I want to talk about rating people. We all rate people we choose. We rate them in terms of wealth, personality (we can vibe and is a good person) and appearance.

I had a friend who had a crush on handsome and smart guy. The problem was that my friend was not pretty. However, she had a good personality, good sense of humour and was a kind person (does volunteering on weekends). Now, when she told our friend group, she had an immense backlash and everyone criticised that she is nowhere close to his level. Our friend group started to give ratings and she was rated 5 while the guy was rated a 9. This was a pure rating on appearance alone.

Her crush being popular cycled through a bunch of girls who were quite pretty, a minimum of 8 solely based on appearance. However, I heard that there were clashes with the girls and finally, he found the girl that he clicked well with who was rated 9 on appearance as well as a 8 on personality. We knew this girl.

Sorry, this isn’t a story about my friend getting her crush. This is real life and not a k-drama.

Since my friend was only 5, most of the guys who accepted her were also around 4-6 in terms of appearance. She cycled through them until she married guy who was 6 in terms of appearance and a 7 in terms of personality.

My other friend who was around a 7 in terms of appearance got a guy who was a 5 in terms of appearance but was a 8 in terms of wealth and a 6 in terms of personality.

As much as I want to deny the idea of rating people and attaching numbers to a person solely based on the mentioned aspects, the reality is grimmer than that. I am sure people are going to come out and say that personality is more important than looks or wealth or any extrinsic values. The truth cannot be further than that.

Let me explain.

If you are a 8 in terms of appearance, you will have a lot of guys showing interest in you. You probably will pick the best and you might not lower your standard so you probably pick a minimum of maybe 6 in terms of appearance and maybe makes up for it in terms of personality or wealth. You probably won’t bother with anyone below that because you have enough options. You will cycle through your options until you maximise a high combined number for appearance, wealth and personality.

If you are a girl with an appearance of say 5. You will not get much options and similarly, you will cycle through your options to maximise your chances.

The irony is that the girl who an appearance rating of 8 but personality score of 6 might get a guy who has an appearance rating of 8 and personality rating of 8. However, the girl with an appearance rating of 5 and personality rating of 9 will never get a chance at the same guy.

The only exception to this is if the guy interacts with the girl LONG ENOUGH and sees beyond the physical aspect. Most of whatever I said so far mainly ties with basic interactions (like meeting at an event) or dating apps where you might not know much about the person but you have to decide whether to pursue them or not.

Basically, I am saying that the first filter is appearance/wealth and if you don’t meet that rating for the guy or girl you like, you won’t even be in their option list. Personality comes as an afterthought and ironically, takes more time for the person to appreciate. As mentioned, unless the person spends enough time with you to appreciate your personality, you will never be in their option list if you are poor (as a guy) or are ugly (both genders). In essence, pretty girls land with rich or/and handsome guys and vice-versa.

Am I wrong? I am basing this from what I see happening around me. I wish I was wrong.

To keep the story short, recently i drank with my girl best friend at my place and we were watching shows together. One thing led to another and we ended up making out and sleeping together while drunk

We have been friends for 6 years and she’s one of my closest friends. I would be lying if i said i hadn’t thought of wanting to “get it on” with her.

However, i only treat her as a very close friend and do not have any romantic feelings for her.

I feel that what we did that day was wrong and i feel now she is distancing herself from me.

I wanted to go and talk to her about this issue but she just keeps pushing me away and saying she’s busy. At this rate, i feel that our friendship is going to end and i will lose someone i treasure a lot.

I really need some advice now. Thank you

Netizens’ comments

• just back off. She’s probably confused and what the hell happened and doesn’t want to deal with you right now. The more you try to talk to her, the worse you’re making the situation. So… just back off.

• Give her some time to wrap her head about what happened and to consolidate her feelings. There’s no time limit anyone can give you but you just have to read the situation. The more you try to contact her, the further she’ll drift away. Go take some time to yourself and try to forget about it. When she’s ready to talk, she will

I went out a couple of times with this guy, but I think we both knew we shouldn’t be a thing, amicably called it off, said we’d stay friends, and naturally never talked again.

I started using LinkedIn to get more job opportunities around the same time and he came up as a suggested connection. I remembered this was his only sort of social media and clicked on his profile. I checked out his profile a few more times whenever he popped into my mind for some reason with the most recent being today. I told myself it was kinda weird and decided to stop. About an hour later I get a connection request from him. Why would he think it’s a good idea?

Then it hits me: LinkedIn notifies people when someone views their profile. He got a notification, Every. Single. Time. Also turns out that there’s a private mode and this could’ve all been avoided. I don’t know what to do now besides simmer in the embarrassment.

He then text me last week asking me if we should talk, I think I might have gave him the wrong signal by stalking his Linkedin profile.

