the supermarket near our home to check if he is really there. I have been stalking him at the supermarket for a week and he always seems to be working around slowly and shopping for stuff.

After a week of stalking, I told him that I am issuing him a curfew and he has to be home by 8.30 PM or I am locking it up.

He shouted at me and said that I am crazy. How am I crazy?!

He accused me of only wanting to be with him for financial stability (I also worked until 5 months ago) and said he wants a divorce.

Also found out he finished 10-20 minutes early, but he never gets home any earlier…

When is it a boundary and when is it controlling (behaviour)? I can’t figure it out. I find it very hard not to have any expectation of your partner in the relationship. I always thought open communication about your expectations was the key but apparently, it is not (look at the end).

When you go into a relationship, you do expect some things from your partner (either explicitly and in most cases, implicitly). You expect your partner to support you, be there for you, pamper you, put in effort for you, go on dates with you, etc. If you have no expectations from your partner, then you will never be unhappy right? If your date cancels on you last minute, you won’t be unhappy because you don’t expect your date to show up. If your partner forgets your birthday, then you won’t be unhappy because you don’t have expectations on your partner to celebrate it with you.

Someone asked me if I would let my gf go clubbing with her friends (let’s assume there are guys). I feel like this is a landmine question.

I have had friends who cheated on their bfs/gfs (yes both ways) when they go clubbing. Yes, their partner put full trust in them and they took advantage of it. Not everyone is the same but it is very hard. Again, there are those that cheat at work or other places as well so no gurantee.

So honestly, I don’t feel comfortable if my gf went clubbing with her friends but if I start restricting her, then she would feel that I don’t trust her. While drinking, you are not at your 100% and you might just screw it up (cheat accidentally). If that happens, then bye bye relationship. If I start restricting her, she will feel suffocated and that I am controlling her. If I let her go into risky situations, then the relationship could potential get messed over a stupid thing.

So if your bf asked if you are ok with him helping a female colleague, who is flirty, young and dresses sexily, after work hours, would you be ok? In my mind, my thoughts are genuine and I have no feelings for her. On the other hand, girls would say that this is so red flaggy and I want to seriously meet the girl who says she is fine with this hahaha…..

Apparently, boundaries are things that you place on yourself and are not expectations of another person.

If my gf is posting sexy pics of herself on instagram and I am not comfortable with it, am I allowed to request her not to do it? Am I allowed to tell her that I am insecure about it and it would put my mind at ease if she didn’t do it? If I said that if she stills want to continue posting such pics, then I don’t want to be in this relationship, is that fine? The answer is no because I would taking away her freedom to express herself and I am controlling her. By threatening an exit from the relationship, I am basically manipulating her. A woman can wear what she want and I cannot place an expectation on her. It is not a boundary, it is an expectation and controlling behaviour.

When you marry someone, you do expect the person to be loyal and not cheat which is a blatant expectation. One day your partner says they have a certain fetish or kink but you are not willing to do it for them. Is it ok if they seek satisfaction from an external party instead? Most normal couples would say no (except open relationships which we will put aside). Isn’t this controlling? They do want to express their sexuality in a certain way. I know this is an extreme example.

If you date someone, a gf expects her bf to buy things or spend on gifts on Valentine’s day. If the bf doesn’t do it, then the gf will be angry. Isn’t this controlling in the sense you are expecting your partner to do something for you on Valentine, especially when all the prices are all jacked up?

I expect my gf not to cheat on me. If my gf cheats on me, I would leave the relationship. It is a blatant expectation right? Is this a controlling behaviour?

I like to chat with girls and dm into their socials. I just like chatting and that is all. It is fun and gives me a little validation. If my gf says I cannot do this, is this controlling or a boundary?

