Friend borrowed money but did not return it

About 3 years ago, I received a call from a friend in a religious organisation in the east of Singapore that I am part of for many years.

She say that she is in urgent need of financial help for her brother. Out of kindness, I decided to loan her and her husband a sum of money. She promised she will return back to me but till now, I did not heard or received any repayment back from them. Initially my thought was that maybe they really need some time to pay me back. But after gathering some information and was chatting with some friends, I was terribly shocked that they actually borrowed from quite a few others too. To make me even more upset, I found out that they owned 2 properties. A Condo and and a HDB!

I felt disgusted every time the husband who works there was on stage or went out eating with the Senior Leader of that organisation. They act like as if nothing happen. I don’t see them making an effort to even talk to us or make plans for repayment. Why won’t the religious organisation discipline him and made them repay all of us? Are they protecting him? This couple have 2 properties that could fetch millions. They can just sell it and return all our money!

I felt stumbled by all of them. I am not wealthy, was there to help them when they are in need but now? When I need some cash, I can’t even get back a single cent.

What should I do?

Here are what netizens think:

• Gather all creditors. Approach your religious leader and seek help from him/her. Make sure any repayment is made in the presence of your religious leader as words from tt couple can’t be trusted.

• Gather people and confront them. Last resort is shame them. The chance of you getting your money back is actually very slim so be prepared you won’t get it back.

• Expose them in public. That money is rightfully yours. Dont need to give face or chance to people like that. Approach the others from whom they borrowed from and find out more too.

• Whenever you lend out money to others, be prepared not to get it back at all… Then you lend the money. If you can’t do that, then don’t lend. You will be happier that way. Do you have any proof that they borrowed money from you? If there is no written proof, then gg.

Is a net worth of 120k too little for a 28 year old guy?

Ever since I started working 3 years ago, I have been trying hard to save and grow my money. I come from a below average income family and my parents are not highly educated, so i did not have much financial knowledge until I started reading more in uni.

I recently calculated that my net worth is about 120k after subtracting my student loans from my assets. About 80% of my money is invested, though quite widely spread in unit trusts, local and US stocks, sg saving bonds, company and govt bonds, reits etc. I have been fortunate not to lose money overall but I thought I could have done better as I only gained 10% overall over 3 years of investing, not counting dividends and despite me spending lots of time reading and monitoring the markets.

I am not a high earner in a top industry nor have the ability to climb the corporate ladder fast to earn more. I do want to settle down, buy a house and have kids in future. But with a decent BTO alone easily costing 4-7x of what I have, I can’t help feeling worried. With the ever rising property prices and cost of living, I don’t really know what more I can do financially.

Here are what netizens think:

• Not sure if flexing or serious. You’ve done very well to get 120k at 28. Being up 10% while most portfolios are down is good. Without knowing your risk tolerance and plans, just keep doing what you’re doing. The path to financial freedom is slow consistent steps. If you take shortcuts it’s like snakes and ladders, easy to slide back to square one.

• If you alone, not enough. If your partner earns and saves about the same, much better. It’s good that you are making plans for the future but don’t forget it’s possible to have less and still be happy as long as you don’t compare with others.

• If its pure cash then excellent. Continue to keep it growing. If it includes investments and assets, still very good, monitor them & keep it growing.

• Let’s say you get a wife who is a spendthrift in the future – even got gold hill, silver hill, she’ll help you flatten it to ground zero. And you’re still very young. So you have plenty of energy and time to plan ahead on better investment, retirement plans etc.

Debt issues

I knew a guy online 5 yrs back and we started a LDR. Fast forward a few months later, he kept borrowing money from me. I knew he wasnt the most decent person and had a bad past, but i am willing to accept the changed person.

of course fearing a love scam, I got him to sign IOUs before borrowing money, till a point I got tired of signing and did an excel sheet instead. The amount snowballed quickly to $50k and grew to a point that I exhausted my liquid savings and had to put a stop to it.

We ended the relationship and made an agreement for him to pay back on a monthly basis interest free. He did it for a while but on an off he would disappear. I had to keep chasing and texting and it was taking a toll o my mental health. It was then i decided that maybe a debt collector will be better and contacted a company. They are willing to take my case as an overseas assignment and assured me it will be ok. Then they took a $5k as the fee to take on this case and covid storm happened.

For the next 3 years I was in touch w this managing director but he kept putting me off saying he is trying n trying.. until recently he disappeared. I contacted the main company and realise he was not with the company since 1 yr ago. Now the company just ask me to make a police report against him.

Felt very suay that my worst fears all came true and not sure how I should proceed from here.

Here are what netizens think:

• If you lend small amount and ask that person to pay within certain period he didn’t return, don’t lend already. This one can’t keep promise. Also you don’t even know him in real life why lend to him.. This sounds like online love scam. If u were to lend $ to anyone including ur closest kins , be prepared u won’t be able to get a cent back …. If u were to lend the 1st time , there will definitely be a 2nd time ….

• So u are the only one to allow the person to have the habit in borrowing $ from u ya …. But if after the 1st time u get a full return , depend on how long the person takes to return , its ur choice whether to lend the 2nd time or not ….

• Your so-called “debt collector” are from the same network of scammers as your “love interest”. Kiss that $50k goodbye and take it as a very expensive lesson to be smarter next time.

How to stop a family tragedy

My dad is beyond help…He has been transferring close to 300k to scammers for more than a year now, believing that it is an investment scheme and he will be able to get 450k in total as returns.