What should I do? If I meet him, he will get awkward if I don’t meet him he will think I’m some creep hiding behind my computer and looking at his photos.

Recently, I realised my manager likes to get others to buy lunch and pay for her first but never ever takes the initiative to return the money for her own meal. To be honest, it really seems like she deliberately does not want to return the money and not because it slipped her mind.

Once, someone on the table initiated and asked the person who paid for her meal first how much she owed her and immediately did the transfer. She was just seated next to this person and looking at her as she asked that so there was no way she missed the conversation.

Yet, she did not take the initiative to ask how much she owed for her meal. It’s honestly quite hilarious how she’s trying to get free meals out of colleagues who are earning way lesser than her (as we are all mostly fresh graduates). Even if she genuinely could not afford the meal for some reason, it doesn’t make it right for her to take advantage of others. I paid for her meal maybe twice and both times she did not pay me back. I learnt my lesson the hard way and have avoided including her in my lunch plans from then on. However, she is still my manager so working with her is inevitable.

Is it bad if I can’t see her in the same light ever again? It’s like I truly lost my respect for her even as a leader in my job.

Here are what netizens think:

Next time she ask you buy lunch , purposely don’t buy it when back office just tell her sorry I forgot. If she scold you why forgot, shot back learn from her bcos always forgot to pay money back

Just like every comment here (whether nice or mean), is just up front ask her back for the money.

I think OP knows of coz is either ask or its money down the drain, thats why shes been avoiding lunching with the manager.

I gather OP lacks “experience” as she most likely just started in the workforce and not sure how to navigate this situation smoothly without getting into an awkward situation with the manager as they would still be colleagues, the manager being the superior, which i think she also worry about offending. So, OP is seeking advise on how to go about it w/o offending the manager.

Im sure if she has been in the workforce for a while or is an employee with some seniority status, like a supervisor or junior manager, she properly would know how to deal with it. (Actually also depends on the person’s personality/character, some pple even in the workforce for years, still find it hard to chase after $)

Anything I need to know before marrying a Malaysian?

She is from JB and went to RGS when she was 13. Before that she went to several international schools all over the ASEAN region. NUS Med. I’m NUS Med too. Accent is indistinguishable from any Singaporean I know. Maybe a bit too atas but I don’t know if it’s because of RGS or because she’s from a really rich family in JB. Also my father is a taxi driver so I’m not exactly in her class.

Her father owns 80% of a listco in Malaysia. Yet, very humble (almost cheap) family. Her father drives a 20-year-old Camry and refuses to buy a new car before his current one breaks. He does go all out in certain things, particularly education of his children and real estate. She has a paid-off 3-room condo to her name in Holland Village that her father bought for her. My girlfriend is also cheap. She thinks traveling for leisure is a waste of money, thinks Starbucks is a waste of money etc. Every time I meet her she would find a way to say something is a waste of money. I don’t mind this I’m poor anyway, but I would like to elevate my standard of living and I would like to travel for leisure one day.

My impression is Singaporeans have no conflict with Malaysians because we’re essentially the same culture but I also know this girl and her family enough to say that they are nothing like ordinary Malaysians. They speak only English at home, no religion, and they believe strongly in independence of women. Her father has spoken to me about marriage and he wants me to know that for banquet and wedding expenses, I don’t have to worry because what can be halved will be halved and for banquet he will pay for his own guests and only his own guests.

My family on the other hand is conservative and my mom is very “Chinese.” Still places importance in Chinese culture and wants grandchildren very much. My girlfriend’s family has pretty much abandoned their Chinese culture (they don’t celebrate CNY for example). She also has no plans to have children early or at all.

The children issue is perhaps the main source of friction but I am lukewarm about having kids as well so I think I’d be able to ignore my mom. Other than that, my trepidation is in the disparity of socioeconomic class, which I am not socialized well enough to understand the issues that it could bring.

Trying to get some last thoughts. Greatly appreciated.

Okay so awhile back, I’d been dating a girl for 3 years and we decided to get a dog together. So she wanted to go look at a pet store and saw one she really liked (in hindsight I’d have much rather have adopted from a shelter and that’s my plan for the future).

So, we get the dog and it’s all in her name and we split the payment because we made the poor choice of getting him on credit.

At the time the plan was if we split she’d keep the dog. Fast forward she cheats on me and we break up, but she tells me to keep the dog and just has me send her money for his payments. I asked her for info so I could just set it all up to deduct from my account (her credit card payment also came out of my bank account and I asked her to take it off and she never did, also one of the payments already came out of my account but since she never took her credit card off the account I cancelled the account and had no way to add the payment account for the dog to my new bank account because she never sent me the info).

So, she had kept our old apartment we rented and was supposed to pay for it but ended up screwing me on it and making me have to pay for things because it’s affected me and my credit if I didn’t.