As a guy, I am married to a girl. After marrying, I realise that I like to wear female clothing. Say I wear sexy female clothing and post it on instagram to express myself. My wife asks me to take down my pics and instagram page and threatens to leave the relationship if I don’t. IShe is feeling embarrassed about her husband and a lot of people are commenting. Is she controlling or setting a boundary? A man can wear what he wants right? or can he?

My close friend who is a female gives me hugs and kisses to show her love. We don’t have any weird feelings except for bro-sis feelings. My gf tells me that she is insecure and wants me to at least stop touching each other. Is she controlling or setting a boundary?

Last example, I love drinking alcohol a lot. I drink with a lot of people and it does cost a lot of money. If my gf asks me to cut down and not waste too much money on alcohol, is it a boundary or controlling? She is afraid my health is at risk and too much money down the drain. Is this fair? But I love drinking, it is my way to connect and enjoy life. Controlling or not?

Initially, I thought that if I communicated my “expectations” (let’s not say use the term “boundaries”) like not posting sexy pics or clubbing till 4am in the morning with her friends, she is agreeable, then it is fine. If she doesn’t agree, she is fine to find someone else who doesn’t have such restrictions. I just don’t want to worry over stupid things. The most important thing in my mind is that we don’t force someone to do something they don’t and if they don’t agree with what you want/expect from a partner, they are fine to leave. However, it has come to my knowledge that even stating your “expectations” to someone is toxic and manipulative, like the Jonah Hill incident. Maybe he phrased it wrongly but basically, he just stated his “expectations” and if she felt suffocated, she could have just stated no to them and don’t even get into a relationship with him. I do agree that was not a smart move to pick a girl that conflicted with his “expectations” in the first place but I don’t think he needed to receive so much backlash. Obviously his “expectations” conflicted with her job so she could have just said no from the get go. Why make a hu ha about it?

If you realise your partner does not fit your expectation, you can find someone else. What if you are married and your partner doesn’t fit your expectations? How would you reconcile then? No is perfect without insecurities. What is the right way to approach this?

I’ll be turning 25 in a couple of months and am desperately looking for a way out of my current predicament.

I was diagnosed with mental health issues after dropping out of JC and ended up spending most of time at home whilst waiting for my enlistment.

ORD about half a year ago and still cannot bring myself to look for a job or go back to school. I even spoke to my psychiatrist and he basically told me that I needed to, “move pass the thinking stage” and actually start doing something about it.

I have tried doing that but sometimes, the mere thought of going back to school/getting a job paralyzes me with anxiety.

I’ve tried looking through Poly and ITE courses but can’t seem to find anything that really interests me.

I’m hoping to look for a mundane desk-bound job that doesn’t require too much social interaction; apart from having to interact with colleagues when necessary.

My vocation in NS as an admin clerk was similar too that and honestly it wasn’t so bad. I’m at my wits’ end and don’t think I can stand this any longer.

I feel like my brain is rotting and it can sometimes be hard for me to articulate my thoughts coherently. Sorry about the rambling mess.

Netizens’ comments

Hi OP, from my experience, hands on work is one of the best ways to quickly feel fulfilment and let time at work pass by quickly. Too much time thinking can lead to analyse and analyse until you’re paralysed. When your brain is in a phase of stress I believe it’s easy to get discouraged by minor hurdles like applying online for a role, waiting for the interview, preparing for the interview, going for the interview, waiting again.

If you take on a logistics role (like warehouse packer) you’ll find that a lot of the work is independent (so not so much social interactions), your educational papers don’t matter as much, and everyday you’ll finish working feeling like you’ve achieved a lot (eg packed 2000 apples). You can physically see what you’ve achieved. This will help you gain confidence because you will see your ability to work and provide value and you will get a sense of contributing to society and your family with every paycheck. If all goes well and you still feel like you want to go to a desk-bound job that is mundane, then with this confidence you can go for that.

If you don’t feel like a warehouse role is suitable for you and your situation, choose any job where there’s action (like hospitality – some roles are not full of social interactions – or being a technician or whatever role where you’re actually doing).