He borrowed money from friends, relatives, loan shark and stole money from my mum, begging us countless times to transfer him 1k each time, saying its the last 1k before he can receive his returns. He still don’t believe it is a scam each time, and say that we don’t trust him.

Our family has fallen apart due to his greed, and him not waking up to his senses. We went to the police station to seek advice, but nothing can be done if the victim doesn’t believe it is a scam and make a police report.

My mum is planning to file a divorce, but I believe it will take several months to finalise everything. But in the meantime, I am really afraid something could happen to us since he is still staying with us, but there is nothing we can do.

Really hope that someone can give advice on this.

Here are what netizens think:

• Stop giving him any more money! Greed ruins people. So does anger and ignorance.

• Can u write to the bank to highlight to them that he is a high risk crime victim? Ask him to look out for suspicious bank transfer and also get all his friends / relatives to stop lending $ to him.

• My old man did the same since his retirement. He sold his house to me at market rate by threatening to sell it cheap to random strangers so he can fuel his scam investment. I don’t want my mum to be homeless so I give up deposit in my future dream house to take over my current flat.Earlier, I screamed, coached, cried, talk softly but nothing works. I had told him in a family meeting that the HDB money was meant for my mum’s medical bill as she had terminal cancer. If they want to go holiday or buy a small flat, I had no questions. All except his so called investment. Howver, my mum stayed only in C ward in hospital while she was hospitalized. I paid for all the medical supplies with my mum’s joint account while she was at home after she was discharged so that she passed away at home.

HDB BTO

Hello, I am thinking of backing out my BTO application. I’ve just started working in corporate world same as my gf.

We both earn a combined income of <5K. My gf is starting her part time degree soon whereas i am not interested in degree. The BTO price is insanely at $520K. The loan amount given is not much as we are both not high earners. Our cpf/cash combine also barely make it.

The upfront cash/cpf after the loan and grant I’m afraid we need to tie our stomach just to save but I don’t thibk it is enough still. Even 5 years later when our income increase I still think it’s bare minimum if not less to cover the $520K

Thinking of backing out and save a few bucks and BTO again next year or so. The chances of getting a unit again will be low but no choice. Great advise will be greatly appreciated.

Roasting too. What do yall think ??

Here are what netizens think:

• Pls don’t back out. Yearly house price is increasing. If u say u want to save more then apply again, it will be hard. No matter how hard to save cannot catch up with inflation. Therefore buy first, after 5 years if really very tight you can downgrade.

• When i initially applied for BTO, i also didn’t had a high combined income (less than 5k too), which is similar to your situation. Hdb approved loan wasn’t at our full 90%. 5 years passed, income actually increased a lot higher and now our combined is sufficient to cover it. Use the 5 years n think how you’re going to improve yourself rather than think that you cannot make it. You will get there somehow. Jiayou

• When I first purchased my flat 5 years ago, my wife and my combined income was $5.9k. We bought a resale at 410k. At current moment our income can easily afford a 1.5m private property. My point is we always are too conservative about how much we will earn. I never thought I would be earning this amount right now as well. If I did, I would have went for an EC/EA back then. Trust me, by 5 years down the road, you’ll easily be able to afford the property and be glad that you didn’t cancel your BTO.

• Secure already, just stick with it laa. Who ask you to choose a flat out of your price range. Getting a bto is like a lucky draw. Not many can get. Anyway, if yours is a 4 room in a nice location or a 5 room in a not so nice location, u can always rent out 1 or 2 room to help with the mortgage. The big problem is not enough loan to cover as much of the $520k. 2 solutions, first one, either you or your gf, apply for a better paying job for the short term to get a better loan quantum. If not, save as hard as possible for the balance of upfront cash/CPF. Worse case, get a short term loan from either parents. With renting out 1/2 rooms, u can cover back their money.

I used to know a successful woman (she is no more) who was a sugar mommy for a young chap about twenty. This happened around five years ago, somewhere around my neighbourhood back then at Singapore.

The lady was an attorney who graduated from NUS with double degrees and her nett savings exceeded millions. Nobody knew for real. She was filthy rich.

Paid for a young guy

The lady was about sixty, never married, no close relatives or friends. And she paid all the chap’s expenses and took very good care of him. Mind you, she never used him for S purposes. Not even once. She was lonely, and depressed and all she wanted for was his companionship.

She did it for the sake of doing, and this fella took great benefits from her. He aspired to be an model. It so happens that this woman had great contacts and links with VIPs who could help out for him to get in the industry and showbiz. And he did.

A year later, the sugar momma was diagnosed with cancer. He dated and met a few model along the way, entering the cine industry. She tried to make him stay using her power, fame and money. Nothing worked.

He left her after using her and taking great advantages from her. It pained her and she gave up fighting to survive. Cancer won the battle and she succumbed to death. Her dying wish was to see him happy and well off.

Her property and assets was written off to the orphanage home (where she grew up).

Meanwhile, this guy lead a happy life till he was caught taking drugs, screwing other models and various issues. Banned from modelling eventually, lost his supermodel girlfriend and had zero source of income. Guess karma paid his debt well enough.

Moral of the story: Get a job and pay your own education fees. Even prostitutes sell themselves to feed their family. If you have a normal functioning arms and legs, I don’t see the reason why you should steep this low and make others pay for your studies. Its degrading.

Good luck!!