So after all that I stopped paying her for the dog and have blocked her on everything and now she’s reaching out to my family and friends trying to get them to ask me to pay her because it’s impacting her credit since all the loans are in her name.

Should I pay her back?

I had to go through a miscarriage that had to be induced by pills. The pain that I experienced was not human, IMO. And I had to take some pretty strong medicine to help me out.

While i was on the floor, screaming in pain, losing control of my sphincters, he held my hand.

The entire time my partner held my hand. He cleaned me up, made sure i was hydrated and as comfortable as possible.

And whenever i looked at him, he gave me a smile. This was not a 20-30 minute thing. This went on for 5 long hours…

Why am I telling you all this? Coz every woman deserves a partner to stick by her while going through the worst parts of womanhood.

Netizen’s comments

• I’m sorry you had to go through that.

He sounds like a guy that truly loves you and has empathy for what you experienced.

This is what partners do, and they don’t question if this is really what they want. You just hate seeing your partner in pain and agony and want to help where possible

My son said “You can’t be strong, you’re a girl” and my husband laughed.

He laughed quietly to himself from the other room because while he couldn’t see the fire flashing in my eyes, he knew my son was in for the lecture of a lifetime. He knew that the kid had said the bad words and got mum’s feminism all fired up.

I sat my son (3yo) down and told him that was not at all correct and all women were strong, just like men. Everyone is strong in their own ways and in different ways. My son accepted this and that was that.

Not sure where my son picked up the idea from, he might have just connected us complementing him being strong when he lifts his bag or toys and the fact that he is a boy.

We often tell him the differences and similarities between girls and boys and I think he just thought that he was a boy and he was strong and that was a cold hard fact.

It was a good opportunity to nip that thought process in the bud.

Husband came in shortly after and asked son if girls can be strong and he said “Yep!”

Mission accomplished.

My husband is a gem. He understands and accepts he married a fiery feminist who is determined to instill good values in our sons at any opportunity. He just knows when to step back and let me handle it.

Is it wrong to have my husband pick between MIL or me?

I’ve been with my husband for 10 years now and time after time he continues to always defend my MIL over me. I’ve had enough.

Is it wrong to have my husband pick me or her? I’m so tired of crap she puts me through. I have been struggling lately after having our 5th baby, and I really needed some support from my husband.

He went to his mom to vent about me, and she just keeps getting into his mind about how I just need to be miserable, I need to get over myself and he has 5 other kids to love and I’m not important.

She has told him over and over again that I bring nothing to the table (I’m a stay at home mom, who solely takes care of the kids in everything they do) and has told him multiple times that his money is his money and I just waste it.

she makes him send her money to have as a savings because all I do is spend? Aka- groceries and the kids activities.

I don’t do anything for myself at all. I haven’t cut my hair in years, I haven’t done anything for myself in years, I don’t even wear makeup anymore because I can’t even buy it without getting shamed.

Meanwhile, my husband has traveled multiple times for fun, gone to multiple concerts, and movies etc. and everytime I ask for some me time for me, he tells his mom, and has his mom tell him how selfish I am. My husband entirely believes everything she says about me.

I didn’t even get anything done or for my birthday, because his mom was doing a photo shoot for her birthday and he was paying for it. Her birthday was months away.

I just gave birth 3 weeks ago, and I am severely struggling. I need help from him emotional and just to feel like he is there for me.

Is it wrong if I finally tell him I need him to pick me or his mom? I can’t keep living like this. I honestly think at this point my life as dramatic as it sounds depends on it.

I am not in a good place. And I need to be able to get help without his mom telling him I’m attention seeking, mental health isn’t real, and I’m weak.

My (32f) husband (36m) is really anti-body hair, I remember from years ago he stopped wanting to f me when he noticed body hair, I asked him about it and he said its a huge turn off.

Now I don’t really care about hair or no hair so I just did what he wanted me to do which was to shave.

Lately he has been really into growing a beard, he shows photos of random celebrities with beards and says how I feel about it.

For me I really don’t like beards no reason, basically just like his problem with body hair, I have problem with facial hair.

I asked him to please not grow it and shave what has been grown already. He denied saying that it’s his looks and he wants others to see his beard.

I told him this basically is like me shaving my body for him, he goes on to say how he is the only seeing parts of my body and that nobody will notice me being shaved other than him.

Which is untrue because I wear shorts a lot especially now and I play tennis with my friends, anyways that started a fight.

Well anyways i started not shaving my body after 3 days and I grow body hair fast I already haven’t shaved for 12/13? Days before the fight so i had a “beast legs” according to him.

He called me ugly and I said I find him ugly for growing his beard. He still stands by his word. Well he kept leaving comments about my body hair and I finally snapped after a while and called him “a man-child for caring about small issues, and that maybe he should go work instead of worrying” he still wouldn’t be able to hide his ogre face and now he is mad at me and won’t talk to me.